without you. [kotfe letters]
So I felt sad last night and decided I didn’t want to finish my original thought for Tri and Malavai, so I wrote this monster of a piece, all letters, from my toons to their love interests. Now of course, I’m more sad than I was before and accomplished next to nothing. Is Ronnie canon for the Heritage universe? Bruh who knows at this point?
Written: 10.12.19. Words: 3,799.
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TO: Kira Delux
FROM: Kiveqil Delux
SUBJECT: About Satele
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I guess we finally found our answers. That child you assumed Satele had? Finally met him. That's right, Satele Shan, a hero of the Republic and devout Jedi had a son with none other than a commander. Crazy, right? His name is Theron, I'm sure you would've liked him if you were here. Just a tad annoying sometimes, but friendly enough.
Please, Please let me find you,
Kiveqil
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He sends it, but isn't sure it'll reach it's intended recipient. Guzzling down another glass of wine, he slams his hand down on the bar to get the droid's attention for another. Usually a Jedi doesn't drink, if at all. This one, is in pain and his aura radiates as such. A singular tear slips down his pale cheek as he rubs a hand against his eyes.
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TO: Archiban Kimble
FROM: Una'vi Havelzy-Kimble
SUBJECT: Ronnie.
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It's been so long, but I would never forget a face. Especially not yours. Not someone who loved me like no one else would. Someone, who even though I fell from the light, never stopped caring about me. Thought I was still the best thing to ever happen to you, right down to every little freckle on my face.
You haven't met Ronnie yet. That's our son's name, but it can't be too hard to change once I find you again, if you want. He was as much a surprise to me as he was to Kiv. Obviously at first he was pissed, but he treats Ronnie like a son himself. I think it's rather endearing, but make no mistake. My heart belongs to you first and foremost, and as soon as I find you, you're getting the longest kiss in the history of kisses, got it?
Updated: I visited Ralltiir with Ronnie today. I...I searched for you high and low, but no one could give me an answer to where you were. I can't find you, Archie. It's been five years, this galaxy is only so big. Where are you?
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She shuts off the terminal, rubbing at her eyes as she shifts her grasp on the young, dark haired child in her arms. She chuckles, should her son get any bigger, they'd have to work out the fact that mommy can't pick him up as much anymore. She frowns as she lays him down next to him, the boy curling up on his side against her. Everyday, he looks more and more like her husband, and something about that unsettles her.
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TO: Felix Iresso
FROM: Naji Iresso
SUBJECT: Anniversary.
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Today's our anniversary, Felix. I'm sure you remember, you always did. How sweet you'd be to me, how you'd beg for me to return to bed with you. Sleep is scarce these days in the Alliance, and most of my time is spent with the Commanders, trying to get things done. But once all the blaster fire has passed overhead, I come back to my quarters every day and pray I see you one last time before I take my final breath.
There is no death, there is the Force. I just wish that the Force would bring you back to me.
With Love,
Naji
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Delicate singing fills the air as lays on the grass, hair pooling out beneath her as the stars twinkle down at her. Tears well up in her eyes as she prays Felix hasn't become one of them. Simpler times would've allowed her to spend the night with him, more than enough time in the galaxy together. Now all there is, is blaster fire, lightsabers igniting, fighting. So much discord in the galaxy, and not one signature cries out like his does.
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TO: Corso Riggs
FROM: Ghenkl Riggs
SUBJECT: My Last Run.
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Think I'm gearing up for my last run around the galaxy searching for you, Corso. As dismal as it sounds, I think this is finally the end. I'm not a teenager anymore, I'm not twenty anymore. I'm already forty, and as much as I love you I can't keep perking up at every mention of some smuggler terrorizing the galaxy. I wish it were you, but it never is.
Bet you'd laugh if you saw me now, all run ragged with grey hairs. Drinking more than I should because I know my final days are coming. Rum, beer, the like. Stars, just come home, please.
Fun while it lasted,
Ghen
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It's not hard to see the woman is exhausted, dark circles underneath her eyes as she clenches a blaster in her hand. It's well worn, but clearly well loved as she looks down at it fondly. Rubbing at her eyes, she stands away from the terminal and holsters it. What's running through her mind isn't clear as she walks away quickly, her head held high as she grimaces.
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TO: Aric Jorgan
FROM: Hakiojkl Hyperion-Jorgan
SUBJECT: Home.
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Home is where the heart is. That's what my mom says every single day, every day I come back to her. It's been a while since I've been on Coruscant.
