HE replaces her things before they are gone. makeup, phone charger, headphones? all replaced before she could even think about it. he remembers all the small inconvenience she mentions once and forgets.
HE’LL give her his card and leave it with her “just in case”, never actually checking if or what she spends on it.
ESDEE will constantly have packages coming in with clothes in her size. he buys them because he thinks she’ll look good in them - which she always does. but if she doesn’t like the item? it’s returned, with no hard feelings .
HE remembers the days he wasn’t able to pay for large expenses in one transaction. she was still with him way back then and didn’t make him feel bad about it. now, he pays for whatever either of them wants without even checking his card balance - which makes him even happier that it’s for her.
HE won’t ask what she wants for gifts - whether it’s christmas, her birthday, valentine’s day, etc. he already knows. he listens into the small things she’ll mention. he also sometimes goes through her tiktok or instagram reposts, making sure he gets her something she may have not mentioned to him.
EVERY expensive gift comes with something stupidly sentimental. whether it’s a hoodie or shirt frm one of your guys’ first dates or a small but cute handwritten note, she keeps and cherishes them.
ESDEE was super casual on christmas when he handed his girlfriend her gift. inside, there was a chloe paddington bag, the one she’s had her eye on for months. he loves watching her eyes sparkle and her face light up whenever she opens a designer gift from him.
HE’LL randomly book her spa, nail, or hair appointments, insisting she should take a day off for self care.
HE buys her gifts all the time, just because he wants to. his love language is definitely gift giving and doesn’t want his love to feel scheduled.
WHENEVER someone jokingly calls her spoiled, he says, “yeah. as she should be.”
ESDEE tells his girlfriend she deserves the life he can finally give her, especially because she loved him when he couldn’t.
a/n : IM SORRY I NEVER REALIZED THE REQ WAS AB CHRISTMAS I WOULDVE GOTTEN IT OUT EARLIER IF I REMEMBERED!!!!! but i highk wanted to do headcanons anyway. lmk what u guys think ab this!!! feel free to send me reqs, suggestions, comments, questions, and/or ANYTHING thru my inbox!!!! likes/reblogs are greatly appreciated <2 love yall!!
lmk if you want to be tagged in all my esdeekid fics/headcanons!!
b.g. : y/n, a musician herself, is introduced to esdee's music by one of her friends. following him on instagram sets off a spiral into something greater.
→
my masterlist - my taglist
a few days ago, my friend, ally, was in charge of the aux while were driving to the city.
she played some uk rap, the accent and beat of this particular artist causing my ears to perk up. it sounded cool, so i asked her who it was.
"esdeekid," she responded. "his shit is hard, you should tap in."
and so i did.
skipping to the present, i queue up a few of his most popular songs, the tracks titled 'phantom', 'lv sandals', and 'century'. i listen to them as i do my makeup.
'this shit is hard,' i think.
i also can't help but think that his accent is hot.
curious, i open up instagram, searching 'esdeekid'. i find his instagram, scrolling through a few of his posts.
he doesn't show his face, rather covering it with a ski mask. well so much for seeing if his voice matches his face.
without thinking, i click 'follow.' i close my phone, letting my speaker play whatever is next on my playlist.
i finish getting ready, before heading out with a few friends.
a few hours later, i get a notification. 'esdeekid started following you'.
i show ally, saying, "look, that guy you told me to listen to followed me back."
she replies, "oh so you did tap in? i really put you on."
i laugh it off, going back to whatever we were doing before.
about an hour passes. after hanging out with my friends, we obviously took cute pictures. i decide to post one to my story.
i add a caption to the picture: "fun night out with my girlssssss".
scrolling through the song options on instagram, i pick 'century' by esdeekid, just for shits and giggles.
'what if he sees it?' i think to myself, smiling softly as i select the beginning of the song for my story post.
looking over the post once more, i post it, tagging both ally and sarah in it.
shutting off my phone, i decide to call it a night.
a/n : ik i said this would come out on wednesday/thursday, but i started writing and decided to just finish this first part. its lowkey short but im just testing the waters to see if y'all like my writing style bc i deadass have not written fanfiction in like 6 years. lmk what u guys think! suggestions are welcome!! likes and reblogs are appreciated <2
b.g. : y/n, a musician herself, is introduced to esdee's music by one of her friends. following him on instagram sets off a spiral into something greater.
← →
my masterlist - my taglist
a few days later...
i'm currently in the studio, working on my new album. i've been working on it for a while, putting a lot of time into it. most of my songs are finalized except for a few.
i go on my phone, taking a break from the constant work. i open instagram, looking through stories. bored, i swipe over to the 'live' menu.
debating whether or not to share some of my new projects, i text ally.
y/n
yo
i want to go live and play some of my new songs
is it too early to do that or should i wait until its closer to when the album is dropping?
she responds quickly.
ally!
no i think u should
get some hype surrounding the new album 😛
y/n
betttt
alr im gonna go live
hope everyone likes it🤞
ally!
they will dw
i close our chat, reopening instagram. i go live, setting up my phone so im in the frame. i watch as people join and flood the chat.
