And when the sun finally takes the earth back,
There will be a moment where my body's warm again.
seen from China

seen from Serbia
seen from Finland

seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from China

seen from Indonesia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Russia
seen from China

seen from Germany
seen from Congo - Brazzaville
seen from Finland

seen from Germany
seen from Vietnam
seen from Italy
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Italy
seen from Canada
seen from China
And when the sun finally takes the earth back,
There will be a moment where my body's warm again.
of comfortable worlds
the warm feeling of comfort whenever i'm watching the d20 crew do their thing. you know, the thing where they make themselves and each other and everyone else laugh and cry and feel safe for being exactly who they are at all times. that thing.
and thats the kind of comfortable feeling i'm chasing constantly. launch me into your world that hates capitalism, social hierarchy, and religions only pushed onto the populace to seize power (which is all of them). let me live in your world that is full of pansexual, pan-gender joy. i'll laugh and cry and be vulnerable with you there, and nowhere else. i'd do anything for that kind of comfort.
i know even they don't live in those worlds, though. i know we're all struggling out here in the real world, and it sucks.
still, i'm so grateful to them for creating the comfortable one.
Professions I always wanted to have the skills for but lack discipline to learn:
- concept artist
- dancer
- game developer
- comic artist
- software engineer
- animator
- product designer
- archeologist
- smith
- mechanic
I could go on but ill cry
someone trying to be Deep™: you know, happy endings are just lies, everyone dies and nothing matters in the end
me, a depressed fucker who lives every second trying to escape those exact thoughts: oh you don’t say
December 25
The first thought that came to her mind was that the rule stating that hot air rises was bullshit-- if anything, it was colder on the snow-frosted shingles of the roof than it was at ground-level.
(That is a lie; rest assured, it is the only one to be found here. She had many thoughts before, after, during, around, within, and without that “first” thought, but that single thought is what took precedent in her mind while everything else jumbled around her subconscious like the agitated atoms of gas molecules in the great wide container called The Universe which were, in the case of those found in her present vicinity, comparatively un-agitated and the air comparatively cold.)
She lowered herself down to lie against the slanted roof. She shivered at the touch of the snow, and a worry arose that a wet spot might form across the back of her jacket and the butt of her jeans-- a worry was quickly drowned by a sea of more (or less) pertinent worries. From just underneath her back came the slightest vibrations of music, mostly the low tones of Bing Crosby or men who clearly wanted to be Bing Crosby. The lyrics were completely muffled, but a few strings of all-too-familiar melodies could still be made out.
She took in a deep breath and, upon exhaling, watched the fog from her mouth ascend to the cloud-hidden heavens. She breathed in again, then out again, then in, but a little too sharply, a touch unevenly, and the fog sputtered from her lips. She closed her eyes, and the next breath was a forceful sigh.
“God damn it,” she said. After a moment, she added, “It’s so fucking cold.”
From between the clouds, the eyes of the sky that could see her among of the millions that could not turned to look down (relatively speaking) at her, and the sky said, “There is heat just below you. If you seek it, rise, and you shall find it.”
i forgot when i don’t smoke weed as much the intense as dreams start coming back... not having nightmares like i use to but my subconscious mind is still going thru it’s own turmoil... last nite i swore my dream was reality until i woke up, i was so grateful when i woke up cause i realized reality had such a great redeeming quality to it... although im not convinced im seeing all there is to this reality but that’s another post for another day...
You know…it’s taken me till now, but I think I finally understand why “validation culture” sits so uneasily with me.
It’s because in life (especially as an adult but sometimes as a kid too) there won’t always BE someone there to witness and validate you, your identity, your suffering, your hard work, your dreams, your existence.
And most of the time it’s not even because you have no friends, or because no one loves you. You can be dearly loved by good people and still lie awake at night wondering if any of it matters – if YOU matter.
Sometimes, being human is lonely and frightening for no reason at all.
I know the intent of “validation culture” is ultimately a good one – people care, people worry, people relate to one another, and they want to do whatever little they can to make being human LESS lonely and LESS frightening. To help others feel more okay in their own heads.
But I think maybe the idea of validation culture (at least as I’ve observed it on websites like this one) also implies something a bit dangerous – that you NEED validation from other people, that it’s okay to RELY on validation, because if you can’t get it elsewhere you can always get it from strangers on the internet.
But one day you’re going to feel too old or too tired or too SOMETHING, and strangers on the internet aren’t going to be enough. Maybe you’ll be 27 like me, or maybe you’ll be 16 or maybe 42, but someday I think you’ll get there. And it will be better for you, then, if you’ve learned how to live without validation. If you’ve accepted – really accepted – that you don’t NEED it. That you can live without it, even thrive without it.
I’m not saying it’s an easy thing to learn. I’m also not saying that it’s Bad or Wrong to draw comfort from an online community, if that’s what you need today or tomorrow or the next day. Only you know what you need. But what I’m saying is that, as soon as you are able, I think you should try to learn to exist without validation – even though it’s lonely and even though it’s frightening.
I’m trying to learn it now, and I have to tell you, I wish I’d learned it sooner.