It reminds me too much of you. What we've done, what we've accomplished. Who we've saved, who we've avenged in the name of the Republic. After officially being discharged from the military when I did get back, Garza kept a spot open for me the whole time. I never wanted back in, I couldn't handle being in a squad without you as my right hand man.
Blast it, writing things always made me jumpy. I could never get my words out right, and it just sounds back even typing this. But gods, Aric you're my husband. If you've been sending me things, I'm sorry I never found them. I don't know what you're doing out there, but I'm sure you're doing some damn fine work. I don't know whether you're alive or not, what happened to the rest of Havoc.
I haven't been home in years. My heart still lies with you, and until I find you, I'm homeless.
Love,
Hakio
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The dark skinned woman isn't quick to rise from her seat after meetings anymore. The way she lingers, as if she's waiting for someone is unsettling. As if ghosts haunt the hall ways of the Odessen base, as she crumples on the ground without her real leg, phantom pains making her cry out for her lover. With no one to save her but her previous comrade, it's a heart shattering walk back to her cabin as she cries over and over again for him to come get her.
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TO: Elara Dorne
FROM: Xev'heng Lumere
SUBJECT: Last Life Day.
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Dearest,
You've always been good at treating me right. I feel like I haven't exactly provided for you since then.
It's been years, I know. I know someone like you would've found someone else, someone to support you through all of this. I know I loved you, I know you loved me. But I abandoned you, for five years. Five years of pain, five years of longing. I know it's been hard for me, but I can't imagine how hard it's been for you.
I'm searching for you as I write this. The Alliance has been searching for recruits, but as much as they need a new medic, I need you. I need you back, Elara. I've been a mess without you, and I can't last like this.
-Xev
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It isn't hard to see how the man grieves. A portion of his lekku is missing as the other hangs limply down his back. One of his previously lavender eyes has gone grey, though he's always so quick to find his old commanding officer to help her through the pain. However, his suffering hides far beneath his smiles and sarcasm.
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TO: Malavai Quinn
FROM: Tri'ama Amarillis-Quinn
SUBJECT: Stations.
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It's always been a matter of station with you, hasn't it, Malavai? Statistics, reports, briefings. Rising in the Empire after hitting a ceiling. A rising star before being kept on Balmorra. Then, you met me. Things changed after that, didn't they? You met Vette, who you despised at first before you came to care for her. You met Jaesa, though you weren't ever terribly clear what you thought about her. You met Pierce, who you thoroughly hated, though you worked with him well. And Broonmark, though neither of us grew terribly close to our furry protector.
You tried to kill me. End my life there on the Transponder Station above Corellia. How it pained you so, how I had to hear some of your bones crack sickeningly against the blastdoor. How you made me jump for months afterwards. How I still didn't trust you completely when I agreed to marry you, agreed to let you back into my quarters, back into my heart.
What am I trying to say, Malavai? I'm trying to say that though I was horrible about showing what I thought about you, that I loved you. That I loved the way I could catch you off-guard by planting a sneaky kiss on your cheek. That I loved the way you could catch me off-guard by pulling me in, one arm around waist as you kissed me hard. The way we would wake up together in the morning, and go to bed together at night.
You've surely risen in your station, Malavai. I hope the last few years have treated you well, that you've finally become more than just a Captain. That you can lead an army of your own men now, instead of being in that army. I wish the best for you.
I don't know where the Alliance is taking me, but galaxy be damned if they try to keep me from my husband.
Once you told me you wished to continue being my loyal captain and dutiful husband -I kept your letters after all these years, yes- to that I respond with this: I wish to continue being your imposing Darth, and loving wife. Do you understand that, hubby?
Do you know how much I miss you? How much I still love you?
-Tri'ama.
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The Darth is harder to read, her emotions aren't as prominent as others who have lost their lovers. She accepts, she moves on. She continues to cut down those who stand in her way, she continues to be a beacon of hope for the Empire. But something about the way she doesn't let anyone take care of her injuries, is worrying enough.
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TO: Andronikos Revel
FROM: Mierrio Revel
SUBJECT: Wine.
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Remember how I didn't ever like that you drank as much as you did? How I'd be annoyed when you came back wasted?
I see the appeal now. It gives me time to forget about the pain of losing you. About the pain of being alone. I feel fuzzy, like the last five years have all been a dream instead of my twisted reality. It burns me so bad, but I'm willing to endure a bit of pain just to forget how much I miss you.