"hey guys, how are we doing?" i say, grinning. "just waiting for some more people to join," i add.
i read the weird and crazy things people type into the chat. there's some messages like 'i'd do anything for u' and 'i wanna kiss u', while others beg me to drop.
i read them, a knowing smile on my lips, as the album is coming sooner than they think.
" 'i miss you' " i read. "i miss you guys too," i smile, "i want to see you all. its been too long since my last show."
i look up at the top of the screen, the viewer count being about 7 thousand people. that's good enough, i think to myself.
"alright guys. i've been working on some new stuff for a while. should i play some for y'all?" i ask.
the chat immediately blows up, everyone saying things like 'YES PLS' and 'WE'RE STARVING PLS FEED US'.
i grin wide, "oh so i should play something?" i tease.
the chat continues to flood with comments. reading one of the comments, i say, "so 'y/nseyeliner69' just said 'if you don't play anything i'll be angry', so i guess i have to play something for y'all." even more comments fill my screen.
looking at my computer, i look through a few of my songs. not knowing which song to play, i say "chat, pick 1 or 2." i add, "pick wisely." most people say 2, so i go to the song that i assigned 2 to. i smile, opening up the song file.
"alright so y'all chose 'fur coat'," i announce, starting the beginning of the song. i grin, reading the chat as the music plays, all the comments praising the unreleased song.
after about 30 seconds, i pause the song, stating "alright, that's all you guys are gonna get for now."
most of the messages are people begging for more, so i say, "nope, sorry guys. you guys are gonna have to wait. the album is closer than you think."
i then change directions, "ask me questions guys."
random questions are asked, from what my favorite food is, to the brand of my lipgloss.
one particular comment catches my eye.
" 'thought's on esdeekid?' " i read aloud.
"he's dope. i actually just started listening to him recently. his beats go hard." a few more comments follow up on my response.
" 'you should collab with him.' i mean y'all know im down for anything. that mix would lowkey be revolutionary," i joke, grinning.
i answer a few more questions before deciding to end the live.
"alright i'm gonna go now. i love you guys. and don't forget the album is coming soon," i say, winking into the camera before clicking the 'end live' button.
a few hours later...
now im just chilling at ally's house, passing a joint between the two of us.
i open tiktok, bored. i instantly see underground rap fan pages clipping scenes from my live. they clipped the part when i said that i'd be down to collab with esdeekid, the video getting about 1.5 million views.
i open the comments, most of them saying things like 'collab of the century.' i like a few of them and i repost the tiktok.
i show ally. "look," i point my screen towards her, "mad people are going crazy because i said i'd be down to collab with esdeekid."
she watches the tiktok, taking my phone to scroll through the comments. "you highkey should," she responds, giving my phone back to me, "your styles would mix well together. and then maybe you'd get to see what he looks like under that ski mask." she adds, grinning.
i laugh softly, "maybe. my album is pretty close to being finished, so i don't know if i'd want to delay its release."
our conversation continues from there, everything being said just high babble.
bored and going through my phone, i find some cool pictures that i want to post.
i haven't posted on instagram in a while and posting would add to the current wave of attention i'm recieving from my clipped live stream.
i select my three pictures, putting on a filter and posting them.
yourusername
liked by esdeekid, wakeupf1lthy, and 220k others
yourusername living life to it's fullest
view all comments
user WHEN R U DROPPINGGGGG
user wait i missed the live what happened
⤷ user she played some of her new song n said her album is on the way
user collab w esdeekid
allymiller my bitch so badddd 😍
⤷ yourusername you're the baddest tho
user so pretty!!
sarahwalker i miss u bsf
⤷ yourusername i miss u more sexy
esdeekid sick
♡ yourusername has liked this comment
a/n : part 2!! i hope u guys like this i think its cutesy! send any recs if u have them, either for this story or another one. lmk what u guys think of this part!! likes and reblogs are appreciated <22
b.g. : y/n, a musician herself, is introduced to esdee's music by one of her friends. following him on instagram sets off a spiral into something greater.
← →
my masterlist - my taglist
a few hours after i post on instagram, i notice esdeekid commented on my post.
'sick', it says.
plain.
simple.
not much to it.
so why does it matter to me a little more than it should?
whatever. i think too much. watch too much things online. i need to get a grip.
but,
a few minutes after seeing his comment and liking it, i receive a dm.
i was lowkey internally freaking out throughout the conversation.
it's just built up excitement from the new album. it has to be.
i don't even know this guy, or what he looks like.
honestly i haven't created music with another person in a long time, so it could be that.
i screenshot the entire conversation, obviously sending it right to ally.
a week later..
its 4 pm. i'm at my studio. my album is so close to being finished - just a few tweaks and i'm there.
but i can't find it in myself to focus.
have i mentioned that esdeekid is coming to my studio in about an hour?
he had send me a dm this morning telling me that he's gonna land at 11am, he already had some stuffed planned in between, then he's gonna head over to my studio at around 5.
i'm not normally a super anxious person. so i don't know why i'm feeling nervous right now.
i can't be nervous or awkward when he's here though. how would we be able to make a song together if i was?
i decide to calm myself down - not by busying myself with more music shit, but by scrolling through my phone.
the time goes by like nothing.
i see a few tiktok's about esdee, which instead of making me nervous, actually makes me more excited.
he seems like a cool guy and obviously his music is cool, so this shouldn't be bad.
it'll only be bad if i make it bad.
and just that like its 5.
around 5:10, he sends me a dm, telling me that he's here. he asks what door to go in and i tell him.
i can hear faint footsteps outside of the door. it opens.
i stand up, watching as esdee stands in the door frame.
