#primus tachonis

[enitsirk]

Occthimble cold open!!

[masterqwertster]

Primus Tachonis's celestial making is like those crazy people on recipe blogs that substitute half the ingredients for something else because they like that ingredient better and then wonder why the dish didn't turn out right.

[shrugsinchinese]

More like slightly left of us, Primus.

[queenjulia11]

I feel the need to inform you all that Alex said in the cooldown that all Occtis could think about after watching Hannan die was being a little boy terrified that his angry father was going to kill him next.

I thought Primus was just neglectful but Occtis was regularly made to fear for his life in that house, even if the anger wasn’t directed right at him. I know I shouldn’t really be surprised but like. Holy fuck.

[justsomeone76]

The truly impressive thing about House Tachonis is somehow they're always more fucked up than you think. I'll be like, oh, abusive father, creepy necromancers, sadism, vivisection, I gotchya, I know the tropes. And then its like, oh no, daddy only hates *some* of his kids cause he's not a monster. The creepy twins aren't just cruel and codependent, they're explicitly turned on by sibling-on-sibling violence and plain old Alabama-style sibling-on-sibling. They don't simply construct undead hulk abominations from their enemies, they also leave said abominations lying around their house for people to accidentally stumble upon. Not only will they kill misbehaving family members, they have a hole in the family crypt specifically dedicated to storing the resultant corpse bits. The underworld is attached to the basement of their *checks notes* summer home, with doors in the crypts and ALSO THE FUCKING KITCHEN?!? WHAT IN CASE THEY NEED A QUICK BITE WHILE SUMMONING THEIR UNDEAD HORDES? EXCEPT WE LEARN THEY SUMMON THEIR HORDES IN A RANDOM FUCKING ROOM TWO DOORS DOWN FROM THE GUEST BATHROOM APPARENTLY. SO WHY ARE YOU DOING IT LIKE THIS PRIMUS? WHY?!

They're also broke as fuck.

[iidaonni]

Did I deserve it?

[your-turn-to-role]

i know clowning on primus tachonis for his shitty recipe following is all we've been doing all week but god i still can't get over the fact that okay, you figured out the modified ritual would only work on an alive tachonis without innate sorcery, meaning there was ONLY ONE CANDIDATE IN THE UNIVERSE this could have worked on, and THIS is the time you chose to go fuck it we're doing it live???

i swear, "something's wrong with the boy - primus, you fool, what have you done??" gets funnier every week. yeah, primus, what have you done, with this once in a lifetime opportunity? well first off you failed to keep track of the kid, because you told him to his face you didn't care what he did with his life as long as you didn't have to hear about it. second, you didn't actually test that the ritual could be done from a distance, you just assumed, which even if you were right, is extremely poor scientific practice to suddenly add in other variables when experimenting on your, and i cannot stress this enough, only viable subject! you also threw in the complete demolishing of two other noble houses at the same time, because you were planning to destroy them anyway, no harm in splitting our forces because surely the experiment will work out and then it won't be a problem!

i know you were under some amount of time pressure but given that your house hasn't imploded yet in the week since you failed the ritual that's time enough to check your working

the ritual calls for replacing the subject's living heart with one carved from celestial bones and you just shoved the stone of nightsong in there wholesale. primus that's not a heart that's a fucking bird

[luminousstardust]

brennan went so hard with that big scary primus tachonis speech that he had to immediately let loose and play the weird little freak that termina is right after as enrichment. and i think that’s beautiful.