@sickofthis666 you actually raise, for once in the entire conversation, a good point, that requires analysis. Yes, people who believe something in their daily lives will also likely believe it within a consensual sexual context. A man who likes to hit his wife without her consent in a nonsexual context would likely also enjoy hitting his wife if she consented to it too. This is can be reduced to an if-then statement of
"If someone enjoys performing an action or engaging with an idea outside of the context of consensual sex, then they will enjoy performing that same action or engaging with that same idea within the context of consensual sex."
(consensual here defined as having consented not only to sex but also to the actions being performed/beliefs being engaged with)
I think we can both agree on this statement, therefore we don't need to have rigour in justifying it for the purposes of this conversation.
however, pro-kink and anti-kink stances differe here with the addition of a therefore:
"If someone enjoys performing an action or engaging with an idea outside of the context of consensual sex, then they will enjoy performing that same action or engaging with that same idea within the context of consensual sex.
If someone enjoys performing an action or engaging with an idea within the context of consensual sex, then they will enjoy performing that same action or engaging with that same idea outside the context of consensual sex."
This is a non sequitur, and we're going to fit the second statement, or statement 2 to the most basic of sex scenarios to see why it isn't true: The act of penetrating a partner.
"If someone enjoys the act of/the idea of penetrating a partner within the context of consensual sex then they will enjoy the act of/the idea of penetrating a partner outside the context of consensual sex"
This is a statement that we can both agree is false, and so as before we will not rigorously dismantle it for the sake of brevity.
With that, we can see how statement 2 is false, but that means we now need to consider why statement 2 is false.
Statement 2 argues that for all people, the presence or absence of consent is negligable when it comes to their enjoyment of something, but for the vast majority of people, the absence of consent will make something infinitely less enjoyable. This is because of empathy. You know that you would not enjoy something that you did not consent to, then if you were to consider doing something to someone that they did not consent to, you would know that they would not enjoy said thing, and you can empathise with that. Therefore, you will not enjoy doing something to someone they did not consent to. This is also just the golden rule; "If I do not enjoy things done to me without my consent, I ought not to do things to people without their consent."
It is only through the absence of empathy for the person you are considering that consent becomes irrelevant to your own enjoyment. Notably this does not mean that the only people who do not care about consent are those who lack the capacity for empathy, the primary perpetuators of nonconsensual acts are those who have selective empathy.
And finally, this brings us to our conclusory statement:
Enjoying something done to or with a person without their consent requires an absence of empathy for that person, whilst enjoying something done to or with a person with their consent can be done with or without empathy for them.
You cannot assume that someone who engages in something with the consent of the persons involved has an absence of empathy, and therefore the capacity to enjoy the said thing without said consent.
You can only assume that someone enjoys engaging in something without the consent of the persons involved if they have demonstrated that enjoyment
That is the core foundation of not only kink, but also basic social respect.
Thank you, thank you, your applause is too kind, too kind. I'll be here until the heat death of the universe, folks!