you and levi ackerman gossiping about erwin smith's dick ╱ mdni, sexual tension, maybe a little bit of harassment ˚.✦
The mess hall was completely empty, it was way to late for anyone to be around, giving Levi and you the perfect ambient to share a few drinks, a cigarette and a gossip session.
Contrary to what people think, Levi lives for gossip. He pays attention to everything, seeing how someone looks a little too long or when a touch lingers. He's also sneaky without meaning to, hiding his presence well enough to listen to conversation a Captain isn't meant to listen.
All of it to then tell it to you, seeing how you gasp or how you almost spill your drink for his confessions. He's actually quite fond of you and moments like this, sitting side by side, knees touching, indirect kisses while sharing a cigarette.
He usually just drops a new and that's enough to keep you rambling for a few hours.
This time, though, you have a topic of conversation already in mind. A few minutes ago you were debating about whatever is going on with Hange and Moblit, then you drop the question.
"Listen, don't go crazy. But... is it true that Erwin... y'know," you let the phrase unfinished, hoping that Levi catches the rest.
He doesn't. His brows furrow, taking a drag of the almost finished cigarette. "Erwin what?"
You've known Erwin for a long time, when all of you were cadets, before Levi even joined the Corps. You've never had the guts to talk to anyone of your little crush on the Commander, and you really think that Levi is the perfect person to finally open.
Not with that, though.
"Y'know, I've heard... that he's, are you really gonna make me say it?" You run your hands through your face, trying to hide the embarrassment.
"Well, yes. I'm fucking curious now." Levi puts out the cigarette, pressing it against the glass of the ashtray.
You groan loudly, straightening your back against the wooden chair, shoulders brushing.
"That's he's big," you say, in a breath.
"He's obviously over 185 centimeters," Levi says, arching his eyebrows in confusion.
"No, Levi, I mean big." You make a vague gesture with your hand that tells him everything.
"Ah," he says, blinking slowly. "Where the fuck did you heard that?"
You lean in closer, voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper even though the mess hall is dead silent except for the faint creak of the wooden beams cooling overhead.
“I didn’t hear it from anyone reliable,” you admit, cheeks already burning. “It’s just… logic. Look at the man, Levi. He walks into a room and the fucking air changes. His shoulders are huge and his fingers are thick..."
"You look at his hands?"
"Lemme finish. And his stupid deep voice that makes everyone stand straighter whether they want to or not. You’re telling me someone built like that is walking around with anything less than proportional equipment?”
Levi snorts quiet, but genuine. He reaches for the half-empty bottle of cheap grain alcohol between you two and pours another finger into both tin cups without asking.
“You’re basing your entire theory on vibes and symmetry,” he deadpans, sliding your cup back toward you. His knee presses a little firmer against yours under the table. “Bold, even for you.”
“It’s not just vibes.” You take the cup, fingers brushing his for a second longer than necessary. “You’ve seen him shirtless after training. You’ve seen the way his pants fit when he’s giving orders in the yard and the wind catches the fabric just right. Don’t pretend you haven’t noticed.”
Levi doesn’t blush but the corner of his mouth twitches in that way that means you’ve landed a hit.
“I notice everything,” he mutters, which isn’t a denial.
You grin, emboldened by the liquor, the late hour and the fact that his pupils are a little blown in the low lamplight.
“So you’re telling me,” you continue, voice teasing now, “that in all the years you’ve been his right hand, all the times you’ve shared a tent on expeditions, all the mornings you’ve walked in on him half-dressed because he still thinks privacy is optional... You’re telling me you’ve never accidentally gotten an eyeful?”
Levi exhales through his nose, long and slow, like he’s deciding whether to throw you out the nearest window or keep playing.
“I don’t accidentally look,” he says finally. “But I’m not fucking blind.”
Your heart does something embarrassing inside your ribcage.
“So…?” you prompt, leaning so close your shoulder is fully pressed to his now.
He’s quiet for a beat. Then, almost casually:
“It matches.”
You choke on air.
He doesn’t elaborate right away, just lets you suffer while he takes a slow sip from his cup, eyes half-lidded like he’s discussing supply requisitions instead of the Commander’s dick.
“Levi.”
“What.”
“You can’t just say ‘it matches’ and leave it there.”
“Why not? You already decided it had to, I’m just agreeing with you. Case closed.”
You shove his shoulder lightly. He doesn’t budge, but he does tilt his head toward you, silver eyes catching the lamplight.
“Details, you dumbass. Does it have a curve? Is it cut? Veiny? Does it hang heavy even soft? Give me something.”
He lets out the driest laugh you’ve ever heard from him.
“You’re worse than Hange when she finds a new titan.”
“C'mon, you love this,” you shoot back without missing a beat.
Another long silence. His gaze flicks down to your mouth for half a second before returning to your eyes.
“It’s thick,” he says at last, voice low enough that you have to strain to catch it. “Heavier than you’d expect even knowing his size. Long enough that it doesn’t look ridiculous on him, which is saying something, considering how tall he is. Thick at the base, tapers just enough. Veins that stand out when he’s hard. And yeah…” He pauses, lets the word hang. “…it hangs heavy when it’s soft. You can tell through the fabric if he’s not wearing anything underneath.”
Your mouth has gone dry. You swallow anyway.
“How do you know it’s thicker at the base?” you ask, barely above a whisper.
Levi’s eyes darken.
“Because I’ve had to help him adjust his straps before a mission when the harness was pinching in the wrong place. Fabric doesn’t lie. Neither does gravity.”
You let out a shaky breath, you were getting wet only imaging it.
“Fuck.”
“Mm.”
You both sit with that for a moment, the air between you suddenly thicker than the cigarette smoke still clinging to your clothes.
Then you nudge his knee with yours again. “Think he knows we talk about it?”
Levi’s mouth curves just barely.
“He knows everything. He just pretends he doesn’t.”
You groan and drop your forehead against his shoulder.
“We’re so fucked.”
“Probably,” Levi agrees, and this time when he shifts, it’s to rest the side of his head lightly against yours. “But if we’re going down, might as well go down speculating about exactly how much of him we could take before we’re ruined for anyone else.”
“Both of us?”
He doesn’t answer right away. Then, so quiet you almost miss it: “Why do you think I keep telling you the details?”
Your pulse slams in your throat.
"Yeah, he's not the type of guy one person can handle," you mutter, looking down at how much your bodies are touching now.
"Hah," Levi breathes out. "You're aren't the type of woman that thinks one guy is enough, are you?"
You lift your head from his shoulder as you say: "Nope. I'm not."
“Levi, are you sure? You know what Erwin said,” you reminded, holding the pillow closer to your chest.
Levi hums, his broad chest warm against your back as he nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, breathing you in.
Fuck, he love how you smelled. Loved how your scent would always imprint in his skin after you two lay together.
“Erwin isn’t here,” Levi said, nipping at your neck. “He won’t know.”
You let out a soft whimper, feeling the crown of Levi’s cock press against your right hole. His cock slid up and down between your ass, his own whimpers sounding even more pathetic than yours.
“But you know the rules. Erwin is the only one-,” you began but let out a harsh yelp of pain mixed with pleasure when Levi bit down on your neck.
“I don’t care about the rules. Erwin always takes our asses. Don’t get me wrong, honey. I love how tight your cunt always is for me but fuck, I want your ass.”
The three of you had been in a relationship for a few months now, you joining later. You always had a crush on Levi, him reciprocating the feeling almost instantly. But he told you from the start he was in a long term relationship with his boyfriend, Erwin. But once Levi told him about you, Erwin was ecstatic at the thought of adding a third.
All three of you were happy together, finding the right dynamic almost after the first time. Erwin was always on top, him either fucking Levi’s ass or your cunt depending on what he was feeling. Most of the time Erwin would claim Levi’s ass while his cock claimed your pussy.
The time Erwin would take your pussy, you’d take Levi’s cock in your mouth or your breasts mostly because Erwin’s number one rule.
“I’m the only one who takes these perfects asses, understood?”
You and Levi were fine with Erwin taking the dominant role in this relationship. You absolutely thrived on being a sub however you could tell it was eating Levi alive not being able to be the one to take control.
There was never a problem or issues when one was away leaving two back home. The rule was open, no need to wait for the other to return him to have sex.
“I want your ass, baby. Fuck, I need it so bad,” Levi’s pleads and whines had you holding the pillow harder to your chest.
You had to admit that the idea of breaking the rules and Levi finally claiming your ass lit a fire so ferocious inside of you. Him whining while humping your ass was the final deciding factor.
“It’s right there,” his cock twitched between your cheeks. “All I need to do is press inside. Probably won’t last long. That’s how close I am.”
“Do it,” you breathed, looking over your shoulder at Levi.
His hair was a mess of sweat and his teeth were gnawing on his bottom lip, trying not to press inside of your tight hole. His eyes glittered with your approval.
“If he finds out, it’s your fault and you’re taking the punishment,” you said, rising your ass up to met his cock.
“Worth it,” Levi groaned, pushing the head of his cock against your hole.
You were already pretty wet and worked up by his spit and fingers.
Another secret which stayed between the two of you since Erwin said fingers were off limits. It was never made to be mean or with ill intent. It’s the role Erwin took as being the dom and you and Levi as the subs.
"Don't tense up now," Levi's soft words breathed in your ear as you did what he said, loosened up your body.
You breathed in through your nose and out of your mouth steadily, like you did with Erwin; he always pressed deep inside of you in one go but you could always take it with minimal cursing or tensing. You loved the thickness of his cock as it filled you up.
Levi was different. He took his time filling your ass, slowly and as inch by inch became swallowed up by your ass, he grunted and moaned
"So good. Knew it would choke my cock," his teeth grazed your spine. "Such a lucky bastard."
Even though he didn't say a name, you knew Levi was cursing Erwin for being the only one to take your ass.
"Levi," you moaned, shifting underneath his weight. "I need you to move."
A tender kiss to between your shoulder blades had your body vibrating.
"Almost there. Just...a...little..bit," one long stroke of his cock had you crying out his name, grabbing a fist full of the sheets below. "Such a good girl. You're doing well."
Levi praised with a kiss to the side of your head, his thrusts now faster than before. The sound of his skin slapping against yours echoed in the small space of the bedroom and you whined at how good he felt, completely different than Erwin. The blonde had been the only one who ever took you back there but now that Levi had, you were certain there'd be no going back. Surely if you showed Erwin how good Levi's cock felt, he'd be open to letting Levi take control more.
