@faeriesfromthedeep
"Bob, how do I attract a mermaid?”
That was how the conversation started. It wasn’t a flame that lit up an intricate web of fine details. As a matter of fact, those disembodied orange eyes leveled on Harry for a moment longer than necessary, the silence stretching between them to an uncomfortable degree. When it was finally disrupted, it wasn’t with clarifying questions to find out precisely what he might mean by his inquiry, but a deep bellied laugh. Which was.... odd considering Bob was only a skull. Well, HE wasn’t a skull, but he was housed within a skull. There was no belly involved, nor the air necessary for that kind of guffaw.
It was the sort of laugh that might have involved tears springing to the eyes for any mortal who fell into it, red-faced and crying, stomach aching, gasping for breath.
Harry stood with his arms folded, his foot tapping impatiently, his lips pursed into a thin, annoyed line. Every time he thought the show was over, Bob would scream again and start anew.
“Okay!! Okay! Enough.” Harry snapped.
“Oh Harry.” Bob chuckled, his voice filled with mirth. “You tell the best jokes.”
“It’s not a joke, Bob.”
“It isn’t? That’s just sad.”
“Bob!!”
“Well, Harry. It’s just... you don’t attract mermaids. THEY attract you. That’s how that sort of thing works.” Now maybe it would be different if they were creatures of the land, but there was something to be said about those entities that lingered below their feet. Either in the earth or the briny deep, places that couldn’t be as readily explored as the surface area. It wasn’t like people could just dive down into the ocean and experiment the way they did things on land. There were just too many factors that could go wrong, too many ways that the situation could turn into a grave rather than an educational field.
“Why do you want to attract a mermaid any way?”
“Not in the way you’re thinking, you dolt.” Harry groaned, pacing back and forth impatiently, hands clasped behind his back. “Look, this is important. I know it’s not typical, but if you could just give me some advice here as you’re meant to do when I ask, that would be grand.”
“Hmmmmmmmmmmm.” Bob’s eyes narrowed. “Okaaaaaay. But I mean, every time you get bossy like that, it turns out bad. I mean like, I gotta get to the hospital bad.”
“Bob, I swear to the----”
“Okay okay okay, grumpy pants. Gee whiz, you’re getting worse in your old age. Get laid, my man. That works wonders. Cheaper too. There are a few weird ways of going about it, but I’m telling you, the likelihood of this working is about slim to none.”
And that was how Harry ended up on the shoreline on the East Coast in deep night, a burlap bag in hand with the human skull in it sitting safely away from where the tide would potentially come whooshing in.
He was about thirteen hours away from home, Ocean City, Maryland.
Harry had a string of pearls which he dangled into the water.
Mermaids were said to be pretty vain. And they liked the shimmer of a nice pearl. He blew on a conch shell. He deposited cheap treasures on the surface of the water that shimmered and shined to attract a curious sea creature. He even tossed a mirror down into the depths. In other words, he littered. There was just a little bit of magic involved, something to call to the greater entities under the sea
“This is dumb.” Harry grumbled.
“I told you.” Bob would have shrugged if he could. “You’re not their particular fodder. Not that they have a preference for good looking guys instead or anything---”
“Watch it.” Harry growled, hearing the burn of an insult in there somewhere.
“---- but you’re land bound. A more dangerous morsel than one that they can just catch out to sea. No predator is going to work THAT hard for a piece they can just get somewhere else. Even when they’re desperate.”
“I considered throwing myself out to sea, but I figured this was testing my luck far enough.” Harry flopped down to sit on the sand.
“They do come on land---”
“Wait, they do?”
“Don’t get any ideas. It’s not so easy to detect them. What would be the point if you could just pinpoint the mermaids in a sea of familiar faces? You let your imagination direct you too often, Harry. This ain’t a storybook.”
Harry scowled, looking out to sea.











