i dreamt last night that i was back in the desert of western nevada, visiting my grandmother. i was fighting with her neighbors over the mailbox, i always seem to be arguing in my nightmares. a lot of poking and pleading.
i was also staring at my phone screen in the dream, trying and failing to get a message through to my ex. he’s in my dreams a lot, my therapist says that it’s my subconscious processing things that i’m too closed off to when i’m awake. but this time it was like trying to solve a rubik’s cube just to get a line of text through to him.
once i woke up i crunched some numbers. we have been no contact (my decision) since june of 2022. four years and one month. i was struck by this, thinking that must be about as long as we knew each other. so i crunched more numbers and the exact length of time we knew each other? four years and one month.
maybe that little door my subconscious keeps open to process him is finally closing, now that the scales of time have balanced. thank fucking god.