"Feel that?" Levi's dark voice panted against your ear. "Feel how your ass is swallowing me whole? It was made for my cock, honey."
You nodded, unable to form words due to the ecstasy filling your veins. Every stroke brought you higher and higher to the white haze you loved although you knew it would be all you needed to fall off the edge. You always needed something more and your men always delivered.
"I'm taking this ass then I'm going to take that mouth and pussy. Gonna make you clean off my cock, yeah?" Levi rambled on, still pressing so deep inside of you, it burned.
Your only responses were moans as you buried your face into the pillow. If anyone who didn't know what was going on behind closed doors heard you, they would think you were in pain from the noises, but it was the opposite. The ache was good, you loved feeling the pain and burn every time you had sex with either both or one of your men. Sure, they could be rough sometimes, but they always treated you like their queen afterwards.
"Levi? What's going on? Is everything alright?"
Your body froze underneath Levi's at the all too familiar voice. Levi, on the other hand, continued to fuck your ass, this time even faster and harder than before.
"Our girl misses you, Erwin. Wanted to call so you could hear how desperate she sounds for my cock in her ass," he let out a deep chuckle.
Erwin, who was on the other line of the phone call you had no idea Levi dialed, was silent for way too long. You could barely hear his deep breathing over the sounds of Levi.
"You like my cock there, huh, baby?"
"Yes," you nodded, the word sounding mumbling on your swollen tongue. "More, Levi. Need more."
"I know, baby. Gonna give you all of it," he wrapped his thick arm around your throat to hoist your face up from the pillow. "But you gotta tell Erwin how good my cock is."
"It's so good," you whined, louder than before. "His cock feels so good, Erwin."
The other man's voice finally sounded on the phone. "Is that so? How deep inside of you is he?"
"I-I think all the way," you stammered.
"I'm only halfway," Levi chuckled, sinking his teeth into your shoulder blade.
You cried out again, surprised he wasn't all the way inside of you; it definitely felt as if he was.
"One more push and I'll be deep inside of you. Do you want that?"
You went to answer Levi, but Erwin's voice halted you. "Do you think you deserve that, sweetheart? You broke a rule."
"I'm sorry," you said, turning your head to the side so you could finally look at the phone.
You sucked in a breath when you noticed the phone call had been going on for nearly five minutes, right after Levi first slipped inside of you. So, Erwin had been listening to the entire thing.
Oh shit.
"You're going to need to do more than apologize," Erwin said.
"I will," You nodded, even though he couldn't see you. "But can Levi keep going? I don't want him to stop. He feels so good."
A few beats of silence. "Give her what she wants, Levi. Just be aware when I return home, you both will be punished."
"Yeah, yeah," Levi grunts, rapidly hitting the red button and tossing the phone onto the floor.
"No more distractions. You're all mine now," he wrapped his arm tighter around your throat as he finally pressed the last few inches inside of your ass.
Pairing: Levi Ackerman/Fem!Reader, Erwin Smith/Fem!Reader
Phone Sex, Dirty Talk, Cunnilingus, Dom/sub Undertones, Light Dom/sub, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Sex Toys, Vibrators, Toys, Polyamory Negotiations, implied bdsm dynamics, Threesome - F/M/M, Power Dynamics, Power Play, Soft Levi Ackerman, Daddy Dom Levi Ackerman, Top Levi Ackerman, Top Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman is Whipped, Pet Names, Husband Levi Ackerman. MINORS DNI 18+
✎ Words: 3.3k
The agreement between you all was a simple one. When Levi was out of town for work trips or the odd out of state conference, Erwin, his oldest and most trusted friend, was tasked with taking care of you - his darling little wife. Or maybe tasked with your service was more apt a description. The agreement had two simple rules:
1. No actual fucking. Erwin was to take care of your needs and your needs only.
2. You were to pick up the damn phone when Levi called.
Easy enough.
Ao3 | Masterlist
──── ୨୧ ────
You were already panting by the time the call came through.
Painted fingers shaking a little, phone slipping in your palm as you pressed a pad to the screen, swiped the little bar to the side and brought it to your quivering chin.
“Hello?” Came your breathy greeting, quirked up sweetly at the end like there was any question at all who was on the other side.
“Hey sweetheart.”
Your eyes fluttered shut.
There it was, curling in your ear like syrup - that smooth, baritone voice that never ceased to make your knees wobble, even from three states away it seemed.
“You having a good time?”
You took a deep breath, blinked your eyes open and peered down.
Your eyes settled on a head of blond hair, shining dim in the dying evening light. Rogue rays of sunlight reaching through the bedroom window, painting the room in rich watercolor tones. Golden strands tickled at the delicate skin of your inner thighs, bobbed a little as his tongue moved in slow, lazy circles.
Your husbands oldest friend, nestled between your parted thighs, his mouth firmly attached to your sopping pussy.
The agreement between you all was a simple one. When Levi was out of town (a decently frequent occurrence these days) for work trips or the odd out of state conference, Erwin, his oldest and most trusted friend, was tasked with the care of you - his darling little wife. Or maybe tasked with your service was more apt a description.
The agreement had two simple rules:
No actual fucking. Erwin was to take care of your needs and your needs only.
You were to pick up the damn phone when Levi called.
Easy enough.
And so - with the rules very clearly defined, and you left with a fully charged phone - Levi had set forth on his latest business trip, and your very first weekend with your husbands best friend had begun.
Your vision was hazy, unfocused as you watched Erwin’s lips part - glistening in the low light and soaked with your slick - a sharp pearly canine brushing feather soft over your most sensitive slip of skin, and you moaned out a spineless, weak sound at the sensation.
“Yeah. Sounds like you are.” Came the fond, crackled voice of your husband, dripping honey sweet through the receiver.
There was a muffled sound, like he was moving around on the other end of the phone, before his voice came down the line again, velvet smooth tones delivered straight into your ear.
“Is Erwin taking good care of you?”
You nodded your head, let out a small, breathy whine.
A low chuckle sounded from the speaker, the sound curled hot over your ear.
“Can’t see you baby, gotta use your words.”
“Yes.” You managed, more of a croak than anything. Dim sparks of pleasure turning you more dumb and docile as the seconds ticked on.
“What’s he doing?”
Your eyes trailed down, brows knitted together, a little dazed as you watched the methodical slide of Erwin’s mouth over you.
Your hips bucked upwards a touch with each passive roll of his tongue over your twitching clit, jerking forward every time his tongue teased over your entrance, dipped a little further inside to taste you.
You watched him release you with an obscene ‘pop’, crane his head back a little, blue eyes dropped low and dark before he parted his lips again to spit a slow line of drool down onto your already soaking cunt.
“ ‘s eating me out.” You managed between sharp breaths.
A gasp escaped your throat when Erwin closed his eyes and buried himself back between your legs, tongue following the trail of spit, so deep his arched nose was nestled in the soft swirls of dark hair at your base.
Your eyes were glazed, low lidded, watching his sharp jaw begin move once again in slow, languid circles from under the dark haze of lashes.
“Yeah? Eating that pretty little pussy?” Came the low reply from the phone.
“Yeah.” You sighed out a breath, sucked your plump bottom lip to catch between your teeth.
“Does it feel good?”
Between your spread thighs, slow kitten licks turned to sucking, lips pressed flat over your throbbing heat. You swallowed a choked sound.
“Feels so good, sir.” You whined, voice turned high pitched and needy, lip still caught between your teeth.
Erwin’s brow twitched at that, not sure if it was your unashamed admittance of how good he was making you feel, or the sharp slip of ‘sir’ that had wormed it’s way from the recesses of your mind and out of your mouth which had caught his attention.
A pleased hum sounded from the phone speaker, and you could hear a soft creaking, like Levi had just slipped onto the mattress of the hotel room bed, maybe into a chair, a lounge.
You pictured him leaned back, phone pressed between delicate fingers, up against an angled cheekbone. You could see a steaming tea cup perched in his other hand, slate grey eyes tracking the sun on its trek past the horizon as he listened to the vulgar sounds of his closest friend eating you out, on his orders.
“Is he using his fingers too?”
You blinked slow, gazed down at Erwin’s big hands, currently rubbing slow, soothing strokes over your thighs where they were wrapped around his ears, his thick fingers gripping the flesh, kneading.
“Nuh-uh.” You responded, sound thick and heavy as molasses on your tongue.
“Hm.” A mildly disappointed hum from the line now. “Well that won’t do, will it?”
“Tell him to fuck you with his fingers.”
You let out a moan at that, squeezed your eyes closed for a moment, letting a fresh wave of unfiltered, raw lust roll over you.
That was just like Levi. For such a typically cool, quiet man you’d never have imagined the kind of obscene words that could roll off that sharp tongue, and the fact that it was reserved all for you drove you absolutely crazy.
Unless you asked, he didn’t work you up slow and teasing like this. He wasn’t overly cautious anymore, wasn’t fearful you would break beneath him like Erwin was. You had been together long enough that Levi knew exactly how you liked it, how to work your buttons. Knew just how far to push you, what you craved, what you needed from him, apparently even from over the phone.
Opening your eyes once more, you brought the phone a little from your ear, neck craned down.
Erwin's eyes cracked open, ears perked at your sudden movement, peering up, and you met a ring of terrible blue almost entirely dwarfed by hungry, devouring black.
“He s-says to use your fingers.” You huffed, struggling to formulate any coherent words with the tendrils of pleasure curling low in your gut, lava hot.
Thick eyebrows lifted a little, but his broad shoulders shrugged below you. One hand deserted your thigh to join his tongue between your legs, slip down and brush over your entrance where his spit and your arousal were pooling in equal measure.
You couldn’t stop the choked sound that left your throat when he slowly eased a single thick digit inside below the roll of his tongue, started a gentle, almost teasing pump back and forth.
On the other end of the line Levi was silent, like he was just listening to you as you breathed out little whines into the microphone. You wondered if those searing silver eyes of his were closed now, wondered if he was imagining the obscene images your heated noises were painting him.
After a moment, he broke the silence.
“How many is he using?”
“One.” You sighed, head tilted limply to rest against the phone in your hand.
“One?” Levi tutted on the other end, and you could almost picture the scowl his pretty face was probably contorted into. "Doesn’t he know how insatiable you are? No, I guess not.”
Another beat of silence, there was some rustling and the distant clink of ceramic. Was he making tea?
“Tell him to use two more.” Came Levi's response after a few seconds, tone a little sharper, demanding.
