#except kinda not

[thebibliosphere]

I had an absolutely harrowing dream about Spy x Family last night, which I'm now inflicting on all of you.

I dreamt that Anya got kidnapped and put into some sort of science experiment program thing, and Loid figured out who took her and went to go find her without telling Yor. He was mere inches from saving her when he got hit with an amnesia sleep dart, and when he'd woken up, he'd forgotten who he was, but also Anya as well.

Worse than that, the scientist dude doing the experiments convinced him he was a member of staff who'd had an accident and that he worked there, and it was his job to enforce security around these telepathic mutant kids. And that makes sense. Right? He's strong and fast and good with weapons. Why wouldn't he be some kind of enforcer in a dangerous facility like this?

So there he is, going about his life, herding kids between cells and science experiments. Unable to shake the feeling that something is wrong. And then there's Anya, watching her Papa not recognize her. Turning his face away from her when she pleads for him, cries for him to remember her. To remember the mission.

Meanwhile, Yor is roaming the city, knives out, trying to find her fake family. Returning home to a lonely Bond. Bond who knows where they are -- who can feel Anya's distress -- but can't tell Yor because she doesn't have Anya's powers.

The spy organization is also going nuts trying to find him. Agent Twilight just doesn't go missing. He always checks in. Sometimes a little late, but he always claws his way back to them in the end, and if one day he doesn't? Well... it's always been assumed he'll die in the line of duty. It's a risk they all knowingly take.

I'd love to say my subconscious concocted a happy ending for all of this, but it didn't. The last thing I remember was Anya finding a way to escape with some other kids over a wall, except the wall was too big and Anya was so much younger than all the other kids so she fell and Loid caught her because he's Loid, he always catches her.

Maybe my brain would have chosen that moment to spark the recognition behind his eyes, but that's also when @mothman-etd's alarm went off, and Holly Mop came bounding up to the head of the bed wanting morning cuddles.

So here I am, bereft and moderately inconsolable over the knowledge that I don't have time to write for another fandom, no matter how much I want to fix the sad scenario my brain concocted for me while I was asleep.

I didn't even fuck up my meds or anything. It was just a really vivid, really sad dream. At least when I usually have this kind of hyper-detailed dream it's because I took my morning meds at night like an idiot, but noooo. Brain said fuck you, have some sadness. Asshole.

[writingwithflo]

Sometimes fic planning is rambling to your friends about a specific character and then from there stumbling onto a plot point or scene. 

Like I’m planning a Sansgoriel fic and tbh it is going to be messy bc of Toriel and Asgore’s complicated past with each other and it’s going to be doubly messy bc of Sans’ issues and just trying to consolidate it all...

BUT I did come up with a starting point for Sans and Asgore that takes inspiration from the Holiday party mentioned on the alarm clock dialogue. I’d love a scene where Asgore is sadly reminiscing on the past on the upstairs balcony, Sans sitting on the railing. Sans was probably there before him to just get out for a minute ‘cause constantly acting and joking takes a lot of energy but for once he doesn’t want to nap and wants to try and be part of the moment. So yeah, Asgore finds him there and he’s a little tipsy from the spiked eggnog (bc you cannot tell me it wasn’t spiked considering how they describe Toriel) but only enough for him to open up a bit more than usual. And he talks about Rudy and how they’d play Santa and Rudolph together and Sans isn’t drunk but it still...hits him in a way. Asgore reminiscing about a simpler, happy time. It reminds him of him and his brother when they were younger, and a certain figure he can’t quite put a name to, sitting at home for the Holiday and opening presents. Before he knew about the timelines, before the RESETS, before...everything. 

And he doesn’t divulge this information, but when Asgore apologizes for his rambling, Sans stops him. “nah, don’t worry about it ‘gores. i think rememberin’ and thinking about that stuff is pretty normal.”

And then Asgore just...stops. And looks at him. He’s torn between wanting to thank him for the reassurance, but also to ask. Because sure, for an old, sad goat like him who has experienced a lot of love, but also hardships and loss, it is very normal. But for Sans to sound like he does, to sound like he knows exactly how Asgore feels, it’s different. Because Sans is a relatively younger monster. An adult, yes, but young enough that his hardships should be far and between, and that he should be in the prime of his monster life. What is a couple hundred years, compared to a long life of half a millennia?

But he’s afraid to ask. Because Sans is a fairly private monster, and all of the years he’s seen him lounging around the grand hall - where balls long before his time used to be held - the little skeleton has never divulged any information about himself. And when it became too personal, too close to home, he’d laugh it off, deflecting with a joke, and Asgore would let it go. 

So the moment is fragile. And he’s unsure what to do.

It’s then that Papyrus sprints upstairs, looking for help with Toriel whom has gotten completely hammered. (Sans nearly falls off the banister, but catches himself fast enough before he does so.) And the moment is over. But, somehow, despite the conversation being mostly one-sided, Asgore feels a little closer to the skeletal monster. And he wonders what in his life could make him long for the past like he does?

[naut-icallychallenged]

Hello, yeah I’m back on my ‘resting bitch face bullshit again’ oops! Have some Jules.

[thetwistedrope]

Properly speaking, nature is neither living nor dead. Nor is it small or large, weak or strong, feeble or thriving. It is those who believe only in science who call an insect either a pest or a predator and cry out that nature is a violent world of relativity and contradiction in which the strong feed on the weak. Notions of right and wrong, good and bad, are alien to nature. These are only distinctions invented by man. Nature maintained a great harmony without such notions, and brought forth the grasses and trees without the "helping" hand of man. The living and holistic biosystem that is nature cannot be dissected or resolved into its parts. Once broken down, it dies. Or rather, those who break off a piece of nature lay hold of something that is dead, and, unaware that what they are examining is no longer what they think it to be, claim to understand nature. Man commits a grave error when he collects data and findings piecemeal on a dead and fragmented nature and claims to "know," "use," or "conquer" nature. Because he starts off with misconceptions about nature and takes the wrong approach to understanding it, regardless of how rational his thinking, everything winds up all wrong. We must become aware of the insignificance of human knowledge and activity, and begin by grasping their uselessness and futility.

i’m 12 pages into this book and masanobu is not fucking around.

[for-that-cotton-candy]

April 2017 || Auston’s expression is remarkable.

[homeofthevan-a]

when you have drafts but both you and your muse are Tired n Achy n just want cuddles you can’t have

[thanksfornothingyouwhore]

I swear to god the way you look into my eyes makes me fucking shiver.

[feelsthatihadtopostsomewhere]

when your brother's gf complains about bad final grades but you can't relate because you made all A's once again...