“Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.” - Sigmund Freud
-I don’t think that my parents were ever really completely my parents. Either in my head or in real life, on account of them always trying to stay on my “good side”. Placating my bumming lifestyle on account of my withdrawal of emotions or affections towards either one.
-Bitch about me all you want, but do it somewhere I can’t hear you. It’s fucking annoying. I hear about shit and then later I get to re-hear it, which doesn’t help my mood on account of the fact that they will gang up and corner me when they come to “talk to me”.
If mom bitched to L so much that she doesn’t come over for a while I will be pissed.
-The fact that L isn’t here and it’s almost 4, and mom and D are, tells me that mom most likely told L not to show up for a little while. I’m getting sick of this shit. I do know if they come at me about a job.
Pause, here’s the “talk”.
-Didn’t go as bad as I was thinking it would. Gonna hit the parachute before L shows up in a little bit, can’t get back into studying, although I WILL have to write my exploratory essay this weekend at some point. Including studying all the stuff I can to support the evidence and to use in the persuasive essay I have to write for the end of the class, or close to the end of the class. It’s week 7 it’s due (it’s week 4 right now) so it might not be our final, but I’m not a good college student so I just speculate.
-Originally written on /r/offmychest:
As I sit here, studying my online textbook, I'm overhearing my mom talking to some unknown person, concerning me. The only reason she is doing so is because this morning, instead of paying the full amount on the cell phone bill, like I was originally going to do the first day I got my student loan, I paid only a hundred.
My original reason for doing so was so that I could have enough to take me and my girlfriend to the movies and to buy the entire run of a song of ice and fire, with enough left over to buy the book I will need for next semester.
Upon talking it over with my girlfriend, I realized that it would be frivolous to go to the movies (especially when I download all the ones I watch). Then I remembered that I would also need to buy a new ID.
With that realization the book collection got placed on the back burner, and I was fully prepared to use the rest of my money for my next schoolbook, and my ID (which I found out is cheaper than originally thought, granting me an extra 25 dollars).
The thing that I can't get over, other than some childish outlook I have toward working, is the fact that I'm not a people person. I can't fake smile, well it's not that I can't I just hate fake smiling because it's a lie and I prefer to not lie, ever.
Meaning my smiles, when they happen, are genuine. With that being said, a job in the food service industry wouldn't exactly suit me on account of the possibility of interacting with customers. If civil I can handle people, but not all people are civil are they?
I realize I could request a job in the fast food industry that only involves making the food as opposed to taking orders, and I will attempt to do so in the near future.
Most likely when I go out job hunting, well surf the net job hunting.
Another option is going into work as a warehouse worker, something my brother did when he was in my position a few years back. This is the job that's most appealing to me on account of the lack of falsehood involved in it.
The job he did, and I would ideally want, is getting an order, filling that order, and putting it on a truck. Rinse, repeat. One downside is that he said you aren't allowed to listen to music while on the job on account of hazards such as forklifts. While I have no problem with that, my thoughts are a constant annoyance and tend to gravitate toward the depressed side, or something. That sentence got a little bit ahead of itself I'd like to say
Now I don't mind not being able to listen to music while on the job having done it in the past, like I said, I'm not much of a people person. Shy you could say.
I'm introverted, so me being active on the getting to know new people front is small if not nonexistent. Sometimes, in the wrong situation, that leads to unfortunate outcomes.
I'm going to be filing for my new ID after the long weekend, but even the fact that I have an out of state ID wouldn't stop a company from hiring me would it?
They'd most likely not want to hire me on account of my drug (pot) habit, right? It's not like I smoke on the job or beforehand (if I can help it) so it's not like I'll have a reduced reaction time or something.
I'd like to get to a morning and night smoker, like have a W.A.B.A.S (Wake and Bake and Shit. In case you want to add that to your word bank I pronounce it WahBahs) and then have a smoke before I settle down to read before bed or smoke before watching something before settling in to read before going to bed, you know?