#fake swears

[nerdygaymormon]

Growing up LDS, I generally avoid swearing and will use the occasional ‘dang’ or ‘heck.’ But when I went to college in Provo, Utah, I was surprised and amused at all the near swears being commonly used.

I even tried to start a new one, ‘son of a pioneer,’ but it didn’t catch on, I think because it was too long and because pioneers are revered in Utah like the LDS version of Catholic saints.

Can you imagine going to heaven and God, the most powerful being, says, “I’m so glad you didn’t swear, you son of a biscuit. Get the fetch in here!” Lol, I think I’d lose some respect.

[well-that-went-better-in-my-head]

So I try not to swear, even like mundane barely cursing swears. So when I type I'm the same way. Idk if any of y'all are like this, but I got a question.

Is is more pleasing as

"Shiz"

Or

"Shix"?

[mythomagically-delicious]

Ford and Stan, as kids, would use many “fake swears” as well. They used to say “son of a ‘brick!” and that would usually make them erupt into giggles no matter what had made them upset/angry.

They got caught by their parents saying that, and Filbrick was not impressed amused so they had to stop.

But once they’re older they take it up again, especially as a fake swear in front of the kids. 

[learningftw]

swears are fun but you know what’s more fun? fake swears. consider:

“what the lovemaking heck is this fly doing in my kitchen?”

in a similar vein, “what the metaphysical frick-frack was that for?”

“gosh dangity darn it freaking gosh dang keys again i need to stop forgetting them”

“oh my cheese danish this program will not function”

“holy fecal matter, I thought I’d never find this post again”

[nerdsarresthugemanatees]

[thoughtsthroughfog]

Shit Things people who don't swear say:

Oh ffffffffff-udge.

Shiiiiiiiiiitake mushrooms.

Goldarnit!

Drat.

Shi- sugar.

I am so angry right now I just.... argh!

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Yippee-ki-yay, Oedipus.

You malevolent slug. You undigested lump of food in a worm's stomach! I bite my thumb at you!

D'arvit.

God-damn. Uh... shit. Sorry.

Did you hear she said the b-word?

That is so effed up.

Frick!

Frack!

Frigging heck.

Craptastic.

You A-hole.

*glares and swears mentally*

[nightjartransmittranscend]

So I'm a chueffur now?

I know I butchered that word, and I don't really care.

I had to drive my mom to work at 7, I had to drive my littlest brother to a friends house, and in about thirty minutes I'll be driving my other little brother to see a movie with his friend.