Errant Alter Thoughts: "Warframe and the new frame, Follie"
I've not played "Warframe" in ages, so I'm reinstalling it cause it turns out a handful of my friends play, a friend also showed me "Soulframe" which looks quite fun. 😊
So I'd seen a friend's post on the new frame and how meaningful it was, and after a quick look about, I saw the frame, and wow, to tell the truth I hadn't expected what was released at all, and it fills me with such joy.
I used to be, and still am a very large person, even when I was young, and when I was at my thinnest, I could never match what was expected of me to be "attractive," and living through the constant bullying through-out my entire academic history, as far back as I can remember and all the way through university too, it meant I was entirely unable to look at myself with anything but disdain, which later would turn out to be a vulnerability, an imperceptible back door to my defences against the world.
This past, vulnerabilities exploited, and body parts taken advantage of in every way, severely messed up my self-image, it laid the foundation for an eating disorder that would have me later in life eating only one meal a day for months at a time, and a dysphoria that would then go on to last over two decades, and still cause a lot of distress despite awareness and training to manage it.
Even now I still can't catch a reflection without seeing my perception of the "worst version" of myself, and given my history, if I look at the reflection for long enough, it becomes distressing enough that I hallucinate all sorts of things about myself that aren't real, and then I can't look away, I'm entranced by my own negative self-image, I have experience, so I know for sure the hallucinations aren't real, but the alters don't, and it makes them really unhappy to be reminded of things we really don’t like about ourselves.
The negative pre-perception is habitual in me, and will take a long time to deprogram given how far people went to program me to see myself as disgusting no matter how I look in order to take advantage of me. (part of the reason I have no understanding of "attraction")
So after seeing the new frame "Follie" I was overjoyed, more large/fat, whatever term you wish to use, representation is really important to me, and not only that but I know this means a lot to many people in the world who have been put down and made to feel like shit because they don’t have the correct shape according to societies overall constantly changing concept of beauty, said concept which only really goes to serve the people who make money off this constant change in some context or another, it might not be leaps and bounds, but any step towards allowing people acceptance and encouragement is one made in the right direction.
I think big people are hot too, just the same as everyone else, because real beauty, is far deeper and more complex than what the surface "should look like" to some gigantic toxic asshole.
An alters thought, "I wonder if people would appreciate it if I ran "Warframe nights" in my little safe space gaming community?"