#evilwifeposting

[gemshroud]

@sleetkissed

stabs him ♥

In the voice of a man trying really hard to sound neutral despite being instantly enamored to a degree that no amount of therapy would be able to unpack: "Ow."

He doesn't know whether he did something to deserve this (reasonable enough, in his opinion) or whether she's finally just going to kill him in some sort of frenzy, but he's not entirely against either option. If anything, it would be his preferred way to go out at this point.

[gemshroud]

@sleetkissed BAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHHA

This means so much to me on a spiritual level. She should bridal carry him.

[gemshroud]

@sleetkissed

[ TXT ] : I'm horny. What are you wearing right now.

He looks down at himself.

[ TXT ] : black

He starts putting things away just in case he might get a chance to be invited over. Wow. Romance.

This time he's actually... kinda doing it on purpose, though? Just a little? The plan is to give noncommittal boring answers and then send a cheeky sexy photo right when all hope seems lost as his way of flirting. Wait, does he actually have some game? Has he been self-aware this whole time???

Also, it's best not to speculate on what "sexy photos" would look like between these two weirdos... Probably involves knives or something idk. "If I roleplay like I'm going to cut off my own fingers one by one, is that like edging for you? Because I'm down for that." - Artemis Entreri, 2025, artistic medium: extremely outdated nokia that somehow is also a smartphone

[gemshroud]

@sleetkissed

The chosen of Bhaal herself appears behind him ( uuuhuhu how creepy ) , wordlessly waiting, as if the poor assassin can read minds. Would no immediate reaction follow, Esteri would pick him up with an annoyed sigh, taking matters into her own hands. She has to do EVERYTHING herself it seems like.

❝ We will spend the holiday together. ❞ No room for arguing. She already decided.

The hairs at the back of his neck just slightly stand on end--his reflexes of course are used to attacks from behind. And yet he suspects he recognizes this particular silent looming...

He glances sideways over his shoulder, gaze cold as ever but with a certain familiarity. Yep, exactly who he expected. He is pleased, despite himself.

"... Will we now?" He doesn't argue though. It's more wry than anything. He knows his place. "Do you need an extra pair of hands for tearing out hearts for the occasion?"

It's a joke, but he wouldn't exactly be opposed if it wasn't a joke, but let's not examine that.

(Earlier in the day he'd actually paced in front of an art supply store, rather rare to find in their travels, feeling like an omen of some kind given the romantic timing, but he ultimately chickened out from buying anything. His thirty minutes or so of ominous stalking outside did give the clerk a real scare though.)

(To add to this lameness, he narrowly avoided getting picked up here, but if he had been he would've wriggled around fussily like when you pick up a cat around the belly and it is very displeased yet hopeless to escape.)

[gemshroud]

@sleetkissed

Pets his head like an evil mastermind would to her evil cat on her lap. That's her small assassin right there.

He's just stoically standing there with his arms crossed, ready to be sicced on some poor soul. Thriving in his evil minion era.

(Also they are both standing up, this is just their regular height difference.)