#exmormom

[parkakeet]

did any other exmos have this lesson?

[tattinglacework]

When I was still mormon we went through all of our old stuff to donate to DI or toss as it goes,

And I found a selection of old mormon books? Just several volumes of stories for mormons. Think chicken soup for the soul.

Anyway I couldn’t bear giving or throwing this “edifying” stories away so I rescued them to read.

They were not that edifying.

[amotherfuckingbadger]

psst, guess what?

✨ The fact that I have to fight to be able to wear pants in my own home on sundays is fucking stupid.✨

[devilchild-exmo]

i know i will never be completely valid in my family’s eyes when i am my genuine self. it hurt a lot because i felt like it was my job to compromise my identity and happiness for their comfort. I now know it’s bullshit. and it’s both so sad and freeing to me.

I am very clearly gay and not into church, and i thought they all failed to notice these things. But it hit me that they can see it- they are all just actively lying to themselves. and that’s not my burden, that’s not my mess to control.

Although it hurts a bit to know that it’s inevitable that they will view me negatively, its out of my control. My world is bigger than that, the happiness i get from being myself is not going to be turned into a weapon against me. If they see my sexuality and (lack of) beliefs as a threat, that’s their problem.

[exmormonrants]

Being an Equal

As a Mormon woman, it has been conditioned in me that I am to be a servant. A servant to my husband. A servant to my kids. A servant to the church and its leaders. A servant to others.

While serving others is always a wonderful thing, this servant attitude came with other lessons as well.

That thinking about yourself is a sin. That doing anything that the church hasn’t told you to do is sinful. That anything that would stand in the way of you having a husband and children and serving them will destroy your soul.

I was taught that constantly serving others was being humble. Was what Christ wanted. That I must always think of others before myself.

It led to me being conditioned that I was a servant to everyone. That I am beneath everyone. I was beneath parents, church leaders, husband, children.

It led to me feeling beneath all of my peers as well.

I was not an equal to my peers. I was below them. I felt lucky that they even allowed me to interact with them.

It led to me being taken for granted, being manipulated, and being used.

To stop this I removed myself from abusive relationships. I’ve tried doing more things for myself. To value myself as a person. To focus on school so I can change my future.

But even now I notice little thoughts implying that I am beneath my peers. That I’m lucky to be in college, lucky to have a job, that I’m not worthy of any of it.

For me, it seems to be the hardest thing from the Mormon church to get rid of.

That I am an equal.

That I am worthy of what I’ve accomplished.

That I am just as important as everyone else.

That I need to focus on myself.

That it isn’t a sin to want to be happy.

It isn’t a sin to treat yourself as a priority.

And treating myself as a priority has led to me not only being happier, but to serve others better than I could have before.

Always feeling beneath everyone is extremely soul crushing, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. You are all equal. You are all valued. You deserve to be happy.

Even writing this I hear conditioned thoughts saying this is wrong and that I must put all attention on others and none on myself. It’s something that I must fight and force to submission.

I am tired of feeling worthless, and that I deserve nothing. From now on I will treat myself as an equal, and as a valued person who deserves happiness.

Everyone deserves happiness and to be valued. No one should be a servant to anyone.

We should be able to choose what will make us happy, and what we want to do in this world, and accomplish it.

[corvidlvr51]

Sometimes I'll wonder why I feel such strong shame and embarrassment about everything I do then I'll remember I was raised Mormon where I was taught that during the final judgment my entire life (specifically my sins) would be played before an audience of at least people who knew me if not just, everyone, and even as a small child that struck me as so horrifically humiliating that when someone was would testify at the pulpit about how the know the second coming is coming my little ten year old self would be down at the benches sending a counter prayer that Jesus would hold off as long as possible so I wouldn't have to go through judgement anytime soon.

[tattinglacework]

I see some people talking about their parents letting them stay with them for free, but both my parents are charging me rent.

I want to know if this is just a family thing this time or also a mormon thing? Because it would track if it were a mormon thing.

[from-under-the-lilacs]

When the church kicks out gay and trans people