#erynamel

[agoldthatactuallystays]

I will always bet on self love, and that is not to be confused with conceit or arrogance. I am talking about love when I’m right, loved if I’m wrong and even more if I forgive. I want the world to see, what self love has done for me. The satisfaction I feel when I embrace like minded individuals, compares to no other world feeling. Because anyone who knows how to truly love has spent many lifetimes practicing on themselves.

Leaning in does not equate love. Learning how to decipher between codependency and resilency. Learning how to say “no”. Learning that saying “yes” is a wild card.

I will always bet on me, even when you act funny.

[agoldthatactuallystays]

Today I journaled about my early 20’s, unrequited love (& what my self worth had to do with it.)

Its no shocker that the woman many seek inspiration and idolize , live lives that are plagued by fear and heartbreak. Its a no brainer that beautiful women are often sought after and surprisngly unattended to emotionally. I have fought myself dim about my own beauty- projecting the insecurities of the lovers I have consented to love me, “but I never asked for this.” Is what I found myself saying anytime I felt sullen, invisible, discarded and just plain replaceable. The deep infliction of pain and regret that engorges the whole idea of love, I kept experiencing one after another.

One heartbreak

after another,

one married man,

after another,

one emotionally unavailable woman,

after another.

The cycle seemed paramount to my mission. I felt like they all deserved my love, whether it was right place, wrong life timing, or right person— wrong agenda. I had to take a look at myself and see that the love I was trying to show was an example of the honey I needed to pour into the black whole of my heart. The people I was running into were just as unavailable as I am, and it took a few knocks on my stubborn heart to realize, I too, deserved someone emotionally available. Just not before I became present with myself.

[agoldthatactuallystays]

when i choose to reveal

i am choosing to heal.

[agoldthatactuallystays]

OoOooOoo baby I like it Raw.

[agoldthatactuallystays]

Shout out to dream chasing. Even if I miss the mark, at least I'll die with these amazing legs belonging to me.

[agoldthatactuallystays]

Last time i went to New Orleans. I was encouraged by a friend to take photos. We had agreed vacation photos should be photo album and editorial magazine ready. Especially if you're going to post them. Well i didn't have the best time last time I went and I convinced myself NOLA didn't have much to offer me. But then I went again, and I dreamt of the same friend. Night crawlin Stripper loving French 25's And an iPhone I couldn't keep charged to save my life. The rest of the photos are hidden somewhere. But I made sure they were ready for print- or new eyes. Whichever opportunity comes first.

[agoldthatactuallystays]

If you've been following me a while you'll probably remember what my "life" consisted of before I became pregnant. Womanhood. Exploring my sensuality, growing feverishly in love and if you're still following me now, you'll feel this complete sense of "light" from my journey. I didn't have a plan, I had a lifetime full of dreams and I've been able to put the pieces together, in front of many of you. So you must know there are tears in my eyes over this announcement. My SOPHOMORE book, Moon Matter, will be released at a special meet and greet out there in #ATL. I'll be there giving out hugs, and choking on my own tears in between a few reading from the new book and raw and honest conversations with my sisters. If you're in 🍑 ATLANTA 🍑 and or surrounding cities, I'd really like to see you there. This is a dream manifested and I'm SO ready connect offline. Ask ya homegirl to come through too! Tickets to event RSVP in my bio. 👑 Thank you @mompreneurs_rock for the space to be free. It's going to be an amazing night! #MoonMatter #ErynAmel #WOCwriters

[agoldthatactuallystays]

Healing has been the topic of the year. Since I've decided it was necessary for my growth- it's been on the tip of my tongue. My participation is required for change. I've made a few selfish decisions in my life-- becoming comfortable with my past was the catalyst to welcoming in a new me. Redirecting my focus- pouring my heart into projects instead of projections honoring what is for me, releasing what isn't. It hasn't been easy- warm- or reflective in everything that I do. But it's moving in me daily now and I can't go back to who I use to be.