"hey," i say somewhat loudly, a large and friendly smile on my face.
"so this was the right door," he adds, a light laugh coming from his mouth. his harsh accent clashes with my softer american one.
he's taller than i expected. he's wearing all black - not shocking. his outfit is baggy and of course, he has that damn balaclava covering his face.
i take a few steps closer to him. "yeah," i smile amusingly.
"y/n, the legend, how are you?" he asks, surprisingly pulling me into a quick side hug.
i hug him back, laughing softly. "i'm good, how are you?" i reply, pulling away from him.
i see his eyes analyze me for a split second before looking back into my own. "oh i'm fine, a bit tired but s'all."
"how was your flight? it was long, right?" i ask.
he responds, "mhm. the flights around 11 or 12 hours."
i close the studio door behind him, walking back over to the couch, expecting him to follow me.
he does and we sit down, continuing to converse.
"12 hours? what the fuck?" i laugh, my eyes a little wide, my eyebrows slightly scrunched, and my mouth open.
"i know right? sucks whenever i have to come to the states."
"oh wow, i'm sorry. am i not worth your time?" i say, making it obvious that i'm teasing.
he shakes his head, laughing a bit. "you know what i mean. it's just the flight that's bad. the actual trip makes up for that.. i guess," he answers playfully.
i let out a laugh. i then ask, "did you sleep at all?"
"i slept on the plane, yeah. the time difference still has me jet lagged, though"
i look at him, "we don't have to start with the music now, then. if you're gonna be here for a week or two, we can do the stuff that actually takes brain power later."
"really? you're fine with that? that'd actually be fantastic," he tells me.
i smile, "yeah i don't mind at all. we have time."
one hour later..
we've just been talking for the past hour. its just simple talk, getting to know each other and stuff, but i can already tell me and him will get along really well.
we have a lot of similar interests and he's really funny. his company is really nice so far.
amidst our conversation, i ask, "so should i call you 'esdeekid', 'esdee', or like what?" a slight smile is stuck on my face.
he turns to face me a little more. "i just realized i never told you my actual name. or taken my balaclava off. sorry, it just feels natural for me at this point," he says with a light laugh. as he says this, his hands go to take off the scarf he has on his head.
he takes off his balaclava too, saying, "my name's jay. shoulda told you earlier."
he shakes out his shoulder length dark brown, almost black hair.
wow.
just wow.
i saw the photoshop edits made on tiktok - of what they thought he would look like - but i didn't know it would be this accurate.
and the worst part is that he's cute. honestly, he's perfectly my type.
cute, long hair, pretty eyes. he's also funny as fuck and easy to talk to. his hot accent is a total plus.
this is bad.
i'm usually confident around attractive men, but he really just dropped the bomb on me, causing me to damn near short circuit.
i examine his face for a few seconds, before jokingly asking, "you take off your balaclava for everyone you work with, or am i just special?"
he smiles. god, this is bad. he's so cute.
"you can think you're special if you want, but you're not the first," he jokes back, a cute smile on his lips.
"have you seen the edited pictures on tiktok? the ones that are supposed to be what your face actually looks like?" i ask abruptly.
he nods, a smile painted on his face. "mhm. can't interact with them, though. they're a bit too accurate," he mentions.
i nod, "they're crazy accurate. i saw it the other day and didn't think anything about it. but shit, its scary how spot on they were." i laugh.
we continue talking about whatever comes to our minds. i'm still not over the initial shock of finding out what he actually looks like, but i force myself to conceal that.
around 8 we stumble upon the topic of weed, to which i tell him about the few joints i have on me. this then causes us to pass around a joint, finish it, both agree we could smoke some more, and smoke another one together.
we get hungry in this process and order from a random fast food place.
we talk for hours after that. i checked the time at 12:30, surprised at how fast time flew by. we agree that it's late and that we should both go home.
i thank him for coming, giving him a full hug this time.
we go our separate ways, settling on meeting tomorrow at 5 again to actually start our song.
when i get home, i look in my camera roll, at the pictures i happened to take when i was at my studio.
i post one on my story, getting my fans ready for my drop, whenever i decide that is.
a/n : IM SORRY FOR MAKING YOU GUYS WAIT FOR SO LONG!! i never have motivation to actually write but i did today!! i'm also thinking ab potentially getting out another part of the other esdee fic either tmr or monday, so look out for that!!!! and i saw on tiktok that his real name is jay brown and i have no clue if that's actually right but i had to include a name other than 'esdee' ....... anywayyyyyssss lmk what you guys think!! pls send in reqs, suggestions, or anything you'd like to tell me!!! likes/reblogs are greatly appreciated <2 i love u guysssss
b.g. : viral r&b artist y/n and the notorious scouse rapper esdeekid release a song together. through their mass promotion and various pictures/posts together, their fans realize they may be a little closer than they originally thought.
