Expanding Chapter 4 - Insurmountable
a Buck and Tommy teen adoptee fanfic
| Rating: T | Words: 3,562 | CW: None | On Ao3 |
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Buck
Buck sighs as he pours himself a cup of coffee. He’s the first one awake this morning so he’s in charge of getting it going. He’s off work for the day but Tommy is about to head in for a forty-eight hour shift. Just as he’s thinking that, Tommy strides into the kitchen wearing nothing but a pair of fraying black sweats, slung low on his hips. His dark curls are in disarray which he further disrupts as he yawns and rakes a hand through them. Like a bear still coming out of hibernation, he lumbers to Buck’s side and curls his huge body into Buck’s (only slightly) smaller back. “Morning.” Tommy mumbles, mouthing softly at the crook of his neck. Buck hums back happily, leaning slightly into it. Tommy wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him close, allowing the younger man to feel the remnants of last night's sleep pushing against his ass.
He’s not complaining.
“Morning. Coffee is ready.” Buck mutters, offering off the cup he’s been sipping at slowly, waiting for it to not be surface levels of hell hot. Tommy shakes his head without lifting it, burying his nose further into Buck’s neck, breathing him in. “You okay?” Buck asks, placing one hand over Tommy’s, giving it a squeeze. Tommy’s affectionate in the mornings, but this seems… More than usual.
“‘m fine. Miss you.” Finally he lifts his head and hooks his chin over his husband's shoulder.
Snorting Buck says, “I literally just got out of bed.”
Tommy side eyes him with those stormy blue orbs Buck loves. Not only that but he’s… Pouting. “You used to wake me up with -” Buck clamps a hand over Tommy’s mouth so fast the remnants of his coffee cup slosh unceremoniously onto the counter. He doesn’t retract his hand until his husband raises his eyebrows to signal he won’t say what he was going to. “I miss us.” Tommy confesses, planting a soft kiss to Buck’s cheeks. “Somehow it feels like having a teenager around makes getting alone time harder than if Branson was a baby or a toddler.”
Buck shushes him. “Hey, not so loud.” He bends forward so he can see around Tommy’s body, praying Branson didn’t hear that. Thankfully the boy appears to still be in his room. Tapping at Tommy’s hands, Buck turns in his hold once he loosens up and drapes his arms over Tommy’s shoulders. “Not that I’m disagreeing. Trust me, I’m feeling it, too.” He gives a little roll of his hips which makes Tommy jerk and grumble. “And it’s not like we can't, we just… Don’t. Branson is just… Prickly. And he’s clearly got beef with the LGBTQ community. I don’t want to push too far and make him decide that he doesn’t want to stay.”
“Evan, I get that but… I spent too many years hiding who I was. I don’t want to go back to that. And anyway, hiding ourselves isn’t going to be the best thing for him if we’re trying to rewrite seventeen years of learned behavior. I’m pretty sure he thinks that we’re going to…” He can’t even get the words out, his face crumpling into a look of utter disgust at the thought. Buck can’t help it. He kisses Tommy’s lips, drawing his attention back to him. “Right. So. I’m all for doing things the right way, but I don’t want to take it so far that we start ignoring our own needs.”
Sighing, Buck lets his head drop back and he groans dramatically. “You’re right.”
“As I usually am. Now give me some of that.” Tommy smirks and gives Buck’s ass a swat as he dances away from Buck’s swiping arms to grab a coffee cup. Buck just rolls his eyes. This isn’t an argument he can win so he just doesn’t bother. “So, what’s on the agenda for today?” Tommy asks, groaning as he takes the first sip of caffeinated bean water.
“I’m going over to Mad’s place for breakfast. Chimney is out on a day trip or something, so I said I’d come bake muffins with Jee and make pancakes.” Buck yawns and rubs at his eyes. He’s going to need that sugar soon or he’s going to crash out. “When do you have to leave for work?”
Tommy eyes the digital clock on the stove. “I’ve got about an hour.”
Bucks' responding grin is impish. Sliding back into Tommy’s orbit, he grabs the white strings hanging loose from the sweats waistband and looks up at his husband through fluttering lashes. “Mmmmmm. How about I borrow fifteen of those minutes?” A featherlight kiss follows the request.