You swallowed, mouth a little dry as you croaked out an echo of Levi's command.
“More please Erwin, he says two more.”
The slow roll of Erwin’s mouth halted, and he lifted his head from you with a slick, wet sound, brows knitted.
“Two?” Erwin asked incredulously.
You nodded furiously, and Erwin's lashes lowered below you, half lidded eyes a little softer, a little more heated at your overt eagerness, your unabashed desire.
Acquiescing, you felt two more thick fingers prod at your entrance, then slip inside alongside the first. You moaned, breathy and effortless, jaw slack as he curled up, started to massage that soft silky spot inside.
The sound was clearly loud enough for Levi to gather that his order had been carried out.
“That’s it.” He soothed. “All better now?”
Erwin was fingering you so deeply now that the flat, broad part of his palm was grinding up against your clit. You twitched and jolted below him, free hand coming down to grip at his toned forearm, nails biting at the skin there.
“N-no.” You whimpered, shook your head side to side even though you knew he couldn’t see you.
“No?”
“Need -ah... more, please Sir.”
A low chuckle from the phone line, and the sound sent a primal, dizzying curl of heat straight down between your thighs.
“What did I say? Insatiable.” Levi sighed, but there was a distinct affection, almost a sting of pride threaded through his teasing words.
“Are your toys still there?”
Your eyes roamed to the wooden dresser beside the bed, at the row of brightly colored toys standing atop it at attention, like a line of little soldiers awaiting an order from their Captain.
Levi took your silence as confirmation.
“Pick one baby. Whichever one you want.”
Only a day ago he’d lined them up all neat and tidy for you, clean and fully charged - hell, they were even color coded.
Yesterday when you’d entered the bedroom you’d snorted a little, pressed a light kiss to your husbands cheekbone and teased him for his attention to detail. But now - with your mind turned soft and dumb, with the tendrils of pleasure and lust coiling so deep in your stomach, brain melting out between your spread thighs - you were grateful not to have to think about your options.
“Pink one.” You gasped, and jerked your head, nodded toward the neat row of soldiers.
Erwin’s fingers slowed to a halt, and you bit your lip not to whine when they slipped out of you for a moment, leaving you empty. He eased himself up from the bed and padded over to the dresser, selecting your weapon of choice - a thick rabbit vibrator dressed in soft baby pink.
On the other end of the line, Levi was tutting again.
“Of course you’d pick the biggest one. Greedy girl.” He scolded, no real heat behind the words, but the low tone set the tiny sparks in your stomach alight regardless.
The bed creaked a little when Erwin pressed a knee to the mattress and eased his way back toward you, resuming his position between your parted legs.
“Go on, take it.”
You spread your thighs a little wider, squirmed down along the bed and pulled your knees up to your chest, feet arched and curling limply where they dangled.
“Inside now, Erwin, please.” You breathed, batted your dark lashes down at him as you wiggled your hips.
Erwin snorted a light puff through his nose, and you felt the air curl over your thigh, leaving a trail of little goosebumps in its wake.
Without comment he slid the thick base of the toy up between your folds, watching your slick gather on the tip for a teasing moment before he finally slipped it inside. You heard his breath catch, crystalline blue eyes turned to a stormy sky, watching your wanting cunt suck the toy in until it was buried entirely inside, little pink ears nestled snug up against your clit.
You felt yourself clench around the toy instinctively, moaned aloud when you felt just how deep it was slotted, felt the head nudge at that sweet little spot inside.
“ ‘s all inside Sir…” You breathed into phone, bit your lip.
You heard a pleased sound on the other end.
“Good girl.” Levi purred. “Now turn it on.”
Your eyes flickered to Erwin where he was perched, waiting, fixing you with a soft, patient look as you breathed out slow shaky breaths between parted lips, cheeks flushed the same pretty shade as the toy.
“On please, switch it on ‘win.”
Fingers trailed up to the buttons on the handle, clicked them both on in tandem, and you all but squealed in delight, deep throbbing vibrations buzzing up through the head of the toy, nestled in your stomach, and the little bunny ears delicate and teasing over your clit.
Before you could acclimatize, Erwin gripped the handle of the toy, slid it out a little against the suction before he began a steady, leisurely thrust, earning a strangled cry from you.
Your eyes crossed, rolled back in your skull, pleasure mounting higher and higher with each bump against your walls, alongside the deep, rumbling vibrations where the little pink ears were kissing your clit.
You could feel that sweet, taunting pleasure begin to bubble, already pitched near boiling point.
“Needy little thing you’ve got here, Levi.” Erwin murmured, lips tugged into an amused smile as he watched you writhe below, the comment loud enough for the phone microphone to catch, for your husband to hear.
A gruff grunt of agreement echoed down the line.
“He’s right, you’re a spoiled brat, aren’t you princess?” Levi cooed, his voice had an edge to it now, a little gritty, rough as if he were struggling to maintain control.
“Can’t even let you go two days without cumming your brains out, hm? Had to go and get a babysitter to do it for me.”
“Levi…” You whined, cheeks burning hot pink.
You bucked your hips up haphazardly, chasing the thrum of the vibrator, the honeyed words dripping in your ear.
“Why don’t you tell him?”
You swallowed, cracked an eye open to peer down between your shaking legs where they were spread apart.
“Sir says I’m a -hah- spoiled little brat, Erwin...” You whimpered, plump bottom lip pushed out into a pout as you frowned, brows knitted.
Erwin chuckled, a deep rumbling sound from his chest.
“Ah, Levi spoils you does he?” He mused, voice heated, lowered to a near whisper.
His blue eyes roamed down shamelessly, watching the way you were jolting, watching your bare tits bounce with each vicious slap of the toy. Before he could think his hand was already creeping along your heated flesh, capturing a pebbled pink bud between his fingers, rolling the sensitive flesh there until you squeaked.
“I wonder, do you deserve it?”
Erwin’s thrusts were hard now, unwavering despite your pathetic responsive squeals. The curl of his wrist turned a little mean, so deep that his fingers were turning slippery where they were gripped around the base of the toy.
You were panting, breathless, watching Erwin move below you through half-lidded, heavy eyes. You could feel a hollow ache forming deep in your core, lower belly turned to a pit of vipers, coiling hot and venomous.
Your hand was shaking, and you could feel sweat forming where the screen was jammed up against it, where your fevered skin was turning the smooth surface hot.
“Mmmmhmsoclose.” You lilted, eyes dropped low, locked on the steady pump of Erwin’s wrist below you.
“Yeah? Toy feels good?”
You licked your lips, watched tendons jump in Erwin's toned forearm.
“Wish it… -hah-… was you, Sir”.
“Oh, miss my cock do we?” Levi sounded pleased, even through the crackling connection, tone a little smug.
“Ah! miss you….” You cried, felt betraying little droplets begin to gather at the corners of your eyes, glossed over your fluttering lashes.
“Miss you too.” Levi soothed, deep voice soft as silk curling through the speaker phone. “Promise when I’m back home I’ll fuck you into our mattress until you’re a dumb, babbling mess, and then we’ll take a nice long bath, how does that sound?”
You whimpered, a weak spineless sound, nodded your head wildly, felt glittering tears split, trailing hot down your cheekbones at the motion.
“Sounds so so good Levi.” You wailed, body coiled so tight you could feel your thigh muscles tensed and cramping.
Thoughtlessly, you kept your gaze fixed on Erwin's face, fraying mind lightly entranced by the stormy sea of blind, unabashed desire swirling behind his lashes.
“Can I come Sir? Pleasepleaseplease.” The words came out a babble of sounds, nestled between a slur of weak little moans.
Erwin's eyes locked on yours, lips parted almost habitually to respond, before he watched your face glaze over, frozen as you listened intently to the words traveling down the phone line.
Suddenly your eyes were screwed shut, head tilted to chase the velvet voice in your ear, pressing so hard it’s a wonder you didn’t crack the screen. Erwin’s eyes caught on your fingers where they were wrapped tight around the phone in an iron grip, tracking the metal of your wedding band glittering in the low light as you shook.
Whatever Levi whispered to you, in the next breath you were writhing, back arched off the mattress, spine curled into a breathtaking arch over the smooth threaded sheets as you came undone.
Erwin couldn’t help but smile a little as he watched you convulse, wrist not ceasing it’s unrelenting pump until you were crying out a babbled slur of a prayer amongst his and Levi’s names, your feet and fingers curled over the bed, desperately pushing yourself away from the incessant thrum of the vibrator.
When Erwin finally released you, slipped the toy out with a 'click', and the buzzing vibration ceased, you felt weightless. Entirely boneless as you lay collapsed on the feather soft mattress, head tilted so far to the side you could smell the crisp, clean softener Levi used, remnants of his cologne weaved like threads of gold through the fabric. You closed your eyes, rubbed your fevered cheek slowly over the comforter.
“That’s the way, such a good girl.”
Levi’s praise slipped through the cracks, a sweet balm over your quietening, frayed mind. The sound of his voice alongside his mellow scent made your chest ache, a little needle of yearning piercing the soft flesh.
“Need you to check one more thing for me before you go to sleep sweetheart, can you do that for me?”
“Mhmm.” You hummed in response, licked your drying lips.
“Tell me, is he hard?”
You cracked an eye open, head tilted straight and craned forward to lazily track Erwin’s movement as he disappeared into the darkness of the bathroom. The distinct sound of running water began, before he appeared in the doorway once more and set about tidying the room, flicking the bathroom light as he exited, your cleaned pink toy still gripped in his hand.
You blinked slowly a few times, trying to shed the sleepy pleasure induced veil from over your eyes. Hazy vision trailed over his form, over soft, loose blond strands, down to where he was obviously hard and straining against his sleep pants.
You swallowed, pressed your sticky thighs together tight.
“Yes.” You breathed into the phone.
You didn’t need to be there in person to know that Levi was smiling ear to ear. It was obvious in the way his smooth voice curled up that he was pleased.
“Good. Go clean up now.”
You hummed in response, eyes fluttering closed once more as you absentmindedly swung your legs over to the side of the mattress, heard Erwin’s slow footfalls as he approached, big warm hands already sliding beneath your searing skin, ready to tug you up.
Limp in Erwin’s arms, you couldn’t find the strength to vocalize a response, mumbling a half coherent string of words into the phone as the warm, steaming air of the bathroom hit your bare flesh.
