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[evenwhenitmakesnosense]

‘He got the whole world in His hands’

I was in tears over the UCAS situation. Three weeks, two bad exams, one mock interview, zero offers.

Then I realised that I’m trusting God. Without Him I have nothing. And this wasn’t a celebration or an act of worship, in all honesty. It was fear. Because I deeped it: without Him I have NOTHING.

So, I switched on Trading Faith, where it was paused half-way through. Clicked play, and I was in tears once again...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXfs5WjeQMo

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It’s still not making sense

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If I lose my faith, I lose it all

me, i think, unless i’m plagiarising, 

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God is still goodness

I remember an RS lesson I had in year 9 when my teacher posed a challenging and interesting question. The last few weeks were spent discussing abortion, gay marriage, the problem of suffering and other controversial topics. Each week I relished the challenge of debating the topics and sharing my beliefs, having been prepared for such a time as this at Sunday school. But this week we had a question I had never thought of before.

“Is something good because God says it is OR does God say something because it is good?”

The problem here is that if we agree with the former, then are we just blindly following some being, which could lead to some dangerous conclusions. For example, honour killings are okay because God says so. If we agree with the latter, then that means God is not the ultimate being in the universe, He is bound by this idea of ‘goodness’. 

After an interesting discussion and being surprisingly stunned into deep thought and silence, my teacher offered an alternative conclusion. Aristotle believed that this is actually a false dichotomy: if God = Goodness, then we don’t have a problem. One doesn’t imply the other, they’re equal.

God isn’t good, He’s Goodness. He’s that abstract noun or idea that is Goodness. He isn’t able to be anything but goodness.

I’ve been distant these last few months. And every now and then I’ll see a little clip from transformation that speaks straight to my heart and convicts me. Someone will say something at school that makes me feel uncomfortable because I know that’s God calling me back. That’s because even though I’ve changed because I didn’t get my miracle, my God is still goodness. Not good. Goodness. 

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It’s not making any sense

So, I started this blog because I thought that God was going to do something big. And I thought I knew what that big something was: I was going to get a 1 in STEP, not by might or by power but by God’s Spirit. My prayer has always been that I’ll have a miracle, stand up and testify, and use that to encourage others. That’s what I did with my GCSE results which were certainly, without any doubt, a miracle. But God taught me a little lesson there and tested my faith slightly (but that’s for another post), and I should have taken that as a warning that next results day will bring a bigger lesson and a bigger test of faith, and that’s beside the point. 

I had worried about it, studied for it, and I just wasn’t getting far with it. But I went to some Christian conferences and was reading the word more and listening to sermons etc. and I heard God. After I had been soaked in His presence and asked Him to reveal Himself to me, I heard a small voice which said ‘don’t you see me, I’m at work’ and I saw an infinity sign. 

I took that to mean, yes Hannah you’re getting a 1. But I got my result on Thursday and I got a 3, the lowest. 

On the one hand, I was embarrassed. I had shouted that these grades were God’s. And that I was giving all the glory to Him. But there was no glory to give, in this instance. But I heard Pastor Michael Todd saying ‘don’t worry about protecting God’s reputation’, so I left that aside. 

On the other hand, this didn’t make any sense: this isn’t my portion, my God is bigger than this, and my faith is much larger than a mustard seed. But I remembered my prayer the night before, that I would praise God no matter the situation. And, even in my disappointment, I was able to praise God, not resent Him, and pray to Him. I was encouraged to get a remark, and as much as I want it, I won’t do it without God telling me to do so. 

I asked my aunt to give me a Word and she opened a passage from Ephesians (I’ll find the one) which just spoke to me. And I remembered that God promised me that He was working in me. He revealed a part of who He was. The promise wasn’t that I was going to get a 1. The promise was that I would grow exponentially, I would partake in His Glory. That’s the focus.

So I’m praying to God that I’ll learn the lesson. I’m excited about the lesson. 

And, by crazy faith, through prayer and petition, I’m believing I’ll get my 1. But that’s just a side product.

So, yeah, it’s not making any sense at the moment. But I hope my faith comes through. This testimony is going to be much greater than I thought, typical God!

[evenwhenitmakesnosense]

I know, but...

I had been watching wig videos and hating how tangled my hair is for years and finally, I bought a wig. I didn’t go for a natural-looking one at all, instead, I got a waist-length black and blonde wig.

Wearing it the whole day, I felt exhausted like I was hiding something that someone could notice at any point. I was afraid that the hairline would stand out and look unnatural and everyone would ask whether it was my hair or not. To which I would have to respond ‘nope, it’s a wig’.

And people will judge, think I have a hair problem or something else. But the truth is I just want to give my hair a rest.

I’ve always said that I don’t care what people think- now is the time to prove it!