based off of this req
my masterlist - my taglist
yourusername
liked by esdeekid, wegonebeok, mazzyjoya, and 684k others
yourusername chrome w/ me & esdeekid out on all platforms view all comments
user OMG YESS
user we've been waiting for this one
user they would be cute tg ⤷ user wait i can highkey see it
nettspend_ swag ♥︎ liked by author ⤷ yourusername you know it best
esdeekid the fur 🔥 ♥︎ liked by author
esdeekid nice 👀👀 ♥︎ liked by author ⤷ yourusername thanks👀👀👀 ⤷ user the emojis??? ⤷ user omg?
esdeekid song of the century ♥︎ liked by author ⤷ yourusername typeeeee
esdeekid
liked by yourusername, fakemink, ricoace_, and 569k others
esdeekid CHROME W/ Y/N OUT NOW view all comments
user unexpected duo
user why he aura farming
user THIS IS SOOO GOOD
fakemink tuff brother ♥︎ liked by author
timotheechalamet dream big ♥︎ liked by author
yourusername mysterious ass ♥︎ liked by author
yourusername woah slide 2 is amazing #2badbitches ♥︎ liked by author ⤷ esdeekid indeed
yourusername i heard 'chrome' is a rlly good song EVERYONE should go stream it RN idk who made it tho ♥︎ liked by author ⤷ esdeekid u said it best ⤷ yourusername i always do ⤷ esdeekid you're right
user wait are they flirting ⤷ user they def are wtf ⤷ user they were also flirty in her comment section ⤷ user hold onnnnnnn
tmz
liked by y/nsbbg, undergroundfan, kidstakeover, and 217k others
tmz singer/rapper y/n and rapper esdeekid are reportedly dating, according to our sources. they are seen in y/n's instagram story (first slide) embracing each other intimately and have appeared out together several times, following the release of their single 'chrome'. some claim to have seen them out on what appear as dates, but no evidence is confirmed. view all comments
user I KNEW IT
user they were working on a song tg, ofc they're going to be seen with each other tf
user she could do sm better
user they're so cuteeeee omg
user y'all take anything you see and run with it ⤷ user bro look at what she posted there's not much 'running' to do
user i actually saw them together when i was out shopping 😭😭 i'm pretty sure they were holding hands ⤷ user omg actually?? ⤷ user i saw someone else say this tooooo ⤷ user has to be a pr stunt
a/n : just something short n cute!! lowkey fits into my 'she's loving my demeanor' series but its a lil dif & seperate!! &&&& ignore how it’s a completely dif girl in every photo im js picking the first pinterest pic that fits what i want :) lmk what u guys think. feel free to send me reqs, suggestions, comments, questions, or anything thru my inbox!! likes/reblogs are greatly appreciated <2 i love y'alllllllll
lmk if you want to be tagged in all of my future esdeekid fics
b.g. : y/n, a musician herself, is introduced to esdee's music by one of her friends. following him on instagram sets off a spiral into something greater.
← →
my masterlist - my taglist
sipping on my iced chai latte, i lead me and jay to a vintage store. instead, the decor reflects an array of items from the past, many things hanging on the wall and from the ceiling.
"this place is cool," jay murmurs beside me after we walk in.
i turn to him. "i know, right? i love the vibe in here," i tell him, beginning to walk through the isles.
i walk over to the jackets, running my hand across the fabric as i look at them.
"do you come here a lot?" jay asks.
i shrug slightly. "whenever i'm in the city, honestly. i always find something here to buy," i say with a small smile.
i notice jay looking around the store, gazing at the furnishings, clothing, records, and other trinkets they have. i also notice a brown leather jacket on the rack, so i separate it from the rest of the hanging jackets and pull it out, examining it more.
i hold it up against my body. "what do you think about this? i've lowkey been wanting a brown leather jacket even though i have a black one."
jay squints slightly, looking over the jacket. "try it on," he suggests.
"okay, can you hold these for me, please?" i ask, handing him my chai latte and my purse.
he nods, taking them into his hands as i unzip the jacket and pull it off the hanger. placing the hanger to the side of me, i slip my arms into the jacket, adjusting it over myself. there's a mirror hanging on the wall near us, so i turn to it to see how the jacket looks on me. it fits me well, being the perfect amount of oversized.
"i think it looks good, what do you think?" i ask, turning my body to either side to get a better look at the jacket.
jay nods, looking at me. "i also think it looks good. the brown suits you," he compliments.
i smile at him, making eye contact in the mirror. "thanks," i respond. "i think i'm gonna buy it. it's only like 40 bucks."
i take the jacket off and put it back on the hanger, taking both my purse and drink back from jay's hands. we wander around the store some more, jay not finding anything he wants to buy, but still admiring what they're offering here. i grab a few other things; a dress and some random decorative items. i get checked out and pay for my items, the two of us then leaving the store.
