#f-gender

[imoga-pride]

F/M-gender Flags

F-gender Flag

F-gender: any feminine or female gender identity. See also: fegender, fingender.

M-gender Flag

M-gender: any masculine or male gender identity. See also: manugender, mingender.

[mkengland]

I am f-gender

I’m having a lot of gender-related feelings today because there have been so many beautiful posts and selfies and such aligning with Transgender Day of Visibility. Seriously, so happy to see all these beautiful people out there in tumblverse. And it got me thinking about my own gender, which, I will admit, I have worked pretty hard to NOT think about in any serious way for many years because it confuses me and makes me angry.

Here’s the thing. I was assigned female at birth, but have always had an extreme disconnect with absolutely everything traditionally feminine/girly, to the point of practically phobic avoidance of the color pink and anything that might be considered lace until my mid-20s. Yes, I was one of those women who hated on other women for being super femme or embracing anything traditionally feminine. I’m truly sorry. I’ve learned the error of my ways. I still can’t incorporate those things into my own identity, though. They aren’t for me. I’ve never known how to reconcile these feelings with some sort of labeled identity, because my body dysphoria is extremely mild, intermittent, and mostly sexuality-related (confusing whaaaaaat). For the most part, I’m fine with being a (cis?) bisexual woman and celebrating my body as it is. But I also feel an extreme unease (occasionally bordering on rage) when anyone labels me as a woman or dares to suggest that anything about me is somehow due to my status as a woman. I definitely live with a lot of cis/white privilege, so in a lot of ways I don’t even feel entitled to any sort of non-binary label, but that doesn’t stop gender thoughts from making me want to punch a wall.

What I can’t figure out is whether this is because I have some genuine issue with my gender or whether I’m just FUCKING ANGRY at the way society treats gender in general, and women and non-binary folks specifically. Yes, I present as a fairly butch woman. Yes, a mani/pedi is my idea of hell because the thought of painting my fingernails squicks me out gender-wise. Yes, I have always enjoyed traditionally masculine hobbies and clothing. But does that make me agender or genderfluid or something, or do I just like what I like and fuck society and its expectations? 

For now I think I’ll just identify as FUCK GENDER, or f-gender for short. I appreciate all of the existing labels and all the amazing people who embrace them. Labels are important—when I accepted the bisexual label for myself, it was like I found a piece of my heart. But when it comes to gender, I feel like I need a label that encompasses how fucking ANGRY gender makes me. I honestly don’t care what pronouns you use for me. He/him, they, or just stick with the she/her I’ve been using my whole life. None of it bothers me. Call me what you want. Because I’m FUCK GENDER and I can’t deal with anything more specific than that.

And tbh, I can’t figure out anything better than that. It’s too confusing and rage-inducing. What is even happening inside my head. 

Anyone who wants to talk about this, message me anytime. If this is super problematic, please call me out and yell at me. And shoutout to wistfulsighs and niceiceprince. They know why.