@f1rstcut cont. from here!
❝ come — on —! ❞ he slams his palms against the door, angry, grief-stricken. again, and again. he throws his shoulder into it. all it does it make noise, send bolts of pain radiating through his exhausted frame. the door doesn't budge. hasn't budged. they're trapped in this fucking room, still. he hits the door again, something like a choked sob catching in his throat. his hands feel numb. ❝ — please... i'm sorry. ❞ it barely comes out as a frayed whisper, this time.
his ears ring. he knows the dripping sound is from their dead friend, in the room over. leland almost doesn’t hear maria speaking to him. everything sounds so underwater, warped and pitchy, and maybe like it’s happening to someone else. god, he wished this was happening to someone else. his eyes take a moment to meet hers, glassy and snapping to focus. she’s scared. so is he. and he doesn't know what to say. what will make any of it better. what the hell will bring their dead friends back. he feels like he can't breathe without tasting rot. blood. feels the sick spatter of it on his face, where the fissure in the wall hadn’t spared them the mess of chainsaw teeth tearing through flesh and organs and— god. god. what the hell is happening to them? he can still hear her fucking screaming.
red, red light, red room, red hair, limp and tangled around connie's shadowed face. this is all your fault, you should have been there —
his knees want to buckle, sudden headrush making him sway slightly on his feet. his stinging palms slide down the cold metal, defeated as he stumbles back from it. maria’s hands coming to frame his face are the closest thing he has to an anchor on reality, and leland crumbles apart easily at her touch; ❝ sorry, i’m — i’m sorry. ❞ he stammers out, voice a strained rasp. ❝ i should have. i didn’t… why'd i let her go alone? why — ❞ he didn’t realize he’d started crying. quiet sob shaken from him as hot tears spill down his cheeks, over maria's hands. she bleeds into water colour in his vision.
he should have been able to protect them. at the campsite. here. when they’d gotten separated, caught out by the monsters hunting them through these god-forsaken tunnels. there were too many of them. he couldn't keep her safe. can't stop thinking about how scared she must have been. thinking she was all alone, when they were so close. so fucking close, and he couldn't do anything while that monster —
his mouth runs senselessly; ❝ i can’t — we can’t leave her out there. maria, we… it’s not right. we have to do something, they can't — ❞ he's half incoherent, shaking badly through the shoulders. he knows, maybe, there's nothing he can do. he knows there’s nothing fair about this. despite how his world tilts and falls away around him, he tries to use what he's feeling for something. anything to keep his grip on reality. mindlessly, he brings his hand up to the side of maria’s face, mirroring her. carefully thumbing away the fresh blood. connie's blood. she was so hesitant to come along on this trip. she knew it could be dangerous, but she came anyway and —
leland feels sick. he remembers talking in the light of the campfire, not even half a day ago. with their sleeping friends all around them. they had thought they were safe.
unsteady, he refocuses on maria, dragging in a harsh breath as he tries to listen to her words. she needs him here. she needs him to keep it together. she's alive. you found her. you have to be strong. and if you can’t be strong for real, you just have to fake it. just keep faking it.
leland blinks fast, nods minutely; ❝ o — okay. ❞ confirmation is weak, and hiccupped around the overflow of tears. but he steels himself as best he can. tries again; ❝ okay. y — yeah. okay. ❞ he can. he has to. he can’t let maria down. can’t give up. can’t feel sorry for himself. he has to get them out of here. keep moving. keep breathing. don't think about it. don't think about it. his head still pounds. pain lances up flaring knife wounds all along his back. but whatever he was feeling must be nothing compared to maria.
teeth press together stubbornly against the threat of another bout of welling in his chest. he looks to maria, half-helplessly. ❝ what... what should we do? ❞