"where are we off to next?" jay questions.
i finish the last sip of my chai latte before throwing it away in a nearby trash can. "i don't really want to be shopping all day - i just had to stop there - but i need to get some stuff for miso. like litter and shit like that," i tell him. "i think there's a pet store around here, but i can't remember," i look around, in search of the pet store.
jay turns and points to somewhere across the street. "is that the one?" he asks me, pointing at 'pet supplies plus'.
i nod, smiling at him. "yup."
we walk across the street and go inside the store, the smell of pet products hitting me in the face.
"okay so i need litter, a litter box, cat food, soap, a collar, and maybe some toys. don't forget," i say playfully.
jay chuckles softly. "don't worry, i won't," he starts. "you plan on giving her a bath later?"
i grab a cart, putting my purse in the baby seat of the shopping cart. "yeah. it shouldn't take long, so i hope you don't mind me giving her one before we head to the studio."
he shakes his head. "i don't mind at all."
we stroll through the isles, grabbing the things on my list as we see them. so far, we have the litter and the litter box, and the soap. we walk into the isle with the food, getting both dry and wet food for miso. we make small talk as we search the store.
"did you ever have any pets?" i ask, turning the corner into a new isle.
"no," jay shakes his head. "i've always wanted a dog, though. but cats are cool, too."
i smile. "yeah, i had a family dog when i was younger. i also had a few cats, but i didn't know if i could deal with the responsibilities of getting a pet while living on my own. guess finding miso was just a sign."
he laughs and we approach the cat toys. i examine them, wanting to get a few for my new cat.
"should i get the feather or the string on the stick?"
jay hums beside me. "the feather."
i take the feather on the stick off the rack, placing into my cart. i get a few other toys, like small mouse ones and some balls with a bell on the inside. the collars are, conveniently, next to the toys, so i turn my attention to those.
"i don't know what color to get," i tell jay, looking at all the options hanging in front of me.
he waits a second before responding, clearly thinking. "i think this purple would look good with her fur color," he says, taking a deep purple collar off of the rack and offering it to me.
"oo, you're right!" i say, taking it from his hands. it has a small silver bell on it. "this is gonna be so cute on her!"
we check out, jay helping me hold some of the heavier bags as we trek back to ally's parking garage that i parked in, the walk being a little less than 10 minutes. putting the stuff into the backseat of my dodge, i then get inside and drive home.
once we get back to my place, jay helps me again with the bags, bringing them inside my house. miso comes around the corner, carefully stepping towards the two of us. i crouch down, petting her and taking her into my hands.
"hi miso, baby. i missed you," i coo directly in front of her face. "you ready for a bath, kitty?"
she just looks at me, blinking a few times. i smile, twisting my head to look at jay.
"isn't she adorable?" i ask, a wide grin on my face.
jay laughs as he puts his balaclava down on my kitchen counter. "very."
my grin turns into a hopeful smile. "so adorable that you'll help me with her bath?" i suggest, wanting him to say yes.
he leans against my counter, smiling. "sure, i don't mind."
i stand up, still holding miso in my hands. "you're the best! lets get the soap and stuff and get her cleaned."
jay takes the cat wash soap out of the bag and follows me to the bathroom. on my way there, i grab an old towel from the closet next to my bathroom before setting miso down and turning the bath on.
we wait as the water gets warm, the tub not needing to be completely full.
"you ready, miso?" i ask, my voice a pitch higher than usual.
to be continued..
a/n : its been years since the last update im so sorry everyone ... but here we are!! nothing burger im srry buttttt hopefully another part soon - i've had a bit more free time recently compared to the past few weeks. lmk what you guys think about this part!! feel free to send me reqs, comments, questions, suggestions, or anything thru my inbox/private messages!!! likes/reblogs are greatly appreciated <22 i love u guys the most!!
lmk if you want to be tagged in the next part and/or any future esdeekid fics/headcanons i post!!
b.g. : y/n, a musician herself, is introduced to esdee's music by one of her friends. following him on instagram sets off a spiral into something greater.
← →
my masterlist - my taglist
2 weeks later..
i'm scrolling on twitter and i stumble across a post which says:
"why has esdeekid been in new york for like three weeks 😭 what is he planning"
which i don't even know the answer to.
well, i sort of do - but i just don't understand it.
a week ago..
i laugh, passing a joint back to jay.
"wait, i thought you were only staying in new york for like, barely a week," i mention.
jay grabs the blunt from between my fingers, bringing it up to his lips and taking a drag, before exhaling the smoke.
"eh.. plans have changed," he says.
present time..
i read the comments of the post, some comments speculating that he might be staying because of me.
which isn't a pull from nowhere, because over the two, almost three, weeks he's been in new york, we've both posted pictures of each other without making it obvious that it's one another.
for instance, i'd post a picture and he might be in the back of it, but instead of showing his face (or any recognizable part of him) it's just the back of him, or the front of him but cut out. and he did the same for me.
i think somewhere along the way, it stopped feeling like he was just here to visit new york.
jay and i have hung out basically every day that he's been here. most days have been mellow, just us two at the studio trying to get shit done but simultaneously getting high off our asses. some days we've actually gone out and done shit, but it's really only been more tame things, like getting food and going to the store or something.
but he sort of just became apart of my routine.