The running water was soothing, and you breathed in the clean, soapy air slow, sighing contentedly as Erwin perched you on the edge of the bubbling tub, waiting for the water to cool.
got myself a little something on the brain, walk with me..
cw: mild power dynamics, eruri, cuckolding/voyeurism, size difference, no prep, no condom, creampie, slight pain, hint of objectification/dehumanisation, praise, gn!reader
Imagine being the commanders personal little assistant. always at his every whim and wish, knowing what he wants before he even says it and making sure the man gets it, after all one of humanities smartest and strongest soldiers shouldn't have to think of these things himself, especially not when the weight of the world is already resting on his shoulders. coming into his office with a little tray, carrying two cups of tea and a bit of bread because you know he hasnt eaten since Levi had put the mountain of paperwork on his desk. he glances up when you offer him the tray, a quiet, relieved sigh escaping his lips while grabbing one of the mugs and a bite to eat, letting you turn around to the captain sat in the armchair in the corner.
he gave you a quiet hum as he took his cup, leaning back into the soft fabric that probably already had an indent from how many nights he had been sat there to watch erwin do his work, give him advice when he was stuck on something, or just to keep him company during long nights. you placed the tray down on the little side table next to the chair before turning back to the blond, quietly asking if everything was okay. you could see the stress on his face, brows furrowed and hair ever so slightly dishevelled, the question drawing a quiet huff from levi. "he's getting in his head again." he answered for him, earning a gentle glare from the other man. you sighed softly, you had a hunch that this was gonna happen, he just didn't know when to quit; whether it was on the battlefield or in the privacy of his own four walls. "you should help him relax a bit, don't you think?" you met his eyes, and immediately knew it wasnt a question but a order, something that he had certainly not just thought about right now, something you were more than willing to oblige to.
"Commader?" you turned to him with a questioning look on your face, meeting the blue eyes that were wandering over your body already. it took him a second to realise what the two of you were suggesting, he acted like this was something new and out of the ordinary every time it happened. he put his pent down slowly, clearing his throat as he leaned back against the chair that seemed far too small for his large frame.
"..i suppose I could do with a break." his voice was quiet and low, so unlike what you were used to on the battlefield. an immediate rush of nerves and excitement washed over you as you walked closer to him, ignoring the captains eyes burning into your backside as you made your way between erwin and the desk. you stood between his spread legs, thick thighs lightly brushing against yours as he put one hand on your hip. "you known don't have to do this, right?" he murmured, looking up at you through his lashes as if you'd ever say no to this.
"I know." you hummed softly, putting your hand onto his, feeling the rough skin over gently. he gave you a quiet, approving hum before exchanging glances with the other man behind you, you knew exactly that they were 'talking' again, luckily something you were used to by now. it took a few seconds of silence before his attention was back on you, moving you with a firm, yet gentle grip. before you even knew it he had you bent over the desk, stomach resting on the hard wood, his desk just high enough to make you have to stand on your tiptoes. big hands wandered over your sides, gently untugging the white button up from your pants before letting his fingertips brush over the small of your back, down to the hem of your pants. without opening them he pulled them down to pool around your knees, right alongside your underwear.
"I missed this." erwins voice carried longing and a hint of amusement, lightly gripping the fat of your asscheek with a quiet groan. he couldn't help but chuckle softly at the gasp that escaped your lips at the touch, giving the flesh a slightly harder squeeze. "has it really been that long or are you just a bit sensitive?" he teased quietly, making the heat rise to your cheeks, even more than the captains watchful eyes resting on your expression, as if he was observing your reactions. "need to stop neglecting you for work."
"I think you can hardly call this neglecting." Levi chimed in, one leg crossed over the other, head resting on one of his hands.
"but it has been a while." the commander responded with a hum, acting as if he wasnt currently feeling you up with one hand, while the other casually undid his belt, brushing over his bulge.
"it has barely been a week, Erwin." The other man's tone carried the slightest hint of amusement, even if his face betrayed nothing like it.
"that's what I'm saying." you jumped when you felt the thick tip brushing against your hole, the feeling far too familiar despite getting it far too little for your own taste. he glanced down at you, merely coating his length in his own spit with a few lazy pumps, sighing in satisfaction. "and I'm sure you'd agree, wouldn't you?" he hummed, tilting his head down at you while his free hand spread you open ever so slightly. the quiet gasp, followed by the frantic nodding drew a quiet chuckle from the blonde, yet he didn't give you any answer before lightly pressing up against you until the head popped inside.
"commander-" your voice was breathy and cut off, nails digging into the wooden desk you were pressed into. your face scrunched up with a mix of pleasure and slight pain from the stretch, as if it wasn't enough that he didn't bother to prep you a little, the sheer size of him made it both worse and better.
"I know, I know. deep breath." the words weren't even a command at this point, seeping with faux sympathy that told you that he got a sick joy from feeling you clamp down around him with nowhere to escape to. erwin didnt even bottom out before he started thrusting into you, wanting to keep you on edge at least a little bit before he made you see stars. the rhythm he set was slow at first, big hands holding onto your hips tight enough to make sure you'd feel sore once he was done with you - and to make sure you couldn't squirm away from him when he finally started fucking you properly, after a subtle nod from the captain.
his thrusts suddenly became faster and deeper, taking a few thrusts before his hips slapped against your ass in a rough motion, heavy balls hitting your thighs lightly and making sure you felt just how deep he was trying to reach. the moans that were already falling from your lips grew louder, your fingers already hurting from how hard you had to hold onto his desk. every thrust knocked the air out of your lungs, bringing crocodile tears to your eyes that were threatening to spill over your cheeks. you opened your eyes to try and blink some of the tears away, just to be met with Levi's cold stare. something about him watching you being ruined with something close to indifference, yet still so attentive, making sure you knew you had his undivided attention.
"don't look at him, he won't help you dove.." you felt erwins large chest pressing against your back suddenly, hot breath tickling your ear and making you shudder. the sound that escaped your throat was a wince, sounding almost pathetic with it. you blinked up at the captain with furrowed brows, the weight on top of you pressing you down harder and making you even prettier to look at; if it wasnt for his almost uncanny talent to hide his emotions you'd know just how much he had been craving seeing you like this again. "he's enjoying it too much to help you. he likes seeing you in pain. likes seeing you suffer. dont you?" Erwin finally lifted his head, glancing at the other man through his lashes, barely able to conceal his own pleasure.
"..." ther younger man stared back at him silently, but it was more than enough to tell you that he was right, he did enjoy seeing you like this far more than he was letting on, even if saying it was just the blond shifting the blame for doing this to you. "you should hurry up, Commander, I think your plaything's close to falling apart." the pet name made you clench harder around the fat cock stretching you open, drawing another chuckle from erwin. he knew that he was right, but in the same breath it didn't really matter if you were already done, he was the one who decided when he would stop. "poor thing. you can barely handle him, can you? he's tearing you apart." the sick pleasure he was getting from this was painfully obvious in his voice, only making the knot in your stomach grow tighter. you nodded as good as you still could, sweat beading on your forehead from the effort of trying to hold off your high, fully aware that it would just make you so much more sensitive than you already were - and yet it was all for nothing when it still came crashing down on you. both their eyes were glued to you, almost inspecting you with clinical interest, wanting to see how you were holding up right now.
"that's good, absolutely beautiful.." erwin muttered lowly, his voice starting to strain from effort. he really did want to hold back just to torture you a little longer, but the way you were trembling underneath him, your heavy breathing and the first few tears running down your hot cheeks pushed him closer than he'd like. he let his head hang forward for a moment as his panting grew heavier, hold on you tightening enough to make you whimper.
"feeling weak?" Levi's voice was just a hint challenging, making the other man lift his head just enough to look at him. he stared back, quietly sipping on his tea. the eye contact made erwin worse, hips stuttering slightly as he got closer. Levi didn't have to say anything more to him, merely cocking his head slightly was enough to push the other man over the edge.
a quiet string of curses left his lips as he came, trying to pull back quick enough to pull out, but the way you were clenching around him made it impossible for him to do it without hurting you accidentally. a soft gasp left your lips when you felt the hot rush inside you, eyes widening at the foreign feeling. it took a few more long moments before you actually relaxed enough to let him pull out with a quiet pop, your aching hole gaping slightly while he let himself fall back down onto his desk chair. "christ.." he took a deep breath before looking back to you, a slight smirk playing on his lips upon seeing his cum dribbling out of you; glancing over at levi with satisfaction. "you should take a look too. its an even prettier sight than usual."
His naked chest pressed to your back, your legs tantalizingly splayed open, feet tucked to the sides of his muscular thighs. You were embraced almost lovingly, neck twisted to the side to meet Erwin’s lips gently with your own, trading kisses over and over. The spare inch of his length that wasn’t buried deep inside your cunt glistened wet from your combined arousal—dripping from your spread lips down to his heavy balls.
Levi’s presence did not startle either of you. Eyes gazing deep into each other’s as you traded one last kiss. Erwin’s heavy stare slid over to him. Only a dark blue ring surrounded his blown pupils.
You both were so beautiful. Now, he wasn’t the fanciful type, but sometimes Levi wished he possessed a poet’s gift, just to show his loves how much they glowed in his eyes. How willing he was to tear down the strongest walls at the lift of one finger.
No, instead, he was more adept at expressing his desire through his actions.
And as he lowered between Erwin’s spread knees, licking his lips and staring where you were joined, he had an inkling of how to paint the picture.
Levi and Erwin are such polar opposites, both to each other and within their professional and intimate lives.
Levi is harsh, he demands perfection from both himself and others and he offers very little wiggle room. His humor is dry and sparse, and very few people can make him laugh. His foreplay is the same. He’s merciless in the bedroom, quick to punish and slow to praise; as long as you haven’t touched him yet.
BUT
As soon as he gets inside you he absolutely melts. He almost feels like he has to make up for his harshness . He’s passionate and loving, while still being gently in charge but he wants to fuck you slowly, intimately. You’re so sweet and you feel so good like this, squeezing the most intimate parts of him that he can’t help but savor every second.
Erwin on the other hand, is much friendlier. His smile is easy and open. He’s a serious man to be sure but always calm and measured. He’s the perfect diplomat and gentleman. Smoothing over conflict, opening the door for you, paying for dinner without being asked. In the bedroom it’s the same. He knows he cuts an intimidating figure and he does what he can to counteract that; kissing you slow, touching you gently, whispering sweet words in your ear as you come apart.
BUT
As soon as he starts to sink in his resolve unravels. He fucks hard, thrusts that feel like they’re lighting up your spine. He can’t help himself, not when you feel like this; so warm and tight, like you’re strangling him. As soon as you accommodate to his size he fucks like an animal, so unlike his professional persona. It’s like he has to make up for his aggression in the bedroom with extremely soft romance.
