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MSTtale3k Mitchell(a unfinished ep for it maybe a part 1 depends on it and plus it just transcripted even if unfinished)

Frisk: Hi everybody, welcome to the Satellite of friendship, I'm frisk friskinson... oh, look, here comes Papyrus Servo, sans T. Skelebot. Sans: Hello. Papyrus: Evening. frisk: Hey, come on up here you guys, I wanna show you this toothpick sculpture I've been working on for the last three years. papyrus: You've been working three years on THAT? frisk: Well, yeah, nights, 'n weekends... sans: ..not very good... papy: Shh! sans: I mean, uh, what is it? frisk: It's a scale reproduction model of Monticello rendered in toothpick! I got the idea off the nickel, see? papyrus: It's beautiful... where'd you get all the toothpicks? Frisk: What, are you kidding? We're on a spaceship, this place is crawling with toothpicks. sans: Uh, well, it really is cool, frisk... of course, you realize we'll have to break it. papyrus: It's nothing personal, you understand, it's just a thing...we...have...to do. frisk: Okay. sans and papyrus: Huhhh? frisk: Sure, go ahead, that's why I made it, smash away. sans: Awwww.... papyrus: No, no, no, frisk, you're ruining it for me! [papyrus leaves] sans: Yeah, I feel dirty. [sasns leaves] MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in five seconds. Frisk: Sure seems like a waste, it being all toothpicky and fragile and all. MAGIC VOICE/asgore: Commercial sign now. [commercial sign button flashes] Frisk: I'm just gonna leave it here, unattended, to dry... ah, we'll be right back. [papyrus and sans scream as they ENTER and attack sculpture.] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68RQHfcxxZM (commercial) frisk: So how was it for you? papyrus: Well, as far as breakin' stuff goes, it was good, but not great. sans: Yeah, not as good as that ceramic bell collection. frisk: Oh, Mellevitz and associates are calling. [frisk presses mad scientist call button] chara: Okay, and this? alphys: Oh, let me see... oh, heh heh heh! That's my old manga! Heh hmm hmm! Just file it under alphys's manga collection, okay? chara: Right. alphys: Oh, hi, frisk... look, we're way too busy to even do an invention this week. [whispered] We're being audited. [normal voice] You go right ahead, though. [frisk swings zebra-striped stool into view.] sans: it's a daktari stool! [sans and papyrus giggle] frisk: What do you think, sirs? alphys: Daktari Stool?... whatever. Anyway, frisk, it's a madhouse down here. Uh, we're being audited by the fraternal order of mad science, you know, one of those 'Are You Really Mad Enough' sort of things... chara: Alphys?? alphys: What? chara: Three Jarevic-Sevens. (????) alphys: Put 'em in the junk drawer! Jeez, didn't the temp agency test you on any of this stuff?? chara: Well, I'm a little off my game! I'm not normally required to wear a [CLANK] leg iron like this! Say, what is the deal with this guy and those cute robots? alphys: Listen, mister four-dollars-and-twenty-five-cents-an-hour! You stick with the boxes, and I'll handle the experiment, is that all right with you?? DR. G: Alphys, can I see you a minute? Alphys: Sure thing, Doctor G! [low voice] Say, Steve, this temp stuff is working out great, don't you think? DR. G: We'll I'm sure glad your friend is working out so nicely, Alphys. [loud voice] Now what about sending frisk the movie, ya boob! Alphys: O-Oh, the movie, the movie, the movie... [checks pockets] DR. G: Oh, for the love of ... [alphys and DR. Gaster search through box, tossing stuff out] DR. G: Oh, Alphys, look, remember? The double-butt graft. My science project from Evil Oh's(?). I grafted the butt of a dog onto the butt of a temmie. Sure, they