#entry: 10

[prettyiwa]

7 November 2013 | 16:20

Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader | 340 words sfw. post-canon. long distance relationship. missed complaints. author's poorly disguised beef with machiavelli. (previous) | (next)

He’s running late—really late. He should have called you two hours ago but he got caught in a meeting with his academic advisor regarding his plans for UC Irvine. It’s well past midnight in California, but your hours have been all over the place with your academic schedule.

Shooting you a text, he hopes you’re asleep, hopes that you’re taking care of yourself. That doesn’t stop the wave of relief from flooding his being when you text back, telling him to call you.

“Hajime〜,” you whine as soon as the call goes through. “If I have to write one more essay on Machiavelli, I might die.”

“Machiavelli? Why do you have to study political theory if you’re pre-med?”

“Stupid UCLA and their degree requirements.” Your pout is apparent, even from over 8,800 kilometers away. He hears the exhaustion and exasperation in your tone, but he hears the happiness, too.

“Well, you’re smart enough that I’m sure you’ll be done soon.”

“Thanks, Haji,” you chirp.

“You wanna tell me what you’re still doing up? It’s midnight, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but I miss hearing your voice.” It’s a small admission, one that doesn’t fail to make him smile. “Oh! And I was able to get in contact with Utsui’s assistant. I know you look up to him.”

“Really? That’s so cool! Wait—why were you reaching out?”

“There’s a physical therapy course that he’s offering in the winter and I need instructor permission before my advisor will agree to me taking a course from another UC. I really hope I get the chance to work with him while I'm here.”

He still hasn’t told you that he plans on going to Irvine to study under Utsui, that he’ll be joining you in Southern California. Honestly? He wants it to be a surprise. He listens to you tell him about your day, talking about everything and nothing, stays on the phone with you until he hears nothing but soft snores.

Before he discontinues the call, he hears you mumble, "My Haji."

over the course of 24 hours masterlist | haikyuu!! masterlist

[mylostcat]

SOSSS?? SOSSSS??????? WHERE ARE YOU? I THINK THE PORTAL GREW A LITTLE TOO BIG???

I CAN’T HEAR MY OWN THOUGHTS

-🐳

[tbd99]

Entry 10

I missed when waking up felt refreshing. I am in this constant cycle of waking up tired, being tired all day, and trying to sleep because I'm still so tired. Why does every day feel like this? I wake up with this pit in my chest every time I take my first breath. I haven't felt awake in so long. I've just been going through the motions, waiting for something to change, or something to give me purpose. This void I feel has been stuck here for as long as I can remember and I don't want it anymore. I remember waking up, excited to create something. I wanted to be an artist, or hell, just anything where I could create. I hardly draw anymore, and I feel so desire to do anything. I wish I didn't feel like this. I just know my mother feels as if she has a lazy son, and that I fail her with each breath I take. I hope next time I live, I won't fail you so badly. I hope that maybe if reincarnation is real, I could at least be a passerby who pays for your drink at a coffee shop. That would've been far more meaningful than anything I've done for you as a son. I'm sorry to everyone who knows me, actually. I scare people with the way I act. They're scared that one day I won't ever text them again, and that's an awful thought to have. I don't want to make anyone feel like that, and the only way I know how to stop that is if I stop existing. I have always been scared of death, but I know that when I do take that step, my last breath will be a sigh of relief. I just hope that when I die, I can at least die where people love me in their eyes. If you couldn't love me when I was alive, please love me when I die. That's all I want. I miss how gently people treated me as a child. My father would let me sleep on his chest, but now, when he sees me, he's full of nothing but disgust, like I'm just so ugly and disappointed to look at. My sister would hold me as we both slept in her bed because I was too scared to sleep on my own. I miss being held like that. But touch feels so foreign to me now, I can't expect it from anyone. My teachers, they thought I was the smartest child. They would show my work as an example to the other students, and they would tell me how I had so much in store. Now, they all look at me with pity. They see how tired my eyes are now. They stopped believing in me. My mother... I don't remember getting that much affection from her. Biit, I missed when she would pick my outfits for school, and tell me how I looked beautiful. How she would ask if people complimented my hair that day. Now, she also gives me those pitiful eyes. I just want to be good again. I just want someone to hold me like I'm a little kid again. To be gentle with me. To push me higher and higher on the swing set. I don't know where that kid went because he's certainly not me anymore. I wonder, when I lay in my final resting place, will people see that little kid again? Will they love me again?

[fywords]

Romance

romance has always been lost to me. the rush would come and overflow and leave my body and i would be left empty, starved for something more.

my greed would fulfill me and strike the underside of my stomach, and my partner would look at me and say, “am i not enough? what am i missing?”

romance has always shrunk me into something i did not like seeing in the mirror. called onto me like a leash. let me only roam in the red of my eyes. attached strings around my wrists; my own marionette.

but with you, i am free. the ocean in my body waves gently. it peaks and falls, yes, nervous and fluttering cold trembles through as much as any romance would have me do. but it does not crash and create cracks on the ocean floor. it flows. flourishes. touches me in its caress.

you have all the power over me. and yet you choose to be tender.

this is how i know, i have found romance in you.