#exbf!dick grayson

[dxckgrxsonx]

You're summoning me with exbf mentions. Exbf!Dick?

Exbf!Dick, where you were together for so long that your friend groups overlapped and now even fresh off the breakup, you can't avoid him even if in passing stories.

It's the stuttering stories people try to work around when they forget in the heat of the moment and have to dance around his name and wonder if they should switch tracks to segue into another topic. The way they always leave the empty seat across in a booth meant for two people while they squish in three on their side because they forget and one awkwardly slides in with you after you sit, elbows knocking the whole meal.

You can't avoid him in your favorite places even. The places you would regularly go would ask where your boyfriend is when you first start going alone.

Maybe you start hanging out with your friends at the same time after a while because yeah, it sucks it hurts and sucks, but it isn't your friends fault. They deserve all their friends when they want. So you hear his laugh, strained and tinged with just a hint of high society to get him through this while you're left as far away from him as you can get as soft as you can be to hear as much of his voice as you can. Fake cadence and all.

Only he is doing the same, so neither of you hear anything but laughter. The small bits of fake laughter tide you through the outing but not through anything else because it sounded so fake.

Exbf!Dick, where you're both unable to forget because no one seems to be letting you heal inadvertently and you're left yearning.

mayday mayday mayday. im going down wailing and crying and cursing you out!!

it easy to forget that breakups don't always just include you. that sometimes when you integrate someone into your life, they also move into the lives of those around you. and when you break up, there's not just one hole inside you. there's a hole no matter where you go, there isn't an escape from it.

and how hard is it, to try and heal from something when the wound is left open?

your friends still maneuver around him like he's an active part of your life. like he's going to walk through the door as if nothing has changed. they say his name and still laugh at inside jokes and it hurts so bad you want to cry. and it's not always the worst part. the worst part is the backtracking, the pitying looks, the apologies.

you're reminded of him everywhere you go.

and when you see him again. when your lives overlap through those you love? its impossible not to notice all those things you learnt about him. the tone of his voice when he's tired, when he's happy, when he slips behind the same mask he does when he's hurting, when he's grieving.

you hang at the fraying edges of him. anything closer than that just reminds you of what you no longer have. you don't sit beside him anymore. you sit opposite. and if your knees touch under the table? well, that's between you and him alone, its not the only secret you'll take to the grave.

you're close enough to touch each other, but the gap is endless, and maybe there's some wounds that just can't heal.

[dxckgrxsonx]

Okay okay more exbf thots and forgive me if this has already been said but

It's the "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you to be the one"

And the "I want you to be happy with me"

And the unfollowing and refollowing their social media because you don't want to see them be happy but you do, oh god you do.

And it's a tragedy you can't look away from knowing that you'll never have better but you can't stay or it'll ruin the both of you but what sweeter ruin is there than loving and being loved in return?

Stop it you're killing me. i'm dying. how can you do this to me??

just not being able to say it. thinking it over and over again. thoughts horribly twisted, painful. your own hands wrapped around your throat to stop it coming out. words stuck endlessly in your head because would it change anything if they knew? would it make a difference. "i thought you were the one." "i swear to god you were it for me; there won't ever be anyone else."

my whole life was centred around you, revolved around you, lived and breathed and spun on the axis of you and now you're gone. nothing left but empty space. "you're gone and i'm alone and i think you took my heart with you when you left." "i don't know if i ever want it back." "i don't know if i can have it back."

our lives were tangled together. holding hands. convinced that what we had was for forever, that it was eternal. that we would take on the whole world back to back. there is a hole inside me. gaping and empty and shaped like you. "i have to learn to live without you." you orbit something for so long you become accustomed to it. its as natural as gravity. and then its gone and you're circling nothing at all. barren desolate space. "i don't know if i can ever live another day in my life without you next to me."

shaking hands. an awful pull in your chest when you see them. its nothing but a photo and you're not in it but there they are. there they are. reach out with your fingers and touch nothing but a screen. unfollow. it hurts too much. you're fine. you're fine. you're fine. endless, repetitive. its just a photo. but you're not in it. they've taken down everything with you in it. you're crying on the bathroom floor. refollow. they're happy. its bittersweet. you want them to be happy. you want them to live their life. you want to throw your phone at the wall. someone's turning a knife in your chest. "how can something hurt this bad and not kill you?" "I want you to be happy but good fucking god i wanted you to be happy with me." "why aren't you happy with me?" "why don't you want me?"

tragedy in heartbreak. tragedy written all over your face. tragedy in the empty side of the bed where you used to sleep. tragedy in the bathroom where your shampoo bottle still sits in the shower. tragedy in knowing you have to let go. "these tragedies are all i have left of you. i don't know if i can let them go. let you go. i'll have nothing left."

i'm watching us ruin our lives. i can't stand it. our very lives are on a collision course but its not a good thing anymore. we'll destroy each other if we don't walk away. "would you turn around? would you look back?"

"i'd watch my whole world burn if i could love you one last time." "I'd burn it to the ground myself if you asked me to." "what sweeter ruin is there than loving and being loved in return."

