The greatest teacher is the best piece of media that accurately, honestly, carefully, truthfully depicts people's psychology. Why they choose to stand back. Why someone would end their life. Why someone would fight for their life. Why people act out. Why people attack and bully others. Why someone would kill another. Everyone is capable of change, and it's so accurate to reality, across cultures, with what is happening in classrooms, and what students are struggling with.
I've never seen such good representation for npd, even if it was unintentional or covert. As the show progressed Sagara turns from this menacing figure, to a broken boy. 'I realised I'm not special, I'm the worst kind of person'. The way he thinks, and how he views himself and the world. It's so accurate.
And I've never seen such a gentle approach to chronic depression and derealization. The despair, and the want for something to change. And how even hoshizaki, gets to live.
I understand why functioning labels for autism are ableist. It's based on the idea that autism is something experienced externally- how much can this person function in society? It's a capitalist notion, and may not effectively convey how an autistic person is impacted by their disability. However, replacing that language with high/low support needs, doesn't fix that communication issue. I personally require very little support, but that's because I avoid all situations that I struggle with. I get overwhelmed easily and particularly struggle with socialising and sensory issues. I don't feel any particular label could be used to describe me. And for a disability that effects my ability to communicate, I wish there was language that could support me.
I don't mind /reader content, it's not for me, but it's harmless. But the amount of finnick x reader content makes me uncomfortable. Finnick's life as a victor was at the hands of thousands of people in the Capital fantasising about being with him, especially putting themselves in sexual situations with him. It just upsets me that I see so much more /reader than /Annie Cresta on Tumblr. Do they even care about him or his life? Is he just a pretty face to them too? Can he ever escape this fate?
Trigger Warning for murder, child abuse, implied predators, descriptions of injuries, suicide, etc.
Preface:
I'm not condoning his actions in this post. For me, he crossed the line after killing the entire Chang Clan. And I know he stepped further than that- massacring the Snow White Pavilion, deceiving Xingchen to kill civilians, killing and using Song Lan, and everything with A-Qing. He made choices that make him irredeemable in canon.
My love for Xue Yang is primarily from The Untamed, depicted by Wang Haoxuan. It's likely due to his performance, and the charisma and chemistry he brought to the character, that enticed me so. Therefore, I will be primarily basing this post on the drama's canon. The timeline is a little messy, though.
1. Xue Yang's Upbringing
He was alone as a young child, either orphaned or abandoned. Xue Yang grew up homeless, starving and unsafe. He would have had to put himself in harm's way just to survive, i.e. eating rotting food, fighting animals for scraps, accepting help from strangers with bad intentions, stealing, 'trespassing' just to find shelter... He lived among the dying and the diseased. At 7 years old, he was used by Chang Ci'an, a rich clan leader who believed he could do whatever he wanted, with whatever cruelty. So Xue Yang, a child, was beaten. He was then denied the one thing, even at that point, would have made it worth it to him. He begged for those sweet pastries, and for that, for even daring to annoy the man, his hand was crushed, his pinky finger so battered it needed to be amputated. But Xue Yang had no medical care, no one to help him. He should have died from disease, I wonder what he did to save himself? Maybe he was on that road for days, as he slowly rotted, and people passed by, disgusted or apathetic. Maybe he dragged himself to some alleyway and waited to die in delirium, but didn't. Maybe someone helped, but maybe they had bad intentions.
He then lives, spends another 5 or so years in Kuizhou, get's marked as a delinquent. Probably continues to steal and threaten the merchants and vendors. But why should he care, they were content to watch him rot. Even then, how could he live an honest life? What trade could he learn with a hand of mangled bones? And the few that would employ him, a homeless pre-teen, would only see him as cheap labour.
Xue Yang was then scouted and used by the Wen and Jin Clan as a teenager. Pushing him into organised crime and violence, enabling him to experiment on corpses and develop his demonic cultivation, turning him into a sharp blade. But when he was no longer useful, he was discarded and left for dead. The powerful favour using the deprived to keep their own hands clean.
Sidenote: It would be interesting to explore how Xue Yang's life could be compared to the prison system. How children in deprivation are treated by the law, and how punishing them for petty crimes actually drives them further into crime and criminal organisations.
“Someone who thinks the world's better just because they did something good”. Xue Yang says this to Xiao Xingchen before his suicide, as to why he ‘hates him’. Cultivators are considered as the protectors and heroes of this society; they're the vision of goodness. Even disregarding Chang Ci’an, the idea that these people, born into prestige and wealth, get to be called good, when children and the vulnerable are left to starve and die, is something Xue Yang deeply detests. It is almost sardonic that cultivation is the exact thing that allows Xue Yang to commit his crimes. In his world, the powerful can do whatever they want, and he became powerful.
2. Society and Xue Yang
Furthermore, Xue Yang is often considered the lowest of the low, even as a child. But Xue Yang was more powerful than most other cultivators, even without any formal training. He is inventive and intelligent. He was able to recreate the missing half of the Yin Tiger Tally, which he uses to control a great number of Vengeful Spirits and/or Fierce Corpses simultaneously. He's able to hold himself in a fight with Jiangzai against multiple cultivators, only being captured by Xiao Xingchen, Song Lan, and Wei Wuxian combined, some of the best cultivators of their time.