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Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

2 Peter 1:4

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results day

We have an unusual system here in the UK of having to wait months to get our GCSE, IB, A Level, STEP etc. grades. We sit them in May and June but we only know the outcome in August. We get the contradicting advice of ‘work really hard, put your life on hold and smash these exams’ and ‘don’t think about them for the next month and a bit’, which yields a mini-mental rollercoaster of ‘who cares, they’re done now’ ‘what am i going to do if I failed’. 

I’ve gone from the former to the later. But I have a new mentality that I want to share with you all.

Knowing that I’m a child of God, I felt so confident walking into the exam. But then I heard so many discouraging stories, one of which I’ll share. My aunt applied for a visa to the US for her brother’s wedding. It was rejected once but she applied again, this time we were all praying and my mother specifically said she ‘heard God say yes’. She was rejected. That annoyed me and I started to doubt, forgetting my decision to keep praising evenwhenitmakesnosense. This doubt lasted weeks: I didn’t pray before meals, I was going back to some old sinful habits and some swearing too... But these last few days I’ve been getting closer, on my way home like the prodigal son and today I was welcomed back with open arms.

The Holy Spirit laid this on my heart:

Don’t worry about being the insta perfect whose bio is ‘i’m the daughter of the most high’. Let’s be logical here. When Jesus took on flesh and died on the cross he identified himself with us (we are now in communion with God, He is now our father, we’re like the priests that need to be representing God to others etc.). SO do you really think that God- the powerful creator, healer, counsellor, redeemer, saviour, the conquerer, way maker, miracle worker- will ever put his name to an L?? 

Do you really think that my Jesus, who saved the entirety of humanity, is even able to fail? Can anything linked to Jesus fail?

NO!

Remember the immutability of God: he cannot take an L. And because of Jesus Christ, we are partakers in His Kingdom Glory (2 Peter 1:4).

Do you think His Kingdom Glory includes losses, failures, Ls?

Not my Jesus. 

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The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.

Matthew 9:37

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Don’t forget, CCD

It used to astound me that the improper use of the word ‘like’ is no longer being frowned upon. We hear professionals, teachers, bloggers and friends saying it all the time to such an extent that it is no longer ‘bad grammar’, but rather a new wave of the English language. It’s marked the new evolution in our tongue.

In the same vein, text speak is infiltrating our daily language: abbreviations such as lol, bmt and tbh are no longer solely written, but spoken too. 

In both instances, common usage of a saying or word has caught on and their use has become normal in the English language because, as I’ve always argued, the language needs to evolve to reflect the dynamism of the people using it. We don’t need to stick to the Oxford Dictionary to retain our beautiful Shakespearean language.

However, I’ve noticed a gap in our ever-updating dictionaries. There’s a phrase that I’m always coming back to and clinging onto with every last hope in my body: CCD.

christ

            conquered

                                 death

My granddad died? That’s okay because Christ conquered death.

I don’t think I’ll get through this? With Jesus all is possible, after all, Christ conquered death. 

The devil’s really trying to test me today? Nope Satan, not today,  Christ conquered [you] death.

I guess this entire long-winded introduction is partially sarcasm; but I also want you to consider, as you laugh, whether CCD should feature in your lives more often? As a Christian, this truth is the very core of our hope, our purpose and our identity. 

But, on a more tender note, what prompted me to write this? Three days my great uncle died. Today his wife, my great aunt, died too. Times like this cause us to reflect on our own lives and to ask the deep questions in life of ‘why do you do this God’, ‘what’s the point of it all’ or ‘how can I keep on going’? But the question going through my mind is ‘even if this person lived another 10 years, would I have told them about Jesus? Would their eternity/destination be different?’. And truthfully, the answer is no.

I said it this morning before the devil tempted me: ‘the harvest is plenty but the workers are few’. We have a lot to do and once again God has put it in my heart that I need to go and shout out what He’s done for me and that everyone needs to come to Him. But I know that I can’t go if I’m going to come back to this same stumbling point; the devil really knows that God’s going to unleash a great power onto me for His Glory. I won’t let him intervene again.

No way, CCD. 

[evenwhenitmakesnosense]

inflexion point

I’ve learnt a lot from my days here at MasterCard. 

I cried on Tuesday night for the first time in months. In some ways, it was a relief because at the back of my mind I feared that I was becoming the ‘emotionless robot’ that had both intrigued and repulsed me. Equally, those thoughts came back.

_who do you think you are?_

_you can’t talk to him, he’s the President of Enterprise, he’s important and too busy_

_how did you even get here?_

What sparked this? My aunt’s Visa got denied and this infuriated and angered me. Her brother is getting married next week, the brother she was closest with. Most of her siblings managed to get an education and went to university and are doing really well for themselves. But not my aunt because she had to look after my grandmother. This disadvantaged her and somehow has culminated in her Visa not being granted. 

This broke my heart because she deserves to go more than anyone else. I don’t. What makes me different? How is it fair that I get to do this work experience, then the very next day go to New York, then the very next day go to Morgan Stanley? Meanwhile my aunt, who has been so patient, loving, humble and dutiful her whole life has to stay at home and just look at the pictures. 