all laughed... Alphys: Doctor G, the movie! DR. G: Oh, right, uhhhh... [Chara hands him the movie]...here it is. Mitchell, starring Joe Don Baker. Chara: You guys watch Joe Don Baker movies? Alphys: Oh, look, just get back to work, Temp-Boy! DR. G: Well, here it comes Frisk... MITCHELL! It's a super secret spy, has a motorcycle, marooned in space, meets Hercules...or not...uhhhh...watch it and weep, Frisk Prole Mole! Send him the movie, Frank. [Alphys waves Chara away frantically] ...the movie?? [Alphys sends Frisk the movie] Frisk: I like the way you used...[garbled] Frisk, PAPYRUS, AND sans: Movie sign, oh, we've got movie sign! [Frisk tosses the Daktari Stool in the air] 6-5-4-3-2-1 [Frisk, PAPYRUS and sans enter theater] [screen says AN ESSEX ENTERPRISES LTD production] sans: Hey, look, a sex film! [title scrolls across screen, Terminator style] papyrus: Mittens? There's an action film called Mittens? sans: Joe Don Baker _is_ Mittens! He's a cop! papyrus: Mithril? Oh, wait, it's Mitchell! sans: Oh, the Martha Mitchell story! papyrus: Joe Don Baker _is_ Martha Mitchell! [screen fades into blurry picture of Mitchell] sans: it's bigfoot! papyrus: Who's the puffy guy who's the big leery sex machine? sans and frisk: Mitchell! Papyrus: That Mitchell is one faaaaat... Sans: shut yo' mouth! papyrus: Just talkin' bout Mitchell! sans: Looks like Grendel! frisk: Hey, Linda Evans, that was her Pre-Yanni days. papyrus: Before her face was pulled taut. frisk: Looks kinda like a slow-motion sneeze...? sans: [looking at credits] Yeah, here's your loser actor bouquet! papyrus: Any movie with wocka-chi-wocka in it is okay by me. [sans and frisk say "wocka-chicka-wocka" like a 70's guitar in the background] papyurs: [singing] It was the third of September! A day I'll always remember! sans: Never corner a Mitchell! See how he reacts? frisk: Looks like he's doing a Nixon, or... papyrus: Looks like a middle aged Chucky. sans: Looks like the Wrathful Buddha. papyrus: Looks like the Moon in _A Trip to the Moon._ frisk: [as Mitchell] Man, I can't get my arms down. sans: Now he looks like a smallmouth bass! papyrus: Heh...now he looks like he's in a wind tunnel! frisk: Ummm...maybe he's doing Tai Chi or something. sans: Mitchell's on a corner! [screen goes black] SCENE 1 frisk, papyrus and sans: Mitchell! [pan over a house] papyrus: Eeeeegaaaah! sans: Stim-low. [???] frisk: [cupping hands to mouth] Watch out for snakes! papyrus: [smug advertisement voice] We've hidden Mitchell somewhere in this picture. sans: [50's game show host voice] Mitchell, will you stand up, please. frisk: [singing] The lunatic is on the grass... [someone climbs over a fence] papyrus: Johnny Nash breaks into a suburban home. sans: Mitchell. frisk: Hey, it's one of the kinds from Fame! papyrus: Which one? frisk: Any of 'em. sans: Johnny Mathis! papyrus: [singing in Johnny Mathis voice] It's not fooor me to saaaay... SCENE 2 [huge 70's car going down busy street] frisk: The Green Hornet. BRUNETTE WOMAN: This little thing, she can't be more than sixteen. Every time she give me a manicure, she tells me she's having a different affair. And she tells me everything. I mean, all the real hot and juicy details. I can't even keep my fingers still. sans: Must be a faculty meeting. DEANY: Shut up. I'm thinking. SCENE 3 [JOHNNY MATHIS breaks into house through a window.] frisk: Uh, it's open! sans: Looks like he's breaking out of his house. frisk: Al Noga? papyrus: Still Johnny Mathis. [JOHNNY MATHIS closes door behind him.] sans: Oh, yeah, close it and lock it. You don't want anyone coming in. SCENE 4: [same car, going down busy street toward house.] sans: Dr. Detroit. frisk: With songs by Devo! Cutting Crew! and Haircut 