Hate wondering whether you've finally kicked the bucket, with all the kriffing shit you get into. Your reckless flying, the way you'd nearly sacrifice your dumbass for me. I can't feel your presence anywhere, and that scares me somedays, Nikky. You never knew whether we were going to be together forever, and neither did I. Back then I wouldn't have cared less for you saying something like that, because whatever came up we'd kill it together.
Now you're gone, and I'm still here. I know you said that we'd be together forever, while we were in each other's orbits, and until the stars finally went cold. I'm scared, Nikky. I really think this is the end. It's been too long for you to still be out there.
Come home, you kriffing dumbass. You know where to find me.
-M
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From first glance, you never would've guessed the woman was a Sith, capable of murdering hordes of enemies beneath her lightsaber and lightning. She looked like nothing more than a spaced out spacer, staring out into the void of her ship, throwing back yet another bottle of rum. Something snaps, as she throws the glass bottle against the wall, and it shatters into thousands of glass pieces as she roars in anger.
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TO: Mako Li'ui
FROM: Theksevoy Li'ui
SUBJECT: Honeymoon.
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I never got you your fairytale ending, and I'm so sorry. It was always 'tommorrow' or 'when we have the credits'. I'm so sorry Mako, you deserved better than me.
If I ever see you again, when I see you again, we're ditching this whole business and blasting off to the far, luxorious corners of the galaxy and living like royalty until the galaxy catches up to us or we die. Whatever happens, we do it together.
Someone in the Alliance (I'm betting it was one of the Ciphers, Nine and Twenty-Six always manage to mess me up) found our records and sent them to me.
I love you, Mako Li'ui.
-Thek
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Everyone was afraid of the brute, Mandalore's Champion. Everyone knows his name, but not his story. No one wants to get close, to make him snap, to make him angry. The only people that have come back without a horror story to tell is the small, thin Intelligence agent. No one knows what she did for him, but he protects her with his life now.
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TO: Torian Cadera
FROM: Ba'shira Cadera
SUBJECT: Get Away.
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That hunting trip would've been nice, cyare. Should've taken you up on it earlier, before all this Alliance business happened. Had I not been there, I would still be with you. Hunting down the big game, bringing home the prizes with you. Spending every waking moment with my Torian.
Skinned myself a nice beast. Beasts, in fact. Without Bounty Hunting and since I haven't been able to find your Clan (our Clan, right? Never felt all that welcome), been collecting hides and such. Think you'll like 'em when you get back, cyare.
Everyday is my aay'han without you there with me,
-Shira
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The woman is a clean shot, always. The target is never empty, and the holes never waver from the bright red target. It's terrifying, in fact. The way that if you bother her, she turns from the firing range but still shoots perfectly. It's enough to keep anyone in the Alliance from bothering the Mandalorian, even though somedays she wishes someone would continue bothering her. To keep her from thinking these horrible thoughts.
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TO: Vector Hyllus
FROM: Rubiksi Delux-Hyllus
SUBJECT: Nests.
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I've visited nests. I find them fascinating, and for the most part, they accept my presence. Some kinder nests enjoy my visits, though I had to leave most rather hurriedly, they wish for me to become part of their nests. I'm not sure they understand that I am human and don't wish to Join them, but they let me be.
Those of the Oroboro nest are harder to convince. They know me, and they love me. In a way different from the way you loved me, like siblings, like parents. I spent a majority of my time on Alderaan with them before the Alliance came to be...I had dark thoughts, Vector. I really believed it was time to end it all. The cliff where you saved me became my home for months on end, though every time I couldn't bear to slip off without knowing if you knew I was still alive.
So I didn't. I considered other ways of getting rid of my consciousness. Drinking has always made me nauseous, so I kept away from doing so. Bounty Hunting affected my conscience in a way I didn't think it would after everything Intelligence put me through.
I wanted to Join, Vector. I thought that if I let them absorb me into the colony, that I'd see you again. That everything would just fade away. I remember you once told me you didn't want me to either, because my individuality would be gone. I brushed you off, I'd already known that my individuality had been stripped away by the SIS and Intelligence. But, as the search continues I've accepted that this is who I am, and taking this away wouldn't make you happy.
The Alliance found me, told me Cipher Nine could help them with the fight against the Eternal Empire. I believed they were crazy for a moment there, what would a lowly Cipher do against a galaxy-spanning tyrannical ruler? They were quick to convince me that I could do a lot, and with my ties to Intelligence, it wouldn't be difficult to have a leg up in the war.
I thought if I helped them, they'd help me. They tried to, tried to find you. But they needed me every waking moment, leaving them as an ally of the Alliance made me a target. It isn't until now we've begun really searching for those lost during the war.
