It’s not making any sense
So, I started this blog because I thought that God was going to do something big. And I thought I knew what that big something was: I was going to get a 1 in STEP, not by might or by power but by God’s Spirit. My prayer has always been that I’ll have a miracle, stand up and testify, and use that to encourage others. That’s what I did with my GCSE results which were certainly, without any doubt, a miracle. But God taught me a little lesson there and tested my faith slightly (but that’s for another post), and I should have taken that as a warning that next results day will bring a bigger lesson and a bigger test of faith, and that’s beside the point.
I had worried about it, studied for it, and I just wasn’t getting far with it. But I went to some Christian conferences and was reading the word more and listening to sermons etc. and I heard God. After I had been soaked in His presence and asked Him to reveal Himself to me, I heard a small voice which said ‘don’t you see me, I’m at work’ and I saw an infinity sign.
I took that to mean, yes Hannah you’re getting a 1. But I got my result on Thursday and I got a 3, the lowest.
On the one hand, I was embarrassed. I had shouted that these grades were God’s. And that I was giving all the glory to Him. But there was no glory to give, in this instance. But I heard Pastor Michael Todd saying ‘don’t worry about protecting God’s reputation’, so I left that aside.
On the other hand, this didn’t make any sense: this isn’t my portion, my God is bigger than this, and my faith is much larger than a mustard seed. But I remembered my prayer the night before, that I would praise God no matter the situation. And, even in my disappointment, I was able to praise God, not resent Him, and pray to Him. I was encouraged to get a remark, and as much as I want it, I won’t do it without God telling me to do so.
I asked my aunt to give me a Word and she opened a passage from Ephesians (I’ll find the one) which just spoke to me. And I remembered that God promised me that He was working in me. He revealed a part of who He was. The promise wasn’t that I was going to get a 1. The promise was that I would grow exponentially, I would partake in His Glory. That’s the focus.
So I’m praying to God that I’ll learn the lesson. I’m excited about the lesson.
And, by crazy faith, through prayer and petition, I’m believing I’ll get my 1. But that’s just a side product.
So, yeah, it’s not making any sense at the moment. But I hope my faith comes through. This testimony is going to be much greater than I thought, typical God!