100! SCENE 5: [JOHNNY MATHIS puts expensive-looking spoons in his bag.] papyrus: [singing in Johnny Mathis voice] I saaay to myself it's wonderful... frisk: A picture of Moe Connely? papyrus: No, not the limited edition Star Trek collector plates! [JOHNNY MATHIS shines flashlight over guns high above his head in display case] frisk: Heeeey...Lucas McCane lives here! SCENE 6: [car pulls into driveway.] sans: They're on a collision course to wackiness! Hu-Hyuh! [guests get out of car] papyrus: All right, last call, drink 'em up... Hic! sans: Let's not talk. SCENE 7: [JOHNNY MATHIS shines flashlight over television.] frisk: Hey! Oh, a Goldstar. SCENE 8: [DEANY leads guests into house.] papyrus: Fluon, please (???) sans: Should I tell her? DEANY: Ladies, you know where everything is! I want you to exercise the botpapyrusless limits of your imagination. Surprise me! The way you always do. Come on, Don, let's get some juice. frisk: Heh... I might be able to kiss her tonight, you know. BLONDE WOMAN: What the hell does he think I am, an acrobat? sans: And, she's an acrobat, Ted! [DEANY and DON stop suddenly. DEANY sees a flashlight in the next room.] papyrus: Santa?? frisk: Wait a minute, I think maybe the Snoop Sisters are in there! sans: Ah, I'm gonna get a series before Stuart Margelin. [scene reveals Johnny Mathis character] papyrus: Johnny Mathis! All right, get my gun! frisk: Oh, you know, it's not often you see Johnny Mathis in the wild. papyrus: Let's see, some clean underwear... sans: See, a Gunderoo! [JOHN takes gun out of top drawer] frisk: Pssst! Don't shoot me, the burglar! [the two women peek out] sans: [woman voice] So, are we gonna play Bridge? DEANY: [whispered] We got another fish to hunt! DON: [whispered] I'm gonna call the police. DEANY: [whispered] No, wait! DON: [whispering something] DEANY: Shhhh! [DEANY pushes a button on the wall] frisk: Uh, hello, this is Carlton, your doorman? [wooden door shuts on JOHNNY MATHIS] sans: Cedar lattice, works every time. papyrus: [singing in Johnny Mathis voice] Chances are...huh? [JOHNNY MATHIS looks up] [JOHNNY MATHIS walks toward doorway with flashlight] frisk: If that's John Saxon, I'm dead. [cut to the two women] papyrus: [women voice] So, are we, like, bait? [JOHNNY walks up to cedar lattice] sans: We're closed! [JOHNNY runs back] papyrus: Maaaybe I should get back to work. DEANY: HEY! frisk: WHAT? [JOHNNY MATHIS turns, DEANY fires, JOHNNY falls] frisk: OH! [DEANY smiles through lattice] SCENE 9: [police car speeds down same busy street] papyrus: Meanwhile, on an Adam-12 episode, not far away... [cut to interior of police car, police radio is emitting unintelligible, tinny audio, MITCHELL is sleeping in the back seat, two policemen are in front] frisk: Our hero, ladies and gentleman, right here. [applauds] sans: He he huh huh! [policeman talks into radio, starts siren, wakes Mitchell] sans: Uhhh...just five more minutes... SCENE 10: [car pulls into driveway] papyrus: Mitchell, honey, we're home, put your shoes on. POLICEMAN 1: Well, private enterprise beat us to it, huh? frisk: Hello, public sector! PRIVATE POLICEMAN 1: Hey, whaddya say, Jimmy? POLICEMAN 2: Hey, papyrus. POLICEMAN 1: Where's the body? PRIVATE POLICEMAN 1: In the den. papyrus: (fruity voice) We posed him. PRIVATE POLICEMAN 1: You gonna need us around here? POLICEMAN 1: Nah, that's okay, thanks. PRIVATE POLICEMAN 1: We'll take off then. He's all yours. POLICEMAN 1: Sure. sans: Aahhh, rent-a-cops, private enterprise...why don't you go back to the mall?! POLICEMAN 1: Hey, you coming, Mitchell? MITCHELL: Yeah... papyrus: Got any moist towlettes, rags, toilet papers? frisk: C'mon, Mr. "Two Years from Eye Shy," c'mon. DEANY: I'm Walter Deany, officer, just