[dxckgrxsonx]

Oh boy do I have an exbf!Dick thought for you...

So it's been a while since the break up, over a year, and you run into each other for the first time in a while at some sort of gala. He catches sight of you from across the room and is considering saying hi for old time's sake when he notices the man with his arm wrapped around your waist and he just sees red. All the years of training, every method he knows to keep his emotions in check goes out the window because that should be him holding you like that.

And so yeah, maybe he does flirt with you when he eventually does talk to you. And maybe he uses a friendly kiss on the cheek as an excuse to ask in a whisper if your date satisfies you the way he used to. It's worth it to hear you sputter and see the look in your eyes that gives him all the answer he needs.

Are you trying to kill me??? Because I feel like you’re trying to kill me 😩😩

he can’t control the flare of envy in his veins. the sight of someone else touching you ignites something possessive inside him. you should be his. only his. he’s been trained since he was a child to control himself, to compartmentalise his emotions, his feelings, and slip into someone controlled, someone combat ready.

you’re still just as beautiful as the last time he saw you. he still remembers what it felt like to kiss you. you’re across the room from him with someone else holding your waist and he can’t stay away from you.

in his head he categorises it as innocent. it’s nothing more than a catch up, just to see where abouts you are in life, how you’ve been.

but it’s not innocent. it’s gathering intel. it’s comparing himself to the person you’re with now and thinking ‘what does he have that I don’t?’ it’s him trying to find leverage. it’s him unable to stop himself from prying into your life because it’s one step closer to you, right?

he talks to you and makes you smile and wishes that things were different. you touch his hand, just for a split second, and he doesn’t know if you did it on purpose or if you did it on a reflex. either way you touch him and for a brief moment in time he could believe that you were still his.

and sure, when he gets the chance to press a kiss to your cheek under the guise of being polite, he asks if the person you’re with pleases you better than he could. but the look you give him in return might as well bring him to his knees right there because he can tell, just by that look alone, that no, this man doesn’t please you like he could.

and that fact alone fucks him up for the rest of the evening.

[dxckgrxsonx]

I love exbf! fanfics whether they get together again or not (usually back together again cause I have enough pain) solely because?? The pain of having to learn to eat all the colors in the skittles again where the other would eat your least favorite, the pain of stopping yourself from reaching for chips you never ate but always stocked, of ordering a dish and having no one to offer the parts you always pretended to hate because they always loved it so much. It's eating something you hate for the first time in a long time, it's not stocking something you never thought wouldn't disappear, it's eating something you loved too but kept secret and it's all tinged in memories of laughter and love and something so far away it all tastes like ash anyway. Meanwhile it's Dick looking at a mask and never doubting your loyalty to his secret but with a kitchen that feels half empty it doesn't feel like he's winning at anything. Exbf! Or just ex stuff got me feral all the time

I’m??? About three seconds away from bawling my eyes out. I…you…got me fully fucked up. I can’t even function. I’ll never be able to look at skittles the same way again.

‘it’s Dick looking at a mask and never doubting your loyalty to his secret but with a kitchen that feels half empty’

Darling, baby, my sweetheart. I’m in love with you and everything you’ve wrote but excuse me while I walk directly into oncoming traffic. I can never recover from this. I’ll never be the same again….I am tAKING NOTES!

[dxckgrxsonx]

Istg exbf!dick is making me go feral!!!! I’ve had my first day at a new job today and still he was in my head all day 😭 literally been living there rent free ever since you first mentioned him … like the horny element of this: YES but the angsty element of them not being together anymore and still wanting each other: FUCK YES!!!!

Yes!! Yes!! It’s about the angst!! It’s about: I never stopped loving you. I still remember what position you sleep in. I wake up and go to tell you what I dreamed about but you’re not there.

It’s about the pain!! And the frustration that this person is so well tangled in your heart that you can’t let them go. That subconsciously you search for them no matter where you are and it hurts like hell; feels like dying.

But you throw the horny into the mix and urhrhrhrh. No one else can make me feel like this. You know what I need without me having to tell you. I compare you to everyone else and realise that they’re not good enough; they’re not you. You push me right to the limit and no further because you know me.

But it’s also about the self confidence, the arrogance!! The knowing that in the end they’ll come back to you because you can give them something no one else can.

And then it’s about the: this is the only way I can have you but I want more; I want you back. You were the only one who looked at me with all my flaws and loved me anyway. I don’t know how to love anyone but you. I don’t know how to live without you.

