the benefit of all my doubts
A beaten up vintage fire bucket hangs from a hook, an attractive object in its own right. However, the inside of the bucket is pristine. It has a modern mirrored finished that seems incongruous with the tatty exterior. The bucket is filled with clean water and in the water swims a single, bright, lustrous goldfish.
Above the bucket there is a large tinplate enamel sign, which normally might have instructions about what to do in the event of fire, this however reads:
THE BENEFIT OF ALL MY DOUBTS
The title is a play on ‘to give the benefit of the doubt’ - this is an expression that means to trust or believe someone or something even though there is uncertainty or doubt. What does it mean in this instance? Is it self directed or directed elsewhere?
As a sign it refers to the object displayed below in the same way that a ‘what to do in case of fire’ sign would refer to the Fire Bucket. That it is a Fire Bucket is significant. It infers another expression, that of ‘firefighting’ which can be defined as a short term fix or suppression of problems rather than addressing the factors that cause the problem. That it is an old battered Fire Bucket is also significant. It infers a time scale, perhaps a lifetime of ‘firefighting’.
Yet, the inside of this aged bucket is immaculate. It has a mirrored finish and is filled with water in which swims a beautiful, lustrous goldfish. It presents a meditative, contemplative contrast to the battered, almost worn out exterior with its evidence of much used appearance.
In China and Japan the goldfish is seen as a positive symbol for wealth, abundance and good luck. Along with the pristine interior, echoing the Japanese quest for perfection, and together they depict a purity. The water is perfectly clean, unpolluted and the goldfish healthy and swimming happily around unaffected by anything that might have happened on the outside - or so it appears.
Questions might arise as to the continued well being of the goldfish if kept in this environment. Has it already been replaced? How often is it fed and by who? How often is it cleaned? Is it lonely or confused by its own continually reflected image?
It refers to self-doubts, an obsessive pursuit of perfection or idealism. Is it autobiographical or does it refer to the viewer?