Becoming spiritually aware and being able to see the universe in action working around everyone and everything, being able to see auras, feel energies and exercise your intuition is an enlightening feeling. For me, each step of growth and every word of esoteric science that quenched my spiritual thirst also came with a sense of power, and a feeling of superiority over my peers and even family. At first I was proud, because, aren’t you meant to feel better than everyone else? Shouldn’t we strive for superiority?
I am inclined to disagree. Superiority did not in any sense equal happiness or satisfaction. Feeling superior went straight to my ego, i could feel it inflate in my head. My ego kept repeating, “You are the most enlightened in this room.” and “They would never understand, they don’t have the knowledge that I do.” How ugly is that? The worst part about it was i was constantly looking out for anything that would hurt or deflate my ego. It got so bad that i didn’t even want anyone to be able to be as “enlightened” as i was or have the knowledge that i had because that would mean i am not the most superior. I feel ashamed to admit that. It caused a lot of passive aggressive behavior and hurt many people’s feelings.
I can’t really pinpoint what triggered it or how i had this sudden realization, but i saw it. it wasn’t an ego death, but a huge mirror was reflected onto my ugly ego and i was dripping in shame. The universe really pulled me back into line that day and i am so thankful it did. I can now accept that i am only on the beginner side of the spiritual growth spectrum, and i look up to everyone who are enlightened. i encourage people to read and learn about the universe and i converse with people daily who are on higher planes than myself. I still struggle with my ego and i can see the damage it is causing to my perception of myself and others. Its a constant effort of always be thinking about how your ego can effect what you’re thinking and then what you do and how you act. You just have to keep it in line and remember what your goals are at the end of the day, which for me is to spread only love, compassion, support and kindness to everyone around me. negative and hurtful behavior from myself is not tolerated.
I do regret how i acted and how i thought, but without it i would not of been able to recognize my ego, and therefore other peoples ego’s. i understand now why people react in the way they react, and why they do the things they do.
Has anyone else struggled with their ego?