human pregnancy is so wild to me. like, you can just create another consciousness. and you can do it accidentally in the Cheesecake Factory parking lot
It was too late, when the humans came. They were a young species, still exploring outwards, vital and thriving.
We… were not.
War had ravaged us, and sickness, and war once again, until our population dwindled beyond the point of recovery. We struggled against that, of course… we used genetic manipulation, and cloning, and even more desperate measures. None succeeded. When the humans came, we were sinking into apathy, only a few tens of us left. We had begun to discuss whether we should commit a mass suicide, or simply wait to fade away.
And then the young species came, in their clumsy ships, and they asked us why we were so few.
“We are becoming extinct,” we told them. “We have passed the point of recovery.”
It is custom to avoid the races that are dying – once a species reaches the point of inevitable extinction, even war is suspended, and the fiercest enemy pulls back. The custom was born of plagues and poisons that could be carried forth from a dying world to afflict a healthy one, but it has the implacable weight of tradition now. After we are gone, after they have waited for the prescribed period of quarantine, there will be a fight for our world. Habitable worlds are few, and this is a good one, with plenty of free groundwater and thriving vegetation. It is a bitter thing to be grateful for the custom that allows us to die in peace, but we are grateful.
But the humans don’t know that custom, and they do not leave. They seem distraught, when we tell them we are dying, and try to offer their aid - but their technology is behind ours, and it is too late. When they realize that they can’t save us, though, they do something that bewilders us.
Not proud of what I turn into when several mangos are put in front of me. The lack of self restraint is shameful. I would compare it to how fiction describes werewolves, or newly turned vampires. Everyone who has had a good mango understands, though.
last time I got a bunch of mangos I went into a sort of mango induced bacchanal madness, ended up eating the skin too because it was so thin, and the next day I ended up with my face swollen to hell because it turns out that mango skin has the same chemical as poison ivy, and eating that is bad. I did an interview on a reckless amount of antihistamines, got the job, and ate the last two mangos.
thoughts ruminating around in my head about the fact onslaught is really a return to form for zanya. decisive, strike once, strike clean, moving through battles like a sharpened blade. like she's actively sabotaging the empire, but goes about it in a way that feels really unsettling for her republic loved ones. yes, they didnt have to die, but these people weren't innocent and neither was he. if he left them alive, they'd just be that much stronger to eventually strike back at him -- and they knew too much. he will not ever find another blade in his back, and this is how he guarantees it. he views it as an us or them. and he chose himself and his alliance at the end of the day.
if a few heads rolled in the process, well, he did what was necessary and thats how he sleeps at night
well gosh dang it I am extending commissions again. . .
when it rains it pours, we had a family member die yesterday and we will be traveling out of state to the funeral, we will be flying then, renting a car for a couple of days and staying in a hotel as well...
The most expensive part was the air travel and thats taken care of, holy cow it was over 2 grand. But now I need to help the hubby again and see about helping with the car rental for 3 days and hotel for 2 nights.
I keep forgetting sometimes how big the US is, because first we thought we could drive, but aside from distance we would have spent 1,700 dollars just on gas for the car alone. ... plus a car rental we cant use ours for such a long drive, hotels food... all that jazz, so we chose to fly.
Its sad, its our kids first airplane ride, but for a sad reason.
anyhow Im expanding commissions. i'll link the post from last time below. I'll figure out how much for the hotel and car rental later today to update so I know how many illustrations I need to do.
But any help is welcomed and I hope you all are having a better time then us at the moment.
Commission info below.
well edited this post, um..... Im expanding commission slots due to an upcoming funeral we are traveling to and we need to cover the costs o
Emrys is what happens when a guy doesn't realise he's been living in survival mode for three decades and just thinks he's "doing what he has to". On one hand, he looks cool doing it and it does make him a scarily good soldier. On the other, he's like three breakdowns deep by the middle of ME3...
Every day I think about my Shepard's relationship with his family and every day I think about how strained it must be. Like honestly and completely I can't think of him having a normal relationship with anyone in his family considering the pedestal that Shepard gets put on by the galaxy, but the one I always come back to is his dynamic with Hannah.
Like, what if you were Hannah Shepard and you had your kids and a family, spending a few years being very involved in their lives, but then joined the Alliance when it was still new, looking forward to exploring space and serving humanity. What if you were driven and focused and career oriented, but an accident on a ship you were serving on exposed you to eezo, then you found out you were pregnant again and the baby had been exposed too. What if you went home, had your new son, then returned to work with a new fear about eezo that clung to you as humanity began to learn more about it and linked it to biotics. What if your son, years later, developed biotics because of that accident, and it terrified you. What if he went on to join the Alliance, following in your footsteps, putting himself in danger because of his abilities. What if he saved so many lives on Elysium that he was given the Star of Terra and put in the N7 program. What if you found out from the news like everyone else that he became the first human Spectre.