Then I walked into work the next day feeling even more like an alien. I don’t belong here. I’m like my aunt, my background is Ethiopia, I’ve come from absolute poverty. I felt like a fluke that slipped away from the trend by some unknown reason. The anomaly.

But today my difference gave me an advantage. It allowed me to really talk and contribute during the Jaza Duka conversation. We could properly talk and I had an analytical understanding of what they do and the effect it has.

Then I watched Ajay Banga’s interviews. He’s the CEO that everyone refers to and adores. He’s like me. He was brought up in a completely different environment; he stands out in any crowd. 

I haven’t yet reached a grand, profound conclusion. Perhaps this is an inflexion point in my life. Where we’re still going to the same point (the gradient is still positive!) but the route has changed slightly (the curvature has changed) so what was supposed to be a min is actually a max...

[evenwhenitmakesnosense]

Simple Gospel (Official Video)

Listen the rest of the album here http://smarturl.it/upsg Subscribe to our channel for more videos All Simple Gospel videos: http://bit.ly/28Jj3cM Follow Uni...

[evenwhenitmakesnosense]

...but I need to tell myself that God's goodness was NEVER reliant on my works. It's the other way around: my good works come from God's goodness.

evenwhenitmakesnosense 

[grandman1126-deactivated2020071]

Amen… 🙏😂🙏😂🙏 #BornSINNER #ChildOfGod #GodIsGOOD #Amen #JehovahJireh #WWJD #WontHeDoIt #HolyGhostFilled #PraiseAndWorship #JesusIsMyHomeBoy #TithesAndOffering #Shabach #TurnToYourNeighbor #LetTheChurchSayAMen (at Kent Island, MD) https://www.instagram.com/p/Byxc3iOlIQPiJWHr5WjQWkQbqdYQKSGaLBHNeE0/?igshid=84ccko69ortv

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Father’s Day // Stewardship

I am very competitive. I always want to win, prove that I’m writing and succeed. The idea of being a winner isn’t difficult for me to accept at all. I always worked hard so that I would get the highest grade. I’d always try and convince people of my perspective in conversation or at least insist that they understand my viewpoint.

This nature of mine has manifested differently recently. Once I reached ‘the point’, I’ve become very competitive against the devil. We need to go beyond the defence and towards the offence. Everything that pleases God and upsets the devil we need to do! That includes declaring WHO God is, WHAT we believe and WHY we need to follow Him to everyone. 

We need to follow God’s design for womanhood (/manhood), sex, friendships, work, school, sisterhood (/brotherhood), motherhood (/fatherhood), singleness, relationships, spending time with Him... everything! Each time we follow the Lord we please Him. Each time we follow the Lord we disgust the devil. And this makes me so happy.

So I will celebrate every single victory against the devil and I will shout every praise to my God. 

This Fathers Day we aren’t just celebrating our dad. We’re celebrating that there are strong, godly men that are following God’s design for manhood and fatherhood. They haven’t succumbed to the devil’s ‘men are trash’ mould, nor are they leaving their wives at home to go out and ‘live their best childless life’. They didn’t fear commitment and have an abortion. Nor did they go out and break the family. We need to celebrate them. Celebrate that they chose the Lord, submission, love and sacrifice. That’s a huge victory for God and a massive loss suffered by the devil.

We’re also celebrating the mothers because fatherhood cannot succeed in isolation. We’re celebrating the single mothers that are trying their best to be both. 

And finally, we’re also telling the fatherless that real men exist. The single parent home isn’t God’s design at all so don’t be bitter. But you have an incredible Father who is always watching you. He’s always with you. He absolutely Loves you. Don’t conform to the patterns of this world where they’re saying that there are variations in family types and that they’re all acceptable and okay and that the most important thing is happiness. That isn’t true. Following God’s design is way more important. We celebrate every tiny success that we have of following this on the daily. 

I want to make a bold statement. Fatherhood is all about stewardship and serving. These aren’t popular words in the Church, nor are they particularly glamorous. But they’re integral and mark the Christian walk. I recommend that you listen to Pastor Rich Wilkerson Jr’s series ‘Miracle in Motion’ and Pastor Todd’s series ‘Ducks in a Row’. The fathers out there have taken their role seriously so we need to seriously celebrate it. Another score to the Kingdom!

So, to all the fathers:

1. happy fathers day for deciding to be a patient father

2. happy sons day for deciding to be an obedient son

3. happy husbands day for deciding to be a husband who serves

4. happy friend day for deciding to be an honest friend

5. happy followers day for deciding to be a loyal follower of God

[evenwhenitmakesnosense]

This I Believe (The Creed) - Hillsong Worship

Recorded Live at Hillsong Conference in Sydney 2014. This song is based on the Apostles Creed and is a unifying bold declaration of our faith in Jesus Christ...