the days we'd go to the studio, which was basically every day regardless of if we actually worked on the song or not, one of us would stop to get snacks, drinks, or weed to share during that time.
he knows which side of the couch i always sit on. he knows where i keep my extra chargers in my studio. he's gotten to know my manager a bit better over these days. just stuff that kind of appears simple but is actually a little bit more thoughtful once you think about it.
miso also loves him a lot, which is cute but almost feels like betrayal.
i usually bring her to the studio everyday so she's not home alone, and every time he gets up or walks somewhere she runs straight to him, following him around.
and we actually almost finished the song.
there's only the smallest bit of things that need to be tweaked before we drop it, but it's basically done.
the final version is sitting open on my laptop right now, paused at two minutes and thirty three seconds.
i can't stop myself from listening to it over and over, despite the time being considerably late.
our voices blend together in a way that's different from anything we've both ever made.
it's almost surreal to me, that just a few weeks ago my friend introduced me to esdeekid's music and now, after some communication, we actually got together to create something.
the internet is going to lose its fucking mind.
especially because jay sounds different on this track.
he sounds softer than usual.
and the same goes for me.
it's like we took the slight differences in our own music and brought them together to make something newer, but not completely out of our comfort zones.
which is why neither of us have posted any clips of it yet.
my phone buzzes from beside me, on top my comforter.
jay
u awake?
it's only been around two hours since we decided to call it a night at the studio. i stare at the message for a second before replying.
y/n
no
i see him start to type back instantly.
jay
right
my bad
i laugh quietly to myself. a few seconds later another message comes through.
jay
come to ur garage
my eyebrows furrow
y/n
huh
jay
just come outside
i sit up in bed, miso lifting her head from where she's curled against my stomach.
"what do you tink he wants?" i ask her dramatically.
she blinks at me.
i smile, scratching behind her ears before pulling myself out of bed.
i slip on some slippers and throw on a zip-up over my pajama shirt, exiting my apartment and heading to the garage.
it's almost two in the morning.
cold air immediately hits my face the second i open the door to the garage.
from afar, i notice jay leaning against his rental car parked next to my own. he's wearing all black, his hood is up, and his hands are in his pockets.
his eyes meet mine almost instantly.
i walk over to him.
"hi," he says casually.
i stare at him.
"..it's two o'clock in the morning, jay."
"mhm," he hums.
"why are you here?"
he shrugs slightly, a light smile pulling at his lips.
"couldn't sleep."
i narrow my eyes a bit at him. "and your solution was to drive here?"
"seemed logical at the time."
i laugh softly, shaking my head as i lean against my car, mimicking his position but facing him.
"you're weird," i tell him.
"yeah," he says.
for a second neither of us say anything.
it's quiet outside, the only sound around being the one of the cars speeding down the street during the dark hours of the night. the garage lights cast a dim yellow glow across the pavement, as well as ourselves, and everything feels strangely still.
jay looks at me for a moment before speaking again.
"i think the song's done."
my expression softens.
"yeah?" i ask.
he nods.
"listened to it again when i got back to my hotel," he pauses. "there's one small thing we could add. but it's good."
i grin a little. "yeah, i know."
he laughs quietly through his nose, looking down at the pavement for a second.
"cocky."
"you're literally the one who said it first," i grin.
"true," he agrees.
another silence settles over us, but it's not awkward.
it never really is with him anymore.
then jay looks back up at me.
"you nervous to drop it?" he asks.
i guess i am, a little bit.
but i don't answer immediately.
because i don't think i'm nervous about the song.
i think i'm nervous about everything that comes with it.
and i'm not just talking about the people on the internet who are gonna have something to say about me or jay, that happens regardless of what i put out or do.
i'm more afraid of what happens to us after.
does he just leave, go back to liverpool? pack up and go to his home that's thousands of miles away, like he didn't live in the same new york hotel room for three weeks straight?
jay studies my face for a second, like he's trying to figure out what i'm thinking about due to my delayed response.
unfortunately for me, he's gotten weirdly good at reading my expression lately.
"what?" he asks quietly.
i blink, realizing ice been staring off.
"nothing," i answer automatically.
his thick eyebrows raise a little.
"liar."
i let out a soft laugh through my nose, looking down at the concrete beneath my slippers.
"i'm just thinking."
"'s dangerous when you do it."
i roll my eyes. "oh, shut up."
he smiles a little bit at that.
for a few second i debate whether or not i should actually say what's on my mind.
because it feels stupid. dramatic, even.
it's not like jay and i are dating. he doesn't owe me anything.
we haven't kissed. we haven't had some big emotional confession. technically, this entire thing could still be explained away as two artists working together becoming friends in the process.
except it doesn't feel like that.
not anymore.
at least definitely not for me.
and i think he might know that too.
i lean my head back slightly before finally speaking.
"when are you going home?" i ask casually.
maybe too casually. i don't want to make it seem like i care a whole lot - though i do.
jay's expression quickly shifts, subtle enough that i probably wouldn't have noticed it a few weeks ago.
but i do now.
he looks at me for a moment before shrugging lightly.
"don't know yet."
my stomach twists a little at his reply.
because that answer somehow feels worse than one that is set in stone.
