#entry 92

[diary-of-a-people-pleaser]

Entry 92, 5-16-21

Hmm. About mental health. I think I’m too young to really come to a conclusion about that but I might be at risk. Should visit a mental health professional maybe if my issues get worse. Hm.

[irelia-ad]

Recuperation

(OOC: Date [05/03/2017] Day[Monday])

Dear diary…

In the early days of writing this diary I stated that I never expected this book to become famous, to become notable in any library of place of knowledge. I suppose I did it for my own comfort in knowing that when I am gone I will leave something behind. But as time went on, the time for such a trivial comfort needed to pass. I wrote more to keep track of my past and use it at reference, knowing that there is more to leaving a mark on history than just writing a book. You need to do something, play a role. Mine may not be so big, but we will all be remembered for the things we did. Years to come they will remember the sacrifices we made to ensure the safety and continuation of our people. That is all that matters. I seek no glory or fame. Just knowing that their will be a world for my people to look forward to, that is worth fighting for.

Nevertheless, I sit here now, with my child in my arms. I find a dusty old book buried away, listing the hardships and trials I faced in some of my hardest moments, I knew I would be leaving it behind for them. Leaving them the lessons I learned, the things I did. One day they might read that, and take comfort in reading on the things I did. I might not live to see them grow up, but I will not leave them with nothing.

Hm. Reading back on that, quite the dramatic way to start my first entry in so long. But let's get to the point. I can’t really say my days over the past few months have been overly thrilling. Productive to say the least. Keeping those new to my order trained with verbal instruction. Or instructing those within the house. Also aiding in teaching aspiring healers who want to move on to being Priests or Blood Knights. In doing so I also ended up tending to those who find themselves hurt. I also was able to make trips into the city to work inside the Blood Temple. I met with Miss Sunshard on a few occasions to help with the troubles she has been having. I have not heard from her in a while, I hope that means she is doing well for herself.

As the time passed, I found myself in a regular routine. Over the months it started to grow more and more repetitive and dull. Though it was in the aid of others, that much kept me going. Seeing those progress under your own guidance is something to be happy for. But as my child grew, the walls closed in. My trips less and less frequent as the activities grew harder. Eventually growing to a point where even the stairs presented  themselves to be a worthy adversary. Slowly losing those to speak too as they move on to their other duties whilst I remain behind unable was not something I enjoyed. Even after Sylvarys was well, he was soon occupied with his duties once more. Leaving just me. And the servants, but they are there to serve. Not talk, as I found out quite quickly. It all has its upsides. It is nice to see Sylvarys well and not in that bed. Being by his side when I could to watch as he recovered warmed me.

The long lasted solitude came to an end. And I will never say anything other than it was worth it. I rest and recover from all the aftereffects of birth. Looking after and caring for my newborn son. Words can’t describe the feeling I get now. Holding him close in my arms and never wanting to let go. I await for Sylvarys return. Our boy looks like him. I wonder if he will think so too. I needed to name him, Sylvarys has been kept away too long in his duties and I could wait no longer. Our little Keal’rys. I wonder how he will act to seeing his father for the first time. When he comes home. I try to keep everything ready for when he returns so he can hold his son and spend some time with him before he next leaves.

I myself am trying to spend all the time I can have now. These precious moments I will always want to return to. But I am recovering, and soon I will be back on track to returning to full form and will be needed once more against the legion. As much as I hate to leave to fight. I know what I am fighting for. And I will protect my child's future from the demonic filth that threatens to take it away. I will march to the gates of Argus itself before I see them bring harm to my child.

For now, we shall see. I will recover and grow strong. Then I shall fight and protect my son, teach them everything I know and ensure they grow to be strong and wise. Healthy and safe. I will serve wherever I am needed, and fight against the legion once more.

Yours faithfully

Irelia Sunglance

[queen--catherine]

Nightlog Entry#92: It's the only thing I'm good at.

I fucked up again.

I got into a disagreement with my girlfriend.

Now, before you write this off as something minuscule, remember who I am. Remember how goddamn fragile I am. Remember that I jump to conclusions often.

So, I'm pretty much convinced that this "meeting" tomorrow before school is her going to break up with me.

Why can't I be perfect why does everything I touch turn to ruin why is fucking up the only thing I'm good at why why whywhywhy.

[imperfectfemmefatale]

Entry 92: 7- 27- 13:

Going to Pride! Hopefully it will be fun.... although marching around in all black might be extremely hot. Oh well..... it actually feels cooler outside for once.

Fuck you Indiana for your shit ass weather.

[thecourierofthemojave]

Entry 92

I cant believe what I found. Not only where the Brothers dead, but the whole area was irradiated and infested with horrible, ugly creatures! They where giant pink things, had 3 or 4 tentacles sticking out of their mouths, walked on all 4s, spitting acid and had the sad and mangled faces of a human. I am inclined to believe that at one point they where. I dont remember much of the fight other than my screams and gun fire. I feel sick to my stomach after going into the crater and searching the dead Brothers and retrieving the tracker and armors. I think I may have radiation sickness. The Pip-boy says I have 300+ rads. Whatever that reading means. Hope thats not enough to kill me. The medic is running to the door here where I called for help using the intercom system. Writing this just in case.

End of entry