Warnings/Tags: Reader is always going through it so there's that, Also Kissing (finally), Oh and Angry Erwin (his sexiest form)
Word Count: 8.8k
song(s) for the chapter: go easy, kid by monica martin & hate to be lame by lizzy mcalpine
chapter ix | chapter x | chapter xi
Under any other circumstance, you would be fine. Cool as a cucumber. You have done the whole dress up charade before. Since Onyankopon was in the music industry, a night in a fancy dress with too high heels and pretty jewelry became a normal occurrence. But this time. This night, as you stood in the mirror staring at your reflection, you couldn’t help but feel nervous and a touch shaky. You didn’t look bad by any means. In fact, you would venture out and say you looked quite beautiful. This particular shade of red complimented your complexion elegantly and the style of the gown fit you like a glove. It clung to all the right places while also smoothing out the rest. It was a dress that seemed to be made with you in mind.
But suddenly and without warning, you couldn’t shake the feeling that this was too much. The strappy black heels, the gold dangling earrings, and the complicated updo you spent far too much time on. You were uncomfortable. And, ironically enough, it seemed to stem from a strong sense of insecurity.
You couldn’t really remember the last time you felt so outwardly insecure. It could be that this was your first formal work event at this job. Or the fact that this was the first time you were truly dressing up since the break up. Or even–and probably the most relevant– was the other fact that you seemed to have two dates tonight. Who were bound to be knocking at your door any second and you still hadn’t applied your lipstick.
But two dates wasn’t the problem. It was who they were. What they meant to you. It was clear to you that this friendship had effectively surpassed the shallow waters of platonic companionship. It was obvious that you definitely, positively, irrevocably fell in love with them.
Falling in love, the act, was always accompanied with self-doubt. It was the free falling through endless skies that seemed to shift between day and night, light and dark, without any idea of when you would finally touch the ground that was the most terrifying. Because the ground was hard, firm. And without anyone to catch you, it almost always felt like death when you inevitably hit it.
You were so lost in the trance of your reflection and the paralyzing thoughts of your insecurities that you didn’t hear them approach the door like you typically did. So when they unlocked the front door and entered your eerily silent home, you nearly jumped out of your skin when Erwin stepped through the open door of your bedroom.
“Holy shit!” You screamed, your hand flying to your chest and the other flew out to brace you against your dresser to keep you from actually falling to the floor. Which would’ve been embarrassing to say the least.
“Did you not hear us come in?” Erwin said, doubled over in laughter from what you were sure was an absolutely outrageous reaction.
“No,” you huffed out, a blush already forming at your cheeks. “I was too busy looking at myself.”
“I don’t blame you,” he took a step in your direction, hand reaching out to grab yours and lifting your arm above your head to gesture for you to spin for him. “You look incredible.”
“You think so?” You said, trying to play your insecurity off as a joke, but you were too vulnerable to pass it off as anything else. But before he could answer, Levi walked in. He was in the middle of adjusting the button on his shirt sleeve when he looked over at you. His eyes traveled from your shoes, lingered on the fabric that sat hanging around your neck, and then finally his gaze touched your face. He smiled warmly. Which for some reason or another you hadn’t expected.
The clear affection made you look away. And now of all things, you were feeling shy. It was very much a regression in your eyes and you wanted to scream at how absurd you were acting. Suddenly you were 17 all over again and sending up silent prayers that the boy you liked actually liked you back. The confidence you earned with age was waning rather rapidly in their presence.
“Wow,” he said, nodding as if he was also agreeing with himself. “Very pretty,” he added with that same small, appreciative smile that made butterflies flutter recklessly in your stomach.
“And I haven’t even put my lipstick on yet,” you deflected with a coy smile before hurrying into your bathroom to breathe for a moment. Your hand was trembling slightly as you added the red lipstick, but when you scrutinized yourself in the mirror again it was strange. You looked so different. Almost unrecognizable. It has officially been over a year since you moved to this city. And while you felt different internally, those differences seemed to quickly manifest externally. There was this undeniable glow about you. Even a cliche sparkle to your eyes that wasn’t there before.
You were a woman in love. And that alone made your palms sweat and your pulse thump carelessly in your neck. You were in the midst of a love that very well could be unrequited. But it didn’t stop that love from blossoming nonetheless.
“How long does it take to put lipstick on?” Erwin asked, reclining against the doorframe as you looked at each other through the mirror. His smile was lazy when your eyes met in the reflection and his posture was comfortable. As if merely being in your presence was enough to award him solace.
“You can’t rush perfection, Erwin,” you flirted back, attempting to regain some of that errant confidence you swore you had at some point before the last ten minutes. You then made an effort to fix the outline of red on your bottom lip with your pinky to emphasize your point.
“I sure as hell can when you rush me all the time,” he responded with a playful scoff to punctuate his point.
“Oh and you’re so perfect?” You laughed, sliding the cap back onto your lipstick before turning to face him instead of continuing this conversation through the mirror. But you hadn’t realized how close the door was to the sink, so when you turned you were met with an Erwin that was a good three inches shorter than he typically was since he was leaning against the door at such a drastic angle. While you were a solid three and a half inches taller in the heels you were wearing. This was the closest your faces have ever been to each other while standing up. Your eyes involuntarily drifted to his lips for a split second, but when you tore them away to look into his eyes instead, you found that he was unabashedly staring at yours.
“That color looks really good on you,” he said in a breathy whisper and you fought the urge to roll your lips together because you would smear the color and have to redo them. You also fought the urge to kiss him because no one has ever looked at your lips as reverently as Erwin was right then and there. It was pure seduction and you were surprised your knees didn’t buckle under the weight of his stare.
“It really completes the look, doesn’t it?”
“Mhmm.” His nod of confirmation was almost imperceptible. The bathroom suddenly felt much, much smaller than it ever had before. There wasn’t enough space between the two of you. Not enough to breathe and certainly not enough to think. Your lips parted but all you were capable of releasing was a tiny puff of air. For a moment you even stopped breathing from how violently charged the energy was between the two of you.
Without any conscious volition, your hand rose. Your fingers found the crisp texture of his white button up and you could feel the warm firmness of his chest beneath your palm. You could feel his eyes track your movements predatorily, your pulse ran wildly in your throat and chest and wrist. And you took a step towards him, invading his space and practically bathing in his cologne. Your eyes fluttered shut briefly just to indulge in the scene because it didn’t feel real and it was easier to convince yourself of a delusion your hopelessly romantic heart would create rather than burst your bubble with the reality that this all could be one sided. And that for them, this was friendship.
“We should get going,” you said, eyes blinking back open to peer up at him.
“What?” His eyes skittered across the features of your face. Confusion, however naive or innocent it may have been, was evident on his face when his blue eyes finally found yours.
“We’ll be late if we don’t leave soon,” you explained gently, regret beginning to crawl its way up your arm and into your chest. “I’m sure Levi is starting to pace in the living room,” you added with a small laugh while gingerly pushing Erwin away from you. The distance made the fog start to clear up and your heart, while still palpitating beneath your breast, began to ease. He nodded again and when you looked up at him, eyes searching his, you weren’t too sure at what you were seeing in them. And you didn’t have the time nor energy to decipher it for fear of hurting your own feelings with an answer you wouldn’t like.
You didn’t look back at him as you walked out of the bedroom and you kept your head down when you saw Levi standing at the window in your living room talking on the phone. When he heard your heels tapping on the floor, he said a hasty goodbye to whoever he was speaking to and his gaze burned against your body. Oddly, you felt like exposed wires and if both of them kept up whatever searing looks they shared with each other and subsequently you, your body would suddenly burst into flames.
It was easy enough to deduce that there was a very palpable and tangible attraction between the three of you. That was especially evident in the car ride to the venue where the tension was the thickest it had ever been. The air, while perfumed with a blend of your fragrances, smelled distinctly of lust. As if Aphrodite herself was misting the air with whatever godly essence she had at her disposal.
You sat tensely in the backseat as you attempted not to fidget with your jewelry and failed. There were electric sparks twitching through your fingertips and your knee bounced slightly as you kept your gaze fixed on the scenery blurring past your window. It was only a fifteen minute drive. But eternity wanted to make herself relevant that evening, so she wedged herself in between the seconds of time and stretched them infinitely.
No words were spoken the entire way besides Erwin muttering under his breath about some song that began to play before he turned the radio off completely. Levi was typically quiet so this wasn’t out of the norm for him. But you, your senses were dialed all the way up. Colors were brighter, smells were stronger, sounds were louder.
Maybe you were overstimulated. Maybe you couldn’t handle what was actually brewing in your previously nonexistent love life. Maybe you weren’t ready.
The love was there. The love filled your heart so powerfully you were sure you could drown in its shores. But what if the love wasn’t enough and you were still too broken to accept anything more than silent yearning and painful moments of faux intimacy?
What if you were no longer worthy of the love that was right in front of you? It was easier to convince yourself that you weren’t enough now then get heartbroken later.
Erwin pulled up in front of the venue. It was being hosted in one of the fancy hotels downtown that Moblit was stressfully able to secure after the last venue canceled at the last minute due to double booking the space. Before you could get out of the car, Levi had already opened the door for you. You heard Erwin call out that he would meet you two up there while he found parking, but it was all so distant and muddled in your brain because you were too in your head about everything.
“You alright?” Levi said, leaning in close so the words were said directly into your ear. He was shorter than you when you wore your heels, so when you glanced over at him your eyes had to look down. You bit the inside of your cheek as you nodded, your skin goosebumping despite the warmth of the evening.
“Yeah,” you cleared your throat as you slipped your hand through the crook of his elbow, “just nervous, I think.”
“About?” He asked, guiding you through the glass doors of the hotel and straight into the chilly lobby. It was grander than you expected, the ceiling light years above you and adorned with twinkling chandeliers and elegant arches. It gave the impression of old money and status. Probably because it was one of the oldest buildings in the city, but to say you were stuck in a state of admiration was an understatement. There weren’t buildings like this back home. The architecture, in all of its artful integrity, made you oddly nostalgic for something you never had experienced before. And the ambience alone only added to the air of romanticism that draped over your evening. It was getting more difficult to deny that this night meant more to the three of you than you would care to admit.
