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the last boy girl i fucked was mad i kept calling her a bitch. but what else am i supposed to say she when’s arching her back and sticking her tight ass in my face. huffing and puffing like she’s in heat. a bitch is a bitch even if she’s chopped her tits off

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Garsantos gossip at the Javadi household:

Raymond: Can we please stop talking about work and just eat like a normal family

Eileen: I didn't say anything gruesome. Garcia seems a bit out of it though, a bit

Victoria: Bitchy?

Eileen: Well that wouldn't be anything new but she seems ... like she has light in her eyes

Victoria: Oh no she's happy

Raymond: If Garcia finally has a reason to lay off of people, isn't that a good thing?

Eileen: Well it would be

Victoria: What gives

Eileen: I just like watching my subordinates go through mental health crisis.

Raymond: Eileen!

Eileen: It was a joke Raymond, I'm not Robinavitch

Raymond: Speaking of Robinavitch. How is he? I heard through the grape vine that he just came back from his sabbatical

Victoria: Last I heard from Santos was that he's trying to matchmaker her and Garcia which makes no sense cause they're dating and -

Eileen: WHAT! Since when

Victoria: ... That's kinda a long answer mom

Raymond: I've got time

Eileen: You have a gossiping addiction. That's what you have Raymond..

Raymond: But seriously ... what's the deal

Victoria: So last September, when Santos was an intern, they met during a trauma case. They bonded pretty quick. Umm about like an hour or 2 later Garcia was down for a ... fasciotomy I think and she guided Santos through it

Eileen: Well Garcia is a very gifted mentor

Victoria: Yeah she was like all pressed on her, holding her hand through the procedure like she was strapping her down

Raymond: What does strapping someone down mean?

Victoria: uh like tying the knot

Eileen:

Are you sure it's not another weird sex thing?

Victoria: anyways so a bit later Santos nearly killed a patient and Garcia came on the room like wtf. Then once she found out that it was Santos, Garcia was fine with it. Them a few hours later when they were doing another procedure I forget which one, Santos was making the initial cut and when she went to go hand the blade to Garcia it catapulted into her foot

Raymond: Oof, that's gotta hurt

Eileen: Wow Ray what's next? There's forks in the kitchen

Victoria: Mom there are no forks in the kitchen, they're all packed away

Eileen: Just continue the story

Victoria: Okayyy so then about 30 minutes later, Garcia let Santos on a clinical case

Raymond: I take it her foot was fine

Victoria: Yeah, scared pretty bad though. Anyways after that Santos said she thought Langdon might be stealing drugs to which Garcia got super upset and defensive, just kinda iced her out

Raymond: So she's not a magical lesbian medical princess ?

Eileen: I'd never thought a scentence like that a would ever come out of a grown man's mouth but here we are

Raymond: Sorry I didn't know that I can't be joyful

Eileen: I don't wanna deal with joyfulness. I want a foot massage and senior residents who don't flirt with interns via eye fucking in trauma bays

Raymond: Language, language

Eileen: Raymond, so help me God, i will throw you out of this window if you don't shut the hell up

Raymond: Yes ma'am

Victoria: Soooo cam I continue my story

Eileen: Go on honey

Victoria: So then not too long after, they were working on a case together with a concious patient. Everythinf was going well, Garcia asked for Santos' sign and all. Garcia got paged and then nothing happened for about 2 hours or so

Eileen: I always knew Garcia was gay, I knew it from when she hit on me when she was an ms3

Victoria: what the fuck mom!

Eileen: I know it was a very strange day, it has been ever since. But i really underestimated how much of a total gaywad that woman truly is. Continue

Victoria: Later, Santos calls Garcia down because there's pizza and they need to talk. Garcia asked her out to cocktails and then Santos said thay she ratted Langdon out and Garcia was even meaner. Like basically told her to fuck all the way off

Eileen: Oh ... so why did she react thay way

Victoria: I don't know. My theory is that Yolanda did smthn similar and felt as though Langdon gettinf caught would be a catalyst for her, maybe they were covering for eachother

Eileen: I've never seen Garcia impared

Victoria: A lot of high functioning addicts don't. Just look at Langdon

Eileen: Watch your mouth

Victoria: I'm sorry, it was just a thought. Anyways they didn't speak again until a week after pittfest. Garcia apologized for being brash. They went out thay weekend

Eileen: So that's when they started dating, no?

Victoria: No

Raymond: No?

Victoria: They both just wanted something casual because their lives are really hectic and Garcia especially didn't have time for a relationship

Eileen: Well at least she has her priorities set straight

Victoria: Well she did until March. Walsh canceled on her, they were supposed to hang out so she invited Santos over instead. Apparently they like stargazed and fell asleep on thr rooftop.

