I’ve fallen in love with my best friend. There is no cure. There is no antidote. There is only waiting. He can’t be with me right now and sometimes I’m not even sure if he feels the same way. He is smart and funny and unique and I like that. I think individuality is important because it takes all kinds and if we were all the same it would be boring. He makes me happy. He brings a smile to my face without even knowing that he’s the reason I’m smiling. He also makes me crazy and sad and mad and worried and every other emotion under the sun and sometimes he makes me feel them all at once. He doesn’t even know that I have fallen for him and I hope he knows that I want to be more than friends. He makes me nervous, but the good kind of nervous. The kind of nervous that takes you down a notch and keeps you grounded but also sets your heart sputtering and your head whirling and your stomach flipping. Sometimes when we talk, I feel like I’m drowning. Like I’m gasping for air and he’s the only one that can pull me out. Sometimes I question if it is all real, not me loving him, but the fact that we even have a relationship, romantic or not, at all. I know that I love him, but I’m also afraid of losing him. I’m afraid that he might not love me back. I’m afraid that if he does love me back then we will have to take the next step. I’m afraid that he will tell me that he loves me, but only as a friend. I am afraid that he will think that he is damaged goods and that he can’t be who he wants to be for me, even though I know that even on his worst days it is me who doesn’t deserve him. I’m afraid because he is kind and compassionate and caring and strong and brave and he loves his family and he is everything I have ever wanted and so far he seems too good to be true. I am afraid because he may not only be exactly who I want, but also exactly who I need. But most of all I'm afraid because he might not come home. I'm afraid because my best friend is a United States Marine and whether he wants it or not he has my heart.