I was told Killiks lost a majority of their nests as well. I can't imagine how that feels, but those I built a connection to are in pain. Mutual pain is never something I wished to endure, and for now I've accepted I don't belong with the Empire anymore. My allegiance ended as soon as they used them for canon fodder.
I pray you were one of the lucky ones, Vector.
-Rubiksi
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The most listless out of all the recruits to the Alliance, the lithe human female stares out the window, blonde, brittle hair over her shoulder as she leans against a pillar. It seems everything is too big for the woman these days, as she tries to hide herself among the crowds. A ghost of herself, the amber-eyed agent isn't sociable, and many are afraid to approach her. But, no one wants to admit they're afraid one day they'll wake up and she won't be there.
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Some bonus letters from characters who didn't romance Bioware's LIs.
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TO: Theron Shan
FROM: [Redacted]
SUBJECT: [Redacted]
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Hmm..You've always been a tough one, Shan. Slippery, odd. Never really ever landed on how old you were, whether Theron or Shan was really your name. You're good at your job, I'll give you that.
I'm not going to say I'm sorry for being gone. After Yavin, [Redacted] and I had our differences. She didn't trust me, I didn't trust her. Lana was having her own issues keeping [Redacted] from doing something catastrophic, and didn't trust me not to switch sides again. I'm not apologetic for what I did, and I never will be. I look out for myself first, you three second.
But this? This is rather odd. [Redacted] is an interesting place to hide, especially among [Redacted]. Given, this has been my home for a while, and [Redacted] was easy to convince to let me stay here too. I have my ways, always. But I suggest you go back to pretty boy, think you've really struck a nerve now. But [Redacted] is going to throw a fit if you show that shaven head around her again.
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The water front has been a nice home for the last few years as she giggles, baring her teeth as a woman wraps her hands around her waist, tickling her until she can't breathe. Though, the giggles are cut short as the Cathar woman's eyes widen, hearing them before the door breaks down. A shriek as silk flies, one look behind her and she's out the window, tumbling to the ground in little more than a sheer top and a skirt, she begins running, cursing the man's name under her breath.
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TO: Aristocra Saganu
FROM: Scy'arla Tuvii
SUBJECT: Red Flame
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I didn't understand what that meant until I looked into it among the other Chiss at headquarters. Once I did, you can't imagine the kind of warmth that sent. I'd only known you for a few weeks at best, but I wish I could've gotten to known you better. I know I'm little more than just a Twi'lek in most Chiss eyes, but I really did feel like I was more to you. I hope it wasn't misplaced.
We both have responsibilities past the other's knowledge. I know you're rather important to the Chiss, but I don't pry beyond that. I assume you know more about me, but I don't know how far that goes. I hope if you did learn anymore, it doesn't go much further past my objectives on Hoth with regards to Intelligence. I don't think you could see me in the same light if you knew more, I'm sorry.
Whether this reaches you or not, I'm not sure. You're busy, I'm busy. You're not like other men, I have a past I'm not ready to admit to. I'd like to extend an invitation to a suite on Dromound Kaas if you could ever get away for that long. It's beneath you, I'm sure, but think about it?
-Cy.
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The Alliance doesn't seem to have taken the same toll on Scy'arla. The Cipher is rarely around, if at all, as a supplier. Still loyal, and frankly terrifyingly, to the Empire, she can't be relied on. The first assumption is that she is their traitor, that she has finally sold them out. But, when the time comes, her hands are clean, and everyone is left in surprise when the real traitor is outed among them. A chuckle here, an 'I told you so' there, is the all the agent leaves behind.
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TO: [Redacted]
FROM: Darth Ezridivia Uvon
SUBJECT: You know what.
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I know you have something to do with this. You always did have a hand in the cookie jar [Redacted]. As frustrating as it was to deal with you, I really do wonder whether you assisted Theron with this. You two were always a bit too close, though you argued all the time and butt heads even more than he and Lana did. You'd known each other for so much longer, worked together to get things done. You might've been gone for the last five years, but I just know you're behind this somehow. Theron wouldn't just do this to the Alliance.
I know someone like you, would.
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The pureblood Sith woman paces back and forth, as her blonde comrade types away at a terminal. A grimace here, an angry monolouge there. The woman had no shortage of anger for the agent and his partner, even though she wasn't ready to admit that neither would do this without provocation. She fed off the raw emotions of shock and anger from those in the Alliance, but her nearly melancholy wife really kept her from snapping.
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