What if you were somewhere in the middle of the chaos as Saren and Sovereign attacked the Citadel, and when it was all over, it was your son who had saved everyone. What if, a month later, he died on a routine mission, and no one found the body (you don't know if they even looked.) What if two years passed and you refused a promotion despite being so career oriented because it was what you felt honored your son the most. What if you then found out he was alive but hadn't told you and doesn't reply to your email when you send one. What if you find out months later that he was responsible for the destruction of an entire system and was being put on trial by the Alliance. What if the Reapers attacked and you didn't even know if your son survived at first because he was on Earth and you weren't. What if you find out through official channels, but it's radio silence from him, even when your other son, his brother, dies. What if you become a Rear Admiral because you don't have to honor his memory anymore because he's alive and safe and you can call him to tell him about the games you played with him when he was a child. What if, right after that, you find yourself in another battle, in the last stand against the Reapers, and your son is leading the charge. What if he beats the odds and the galaxy is saved but you're ordered to retreat and the last word you get is that he's still aboard the Citadel as it's destroyed by its own massive weapon.
What if you grieve him again, only to learn months later that he survived, was wrongly identified, and had been recovering in secret out of the spotlight, but nobody had told you. What if you meet him again in person but it's like meeting a stranger or a ghost. What if the little boy you used to play Alliance Captain with is now a giant, larger than life, with a legacy woven into the fabric of the galaxy. What if you sit there with him across from you and it feels like you're still light-years apart, the silence thick because you don't even know where to start, because this wasn't the boy you used to tuck into bed. What if Commander Shepard survived but your son never came home.
And what if you were Amadeus Shepard and you grew up surrounded by people but you felt so isolated because your parents were always busy and your siblings were so much older than you and you moved around too much to make friends. What if you overheard countless conversations about biotics and eezo and how scary it all was and you internalized that to the point of being terrified when you developed your own biotics that your family would think you were a monster. What if you hid them because they were never that strong anyway and you didn't want them and you were going to be a pilot, but then you were found out, and you felt like the only right choice was to get an implant and join the Alliance because at least they wanted biotics, unlike your family, who have never really seemed to look at you the same way since you developed your abilities. What if you became a navy officer. What if you were good at it. What if you were a hero. What if you got a Star of Terra and the attention of the N7 program. What if you became Admiral Anderson's protege. What if you called your mom but she brushed you away the same way she did when you were a kid, saying she was busy. What if you were made the first human Spectre and you didn't even call home that time. What if you saved the Citadel and the Council and were called a hero for it, but a month later, you were killed trying to save one single life.
What if you came back two years later and everything had changed and you were exactly the same and the people you cared about all thought you were gone but you couldn't reach out to any of them without putting their careers, if not more, on the line because you were working with awful people to do what needed to be done. What if you got an email, one of the few times your family had reached out to you without it being for a holiday or birthday, but you couldn't respond. What if you learned that, while your mom might've been more invested in her career than in spending time with you, she turned down an incredible promotion just to honor your memory. What if you rubbed her legacy in the dirt just a few months later by destroying an entire system, even if you swear it was for the right reasons. What if you never even got to apologize because you were arrested and then the Reapers arrived and you don't know if your family is alive. What if you found out your mom's safe but your older brother died and you didn't even know how to feel because you barely knew him but he's still your brother and he died trying to protect biotic kids from Cerberus partly because they reminded him of you. What if your mom called you and told you about the games you played with her as a kid that you'd nearly forgotten about because they were from another lifetime.
What if you led the fight against the Reapers, made a choice to save the entire galaxy, and closed your eyes expecting to die, but woke up in the rubble. What if you healed slowly, in secret, identified wrongly as your partner because you were wearing his dog tags as a good luck charm. What if you feel more cared for by his mother than you ever did by your own. What if you feel guilty about it forever. What if you see your mom again but it feels more like meeting Rear Admiral Shepard than it does your family. What if you want to ask her why she wasn't involved in your life like she was for your siblings but the words get stuck in your throat. What if she tells you she's retiring because the grief over her other son is too much even though she kept working when you died. What if you resent her and you love her and you choke on all the things you want to say. What if you're too old to cry because you want your mom but you can't help yourself because you're not sure you ever really had her to begin with.
In typical Nines fashion, I can't listen to his playlist too much because it is so anxiety inducing. That is to say that every single one of his songs makes him sound like he's on the verge of a panic attack (and he is). This one is actually the first song in his playlist and is referring to being in Imperial Intelligence. Nines is very driven, he likes efficiency and order and thinks highly of his own capabilities. He spent all this time climbing the ranks and now that he's gotten here, he's realizing it is not a good place to be. Suddenly he's a pawn in the Sith's game and no amount of being good at his job will save him. It's a slippery slope and he wonders just what the hell he got himself into.
Can't pick a side, can you give me a little–
Time? 'Cause I gotta catch up
I'm fine, yeah, you're calling my bluff
Can't keep a straight face on, it's in violation
Of panic running rampant through my brain, can't take the–
Chemicals in my head
Making me obsessed
With where I want to be versus my trajectory