"you haven't booked a flight?" i question.
he shakes his head once.
"nah."
i nod slowly, pretending like his words aren't affecting me at all.
the quiet settles back in for a second before jay speaks again.
"you want me to leave?" he asks.
my head snaps toward him immediately.
"what? no," i tell him.
he watches me carefully.
"then what's with the interrogation?" he asks me.
i laugh softly, looking down at my feet, but there's more nerves within me now. i look back up at him.
"it's not an interrogation," i defend.
"feels like one," he tells me.
i look away from him again.
"i just..." i pause. "i don't know."
jay stays quiet, letting me continue.
"it's weird," i finish.
"what is?"
i gesture vaguely between us.
"this," i respond.
his eyes flick down to my hand before looking back at me.
"we met like three weeks ago and now you're here basically every day. hell, i didn't even know about you a month ago," i exaggerate, quietly breathing out a laugh. "my cat likes you more than me. my manager literally asked me yesterday if you secretly moved to new york."
that gets a real smile out of him.
"did he actually?" jay chuckles.
"yes."
he grins, shaking his head slightly.
i smile too, but it fades after a second.
"i think i'm just not really used to..." i trail off, trying to find the right wording without making anything awkward. "getting attached to people this quickly."
maybe i should've taken another second to think, because the second the words leave my mouth i almost regret them.
what a way to expose myself.
but jay doesn't tease me for it.
he doesn't laugh.
he doesn't even crack the smallest smile.
instead, his face softens in a way i haven't really seen before.
it's warm.
"yeah," he says after a moment. "me neither."
the tightening of my chest is beginning to bother me.
the garage, despite it's huge size, suddenly feels way too small.
it's too quiet.
jay looks at me for a few long seconds before he speaks again.
"for what it's worth," he says gently, "i'm in no rush to leave."
and god.
that shouldn't affect me as much as it does.
i look down for a second, trying to hide the smile that's threatening to pull at my lips.
"good," i murmur.
his eyes stay on me.
then he tilts his head slightly.
"you cold?" he asks me
i blink.
"a little."
without saying anything else, jay leans off of his rented car and onto mine, right beside me.
it closes the space between us, just enough that i can feel his warmth now.
my breath catches a little embarrassingly. and i'm pretty sure he notices.
because the way his eyes flick briefly down to my mouth before meeting my eyes again isn't normal.
the tension shifts into something heavier than before.
i don't think either of us fully realize how close we've actually gotten until neither of us move away.
my heart is pounding so hard it's starting to irritate me.
jay's gaze drops again for half a second.
then back up.
"y/n," he quietly starts.
the way he says my name almost feels dangerous.
and i swear the entire world goes silent for a second.
i don't even hear the distant sound of traffic anymore, just my own heartbeat ringing in my ears.
jay's eyes stay locked on mine. they're too focused, too intense.
he's close enough now that i can smell the mix of cannabis and his choice of cologne lingering on his hoodie.
"what?" i ask quietly, almost automatically.
but it comes out much softer than i intended.
his gaze flicks down toward my mouth again.
god, my stomach flips.
jay lets out a slow breath through his nose before speaking.
"you've been looking at me like you've had something you needed to say for the past five minutes," he says.
heat immediately rushes to my face.
"that's not true," i tell him.
he gives me a knowing look.
"y/n."
i groan quietly, dropping my head back against my car for a second. "oh my gosh."
he laughs softly beside me.
he's not making fun of me, though. if anything, he sounds nervous too.
but somehow kind of makes this all worse.
or better?
i can't tell anymore.
i look back at him, trying to ignore how close he is to me.
"you bother me," i mumble.
"you like me anyways."
the response leaves his mouth so naturally that neither of us react at first.
then my eyes widen slightly.
jay seems to realize what he said about half a second later because he goes quiet too.
the air between us changes instantly.
neither of us move from our spots.
i can literally see him thinking.
debating whether to walk it back or not.
my heart beats even harder when he doesn't.
instead, his eyes stay on mine.
they're careful, searching.
like he's waiting to see if he fucked up.
so i decide to stop overthinking for once in my life.
"maybe i do," i say softly.
jay goes completely still - tense, almost.
his lips part slightly like he wasn't expecting me to admit that.
which is fair, because i wasn't expecting it either.
i usually dodge around anything remotely serious between us.
the garage suddenly feels way too warm despite the air actually being cold.
my chest feels too tight.
but not in a bad way.
jay stares at me for another long second before quietly laughing through his nose.
not because it's funny. but because he seems genuinely caught off guard.
"fuck," he mutters under his breath.
i smile nervously. "well that's a good reaction."
"no, no," he says quickly, shaking his head a little. "just-"
he cuts himself off, eyes flicking away from mine for the first time all night. then back to me.
"thought i was imagining it."
the nerves in my stomach almost bubble a little more than i can handle.
i swallow, trying to act unaffected.
failing horribly.
