#esperdailyly

[esperaticoax]

Jan 30, 2025

Pretty average day. Kept to myself mostly. Today I had Government, Art, Band, and PE. Not a very academic day. I didn't get much sleep last night working on assignments, I'd LOVE to get 8 hours every night but that's really just a pipe dream. Got myself upset over something and had a moment but I had to persevere.

Worked on making a weekly schedule. The issue is that so many things change week to week, so it's hard to make a schedule when you don't know what's coming.

Asked dad for help with Spanish homework. We're reading a play and I am COMPLETELY lost. I thought I was improving but this knocked me down a rung. It's due tomorrow so...!

Had lots of free time before rehearsal. Completed some homework assignments.

band rehearsal wasn’t the best but I performed better than I would have at the beginning of the year. It was brass ensemble today and I’m the only girl, when I mess up I feel like it carries more weight and anxiety. I’ll practice more to be better

Art contest due date is tomorrow so I'm finishing up that piece. It isn't what I wanted it to be but it can be appreciated for how it is.

Revised for my Literature test tomorrow on some chapters of our book. I enjoy the book we are reading but my teacher has very poor educational skill.

Phone screen time: 55m

[esperaticoax]

April.6.2025

First real day of spring break. I have a schedule and I’m locking in. As long as the other people in my life don’t mess with that I’ll be fine.

Which they did but its ok because I should be unbothered for most of tomorrow

Went to gym

Studied for AP 2D Art

Got new clothes

[esperaticoax]

March.22.2025

Band concert yesterday went well. Kinda messed up some parts but I think we’ll get top marks.

Today was my grandma’s 91st bday and we hung with her all day.

Woke up so late today. So tired from yesterday.

worked on government homework.

He texted me a video with no context that reminded him of me. We never text so it was shocking, That means he thinks of me.

SEVERANCE FINALE GMFU. OMGGGGGGGG. its so tragically beautiful because of COURSE it ends like that OF COURSE.

[esperaticoax]

March.20.2025

Read and did Spanish reading guides

Completed Ck12s

Practiced art

Showered.

Journaled.

There’s a poem for this. Lost in his mind, I’m searching for it. I’m going to confess to him on April 24th. I know what I will say, what I will wear, how I’ll approach him. Due to the chaos of life; I’m ever aware that it will not go as planned. We try in spite of this. I will try, despite this.

Does he think of me when we are so far apart? If the ceiling crashes, I will kiss him in my dying breath. If we are gods chosen least favorites, I will pour out my heart to him on the highway. He’s a soul trapped in a body, my soul. When we are together, I feel his trapped in mine.

Has he ever thought of me like that? A soulmate is found on August 12th, the first day we met. I never believed in them. I still don’t. Not yet.

Does he love me? My heart says yes. My mind, she craves that it is so.

We sit together on a couch, 20 years later. Next to us is us on separate couches, in different states. A different world where I never tell him. The couch we’re sitting on is a brown leather, the color of his eyes. I turn away from the other us to look at him, he was already looking at me.

I never look back.

[esperaticoax]

March.19.2025

Band practice went well.

Completed Biology work.

Made flashcards for Government.

Read for 20 minutes.

Finished homework for Geometry a day early.

Deftones concert was so amazing. The tshirt was absolutely worth fifty dollars. Got home at like 1am tho… so tired…

Good day today. Weird schedule, but good. Sucessful interactions with my crush 👍 (he does NOT want me). Had fun times with friends but stayed calm and relaxed.

I slacked off for a week and I’m still recovering. Late assignments may be the death of me but I’ll turn them in. Tomorrow I will finish the reading assignment for Spanish, celebrate my grandmothers birthday, complete ck 12, journal, clean my room more, practice art, and have a screen time under 2hrs.

[esperaticoax]

March.17.2025

Took a quiz in English.

Turned in an assignment for government.

Went to Sabre practice. (So tired…)

Didn’t do any homework and rested when I got home. (Nothing is due tomorrow that’s urgent).

Tomorrow I’m going to the Deftones concert and I am so excited. They are one of my favorite bands. The venue is a little far out from where i live but it’s worth leaving school early. I should PROBABLY do my homework that I would do tomorrow, tonight though. OR do it at school tomorrow and go to bed early.

Song of the day: Kiss the Ladder - FleshWater

[esperaticoax]

March.16.2025

Went to the gym.

Practiced for art class.

Set up new desk.

Finished Geometry home work.

Studied a little for Biology.

Read chapters for English class.

I saw my grandmother today. We ate together. She is worried about bills, again. I will not be okay when she leaves. She will be. I won’t be sad for her, she is ready to move on. Selfishly, I will mourn myself. That I will not feel her warmth again.

Song of the day “New jeans - New jeans”

[esperaticoax]

March.15.2025

Completed a part of my art assignment.

Went to a math competition.

Read for 30 minutes.

Learned a dance and planned for my birthday.

The slump is over. I’m killing it with rocks with my bloodied hands, the luminescence of promise peeking through my wounds. I glow from the inside, something only I feel. I won’t wound myself to show others my light. This is something given to me to keep, for me to observe. I can learn to appreciate it.