Levi tugged gently at your arm, reminding you that you had to continue to walk, but also that he asked you a question. When you turned to him he was already looking at you with clear amusement and the slightest of smiles pulling at the corners of his lips. You smiled back sheepishly, that annoying shyness returning to your body without your consent.
“Sorry,” you replied, allowing him to pull you to an elevator that led to the rooftop where the fundraiser was being hosted. “I just don’t want to screw this up.”
You were purposefully vague in your answer. And you had a strong sense that Levi knew that, which was why he didn’t press you further on the issue. That was what you appreciated most about him. He was someone who allowed you to sit in silence beside him without the pressure of feeling like you had to explain yourself. Levi knew that when you were ready you would talk to him. You just weren’t sure when or if you ever would be ready.
Luckily, some being unknown to you seemed to be watching over you because as soon as you stepped foot onto that beautifully decorated rooftop, sleek with modern detailing that stood as a drastic juxtaposition to the rest of the hotel, your hand was clasped between an excited Hange’s as they word vomited the last three hours of their life to you.
“Well, thank you for the rundown, Hange,” you laughed, stepping away from Levi and finding that the air wasn’t as dizzying when you weren’t wrapped in his cologne. “And you look great by the way.”
“Me?” They practically squeaked out, “look at you! You look so stunning, I can’t believe I picked this out.”
“You’ve always had a good, if not wandering eye, my love,” Moblit responded, leaning over to kiss their cheek as he moved over to greet you with a steady hug and warm smile. You were beginning to feel more overwhelmed than you anticipated you would be. The air, even though you were outdoors, was stifling. It was a warm night, but not enough to have you choking inaudibly at every inhale. Your mind and body were torn between immense gratitude that after what could be such a short amount of time you found a group of people that you could no longer imagine life without and the growing dread that somehow, someway you would fuck this up. Life shouldn’t just go on, but it does. Love shouldn’t have just found you again, but it did. And you knew better than anyone that time and the future and all of its vast uncertainties waited for no one.
So, as you watched Levi and Erwin mingle through the crowd. As you stood and conversed with Pixis about how much of a great addition you were to the staff. As your eyes scanned over the people around you, halting at Historia and her girlfriend, Ymir, Marco and Jean, Moblit and Hange. And finally, Levi and Erwin.
The loneliness that you hadn’t felt in so long crept its way through your body. It scraped against your bones and clotted your bloodstream. Your heart thumped too quickly, but also stopped all together. You were going to ruin this. It hit you like a brick of certainty straight over the head and nearly enough to render you unconscious.
You smiled at Erwin through the panic when his eyes found you across the rooftop. There was a momentary look of concern that you knew was a result of your shaky disposition, but you waved him off trying your best to reassure him that you were fine. You held up your glass of barely sipped chardonnay and tipped it his way to silently cheers him. He responded in kind with his glass of whiskey. And that small gesture should have been enough to quell your nerves. To let you know that no matter how alone you felt, you never truly were. But the music continued to play and couples began to filter towards the small makeshift dance floor and when you saw Erwin slip his hand into Levi’s to drag him to an outside corner of the floor to dance with him, envy coiled around your limbs. Its python-like grip held you in a vice that you knew you didn’t have the capacity to escape from. All you knew was the bright red exit sign glaring at you and your instinct to flee. There was no fight in you. You had to run like you always did. If not, the snake of jealousy would surely squeeze you to death. And unfortunately you weren’t ready to die.
So, as they danced you downed the rest of your drink and headed for the exit. You were nearly to the door when someone caught your arm. The heavy hand startled you where their fingers held onto your forearm.
“Are you okay?” Moblit asked, his grip loosening when you turned around to look up at him. Concern. It was there, reflecting beautifully across his irises, and knowing. He always seemed to see right through you and yet you still chose to lie to him. You squared your shoulders, smiled faintly, and said, “of course! I was just heading to the bathroom to cool off for a bit. It’s a little warm up here.”
He ignored the goosebumps that blossomed across your skin and the way you took a teetering step away from his body. He ignored the look of panic he surely saw plastered across your face beneath the mask you wore. However cracked or faded it may have been. And he let you leave. He watched as you walked towards the elevator and practically punched a hole into the button with your forefinger. Your mind was swimming with insecurities and fright and heart wrenching anxiety. You didn’t spare him or anyone a backwards glance as you stepped through the opening doors and pulled your phone out of your purse to order yourself an Uber.
Your vision was blurring and you knew tears were traitorously gathering in your lash line, but you swallowed them down. It wasn’t the time to fall apart. Maybe once you got home, to the familiarity of your belongings, you could find comfort in the loneliness that was starting to settle within you anew. The driver was only two minutes away and if you were lucky that was enough time not to raise any suspicions because you couldn’t explain your actions let alone your feelings to anyone without admitting how you were stupid enough to fall in love with your best friends.
The sound of your heels on clean tile guided you through the lobby. It was the only sound to truly permeate the volume of your racing heart and screeching thoughts. There was a vibration coursing through you, one that thrummed harsher the longer you stood on the pavement and waited for the uber to arrive. When a black Nissan Sentra pulled up to the curb you didn’t think twice before opening the backseat door, which was dumb, but you didn’t have room to think about anything other than getting home as soon as possible.
“Ma’am, can you confirm your name please?” The driver said, angled slightly in his seat to look back at you. You cleared your throat before giving him your name, grateful that this was indeed your ride and you didn’t jump into the wrong car. Which would’ve been a much too late realization since you would have already gotten yourself voluntarily kidnapped.
“Thank you,” you called out over your shoulder as he stopped in front of your home a few minutes later. Your palms were beginning to sweat from the way you were wringing your fingers in your lap the entire drive over. It was as if your body had too much energy coursing through it while also feeling completely drained.
You were exhausted but knew you wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon. Your heels were the first to go when you entered your house, and next the bobby pins that held up your hair as you tossed them on the coffee table the further you walked inside. Your fingers immediately kneaded at your scalp in the hopes that it would relieve some of the pressure building inside your skull, but you knew it was hopeless when the stress only stacked higher in your chest. Guilt clawed its way through you again. Guilt for leaving Levi and Erwin wordlessly at an event you invited them to and guilt for even loving them as anything more than a friend.
You braced your hands on the edge of the island as you tried to regulate your breathing and clear your mind from all the muddled thoughts plaguing you. Nothing was coherent. It was all irrational and blinding and you knew that if you didn’t get it together soon you’d be losing everything you built over the last year. And that wasn’t an option. Because you loved your home, your job, your annoyingly perceptive coworker, and most of all your stupidly handsome and considerate neighbors.
You released a groan of frustration, the heels of your palms pressed into your closed eyes to keep the burning sensation from producing actual tears. Because there was nothing to cry over. Yet, anyways. You simply had to speak with them and maybe talking out loud about your feelings would resolve all the sickening turmoil swirling around your gut day in and day out.
Maybe you should pray. Maybe God or the universe or even whatever spirit guide was bestowed upon you in this life could offer you some insight on how to navigate this truly complicated situation you have somehow found yourself in but also managed to create. You reached an arm around to unzip your dress because the fabric was now clinging to you in a way that you didn’t like. In a way that was suffocating and invasive. But as you struggled to grip the zipper slider between your fingers the entire house seemed to shake with the force of whoever was knocking on your door. The banging stopped after three sharp knocks. Your heart and stomach seemed to swap places in your body as your heartbeat plummeted to your abdomen and acid rose to burn your chest. To say you were startled was an understatement. You were paralyzed with fear from the intrusion and as you slowly turned to face the door the banging resumed. This time it was accompanied by your name and a voice that sounded eerily like Erwin’s except this one was angry. Unfamiliar. The step you were prompted to take was halted midair when the realization struck that he was angry with you.
You didn’t think of that possibility when your spiral began. That your reaction to the overload of emotions brewing inside of you would hurt Erwin or Levi to the point of anger. Neither of them had ever been mad at you, so whatever was occurring or even about to occur was territory you had never ventured into. So, you hesitated.
“Open the door,” Erwin said through the door and you could vividly imagine the words spitting from between a clenched jaw and gritted teeth. It was rare that Erwin was ever angry and never so outwardly so. He preferred to contain his anger and redirect it elsewhere. Like work or running. But this was directed at you. Plain and simple.
Any anxiety that was coursing through you before was now swiftly replaced by distinct dread and child-like fear of being scolded. You didn’t want to open the door because you didn’t want to admit that you did anything wrong. But the guilt that followed you home said otherwise.
You opened the door. Erwin stood there with his hand braced on the doorframe and the other on his hip, his hair tousled and a mess, and the tie he wore was loosened and hung limply around his neck. You hated the way your body reacted to him. You hated how when his eyes, darkened with anger and glistening with hurt, met yours, your heart stuttered and a breathless ‘oh’ left your lips. You hated that even while seemingly livid with you, you couldn’t help but find him just as astonishingly beautiful as the day you met.
“Before I say what I really wanna say,” he started, inhaling deeply as he unclenched his jaw clearly restraining himself. “Are you okay?”
It wasn’t what you were expecting him to ask so all you could manage was a surprised blink, parted lips, and a stuttered exhale.
“Answer me,” he added with much less resolve and you had to take a physical step back to gather your thoughts.
“Y-yeah, I just,” you couldn’t come up with anything remotely convincing so you settled with, “I was feeling off.”
He scoffed incredulously as he stood at his full height forcing your head to follow. His gaze was practically predatory as he stepped over the threshold and into your home. Backing you into the wall that was at the entrance.
“You were feeling off,” he said slowly, ruminating over the words trying to decide where the truth was in that statement.
You nodded. He chuckled.
“Where’s Levi?” You asked in an attempt to divert some of the tension onto something else, someone else.
“Not sure,” he said, eyes still locked on you as you both stood rooted to the floor of your entryway. “Why’d you leave?”
“I wasn’t feeling well,” you scrambled for words.
“Why didn’t you tell me? We could’ve left,” he responded evenly, like it was the most sensible option. And it was, but an hour ago that option wasn’t viable.
“I-” you sighed trying to force words up your throat and out of your lips, “I didn’t wanna be a bother. You two were mingling and dancing and I didn’t wanna ruin that.”
“So you thought that leaving unannounced without saying goodbye without pulling me or Levi to let us know something was wrong wasn’t going to ruin that?” His voice rose towards the end of his question out of frustration you assumed, but you felt yourself growing defensive. Regardless of whether or not you were in the wrong, an anger that you knew was rooted in jealousy and falsely placed resentment was beginning to rival Erwin’s.