The next thing Buck knows, he’s back in the bedroom with Tommy kicking the door shut behind them, and they’re both cackling like misbehaving school boys.
x-x-x
“So, how are things going? I can’t believe it’s been what, five weeks now?” Maddie asks cheerfully as she fills a second mug with coffee that she sets down on the counter next to the stove where Buck is finishing flipping pancakes. “Has Branson settled in? You haven’t even brought him to meet any of us yet.” Leaning her hip against the counter, she snags one of the fresh banana nut muffins still cooling on a wire rack and tears a piece off before popping it in her mouth. She does a happy wiggle and tears off another piece. “You know, the one good thing that came from the time that shall not be named was you becoming a master baker.”
Buck snorts and shakes his head, shoving his sister gently in the shoulder. “You make it sound like the breakup was a metaphor for Voldemort.”
“Was it not?” She asks innocently. “It was as villainous as he was.”
“You suck at metaphors, Mad’s.” He rolls his eyes as he flips the last chocolate chip pancake onto a plate already stacked high with them and shuts off the burner. The house smells like a bakery and his mouth waters. There’s both plain and chocolate chip muffins as well as raspberry lemon muffins with real raspberry, and fresh banana nut muffins. “And I haven’t brought him around yet because he doesn’t seem to want to. It’s like he’s just waiting for us to drop him back off at the group home without a word. Like you said, it’s been five weeks but he has yet to open to us. To either of us.”
Grabbing the two plates of hotcakes, he carefully maneuvers to the kitchen table as he calls, “Jee, Daniel! Breakfast is ready.” Seconds later, there’s the pounding of tiny footsteps and loud giggles as his niece and nephew barrel into the kitchen in their pajamas. Jee runs straight to him and latches herself onto his legs. She’s wearing a pair of absolutely adorable bright pink and purple unicorn pajamas. When she smiles, there’s a gap in her front teeth where her first two baby teeth have gone missing.
“Uncle Buck!” She lisps, intentionally wiggling her tongue between her teeth like a snake. “Gotchu.” She giggles, wrapping her tiny limbs around him even tighter.
Daniel toddles a little slower behind her, still somewhat unsteady on his feet. As he goes to pass Maddie, she swipes him up into her arms and proceeds to blow a raspberry against his cheek. He squeals and kicks in delight, yelling, “Momma!” His tiny white t-shirt with blue sleeves has a stegosaurus on it, head reaching to munch some leaves off of an invisible tree. His matching blue pajama pants have green ginkgo leaves fluttering all over them. He’s carrying a tiny red fire engine in one hand. Smiling softly down at her son, Maddie grabs one of his itty bitty fists and gives it a kiss. Daniel blinks dark brown eyes up at her, smile bright.
“And I. Got. You.” She punctuates each word with a kiss to a different place - his knuckles, the tip of his nose, and finally his forehead. He giggles and wriggles again until he begins to whine to be put down. Maddie, reluctantly, lets him go. Even years later she still struggles with the kidnapping and the reality that she could have quite easily lost her baby. Daniel is happy, healthy, and so very alive today, but Maddie will carry that trauma for the rest of her life.
Buck smiles softly at her but when she tilts her head at him in question, he just shakes his head, turning his attention back to Jee. Throwing his hands up he squawks, “Oh no! I’m caught! I guess that means that I can’t hand out these delicious pancakes I made. Mom is going to have to eat them all by herself since she can make her plate all by herself.”
“No!” The little girl squeals, shaking her head violently making the barretts at the bottom of his twin braids clack loudly together. She’s grinning at him but doesn’t let go. “Mommy can make Daniel’s plate. I’m big. I can do it myself.”
Buck looks down with a thoughtful frown. “Hmmm. I don’t know, Jee. You’re only four years old.” He cocks an eyebrow as if deeply concerned.
“She’s six!” Daniel cries, finally reaching the two of them, holding out his arms for Buck to pick him up. He does it without question, setting Daniel on his right hip, arm tucked under his butt to hold him steady. Daniel wraps his arms around Buck’s neck and squeezes, both as a way of greeting as well as clinging like the little lemur he is. “Right, momma? Sissy is six.” He holds out one hand like he plans to count but he doesn’t make it past three before he can’t count any higher. Buck laughs, chest feeling lighter than it has in… Weeks. He misses his sister and her kids. Of course he works with Chimney, so he doesn’t exactly have time to miss his brother-in-law, but he does feel a little heartsore at not seeing him in a more casual setting like this.
“Wow, no way. My little monkey can’t be six, already. It’s just not possible.” In one swift motion, keeping Daniel steady, Buck wrestles Jee into his other arm and begins peppering kisses to her face. She’s giggling madly, her feet swinging wildly as she attempts to keep his face away from hers.