In addition, the death of Jin Rusong is significant to Xue Yang as a writing element, as it shows the cultivation world believes that murdering in an entire clan disproportionate revenge is fair, as long as you are highly born. If he were the son of a Sect leader, the Chang Clan would have met a similar bloody end. Therefore, why should he not enact his own revenge? What makes one fairer than the other? Is it such a coincidence that the ‘villains’ are all considered lower than the main sects: Jin Guangyao, Su She, Wei Wuxian, and Xue Yang?
What baffles me the most is that Xue Yang is intelligent, but at the same time isn't well-thought or does not care to be. He does not methodically plan his revenge, and even seems to enjoy being chased for it. It seems he thinks he's untouchable, that he can always escape any situation. He seems manic at times, or high. At no point in the series does he truly fear death, we only see glimpses of unease or sombreness. Either he always had some plan to escape, or he just didn't care. As if his death was none of his business.
3. Xue Yang's Psychology
Xue Yang experienced numerous adverse childhood experiences that would have affected his psychology. His brain likely blocked out parts of his morality, allowing him to steal, intimidate or harm others without distress. Maybe showing symptoms similar to Bipolar, C-PTSD, BPD, NPD, ASPD or a combination. It’s hard to determine, but his view on life itself may be: I do what I want, and life is a game. He smiles and jokes in every sort of situation, never seeming to take anything seriously- Xingchen being the exception.
4. The Chang Clan Massacre, Xiao Xingchen and the Snow White Pavilion Massacre.
Xue Yang's long-sought revenge. Killing several other small sects before killing nearly the entire Yueyang Chang Clan, even though Chang Ci'an had already passed.
I don't understand it. It could be a matter of perspective because we only see him several days after the Chang massacre. This was revenge, something I always considered to be a comfort for him growing up. Xue Yang doesn't seem to show remorse, but he also doesn't seem satisfied or emotional, as most would. It's like he doesn't even register it, or give it a second thought, as if it meant very little to him.
Similarly, with the Snow White Pavilion. He swears revenge on Xiao Xingchen, for reasons I find ingenuine. But his 'revenge' is enacted on Song Lan; he says that breaking them up was his intention, but I can't believe him. Wouldn't his revenge at least have Xiao Xingchen dying? Then after his 'plan', he just disregards it all? Continues to work for Jin Guanyao. If he truly hated Xingchen, why would he then ignore his existence after that? He doesn't even keep tabs on him; as shown when he didn't even know he was blind.
It could be argued that he's apathetic to human life and just enjoys killing/violence. "My fingers were my own, while those lives were other people's". I simply don't know. Most of his killing was contracted to begin with, merely the sword. The interesting and mind-ripping thing about Xue Yang is his dichotomy, his uncaring state and his life-changing trauma with Chang Ci'an. His cruelty towards Xingchen, but his complete devastation with his death. It's hard to say whether we were ever given the full picture, or if he really changed as he got older. Even in this analysis, I cannot understand.
5. What changed in Yi City and the Coffin House?
Xue Yang was at death's door once again. Attacked by a person that he may have considered his friend. Then he doesn't die, yet again. Someone helped him. Saved him. The person whom he hates. He waits for a blade to be at his throat, but instead finds that his identity is unknown. He accepts the help.
Regardless of what he thought he was doing, this situation gave him something valuable without him realising. He got to live a peaceful, simple life with people who could not see him.
Couldn't see his injuries, old and new, nor the wicked or spiteful looks that were clear on his face. They also cannot see his surprise. Nor his faces of anger, annoyance, pride, affection. His vulnerability. He had the chance to be however and whoever he wanted. He had the choice to drop his defences and tricks, because it wouldn't make a difference. He stayed and built a home with Xingchen and A-Qing for 3 years.
Sidenote: Why does he let A-Qing live? What did she mean to him? From, what we see, she feared him and was jealous of his time with Xingchen. Xue Yang was similarly jealous and feared that she wasn't blind and could see who he was. So, why didn't Xue Yang kill her (in The Untamed), or at least wait so long to do it? He cut out her tongue and blinded her, but she lived. For another 7 years or so after Xiao Xingchen's death. There was barely anyone else living in the town, and she couldn't leave the area. Did Xue Yang, in some way, look after her..?
Xiao Xingchen, to Xue Yang, can be explored infinitely. How they challenge each others morals and world views, or how both their lives started the same (both children on the streets) but diverged in opposite directions. But in the show, I think the most profound thing to Xue Yang, was that Xingchen cared about him. The significance of Xingchen giving Xue Yang sweets, showing continuously that he cared about Xue Yang, that he was delighted in making him happy. Mind-blowing, world-altering honestly. It's why after everything, after trying to resurrect him for 7 years, why it matters so much that Xue Yang in his last moments, gazed at the, long-rotten sweet, forever kept by his heart.
I am a women in the same way a dog is a pet. It's not fundamental to its being, but the label is so inherent to the way it's treated by society, that it cannot be separated from its identity.
Miki suffers from bad luck. He is approached by a man, an akashibito, who only feeds on emotions. Emotional with a happy ending, heartfelt, mellow. Smut that's more intimate than sexual, both are adults.
Warnings: themes of death, non-con kissing (misunderstanding).
Eiju has lived an easygoing life right until his luck disappears and he's haunted by the God of Misfortune. Comedy, wholesome, some Japanese mythology. Smut at end, both are adults.
