#essay feedback

[a-better-son]

Hello my beautiful mutuals. Would anyone be willing to give me feedback on my college admissions essay? I refuse to use an ai, And my school stopped paying for paper. I really don’t know how to look at it with an outside eye, and I would greatly appreciate some constructive criticism

[better-wcrps]

as a staff member of a wcrp i appreciate your recent post. it offered a lot of interesting perspectives that i’d like to keep in mind going forward

This is wonderful to see. I'm glad to hear it was helpful. I will probably reblog that one a lot over the course of this blog's writing. If you or any others have questions whether it is about staffing a roleplay or just general information, please feel free to send in an ask. I truly love to discuss these things.

Good luck with your roleplay endeavors!

[lizziestudieshistory]

STUDY 2019: 17th Century Religion

I had a pleasantly productive day after my mini celebration break for finishing my exams yesterday. I spent most of today working on the first chapter of my dissertation, however, I did collect my final essay of this term.

My essay was on seventeenth century religion, particularly mainstream ‘puritans’ or, as I have rejected the label ‘puritan’, the mainstream godly and how they responded to the doctrine of predestination. I’m definitely against the ‘age of anxiety’ here and argued this was not a period of salvation anxiety. I loved this essay as it tied into my dissertation topic and overall I got a first (77%), so I’m very happy! Feedback was excellent and I had an enlightening meeting with my tutor to discuss where it could be improved further in detail.

Chapter One is now underway, I had hoped to have finished the outline by now but I had a few issues during my last attempt and had to change my focus and narrow down what I wanted to discuss. I am now focusing on godly emotions during Communion and how they expressed their ‘secret emotions’ during a public service. Definitely making progress! But I need to do a fresh lot of research to adequately explore this issue and equate the public and secret ‘spheres’ of emotional responses.

Overall today has gone well, I even got some reading in while I was travelling to and from uni! 

(Excuse the dreadful photos! I’m a history student and photography was never my strong point… I tried to resurrect them but alas nothing could save them! Although, you can’t make essays and notes look sexy…)

[karenstanleyphotographicart-blog]

Written feedback for Jake Gill’s essay draft for the histories and theories module.

The text is about an image taken by Thomas Struth, titled  'SHIBUYA CROSSING TOKYO (SHIBUYA-KU) in 1991. The writer has considered many aspects and theories behind the role of the image when representing society, with a basic message and understanding of the photographer himself and background including the historical context. The text is structured well with good use of language and grammar, as the essay is incomplete there are still some aspects that could be considered yet these could easily be put in with the other paragraphs. Even though the writer seems to have a very good understanding there is only a couple references included in the text to back up his opinions and facts, possibly these could be included in order to have a stronger argument in the future. Because of this the referencing system wasn’t followed properly but when some citations and quotes were used they were used correctly. The text has included a well written analysis of the image and a detailed description. The balance is good between the two, yet maybe the other points the writer has touched upon could go into more detail. When making a point there could be more detail and thoughts put with it, yet like I have mentioned the essay is only half way through so these would be good points to put in. The writer has constructed some well thought points, these include many different aspects and directions from the image. One or two things to maybe include would be to find some interviews and quotes from the photographer himself, why he chose that location, more information to do with commercial advertising at the time and how this photograph would relate. I have enjoyed learning about the photographer and the writers enthusiasm for the techniques used is apparent in the text. 

[september-studies-blog]

Hey guys, I just heard back from my professor about my essay, look what she wrote: “Katarina, Great essay! You are very precise, your wording is excellent. The mistakes you make are minor and require little effort to make right. I advise you to focus on your writing skills because your essay flows – it is easy to read and you provide a great variety of phrases. Great job! Keep it up!“

I am so excited, you have no idea! I aspire to be a writer, but I am still uncertain whether I have what it takes, and this is just the kind of motivation I need :D

[howyoudoinbae]

“No Homo” Phenomena

So I’m currently taking a course at university on gender and hip hop and I’m doing an essay on how ‘no homo’ has become a prevalent phrase that people use in music and on a daily basis. I’ve seen that there can be a lot of homophobia in hip hop that leads to anti gay rhetoric that can often come from famous artists. I also notice the practice of denying association with anything connected to what they think is gay or “gay behavior. Some people have traced back the origin of this phrase to Cam’Ron and other rappers from east harlem.  The question that I’d like to get some feedback on is: how does homophobia or simply the phrase ‘no homo’ affect hip hop culture as a whole? What larger problems does this create? Also, do you think the issue of these types of phrases pose a bigger problem in hip hop or our society in general?

Id really appreciate responses on what you think about this issue or if you agree/disagree with what goes on in certain types of music (misogyny, homophobia, etc.) Do you think this just goes on in hip hop or do other genres simply get looked over?

Thanks :)

[yorkulife]

Oh sorry haha I meant like an outline of the essay to get feedback.. :P Right before the strike began I was supposed to email it to him but I didn't get the chance. Thank you though! :)

Like I said, I would make sure the essay is done since the opportunity for feedback is kinda passed (unless your prof extended the deadline).

-J

[redefiningtheoriginalme]

Might as well check the damage

Looking at my essay...yay!

Not.