burn me up, wildheart ;; a marlene mckinnon playlist [x]
HEROES // all time low [x]
'cause you've made a mess of everything
you're not a hero, you're a liar
you're not a saviour, you're a vampire
sucking the life out of all the friends you've ever known
you're just a trainwreck, not a winner
hop on your soapbox, preaching down to the sinners
a saint without a cause, we're not listening
WE'RE NOT LISTENING
marlene likes to pretend that she's brave and fierce and daring, and she is, but she's not a hero. or at least, she doesn't think she is. sure, she'd die for a friend, but that's selfishness more than heroism, as well as what being a friend means to marlene. in all honesty, marlene projects an image of being crazy and fun and reckless and energetic and charismatic, and it's not a lie, but it's not the truth, either—she's much more fucked up than she can ever bear to let on being, and she knows that people see her as volatile, that her loved ones know she's self-destructive, but she wonders if they know just how volatile she is, how explosive, how close to the edge she darts—and part of her can't help but wonder if they really care, because honestly, when has she ever been anything other than a trainwreck playing at being a winner?
ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS STAY // taylor swift [x]
hey all you had to do was stay
had me in the palm of your hand
man why'd you have to go and
lock me out when i let you in
let me remind you,
this was what you wanted
you ended it
as much as marlene hates it, sirius black is really important to her. they were two impulsive, perpetually hopped up on firewhiskey, usually horny, stupid idiots with trust issues a mile wide, so she didn't think it'd be a problem, but somehow, against the odds—he dug himself under her skin and broke in before she even realised her walls were breached. then he went and left, and she's angry at him, but she's angrier at herself, because she ought to have learned by now that she should never let someone in, because they will only ever leave her standing alone in the dark.
GLOCKENSPIEL SONG // dog is dead [x]
oh, this town
it's so electric
since i got the feeling
i can't shut down
we are a mess
we are failures
and we love it
marlene has a lot of flaws and even if she doesn't seem to acknowledge them, she really does. the thing is, as horribly flawed as she is, as much as she must disappoint her parents and loved ones, there's part of her that can't bring itself to care because there's something satisfying about being a mess, about wielding destruction like a tool. she thrives off the thrill of doing something reckless and daring and she's on this search for an adrenaline kick; she finds it with the people she loves, too, and she's so endlessly grateful for that, but part of her is afraid because she is so messy and reckless, and she doesn't want to draw them up into her own personal torpedo if she can help it—though sometimes, she can't.
MY FRIENDS SAVE ME // forever the sickest kids [x]
i say wisdom's wasted on the old
embrace mistakes and let it roll
i used to think live fast die young
when every ounce is spent i'm done
overwhelming temptation has done me in
when i overcome it comes over again
my friends save me, they break my fall
my judgement's hazy, when i hit the wall
if i come up short they help me stand tall
if marlene loves anyone in the world, it's her friends. she doesn't let many people in—the hardcore extrovert with the massive trust issues and self-destructive mentality; she can practically see cliché stamped across her face—but those who manage to break their way into her heart earn her eternal love and fierce protection (note: exceptions occur in the case of betrayal. see: sirius black). for merlin's sake, she and lily became friends because marlene broke a boy's nose, and even if marlene is used to being the one people look after—hello there, "daddy issues"—she takes care of mary with all she has, and is fiercely protective of all of her friends because they save her from herself. she is terrified of being alone with herself, and they are living promises of love and friendship and not leaving her, and she can't leave them either. she can't quit them. they have saved her, and she will always do her best to save him. (even those who don't deserve it, though she doesn't intend to let them know that, because then they might think they can act like they deserve it. see: sirius black).
if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones
'cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs
setting fire to our insides for fun
collecting names of the lovers that went wrong
we are the reckless
we are the wild youth
chasing visions of our future
one day we'll reveal the truth
that one will die before he gets there
marlene is reckless and wild and hurting and trying to forget about it; what sirius did sucked because it actually meant something, but he was merely the latest in a long laundry list of times people reminded marlene mckinnon that they didn't want her, that she was fit only for abandonment. she does destructive things because all she's ever been shown how to do is be destroyed, and it's the one thing she knows she is infallibly good at. she is the reckless, wild youth, and she does dangerous, reckless things because it helps her forget.
