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Congratulations, Occtis Tachonis! You are no longer The Loser of your family!

Ethrand Tachonis, you have hereby been sentenced to bear the title of The Loser of your family for the following crimes:

Botching the murder and celestial transformation of your brother (he doesn't even have sorcery magic, bro, how did you fuck this up so bad?)

Lie so terribly that the Cormoray and Einfasen immediately catch on to the fact that something is not right about whatever the fuck is going on with your family

Being so unlikeable that a Lady of your allied Sundered House would rather run away from home to try and court Julien Davinos instead of "get to know you" as her father suggested

#ethrand tachonis #house tachonis #congrats occtis #critical role #critical role campaign 4 #critical role spoilers #critical role campaign 4 spoilers #ingrid einfasen #julien davinos

The funniest bit of information we got this episode is the fact that Occtis "Died a virgin, catastrophically fumbled Dr. Amry Talter" Tachonis somehow doesn't have the worst game in his family. That honour goes to his brother Ethrand, the mere idea of whom causes women to flee in the opposite direction.

#this is the real reason why ethrand had to kill him #and it didn't even work #even dead occtis is managing to attract women rather than repel them #critical role #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #occtis tachonis #ethrand tachonis

The truly impressive thing about House Tachonis is somehow they're always more fucked up than you think. I'll be like, oh, abusive father, creepy necromancers, sadism, vivisection, I gotchya, I know the tropes. And then its like, oh no, daddy only hates *some* of his kids cause he's not a monster. The creepy twins aren't just cruel and codependent, they're explicitly turned on by sibling-on-sibling violence and plain old Alabama-style sibling-on-sibling. They don't simply construct undead hulk abominations from their enemies, they also leave said abominations lying around their house for people to accidentally stumble upon. Not only will they kill misbehaving family members, they have a hole in the family crypt specifically dedicated to storing the resultant corpse bits. The underworld is attached to the basement of their *checks notes* summer home, with doors in the crypts and ALSO THE FUCKING KITCHEN?!? WHAT IN CASE THEY NEED A QUICK BITE WHILE SUMMONING THEIR UNDEAD HORDES? EXCEPT WE LEARN THEY SUMMON THEIR HORDES IN A RANDOM FUCKING ROOM TWO DOORS DOWN FROM THE GUEST BATHROOM APPARENTLY. SO WHY ARE YOU DOING IT LIKE THIS PRIMUS? WHY?!

They're also broke as fuck.

#most importantly they let ethrand host in a black tank-top #the list of their sins goes on #critical role #cr spoilers #cr4 #cr4 spoilers #primus tachonis #petra and ryah tachonis #ethrand tachonis #house tachonis #cr shitpost

Don’t talk to me. I’m thinking about Aranessa seeing little eight-year-old Occtis walk in and Ethrand following behind him, tugging on his hair and whispering insults. And then years later being in the same room watching Ethrand brutally murder Occtis and tell him that he’s never fit in and never been enough

#critical role #cr spoilers #campaign 4 #occtis tachonis #aranessa royce #ethrand tachonis