“No, Erwin, I didn’t think that-”
“Maybe that’s the problem! You didn’t think, you just left. Because if you really thought it through you would've come to me.” You walked away from him, needing to physically remove yourself from his overwhelming presence that you usually found such comfort in, but couldn’t bear at the moment.
“I couldn’t!” You shouted, unable to think straight anymore with every single emotion you’ve ever felt bubbling uncomfortably in your gut.
“Why?!” He was growing more agitated purely because he didn’t understand. Every time he tried to wrap his head around the decisions you made he couldn’t find a logical conclusion. “Do you not trust me?”
Your head reared back as if you had just been slapped. The hurt in his tone was evident, but you were mostly shocked by the mere idea that he would believe you didn’t trust him. After everything you all had been through together.
“Of course I trust you,” you said, voice broken and exhaustion seeping through every syllable.
“Then why do you keep running?” It was a valid question and one you’ve asked yourself more times than you could count. And even after all the contemplation, you still couldn’t come up with an answer that was satisfactory. Not to you and surely not to Erwin.
“Because,” you struggled to find the words. Erwin was looking at you so expectantly, so patiently yet you couldn’t arrange a coherent sentence in your mind that would constitute a normal response. Panic began to rise like bile in your throat. Your breathing hiccupped not once, but twice when you forced yourself to look at Erwin’s face.
The heart that you worked so hard on repairing was starting to crack. The honey that you tirelessly poured into every gash to piece it back together was starting to reveal itself as just a sticky mess. You were about to fall apart again but this time the only person to blame was yourself. Your insecurities and self doubt. Your fear and self-loathing. It was all you. Only you struck the match of sabotage and now there was a fire burning around you that you couldn’t put out.
“Because I-” Everything was stuck, your vocal chords were shrinking, your chest was tight and with blurred vision you swore that when you stared into Erwin’s eyes in desperation you found a love there that was so profound and deeply moving that your body swayed and your knees could no longer bear the weight of you.
His hands found your face before you sunk to the ground from weariness. His fingers were strong as they met at the back of your head and his thumbs were reassuring as they wiped what you could only assume were tears from your cheeks.
“I need you to stay with me,” he said reverently, “with Levi. We need you to get it together and stay.”
You swallow a sob. “I don’t think you understand what you’re asking of me.”
“I’m asking you to stay.” His grip tightened slightly against your cheeks and your breathing while still irregular became deeper, more natural. “We can stay like this. Like we have been for all this time or…”
His face drew nearer and for a second you thought it was something you were imagining. Something that you have imagined, countless times. A figment of your delusion that you swore would never be a reality. But then his nose touched the tip of yours. A gasp caught in your throat. And before you could begin to utter his name, his lips slotted between yours. Your eyes fluttered shut and everything that never made sense started to. Every question suddenly had an answer. The sticky sweet residue of a honey repaired heart was being wiped clean.
Your hands rose to grip the lapels of his suit jacket and for the first time in an abnormally long time, you leaned in. Trusted that if you fell, someone would catch you. Erwin’s lips became more insistent, his tongue gently slipped into your open mouth and you rose higher on your toes to be closer to him. You needed to be closer to him because he anchored you to this world. To this reality that you never thought would be within reach.
Then you thought of Levi and how he wasn’t here and how this moment felt wrong. Out of place. Your soles met the cold floor again and you took a staggering step away from the warmth and familiarity of Erwin’s embrace.
“We shouldn’t have done that.” Your fingers touched your kiss bitten lips with a twisted sort of awe. It was right. At least it felt that way. But you still shouldn’t have done it because he was your best friend and in a relationship with someone you loved so dearly. So, it must have been wrong.
“It’s okay.” Levi stood in the entrance of your home. The door was still open and the moonlight lit him up like a beacon. Your eyes, although they were still a bit watery, drank him in. He no longer wore his suit jacket and his shirt was unbuttoned enough for the open collar to expose his collarbones. He wore a faint blush on his cheeks but it was impossible to see the extent of it since you never bothered to turn on any lights when you arrived. You were guided solely by the alluring temptation of the moon’s gentle white light.
“Levi, I’m so s-sorry,” you stuttered out, eyes jumping between Erwin, who looked just as disheveled as you felt, and Levi.
“You don’t have to apologize.”
“No, but I do. We got carried away and we shouldn’t have done that,” you pointedly made that last remark at Erwin, whose lips were still painted red from your lipstick. While you felt the gravity of regret on your shoulders none of it was reflected in Erwin and of all things that gave you pause. He seemed just as self assured and confident as the day you met him under the serenity of that early spring morning.
“We’ve already talked about this,” he said, trying to close that distance between you again but you only retreated further into your living room.
“Already talked about what?”
“Us. The idea of us, at least,” Erwin said, but confusion still lingered on your face.
“I think we can all agree that it has felt different between us for quite some time now,” Levi said delicately. As if he was trying to soothe a cornered animal. You knew exactly what he meant. It’s felt different for you for months, but you never said anything because you weren’t about to look like a homewrecker or destroy a friendship that has been invaluable to you since you moved to this city. So, the frustration, in all of its wayward forms, was rumbling within you like the commencement of a volcanic eruption.
“If the two of you knew you had feelings for me…” Your mind was tracing back over all the moments that you thought you were reading too much into. The touching, the nearly kissing, the flirting. It was all so obvious, but you ignored it all because it only made you feel like you were dipping your toes into the deep waters of insanity. “If you talked about it, why not tell me?”
“We didn’t really know how.” Levi said.
“And we didn’t wanna scare you off,” Erwin added. Breathing was becoming foreign to you and the ground beneath your feet swayed in an unfamiliar way. You were almost frustrated by this confession. Nearly angry at this proclamation because while you sat in your feelings, alone and petrified at the idea of loss. Of losing them. They had each other. Their feelings and flirting seemed so easy to you because it was so much easier for them.
“I can’t do this,” you gasped, hands smoothing over your dress in a frantic move to try to soothe yourself.
“But-”
“Right now,” you added, interrupting Erwin when the clear look of hurt flashed across his features. “I’m- this is a lot and I think I need some time.”
“Do you not feel the same?” Levi asked, his voice hardening in an attempt to shield how upset he was.
“Of course I feel the same! It’s all I’ve been feeling for months, but until now I thought I was alone in that. Can you even begin to imagine the guilt I’ve been feeling the moment I realized I was in love with you?!” The words erupted from your chest and out your lips before you could consider using a bit more tact. But tact was for the patient and you ran out of that a long time ago.
“You two have had each other in this and you always will, but until two seconds ago I thought that my feelings would ruin us. I thought my love for you would end this and I couldn’t bear the idea of losing either of you so I left,” you rambled out the words in a single breath. Your heart raced and your skin grew clammy.
They both stood silently as you inhaled a breath far shakier than you intended. You hated the feeling of hopelessness that was building in your chest. It was aggravating. The lack of control you had was morphing every emotion you felt into anger and you didn’t want to continue this conversation angry. It would just cause everything to blow up and that was the last possible thing you wanted.
Levi said your name in a whisper so soft it was only heard because of how eerily quiet your home was. Not even the hum of the air conditioning filled the still air. When your eyes met his, you saw the emotional conflict you were positive was a reflection of your own features. It was starting to seem like you were dedicated to living a life where all you did was inflict heartbreak.
“I think we should continue this conversation tomorrow,” you said, voice thick with emotion but above all else, complete exhaustion. And when Levi took a step towards you in protest, you took one away from him.
“Ok,” Erwin cut in, his hand heavy on Levi’s shoulder. You could tell neither of them wanted to actually leave, but you weren’t really giving them an option. Your brain was muddled and your feelings were an absolute clusterfuck that you needed to untangle before you could even begin to express them to Levi and Erwin.
The door shut and the distinct sound of the lock turning into place served as a reminder that you were alone again. You intended to be alone. You technically wanted and even asked for it. But the cavity it left behind was a gruesome, bleeding hole right through where your heart was supposed to be.
Funnily enough though, you didn’t cry. You couldn’t really bring yourself to produce tears anymore. So that night, instead of sleeping, you laid restlessly staring at the moving blades of your ceiling fan until the sun peeked through the tiny sliver where your curtains didn’t quite meet. You laid there until your weekend alarm rang signalling that it was now eight o’clock in the morning. The floor was cold when your bare feet met it, but it didn’t bother you much. You were beginning to fear that if you continued to tear yourself away from endings that could award you happiness even if short lived, you would just end up numbing yourself to everything.
In an attempt to protect yourself from sadness, you had chosen again and again to dull whatever traces of happiness that came your way. It was dumb. And absolutely no way to live life. Even if all you were truly searching for was contentment.
You drank your coffee black that morning in some weird effort to punish yourself. Again, stupid. Because you hated black coffee. So, it then sat untouched after two pathetic sips in your sink. It wasn’t difficult to come to a decision, but you wanted to make sure your words were chosen carefully and articulately. There was no room for error. Even when you knew that with Erwin and Levi mistakes were easily forgiven when it came to you. But you were sure their patience would only last so long. So you gave yourself the afternoon.
The pier always seemed to call to you in moments like these. The wind was sharp even in the hottest months with the way it whipped at your clothes. There was the distinct smell of algae that the breeze carried that in a very odd way felt comforting to you. The horizon was endless except when the sun was setting. At that point, the water ended in a fiery blaze of pinks and oranges. It was beautiful and a gentle reminder that despite life’s hardships the sun will always set and waves will always lap at the earth’s shore.
It was your most indulgent form of escapism. It was where you decided to grow past the woes of your broken heart and begin anew. This decision, however, was not nearly as difficult to make. There was only one true option in your mind for you and even though that rational and annoying part of your brain questioned the logistics of entering a relationship that already had roots and branches and leaves that had fallen and grew back again. You were sure flowers even bloomed and died for them a million times over. It wasn’t a question of if you should take this chance, but how willing you were to give yourself away entirely.
Insecurities that you carried around for far longer than you cared to admit still mingled and nestled their way into your life. But you were tired of allowing them to dictate who you were and what love you were deserving of. Because in front of you, beside you, and surrounding you was a love being offered in its purest form. And in some comically ironic way, if you denied yourself that it would be the most selfish thing you ever did.
You took one last grounding breath before peeling yourself away from the railing that separated you from the water. It was resolute and for the first time in quite awhile, there was no doubt clouding your mind and obscuring your thoughts. It was as clear as the skies overhead and your heart wasn’t sitting heavily in your chest like you had become accustomed to.