"you weren't," i tell him.
there's, once again, another small pause of silence.
jay's eyes drift down to my lips and this time he doesn't try to play it off.
my breath catches. again.
it's ridiculous how aware i suddenly am of every tiny thing.
the sleeve of his hoodie brushing mine.
the way his rings and chain glint under the garage lights.
how close his face is to mine now.
he tilts his head slightly.
very slowly.
like he's giving me the time to pull away if i want to.
but i don't.
and not even for a second do i think to.
his voice is quieter when he speaks again, still rough and deep though.
"tell me if i'm reading this wrong."
and oh my god. i think my brain stops functioning for a second.
because the thing is, jay isn't cocky about it - like at all. he isn't smirking or trying to make me feel small or embarrassed.
he sounds careful and thoughtful.
like he actually cares about my answer.
i look up at him, my heart pounding so hard it feels ridiculous.
"you're not," i tell him, my voice quiet.
the second the words leave my mouth, he looks relieved.
his eyes soften in a away that almost makes my stomach hurt.
and for another second neither of us move.
then jay's hand lifts slowly, like he's hesitating midway through it.
giving me another chance to stop him.
when i don't, his fingers brush lightly agains the sleeve of my hoodie before sliding up my arm just enough to rest against my waist.
his touch is carefully and gentle. it affects me more than it would've if he just grabbed be confidently.
i sharply inhale without meaning to.
he notices.
his eyes stay fixed on mine as fully faces me, stepping just a little closer, close enough now that if i leaned forward even slightly-
god.
"you sure?" he asks softly.
the fact that he's asking again nearly kills me.
i nod once.
"mhm," i hum.
his gaze flicks between my eyes and my mouth one last time before he finally closes the distance.
the kiss is much softer than i would've expected.
it began very slow, almost cautious, like he's still trying to figure out if this is actually happening.
but the second i kiss him back properly, i feel the way his hand tightens against my waist.
and then suddenly all the tension that's been building over these past weeks just snaps.
my fingers instinctively grab at the front of his hoodie, pulling him a little closer as i kiss him back.
jay lets out a quiet breath against my lips, a mix of relief and surprise.
everything about this feels overwhelming in the best way possible.
the coldness of the night, his rings brushing against my side, the smell of his cologne and weed - which i've come to understand as his natural scent now - the way he keeps kissing me like he's trying not to rush anything though i can tell he wants to.
when we finally pull apart, it's only barely.
like neither of us actually wants to move far.
my forehead almost bumps his as both of us try to catch our breath a little.
and then he laughs quietly.
like, actually laughs.
i blink up at him. "what?"
he shakes his head, smiling down at me.
"nothing," he says.
i narrow my eyes suspiciously. "jay."
his grin grows a little.
"just think it's funny that we acted normal for this long," he then tells me.
i let out an embarrassed laugh, hiding my face against the front of his hoodie for a second.
"oh my gosh, shut up."
he laughs again, one of his hands sliding up my back.
"three weeks, y/n," he says.
"i know."
"i don't know if it's just me, but i kinda felt something since day one. actually painful."
i pull back just enough to look at him again.
"it's not just you. but maybe if you stopped staring at me every five seconds-"
"me?" he cuts me off, faking offense. "you were worse."
i gasp dramatically.
"that's literally not true!" i defend myself.
jay just gives me a look that's entirely unconvinced.
then his expression softens again as he looks at me. like really looks at me.
and i'm suddenly aware again of how close we still are.
how his hand is still resting against my waist.
how easy this feels now that we've finally crossed that thin line we've been just barely dusting at all these weeks.
his thumb brushes lightly against the fabric of my sweater.
"so," he says quietly.
"so?" i repeat.
a tiny smile pulls at the corner of his mouth.
"and here i was thinking i was just in new york for a feature."
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yourusername No rush out next week 😉 presave with the link in my bio
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fakemink Greatness on it's way ♡ liked by author ⤷ user yo mink u on the track???? 👀 ⤷ user plssss omgeeee
esdeekid 🔥 ♡ liked by author ⤷ yourusername 🧯😂 ⤷ user what's the beef ⤷ user hasn't he been visiting her for like a month now ⤷ user not a month but yeah that's what ppl r saying ⤷ user ya he's on the song i'm already knowing
allymiller my bsfs so talented ⤷ yourusername i love u girl
user blurring out her face like she's not hot af
user i used to pray for these times
user is this from any clips we heard on that livestream???? ⤷ yourusername nah ⤷ user OMG HI U REPLIED ⤷ user new music i love 🤤
user the album rollout is here yall ⤷ user i'm so ready for it
user any feats on the album?????? ♡ liked by author ⤷ user hold on.. she liked this comment.. ⤷ user hb any on this song???? 👀👀 ♡ liked by author ⤷ user okayyyy shes hiding something from us she liked this comment too
user collab w smokedope ⤷ user omg imagine
a/n : mwahahahhahhah they are SO cute i can't!!!!!!!!!! but finally ehhehehhe 😈 and im sorry for the very long wait i haven't been feeling this fic but i'll be fine 😜 lmk what u guys think about this part!! feel free to send me comments, questions, suggestions, or anything thru my inbox or to my private messages!! i'm still taking reqs but my current fics are at my to priority atm!! likes/reblogs are greatly appreciated <2 love u guyssss
lmk if you want to be tagged in all esdeekid fics!
