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Entery 7803

Entery #7803

I’ve arrived in LA as was the plan. The ride itself was highly uncomfortable. The black box I was put into didn’t help my already existing claustrophobia. Now in my new room at the new base… It’s not getting much better. The one upside I guess is that I have no need to breathe and I’ve gotten so used to being completely quiet that I don’t even hyperventilate no more as to not disturb the air. This however doesn’t make my own panic sound any less loud in my head. And thus I am writing once more. Sanne had flown all the way with me together with Ineke and Thijs. I think they’re here as surveillance for me. As the new base obviously does not know me. I’m glad they let thijs come along. He is one of the few people who don’t look at me with hatred in their eyes. Though he didn’t seem comfortable leaving the Netherlands. During the meeting that was held, which I wasn’t a part of but these walls are not kindred proof, and my ears cannot help but hear the words. Apparently there had been rumours going on about the hunters becoming soft in LA. Leaving a greater amount of anaemia cases then what was usual. Honestly I do not know how other kindred can handle the blood of humans. Truly… it’s vile. The guilt of causing such harm to a living being like that. An intelligent living being… it sours everything. However, they need me on the streets. Clean them up. And keep a watch on the hunters. The department suspects they may be compromised. Which, that would be bad. But it’s hard to imagine for me. How could anyone side with my kind? Especially as a human? We’re supposed to consume them. We are made to kill them. All of our powers… they’re here to hurt humans. I’ve seen how bad we can be… Either way. They gave me a new ring. Same thing as the cuffs. Just to give the LA base some ease. I think I make them uncomfortable. I think that is fair. They did however give me a new garden. Some of my old plants they brought along to America. They mishandled them… But it was alright. Not their fault. I should collect more ash dust again. I am running out. And well… I’m getting hungry again…

#entery #7803 #rodericks reports #bloems reports

Wherever you are is the entry point.

Kabīr

#Kabīr #Entery #Algus #Mina #You #Self

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September 15th; it’s that far in 2019 already

I guess this is an entery of some sort

I- i dont know what to do, i dont know what im doing, im so lost and im somehow curling up deeper into this despair and knotting all this mess and loss tighter up in itself.

I noticed that im smoking a lot more, seems to be the only part in the day where i can breathe as ironic as that sounds.

I miss him, i hate to admit it, i hate allowing myself this level of vulnerability especially at a man, especially at an invisible man, he’s been away for too long im starting to doubt he even remembers me, if he ever really cared, and i hate that this is eating me up as much as it is, i hate that this is affecting me as much as it is.

I hate how vulnerable he’s making me.

College is starting back up next week so add that to the mess of anxieties spewing inside of me tying me to my fucking bed

My parents are starting to beg me to go out for a change to do something, even my oblivious parents are starting to catch up and i dont know how to explain to them that i literally can not i am too anxious to do so

There’s too much internalized anxiety that i feel like im about to explode and i dont know what to do

Im just