Raymond: Aww

Victoria: So after that Garcia started taking Santos to really expensive restaurants, Santos started having Garcia over for game night or to watch a movie - according to Whitaker they're both like musical theater geeks - without any strings attached, Garcia brought Santos to like Latin clubs and even taught her how to dance Bomba. Batata? Bacha? Something like that.

Eileen: So that's when they started datinf

Victoria: No, the dates were every line 2 weeks bit theu did have a weekly movie night but their main point if business was still eating pussy

Eileen: VICTORIA ELOISE JAVADI! Watch your fucking mouth

Raymond: Sweetie I think we should calm down

Victoria: Like I was saying, they were casual. Until one night in June, Garcia was having a pretty bad night

Eileen: Bad how? Is she okay, do i need to ask Caleb to ambush her?

Victoria: Well Garcia ia a vet

Eileen: I know

Victoria: How?

Eileen: She had a massive meltdown her intern year over fireworks and I asked her about it the next day

Victoria: Oh. Well Garcia called saying thay zhe didn't wanna be alone at that time and if Santos could come over for the night

Raymond: That was sweet of her

Victoria: It was. Especially when Garcia told Santos, "I love you."

Raymond: Not that I really wanna know, but was it an after sex I love you or was it a genuine I love you

Victoria: 2nd, Garcia was wrapped in her arms and everything

Eileen: So what did Santos say

Victoria: "I know you do"

Raymond: That's a really weird thing to say

Eileen: I don't know you said "thank you" qfter I kissed you for the first time

Raymond: I was grateful

Eileen: So how did Garcia respond

Victoria; She started acting weird after that for about two weeks until Garcia finally decided to talk about why she was so upset that night. Then I guess she felt guilty so she agreed to watch fireworks with Santos saying thay the only reason she had an episode was because the VA was late in refilling her meds.

Eileen: So they started dating after the fireworks with a big movie scene kiss right?

Victoria: No. That day was the same that Langdkn came back and Santos was giving him shit just like she had for the last 10 months. Especially when she and Garcia were together and Langdon came up.

Raymond: That's exsessive

Victoria: Yeah. So thay day Garcia canceled plans at the last minute kinda because of Westbridge

Eileen: Yeah because she requested overtime

Victoria: Huh

Eileen: Yeah she had to wear me down cause she had hardly slept in the last few days and I was scared she would kill someone

Victoria: It's probably smthn to do with the PTSD

Raymond: That would be my best guess

Victoria: They saw eachother the next day and had a little talk. They decided to stop seeing eachother

Raymond: But you said they're together

Victoria: They only lasted 2 weeks. Then they started just taking things slow, not rushing anything

Raymond: So Santos wasn't pissed?

Victoria: Sbe was too hungover to be pissed off Dad

Raymond: Understandable

Victoria: Oh and I forgot to mention that I saw them kissing in the park like across from the hospital

Raymond: At least they weren't making out on hospital grounds. Good for them, I like to see people happy

Victoria: No it was one of those ones you would read in like a really good Hamilton college AU famfiction thay was written by a 14yo who spoke broken English

Eileen: I don't know what any of those words mean

Victoria: They kissed loke they were in a Hallmark movie

Eileen: Like a Christmas one

Victoria: No, like a fall one

Raymond: Aww that's cute

Victoria: It's really great writing inspo

Eileen: So I imagine that Garcia made the first move with rhe whole cocktail thing

Victoria: No. Garcia's car broke down and Santos offered a ride and then one thing led to another and the next thing you know they're... doing arts and crafts

Eileen: Huh

Victoria: They joined as one

Eileen: I'm still lost

Victoria: They participated in the ancient holy acts

Eileen: What are you saying?

Victoria: SCISSORING! They had sex mom. All night long and it apparently kept Whitaker up all night. And got then about 7 noise complaints

Raymond: Eileen, sweetheart, are you okay? You look a little pale

Eileen: I owe Miller ... so much money. We might have to sell the dog

Victoria: Not waffles! Why can't we just give you away?

Eileen: Because I am your mother

Victoria: You can write us letters

Eileen: Fuck me

Victoria: Sush Garcia might hear you

Raymond: But seriously ... all night long?

Victoria: Who needs Dulingo when your roommate is sleeping with Yolanda Garcia

Eileen: I need to lie down and I think I'm going to ask for Garcia to switch to night shift or perhaps take up working at the Taco Bell

Victoria: That's rascist

Eileen: Good night Vicky

Raymond: So tell me more

Victoria: Well...