“Uncle Buck, your beard hurts!” She cries, throwing her head back as she tries to get away.
He puts on a look of fake affront, brows drawn together and mouth hanging open. “Nuh-uh. Uncle Tommy loves my stubble so that can’t be true.”
“Unc’e Tommy is a, is a, isa liar!” Daniel says as he grabs a lock of Buck’s curls and pulls, trying to save his sister from the assault. So Buck turns on him and peppers him with kisses instead. “Unc’e Buck!” He squirms in earnest. Immediately Buck stops and gently sets him down. Seconds later Daniel’s hand slips into his and his wrist is being hugged.
“I’m going to tell Tommy that you called him a liar, Daniel. You’re going to hurt his feelings.” Buck boops Daniel’s nose with his pointer finger, still hanging very gently onto the tiny limb slipped into his hand.
Maddie watches from a few paces back with the softest smile. She’s got her arms under her chest and her head tilts ever so slightly to the side. She doesn’t say a word, just observes. Buck knows that she has hoped for him to have a family of his own ever since forever. She wants him to be given the chance to write a good childhood for a kid because he wasn’t given the chance to have a good one of his own. So she gives him every chance she has to play with her kids. He loves her for it more than he has the words to express. “Yes, I’m sure Tommy will be just devastated that a toddler called him out, especially when he wasn’t around to hear it and defend his honor. That being said, breakfast is getting cold and I don’t know about you guys, but cold, soggy pancakes aren’t in my top ten favorite kinds of food.”
Jee breaks free from Buck, sliding down his side and rushing to the table. “Mommy, I want chocolate chip ones. With whipped cream. And sprinkles.”
Daniel doesn’t let go but drags his uncle with him to the opposite side of the table and pushes him down. Once Buck is sitting, Daniel crawls into his lap. Buck wraps one arm around his waist to keep him from sliding off. “Unc’e Buck. I want chocolate.” He pleads, turning those doe eyes on Buck.
Buck smiles and says, “Sure thing kiddo. Mom cut up some fruit for us, so why don’t we have one chocolate chip pancake and then some of that, okay?”
“Okay!” He readily agrees, making grabby hands at the stacks of breakfast cake. “Can I have syrup, please?” He politely asks once Buck slides a single pancake onto the plate.
“Of course, Daniel.” He grabs the bottle of warmed syrup and helps Daniel drizzle it over his breakfast. Pulling it back, much to his nephew’s chagrin - Buck is positive he would drink the liquid straight if allowed - he uses the knife and fork at his side to cut it into bite sized pieces. He then piles a few sliced grapes and slices of melon onto what little space is left.
The rest of breakfast goes smoothly. Daniel and Jee split a banana nut muffin after they each finish their pancake before excusing themselves from the table and running back towards their room to play. Chuckling, Maddie and Buck clean up what’s left, putting the last few pancakes into ziplock bags and finding a container large enough for the eight or so muffins waiting to be consumed.
Finally the dishes are done and they settle themselves on the couch in the living room. There’s comfortable silence between them until Maddie breaks it and asks, “So, what’s really up?”
Sighing, Buck leans back into the couch and rubs at his eyes. “He’s… I don’t know how to describe him. There’s more to him than meets the eye, but he blocks me at every turn. Like, I know that he’s hurting. Every time Tommy or I do something he gets this calculating look in his eye like he expects something terrible to happen.”
“How do you mean?” Maddie curls her legs up to the side and rests an arm languidly across the back of the couch, fingertips just barely brushing his shoulder.
Eyes popping open, he stares blankly at the ceiling. “We got him a cellphone, right? That’s one of the things Emira suggested because foster kids that return to them, often have anything given to them at previous homes either taken away or they don’t have a means to pay for its continued usage. It’s almost 2030, Maddie. It’s a foregone conclusion that kids have a phone.”
“That’s fair. So what happened?”
Buck lets his head loll to the side. “He refused to take it with him for weeks so one day, Tommy and I got so concerned that we showed up at the school because he wasn’t answering any of his texts. We’re trying so hard to give him space, he’s almost an adult for Christ’s sake, but we’re still strangers to each other. Something could’ve happened to him, and he might not have thought to call us. He got pissed and threw a hissy fit about it, and you should’ve heard the things he said about gay men specifically, Maddie. I’m not even gay and I could hardly stomach the things he was saying. I felt offended for Tommy. Of course he just shook it off and made a joke about it.”