come this way. Looks like one of those wetbacks... frisk, papyrus and sans: HEY! DEANY: (obscured)...wall, pulled a gun from my gun-rack, fortunately I got to another gun sooner. frisk: Huh, smart. DEANY: He grabbed that Colt. I had no choice, I had to shoot him. sans: Well, you're rich and white, I don't see a problem with it. [they stand over body] POLICEMAN 2: Pretty clean job. frisk: Come on, it's fun! papyrus: [Mitchell voice] You got a sofa I can stretch out on for a little while? sans: [Mitchell voice] Oh. There's the body. frisk: Hey, here, watch what happens when I step on his abdomen. [makes squishing noise] [Mitchell whips out small plastic bag] papyrus: I think he's gonna need a bigger body bag than that... [Mitchell puts gun in bag] MITCHELL: All those guns loaded? DEANY: Some of 'em. Not always sure which. sans: They're randomly loaded. It's a little game I play. papyrus: All your guests loaded? [guests leave] MITCHELL: Your guests are leaving. DEANY: Party's over. papyrus: [singing] Time to call it a daaaay... MITCHELL [something] leave? DEANY: I did. MITCHELL: There's a police investigation going on here. frisk: Oh, there is? I thought there was just a big slob walking around my house. [Mitchell leaves quickly with gun in bag] sans: Where's the john? I'm gonna flush this. DEANY: One of those guests has to be at his desk at eight in the morning. He's an important person. The secretary will give you their names and addresses. papyrus: And disavow any knowledge of their actions. [Mitchell pushes button to close gate before guests can leave] frisk: Man, he's good. [Mitchell runs out toward guest's car] papyrus: Mitchell! Pardon me! Mitchell! [Mitchell bangs on car's window] sans: Hey, can I have a scotch? BRUNETTE WOMAN: What's your name? MITCHELL: Mitchell. papyrus: Hi! MITCHELL: What's yours? Scene 11: [cut to Deany, talking to someone on red phone] DEANY: Well find him, wherever he is! And raise Alex, will ya? frisk: Look, he's talking to Commissioner Gordon. DEANY: And get a hold of Mastretta. Tell him to talk to Gelano. Scene 12: [Detectives are taping up dead body and taking pictures] papyrus: Okay, sleeve length 34, 36 inch outseam, and a 32 inch inseam! [policeman comes into view] sans: Orson Bean! He's a cop! [shot of Deany] papyrus: I told Mastretta to talk to Gelano...I think. [Mitchell loads and unloads gun] Scene 13: [inside POLICE CHIEF's office in police station] POLICE CHIEF: Mitchell? frisk: What?? POLICE CHIEF: People don't like you. In fact, I don't care for you myself. Why is that? sans: Perhaps our brief, but bitter affair. POLICE CHIEF: You refuse to sign this report. Why? frisk: Duh, I'm still on the first question. POLICE CHIEF: What kind of policeman are you, anyway? What are you gonna do, file a separate report? MITCHELL: I don't know. POLICE CHIEF: What _do_ you know? papyrus: I don't know. MITCHELL: None of Deany's other guns were loaded. Now, the collection's way up high on the wall. The burglar, he only looks to be about 5-4 is all. POLICE CHIEF: So, what does that prove? MITCHELL: If Deany's lying, he's not gonna get away with it. [police chief gets up] sans: Come over there! POLICE CHIEF: You're gonna get me mad, Mitchell, and when that happens, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes! Now, get out! MITCHELL: Right. frisk: Mitchell's a sensible cop! POLICE CHIEF: Bead Aldrich. Lieutenant assigned him for you. And remember, don't you dare go near Deany. You forget about him. [MITCHELL leaves office, camera pans over to booking desk, policeman have a short white man with dark glasses in custody] papyrus: They arrested Harlan Ellison! frisk: Good. [MITCHELL enters another office] LIEUTENANT: Come in, Mitchell! Take a