Aaaaagh. I’m wailing, crying, lying facedown on the floor 😭😭

[dxckgrxsonx]

Another exbf!dick Grayson thought: it’s not only the „I thought you’d be the one“ but also the „I WANTED you to be the one.“

I STILL WANT YOU TO BE THE ONE.

yes yes yes!! i can feel the angst!! i can feel the pain!!

crying hard enough to make yourself sick. the sight of your toothbrush in the bathroom brought me to my knees. i can't bring myself to throw it away. i drove my car to the middle of nowhere and screamed out everything but your name. my home is so empty without you in it. i haven't opened the curtains in weeks. you left your key on the kitchen counter and looking at it feels like a gunshot wound. i thought you were the one i'd spend the rest of my life with. i keep waiting for you to come back. i want you to come back. why won't you come back?

lingering by the door. fingers pulling at your sleeves. you leave before the sun comes up. you leave in the dark. you leave me in the dark. your toothbrush is still in the bathroom. just in case...just...its there if you ever change your mind. i carry your key in my pocket. i still call it your key. i don't know how to call it anything else. i don't know if i can keep watching you walk away from me. i deleted your number from my phone in a fit of rage. how can you do this to me? i know your number by heart and find myself reciting the digits when i think of you. the last time you left i was still awake and i heard you whisper my name. i wanted you to be the one so much it hurt.

you keep coming back to me. i can't ever turn you away. you still fit so easily into my home. i left your key on the kitchen counter hoping you'd take it with you. i saved your number back into my phone. i don't think i'll ever be able to let you go. having you like this is better than nothing at all. having you like this is killing me. i threw your toothbrush out last week but bought a brand new one in the same colour. you never took your key back with you when you left. i still can't call it anything other than yours. you keep coming back to me and i keep letting you in. don't you know by now? i still want you to be the one.

[dxckgrxsonx]

listen. to cause people even more angst and heartbreak: how about being a vigilantes and being dicks ex? 😭

aaaaa Julia my darling hi!! omg yeessss!!

the first time i see you in months i don’t really see you at all. you blur at the edges of my vision and if i blink you’ll be gone. i see you bright and blue and alive and try not to think about how relieved i am to see you breathing. this life is dangerous for both of us. you step too heavy on one foot and i already know where you hurt. i want to make sure you’re okay but its not my place anymore. im a danger to anyone to hurts you. you’re a danger to anyone who hurts me. we’re a danger to each other.

you wont say my name and i wont say yours. i don’t know if its protection or punishment. i see you in front of me but your face is hidden behind a mask. i want to drop to my knees and beg you to say my name. i just want to see you. why won’t you let me see you? you’re right here in front of me but you might as well not be here at all. you blur right before my eyes but it’s because im crying. loving you hurts more than taking a punch to the gut.

i know your patrol route by heart. i find myself lingering at the edges just to catch a glimpse of you. you got hit too hard and went down and i’ve never been so scared in my life. i still know all your moves. we’re not together but we work as one. we traded weapons for a split second and i remember the nights you taught me how to use them. i know where you hide your backup knife. you haven’t changed one bit and the comfort that brings feels endless. we fight back to back and the press of your body against mine makes me feel whole. we always worked best when it was us against the world. turns out we work even better when we’re against each other.

the fight ends. the smile on your face is feral. i want to fuck you. i’ll blame it on the adrenaline when it’s over but the truth is i want to check you for injuries. im laughing for the first time in weeks because you still keep your knife in the same place. im trying not to fall apart in your arms. we wore our masks the entire time and i dont know if that makes it easier or harder. you didn’t say my name once. i grabbed at your shoulder too hard and you flinched. i didn’t touch you there again. i can’t stand to see you in pain. its a good thing i can’t really see you.

[dxckgrxsonx]

The thing with exbf!Dick is that I'm both desperately horny for him and also full of angst because of the longing. Like the very idea of both of you missing each other for different reasons but also not wanting to be the one to admit that so you keep going back to each other for the physical connection because you'd rather have each other in that way than not at all.

And yeah the sex is absolutely filthy, and he's so smug about the fact that you came to him even though he was thinking about doing the exact same thing, but he'll never let you know that. Every time you show up at his door he's teasing you about all the things he's going to do to you, and he keeps his word about every single one of them.

At the same time though, it's hopelessly tragic because you both really want more, and being together physically does nothing except remind you of that. You long for the nights spent in each other's arms, but instead, you're stuck in this place where you're leaving each other before sunrise.

yes yes!! this is exactly what i had in mind when i started thinking about him!! adfkjskjdks.

he is smug about it. gleeful. you've come to him first and he has the upper hand, he has the control over the situation. but underneath all of that he's cracked open, raw, heartbroken. you came to him first but there's no doubt that if you left it any longer he would have come to you. dick is so good at putting up a front in certain situations, so good at tucking parts of himself away and bringing someone else to the forefront.

he's good at teasing and mocking and knowing you well enough to focus his attention on things that rile you up. uses his knowledge and training and outright skill to pull out parts of you that only he knows. but that's what it is. a front. you pull it back, just a little. and you see him grasping desperately for just the feel of you, the warmth of your body, the comfort you give him just by being there. he still loves you. he'll always love you. tries to hide it behind smug comments and cocky smirks. but if you manage to look past that, you'll see him trying to hold onto you even though it hurts.

there's just something about loving someone so much you can't be without them. something about two people who look at each other and go 'i will love you even if it hurts. even if it breaks my heart.'

and there's something so tragic about knowing that this is all you're able to have with them but always wanting more. its just out of reach. 'i keep reaching out to you but i get nothing but handfuls of empty space.' and its even more tragic if they're both reaching out to each other but neither of them knows it and so the cycle repeats again.