She strokes his shoulder. “That sounds like a tough situation. Maybe something happened to make him not trust older male figures.”
He shrugs, a bit listlessly. “I think he just grew up in a culture that paints any man who fucks men as the bad guys. I mean, Eddie grew up in Mexican culture, and I know that he still has some somewhat backwards views about things, but he fought tooth and nail to get out from under some of the more unsavory ideas that machismo culture perpetuates. Clearly, neither he nor his family has any issues with the queer community or he would’ve never survived at the 118. Not with Hen and Karen and eventually me.” Maddie nods in understanding. “And, correct me if I’m wrong, the drug trade isn’t known to be the most open minded group either, and his parents were in the heart of that. Whether they were selling it, or just partaking in it, he knew that environment before he hit daycare. He grew up watching drug dealers do their thing until he was thirteen.”
“I can’t even begin to imagine. I mean, we didn’t have the best childhood but we still grew up in middle of the road white suburbia.” Maddie sips at the cup of tea she made herself. “Our parents didn’t have enough in them to care who slept with whom.”
“That’s not even the worst of it. I know I shouldn’t complain, he’s got a lot of years of trauma under his belt, and I’m sure I didn’t act much better than he’s acting right when I was that age, but we’ve gotten multiple calls from the school about him skipping classes. I know he’s been smoking cigarettes and weed because his backpack reeks of the stuff. I’ve tried mentioning it but he just brushes me off. I wasn’t even going to yell at him about it.”
Maddie hums again. “Definitely a defense mechanism.”
Buck sits up and drops his elbows to his knees. “Then there’s the disappearing all night without telling us, not coming home until nearly midnight and acting like that’s normal. Or bringing home girls that he brings right to his room without saying anything.”
“Guys can have friends that are just girls.” Maddie reminds him.
He grumbles. “I know, Maddie, but I also remember what it was like being a boy at his age. I’d stick my dick in anyone that would let me and didn’t give two fucks about the consequences.”
Maddies snorts, nearly spilling her tea. “Thanks, bro, that’s an image I didn’t need.” He glares at her and she holds her hands out in deference, eyebrows raised in an alright arch. “All I’m saying is that whatever they’re doing could be innocent. You were a self diagnosed sex addict until Abby came along and swept you off your feet.” Buck groans and lets his head fall into his hands, scrubbing at his face until his skin feels raw. Silence hangs between them as they lose themselves in their thoughts. Eventually Maddie asks, “Are you regretting it? Taking him in?”
Buck shoots up straight and his head snaps around to look at her, “No. Not at all. Why would you even suggest that?”
She shrugs. “Because you’re stressing out so much. You seem to be struggling.”
This is one thing Buck knows with absolute certainty. “I don’t care how tough things get, Branson is ours. He’s meant to be part of our family, of my family. I just haven’t figured out how to get through his walls without breaking him, yet.” Deflating a bit, shoulders hunching in once again, he murmurs, a little quieter and under his breath - like he doesn’t really want Maddie to hear -, “I wish Bobby was here so I could ask him. He…” His breath hitches. “He always knew what to do.
Maddie’s eyes mist over and she swipes at them. “Yeah, well, we’ll help you figure it out. All of us - Chim, Hen, Karen, Athena, Ravi, and Eddie. We’ve all got your back, okay. You can use any of us as a sounding board when things get too tough for you and Tommy to go at alone.”
“You barely like Tommy.” Buck can’t help but quip. Sure, in the past Maddie was less than thrilled that Tommy had come back into his life, but she seems to be over that now and is their second biggest support. (Eddie taking first place by a landslide.)
She hits him again, huffing. “Low blow, Buck. I never didn’t like Tommy. I just didn’t like watching what him leaving did to you. Maybe I’ll rescind my offer to listen to you.”
Turning to her, Buck offers up a tremulous smile. “You’re my sister, Mad’s. You don’t have it in you not to listen.” Returning the grin she leans across the couch and wrangles him into a side hug that he falls easily into.
Kissing the top of his head and letting her fingers card through the mess at his nape she mutters, “Damn straight, Evan. No matter what happens, I’m always going to be here for you. And, hopefully, in the future, for Branson too. Now.” She kisses his head once more. “Let’s plan a way for you to get him over here so we can all meet him.” This brings a real grin to his face, the ache in his heart still present, but quieter. With his sister and fire family in his corner, things would turn out just fine. He has to believe in that or he’ll crumble.