seat. sans: Mom said no, huh? So you come to me, the nice cop. frisk: Wait, he sounds and smells like William Conrad! LIEUTENANT: Chief Town has ordered the surveillance of a man called James Arthur Cummings. MITCHELL: James Arthur Cummings. LIEUTENANT: Yeah, ya heard of him? MITCHELL: No. LIEUTENANT: It's a 24 hour surveillance, and I want you to stay with him, until A., you bug him enough that he cracks, or B., he comes up with some kind of statement or incriminates himself concerning a crime in Mexico. sans: Or C., you get drunk and pass out again! MITCHELL: Okay, who do I get? LIEUTENANT: You get nobody. MITCHELL: Huh? LIEUTENANT: No-body. MITCHELL: What do I do for sleeping, how about eating? LIEUTENANT: Nothing's gonna happen in the middle of the night. MITCHELL: Awwww... papyrus: I wanna eat! LIEUTENANT: You got a 6 hour shut-eye from midnight 'til 6 AM. frisk: But eating! LIEUTENANT: Now Mitchell - those are Palin's orders. [picks up phone] You wanna call him? See Tigseye. (???) He'll take you to Cummings' place. Scene 14: Stakeout Scene [TIGSEYE is dropping off MITCHELL at the stakeout.] TIGSEYE: Import-export of stolen merchandise. That is Cummings' big scene. This week it's a big heroin hijack comes out of Mexico. Kilo. Full kilo, that's two million bucks. It may be Palin's idea of a joke, but leaning on Cummings is no joke, my friend. No-one leans on Cummings, 'cause he stamps on people. And he's got a big shoe. MITCHELL: Let me ask you something. papyrus: Who are you? TIGSEYE: Yeah. MITCHELL: If Palin gave you this job of leaning on Cummings, would you say he was giving you a good assignment? [TIGSEYE's got his thumb in his mouth] frisk: Oh, don't suck, honey. TIGSEYE: I'd say that he was quietly shipping you out of the way. MITCHELL: I'll get 'em both. Deany and Cummings. TIGSEYE: No way. You don't get neither. MITCHELL: That's what Palin thinks, right? TIGSEYE: Right. MITCHELL: Wrong. [MITCHELL begins to exit the car] sans: Excuse me, I don't feel good at all! [gag] frisk: Hey man, thanks for driving me to my car, nice to have it pre-parked at the stakeout, see ya! papyrus: [clears throat] [sings] don't be discouraged... the man [garbled] [MITCHELL reaches in pocket for keys] sans: Whoah, don't do that! Uhhuh! Whew! Scene 15: Cummings' place [MITCHELL drives his car to Cummings' place and gets out of car] papyrus: Mitchell! [MERLIN the butler gets out of Cummings' car, he wears a funny cap] frisk: Andy Capp? papyrus: [British voice] Boy, Flo's gonna be really mad, I'm drunk again... [MITCHELL runs up toward driveway] sans: Gasp...gasp...wheeze... [MERLIN lets Cummings out of car] [MITCHELL runs after him] MITCHELL: Mr. Cummings! frisk: Stop or my heart'll explode! MITCHELL: Cummings! Ah, Mitchell, police department? CUMMINGS: [garbled] not due till January, son. MITCHELL: Ah, Mr. Cummings. CUMMINGS: Make an appointment, son! Have your chief give me a ring. MITCHELL: Mr. Cummings? MERLIN: [pointing at Mitchell] No salesman at this entrance. papyrus: But I'm not a salesman! I'm the chubby blue line! sans: As an actor, Merlin Olsen hadn't found his instrument yet. [MITCHELL gets back into car] papyrus: Gasp...gasp...wheeze... [MITCHELL lights up cigarette, flame is huge for a second, Mitchell flinches] sans: Whoa-ho! The thing with the deal-o... [MITCHELL reaches for his ashtray, filled with cigarette butts] frisk: Think there's a potato cake in here or something... [MERLIN frowns, looks out at Mitchell] papyrus: He seems down. I'll send him a pick-me-up bouquet. [MITCHELL opens door, dumps ashtray in the street] sans: Somewhere, an Indian is crying... [MERLIN goes back into house, looking back, angry] frisk: Duh, I'm gonna call Ladybird Johnson. [MITCHELL's