On the way home, you stopped by the bakery you knew had the lemon cake Levi was so fond of. Then from there, you stopped by the grocery store to grab some white wine to accompany it. It almost felt like you were trying to impress them. Which brought a small smile to your face because you kind of were. And even though you had sat in their home and them in yours dozens of times before eating and drinking wine, you knew that the outcome of this one would be drastically different.
You thought of Erwin’s kiss as you rode the train through downtown and how even in a fit of such volatile emotions, his lips were earnest and tender as they pressed against yours. It annoyed you a little that that was how your first kiss went after so many nights imagining a hundred different scenarios. The passion was always there in the moments you allowed yourself to daydream, but there was none of that angry insecurity you seemed to harbor so closely to your chest last night.
It was a disservice to everyone the way you reacted, but you were grateful that when you knocked on their door, cake and wine in hand, Erwin greeted you. His hair was slightly messy like he never washed out the product from the night before. He also looked comfortable in a graphic t-shirt you knew wasn’t his, but Miche’s after he spilled a drink on his own shirt one night at the bar. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes like it usually did. And that sight alone had guilt creeping up your throat like bile.
“Can I come in?” You asked, shy and unsure.
“Yeah,” he said, voice scratchy from lack of use as he side stepped to let you through the door.
Their home smelled like freshly brewed coffee. Their drip machine still gurgled in the corner to indicate that a pot was ready. The air was tense despite the comfort you found in their space. And you walked over to the island, like you had done so many times before, with measured steps so as to not disturb whatever illusion of peace the atmosphere carried.
You heard Erwin’s footsteps retreat behind you and you assumed he was walking down the hall to get Levi. Suddenly, nerves washed over you like nausea on a swaying boat in the middle of the Atlantic. Your mouth filled with saliva yet your throat was too dry to swallow and all the words you carefully practiced in your head were gone. Not a single one remained and were instead replaced with a sprawling landscape of nothing.
Before you had the chance to come up with anything, you heard them return. It was Levi’s voice that broke the silence, but instead of turning around to face them you opened the box that held the lemon cake. Only twisting around to look at them once it was securely out of its container.
“I brought cake,” you offered meekly, hands gesturing to the small pastry on their island. The tension was so incredibly thick you felt like you might as well have been at the bottom of the ocean. The weight of being crushed by water would have probably been easier than this. Not to be dramatic.
“I see that,” Levi said, face serious and eyes skeptical as he looked between your awkward fidgeting and the cake beside you. You realized rather belatedly that they were not going to save you from this mess you created. They waited, Levi impatiently and Erwin impatiently amused. You could tell because he seemed to be enjoying the view of you squirming even though his lips were set in a thin line, his eyes told a wildly different story. You decided to rip off the bandaid.
“Maybe I freaked out a little last night,” you said, pathetic and a bit dismissively.
“Maybe?” Levi.
“A little?” Erwin.
“Ok fine. I definitely freaked out last night,” you amended, hands wringing together in front of you as you looked through the sliver of space between them. Your eyes drew up to the ceiling as you took a deep breath, stress and anxiety holding hands within your body.
“After I realized that I wanted more from this relationship than just friendship, I became almost obsessed with the idea of losing you,” you admitted, eyes still averted. “And I understand how dramatic that might sound, but my life here would be nothing without either of you in it so I settled. I settled for friends with this really weird undercurrent of sexual tension.”
You heard a breathy chuckle and when you looked over, you were surprised to see that it was Levi. His head was bowed and he was shaking it softly from one side to the other. There was a smile on his face that he attempted to hide from you. The sight baffled you. And it wasn’t like Levi never laughed.
“What’s so funny?” There was obvious petulance in your tone, you couldn’t help it. Stomping your proverbial foot.
“You,” he answered, looking up at you between the curtains of his bangs. “You’re funny. You’re also ridiculous. And occasionally irrational. Emotional-”
“Ok,” you interrupted, not appreciating the sudden onslaught of insults.
“And smart. Too smart to be this in denial about our situation.”
“I’m not a mind reader, Levi,” you huffed, annoyed now.
“And pretty, which makes it hard to ever stay mad at you even when I want to be.”
You blushed. Hot and fierce. It shouldn’t have been this easy to disarm you. But it clearly was. And now he was stepping closer to you and you couldn’t move. Not that you wanted to. It also was no longer a problem. You didn’t have to force space between you whenever tensions became too thick. Too unbearable.
You looked at Erwin over Levi’s shoulder. He winked. Your face grew hotter. Levi could surely feel the rise in your temperature whenever his hand lifted to cup your cheek.
“Can we just go back to normal now? You were starting to give me a stress headache,” he said, face closer than it had ever been.
“I think we’re actually in a weirder place than we started,” you responded, a whispered laugh punctuating your sentence with nerves.
“No,” he shook his head, smiling as his thumb moved to caress the apple of your cheek. “We’re exactly where we should’ve been months ago.”
Your eyes drifted to his lips. The same lips you almost kissed once before. You swallowed thickly. God, you wanted to kiss him so bad, but he was taking forever.
When your eyes lifted to look at him, he was already looking at you. His eyes were dark and he waited, as if awaiting your permission. He had it. He’s had it for such a long time. But maybe he needed something more. Something more explicit. But words were so useless to you from the moment you stepped into their home.
Instead your hands rose to hold his face, fingers feeling the short cropped hair at the back of his head. You didn’t want to wait anymore. You were so sick of waiting. Your whole life was spent just waiting. Wasting time. Mourning moments lost to the ticking hands of a clock.
So without thought or a morsel of apprehension you kissed him. His lips were soft and his mouth tasted of coffee. The world went fuzzy as your vision blacked out and all you could feel was him.
His free hand found your waist and he tugged you closer. He was so warm. His fingers felt hot as they drifted down your cheek to your neck. Sparks were everywhere. Skirting across your exposed skin. Rioting behind your eyelids.
Oh, the kiss was better than anything your imagination could ever conjure. It felt so right. Just like Erwin’s. It was perfect. And you hated how long it took you to take this leap. Your body fit so wonderfully against his.
Goosebumps. They erupted when his fingers somehow slipped beneath the hem of your t-shirt. You gasped. Touch-starved wouldn’t even begin to explain how deprived you have been.
“Ehem,” Erwin cleared his throat. The lusty, dense fog that hung over your kiss dissipated. You jolted away from Levi out of shock.
You forgot you were being watched. Your skin was far too hot. Your clothes were now constricting. And when you looked at Erwin, your fingers pressing against your lips, his eyes were darker than you’ve ever seen them. The blue was nearly gone, overtaken but his black pupils. And his ears were a deep scarlet.
Erwin looked relaxed but you knew he wasn’t. His shoulders were too tight. His breathing was too ragged. Uneven. He was barely restraining himself.
“I was thinking,” you started, voice roughened from an arousal that was erupting erratically beneath your skin. Levi was looking at you reverently. It shocked you because the furrow between his brows and the way his eyes narrowed could be mistaken for anger. But you knew better.
He wanted you. Your stomach twisted and your lips parted and something wild was rattling between your three bodies. Untamed.
“I was thinking,” you started again, looking down at the counter, eyes trained on the cake you brought. Your voice was wobbly, hands sweating.
“We should go on a date,” you said quickly, everything rushed out in a breath.
Erwin’s laugh boomed in the quiet of their home. It was loud, shocked, and his muscles eased. He nearly doubled over. The laughing was contagious. It struck Levi first, who’s hand rose to massage the bridge of his nose and his shoulders shook.
Your lips pursed to one side in an attempt not to join them. Unsure of what was so comical. But understanding that it effectively burst the bubble of desire that was surely about to kill you.
“We’ve been on a million dates,” Erwin said between chuckles.
“No,” you pointed at him with a light laugh of your own. “We’ve hung out as friends. Friends who lacked real boundaries but still friends.”
“What are we gonna do? Go to dinner?” He asked, taunting your suggestion. But all in good fun.
“No, not dinner,” you rolled your eyes. “Something different. Romantic.”
“Like what?” Levi asked, skeptical, face still red from kissing you.
“I’ll plan it.” You grabbed your bag that you dropped onto one of the barstools when you first arrived and slung it over your shoulder. Excitement shot through you. Raw; unbridled excitement. You wanted to do something silly. Like jump up and down. Or twirl in dizzying circles. Your smile nearly split your face.
Today's Cuppa is cuppalevi's feature fanfic recommendations.
See Cuppa Collections for list of fanfic recommendations.
june 09 2024
aside from this is a story of the sea by shinzouing this one easily made it to my top fave eruri x reader fics. ok, tbh, its just two lovers and this is a story of the sea that's on there but ykwim.
the gist is; levi and erwin already have an established relationship and erwin wanted to bring a woman into the mix. well we can pretty much guess who that is!
i recently reread this fic, actually— binged read it because i could not put my phone down. i came across this when i was looking for eruri x reader fanfics and i quite liked the premise so i decided why not. i was in for a ride.
i love the way feelingthorny portrays levi and erwin's personalities through their decisions and actions throughout the stories. especially in times of insecurity, self-doubt, and emotions. seeing the two of them and the reader come to terms with their feelings felt like someone dipped through my chest and squeezed at my heart.
to see how far they've come from the beginning up to the current chapter, their prior struggles were alleviated through helping one another learn about themselves and also JUST SOLID COMMUNICATION MAN.
and levi squad (god i miss them so much) very much felt like found family. they're all so tightly knitted and devoted to each other im crying.
dont get me started on the dialogue and the inner character thoughts. feelingthorny's flow of delivering the story, the characters, the actions— were oozing with descriptive devices akin to specific character traits as well as the environment.
personally, i also loved that reader in this fic, is a visual artist. the ability to draw brings such an importance to the kind of world they're living in, where anybody who is in the military can be gone in a blink of an eye. the talent to keep images of people in paper, is one ive always admired, being surrounded by friends who are visual artists as well.
amazing read for those eruri fans like myself who also wants to be sandwiched between the commander and the captain. is looking for yearning the kate and anthony kind, the steamy sex, and above all, the delight of discovering more of yourself through the companionship of others.
Kind: Series
Content: canonverse, polyamory, throuple, romance, pining, bisexual characters, pining, smut, threesome, see more on ao3
Status: Ongoing
𝙏𝙬𝙤 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨 by feelingthorny
It seems unreal when your Commander and your Captain suggest their bed might have room for another, but when the acts that were meant to be purely physical start to heal old wounds, the three of you wonder how any of you were surviving this whole time without the other two at your side.
