She was the first. First girl I ever fell for, first girl I ever had sex with, first girl I ever brought home. First girl to break my heart. I remember when I first met her: she called me out for looking at her chest. 😂 told me I had to learn to be slick. I wasnt awkward but I didnt have the swag I have now. She put the swag in me, as I used to say. We spent all our summer days together. Going to eat, watching movies, messing around at my house. She was 2 years older: 19 and I was 17. She was hispanic and Vietnamese. Her face was like a model, completely flawless. The kind of beauty that was timeless, never changing, even with age. Her body was👌🏼. Fit yet curvy in all the right places. Her style was like any "trendy" 19 year old, but she had a sexy secretary twist. I can still remember how she smelled, like Japanese cherry blossoms. Every time I catch a whiff of that scent it's still as intoxicating as when I first met her. And she was so fucking intelligent, always educating me on everything; from politics to random facts... She always had something to say and had the facts to support whatever she said. I fell fast. She knew how to say all the right things to me to make me fall for her. When it was good it was really good. She was there for me when my dad found out I was gay. He was drunk when I came back inside from saying goodnight to her as she drove off. Him- "so who is that, your girlfriend or something?" Me- "well.... Yea." Him- "what are you telling me you're gay? My daughter's not fucking gay. You have to have had sex with a guy to know that. Are you telling me you've had sex with a guy to know you're gay?" Me- *shrugs my shoulders in silence* Him- "is that what you're fucking telling me?" Me- "yes! That's what I'm telling you." Him- "that's bullshit. That's fucking bullshit. My daughter's not gay. You're not fucking gay." After that I just walked upstairs, holding back tears. I called her immediately to tell her what had happened. She was scared for me. She offered to pick me up and put me up in a hotel, anything I needed. I told her that would just make things worse but I appreciated her offering that. She was always there when I needed her. She always supported me in things I wanted to do. We would go to sleep on the phone together and talk all day and night. But when it was bad it was real bad. She manipulated me into sending her money when she went back to school across the country. She claimed she couldn’t afford various things and that if I loved her I would help her out and support her. She used to say "don't you want to make your wife happy? How are you gonna make me your wife if you aren't going to help support me?" She accused me of cheating time and time again. And finally when I turned 18 she told me I had changed. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was sitting in the break room at my new job on my lunch break. It was early March, maybe March 10th. A few days before her birthday. She texted me saying I had changed. Ever since I turned 18 something was different. That it seemed like I didnt care as much as I used to…. And that she wanted to take a break. I tried my hardest to understand. I asked what she meant by I changed, how I could make things right, how I could fix it. But I knew no matter what I said, her mind was made up and we were done. I was broken. My world had shattered. To me a break was a step towards the end and there was no sure way of saving it. I felt like it was an excuse for her to be single.... Like she didn't want to do the distance and just wanted to be able to do her own thing out there. I went on for a few weeks trying to keep myself busy, keeping myself from thinking about her. Then one day I met Her (#2). When she had finally come back around asking if I would go to sleep with her again I said no. I told her I didnt know what she expected from me. That she wanted this break and she couldnt just come back like nothing and expect me to sleep with her like we had been doing for the past year. I had had enough. I was sick of the pulling me in and pushing me away. My heart simply couldn't take anymore. She was livid. Her- "I hope you have a good fucking life. I won't be contacting you again." Or so she thought.