sitting in the driver's seat, eyes closed] sans: [snoring noise] [CUMMINGS appears at the window] papyrus: Fluffernutter! Uh! CUMMINGS: All right now, what do you want? MITCHELL: I've got some questions. CUMMINGS: No questions. MITCHELL: What do you know about a man named Mastretta, and some heroin hijacked down in Mexico? CUMMINGS: Heroin?! MITCHELL: In Port-a-Baca Mexico [port of the cow?], about a kilo, was in a truck, ambushed, hijacked, you know. CUMMINGS: Look, Mitchell... sans: I'm King Hussein! CUMMINGS: ...This is Los Angeles, California. I don't know anything about any heroin, or somebody's got his wires crossed. MITCHELL: Oh... frisk: We're not in New York?! MITCHELL: Well, I've been told to watch you, Mr. Cummings, so I guess that's what I'm gonna do. CUMMINGS: Let me give you some advice, son... MITCHELL: Yes, sir. CUMMINGS: Watch out for falling rocks. [CUMMINGS leaves] papyrus: Uh, okay. Say, you got any burgers or something in there? frisk: Man, I'm constantly confused. [MITCHELL looks up in jest] papyrus: Watch out for falling rocks, huh? Stupid. RADIO: And that was the midnight edition of the news, on KKRO. sans: Hey, sans Radio! frisk: Good night, John Boy. sans: Falling rocks, I just don't get it. [car pulls out, lights are off] frisk: Lights! Your lights!! [shot pans far right to show CUMMINGS watching him drive off, he is frowning] papyrus: I miss him. [sniff] frisk: Well, almost time for Silk Stalkings. [CUMMINGS picks up the phone] sans: Hi, Larry, I love your show! CUMMINGS: Cummings. Get me Mastretta. [NOTE: frisk does a series of garbled telephone responses, these are kind of hard to understand and meant to be that way] frisk: [completely garbled] CUMMINGS: Mastretta, what's this about a load of merchandise I'm supposed to be shipping in? frisk: What do you mean, a load of merchandise? CUMMINGS: I got cops sitting on me! They tell me this and I don't know it! frisk: [completely garbled] CUMMINGS: You what? sans: Wearing what? Is it sheer? CUMMINGS: Get over here, and don't argue with me. [CUMMINGS hangs up] [a car pulls into the driveway] frisk: Not THAT quickly! [CUMMINGS gets in, MASTRETTA the driver picks his nose] frisk: Ah, nose candy. CUMMINGS: Just drive around the block. papyrus: Duh, hi, dad. Scene 16: Driving around the Block sans: Loved you in _The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3._ frisk: Hey, you want the radio? King Biscuit Flower Hour's on. MASTRETTA: What's bugging you? CUMMINGS: Listen, you punk, for the future, next time you start something, tell me before you start it, not afterward. And ship the dope someplace else, I got this cop on my tail. papyrus: It's just that Mitchell guy. MASTRETTA: It's on the water, Cummings. CUMMINGS: What's on the water? sans: Smoke. MASTRETTA: The merchandise. CUMMINGS: Well, it's not coming through MY facilities. MASTRETTA: It can't go nowhere else. CUMMINGS: Why not? MASTRETTA: Why not? Because that's the way Mr. Gelano wants it. frisk: Uh huh, uh huh... MASTRETTA: Because maybe it's in San Pedro now, or papyrusorrow. It's too late, Cummings. papyrus: Hey, look, an Applebee's. Huh. CUMMINGS: Well, if it comes through San Pedro, I'm not gonna touch it. Understand? I will not touch it. sans: Heh heh! Oh. MASTRETTA: Cummings, you are not in a position to say such things. frisk: You can't handle the truth! MASTRETTA: Before you open your big mouth again, you better think of Mr. Gelano. papyrus: Oh, no... this may be the wrong ride. Are you Steve? [frisk and bots begin to leave theater] CUMMINGS: I say it, boy, because I mean it. papyrus: Let's go do that little...expedition we were thinking about. frisk: Okay. [frisk and bots leave theater]

#MSTtale3k #MST3K #Mitchell #episode?