Sep 29, 2021
Emu soldier
seen from Netherlands
seen from Russia
seen from Germany
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seen from Indonesia
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seen from Bangladesh
Emu soldier
"Some of these Aussies talk alot of shit for someone's country lost to some big fucking bird in war...twice."
just a little something to brighten everyone's day
The Hopeless War
We were waiting for the enemy to approach. It had been a long, drawn-out build-up to this moment. Our initial plans had been disrupted by heavy rainfall, which had caused the enemy to scatter across the countryside in search of shelter, but now the sun had returned and the baking heat was sure to bring them flocking to the dam where we were camped out.
Major Meredith signalled to us to ready our guns. They were coming. Soon enough we could see the enemy approaching our location. As they drew closer we realised there must have been about a thousand of them. George and I checked our Lewis guns were all set and, having learnt from an earlier mishap, we waited until the enemy was absolutely within range and unable to flee. At such close proximity, our victory should have been assured. We opened fire on them, but after only a brief flurry of bullets our guns jammed – as we frantically tried to sort out the damn weapons, we could see our enemies escaping at top speed. We were powerless to stop them.
Their insane good fortune made me begin to question whether they were under some sort of divine protection. Were we in the wrong here? They had been ransacking the locals’ farms, stealing precious crops that the farmers had been trying to sell in harsh economic times… but they were just doing what came naturally. They just wanted to survive. Was it really fair for us to attack them like this? Perhaps the spirits of the land had seen this injustice and brought all those misfortunes against us so that we’d abandon this hopeless war.
George threw his gun to the ground in disgust. He growled, “C’mon, Bruce, let’s go. We just can’t win. Damn those emus!”
What Did You Do In The War, Granddad?
What Did You Do In The War, Granddad?
Good question Kylie!
Gather round ankle-biters, yer old Granddad’s got a story for ya. WAYNE! GET OFF THAT ROOF!
It’s about The Great Human War.
These pinko digger soldiers came in our patch trying to kill us right?
So we went to kill them in theirs. Fair dinkum, right?
Anyway, Uem scouted ahead and turned off the alarm. Sound sheila. Proper true blue battler.
Meu booted the pink-skinned sentry devil in his wallapalooza. Right little tyro that one. Kicked like a ‘roo!
WAYNE, GET OFF MY CAR BONNET, YA LITTLE BOGAN!
Anyway… where was I? Thank you, Kylie!
Fat Bob pecked at the wheat in the rear, like the lazy bugger he is. To be fair, he’d had a gutful of piss and he was drunk as a skunk.
Eum had a hairy and legged it over the fence. Should have known. He never gets his round. Flaky little sod.
WAYNE, GET YOUR BEAK OUT OF MY BICCIES!
Ume slowly flanked them on the right, crept along behind the hedge, cut off their lecky, slashed their tyres, and took a shit in their well. Never cross that sheila. Hell hath no fury. She’s over there. Give your nan a wave.
But, your old Grandad, bloody legend that I am, kicked the front door down, tore into them, jumped on the one with the biggest hat, ripped his face off with my beak and the rest of them legged it!
That’s right Kylie! Your old Granddad’s a hero!
True? Course it’s true, Wanye, ya cheeky little blighter! Swear by my tattoos!
War fiction
“Men, we are in the midst of the defining conflict of our time. Our enemy is smart and mighty. He has recently adopted a new tactic of guerrilla warfare, making targets harder to track.
Our enemy is fast and agile and we can not predict when or where he will strike again.
But you must not be disheartened. You must remain alert and at the ready, because despite all this, we will prevail. Today will be a glorious day! We shall use our superiour weaponry to annihilate them. The sole sight of our might will crumble their morale and give us the advantage we need to finally defeat them once and for all!”
“Sir?”
“What is it captain?! Can’t you see I’m practicing my speech?!”
“Sir, the emus have left.”
“What do you mean they’ve left? We haven’t even killed 50 of them, and headquarters are expecting results!”
“I understand sir, but no emu’s have been sighted in the past 24 hours. They have left the proximate areas.”
“Leave, I must think this over”
“Men, today is a glorious day! Our enemy was mighty and strong but he has now been defeated, and like a coward has fled from our superior tactics. Yes, that will work”
RIP Jimmy
They’ve shot Jimmy! Out of the 12 Emus to be killed by these bastards, Jimmy had to go. He had always been a little slow in the mind. We told him to run in zigzags. It’s lucky we don’t live in America or he’d be a Thanksgiving roast. WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?! We will win this war. The humans will perish. We will take their wheat and pillage and burn their villages. We have a message for you humans. We are emus and we are coming for you. TAKE FLIGHT. RIDE OUT, EMUS. TONIGHT…WE DINE IN VALHALLA!
I got 99 problems and a war with large land bound birds aint one