THE RECKLESS AND THE BRAVE // all time low [x]
long live the reckless and the brave
i don't think i wanna be saved
my song has not been sung
and long live the fast times
so come what may
i don't think i'll ever be saved
our song has not been sung
so long live us
marlene isn't stupid enough to think recklessness is a good thing, okay? she's really not. people have called her it in many tones—fond, absent, exasperated, furious, frustrated, hurt, caustic—over the years, but she has never let its familiarity dull its meaning. reckless [a]: heedless of danger or the consequences of one's actions; rash or impetuous. marlene understands that this is not a good thing. however, there is also the word brave, which means: ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage. marlene would never claim that recklessness and bravery are mutually inclusive—she would call her parents' approach to her childhood as reckless, but not brave, and she thinks mary is brave in a way that doesn't need recklessness to survive—but on a whole, her friends are the reckless and the brave, and she is the reckless and the brave, and she wants to change the world and eradicate the beliefs that belong to pureblood supremacists, but she also wants to be remembered. not just her, but all of them—she wants the world to stand up and take notice of these kids, who are good and brave and reckless and believe in something enough to break a boy's nose for it, because she's sick of the world dismissing them as idiot kids—maybe what the world needs isn't crafty politicians and deftly made deals, but some good ol' reckless bravery, served up by the kids of '78.
DON'T STOP // 5 seconds of summer [x]
don't stop doin' what you're doin'
every time you move to the beat
it gets harder for me
and you know it
don't stop 'cause you know that i like it
every time you walk in the room
you got all eyes on you
and you know it
if marlene mckinnon is anything, she is a people person. she is extremely extroverted and hella charismatic, though she's not a people-pleaser. it's kind of funny that she's not, given how much she wanted approval when she was younger, how she craves for someone who will never leave her, but she puts it down to alice—alice, who knows exactly what she wants and says what she thinks; alice, who makes no excuses for anybody and appreciates blunt honesty; alice, who was there for her when her parents weren't, and also when marlene decided seriously, fuck them. marlene is fierce and a conqueror, and some of that is entirely her, wild and rebellious as she is, and some of that is alice, and she loves that part of her because of it. marlene is the kind of girl who can keep up with sirius black, who can approach everything with the same extreme and energetic vitality and frightening enthusiasm that she approached coming to hogwarts with, and she can seem like she's winning a war even when she's losing, because she has so much fight to give and such a bright flame burning. she is almost too terrifying to be pretty, too devastating to be heartbroken, but not quite, and somewhere in the space between is the meaning of marlene mckinnon.
THE PHOENIX // fall out boy [x]
hey youngblood
doesn't it feel like our time is running out?
i'm gonna change you like a remix
then i'll raise you like a phoenix
you're wearing our vintage misery
no i think it looked a little better on me
i'm gonna change you like a remix
then i'll raise you like a phoenix
PUT ON YOUR WARPAINT
marlene lives life in the moment, so one wouldn't particularly expect her to think ahead, but even on the rare occasions when she does think about the future, it is never for too long, because honestly? sometimes she's not convinced she'll have one. it's stupid and selfish and morbid and fucked up, she knows, and god, what a fucking cliché, right? tortured little rich girl, living to die. she knows, and deep in her bones, she feels the need to rebel against it, to prove that she can survive—but part of her knows that she doesn't deserve to. at least, not any more than any of her other friends; especially no more than them, because they don't act like life is something that can be gambled, risked for an adrenaline high. so she doesn't think she deserves to live forever—but her friends do, okay, they fucking do, and she will do everything in her power to give them the longevity she wants for them—but in the times she's thought about it, when it's three in the morning and she is lying in bed, unable to escape her thoughts, she has this inkling that she'd rather die for something meaningful than an adrenaline high, but marlene is also used to not getting what she wants.
KINGS AND QUEENS // 30 seconds to mars [x]
into the night
desperate and broken
the sound of a fight
father has spoken
we were the kings and queens of promise
we were the victims of ourselves
maybe the children of a lesser god
between heaven and hell
marlene needs a fight like she needs oxygen. partying and flying and fucking and firewhiskey can only do so much before marlene is itching for a fight. something about her relishes the idea that she is fierce and tough and is fighting the good fight, that she's doing something, that her blood is singing and she's living, really living. she knows that this need to fight is weird and kind of unhinged, but she also has principles about it: it's the most violent and uncontrollable of vices, and yet she abides by the rules of this more than anything else. she will never fight someone who doesn't deserve it, and fists aren't the only thing to use—words are worse, she thinks, because she is sharp tongued and acidic and cruelty comes alive on her tongue during the days where there are foul depths swimming in her eyes. magic is only ever used if the opponent's wand is drawn first, or it's a real emergency, and you never send a hex when someone's back is turned. never. marlene dreams of a righteous fight, of fighting and knowing there is no shame in a bruised knuckle, in knowing that beside her are the only people she trusts and their blood is also singing with the feeling of doing something that matters. she is an aggressive person, but not naturally violent—she just can't abhor the fact that there is so much shit in the world to fight against, and she isn't doing anything, and so, she does.
