dan and phil?? rollerblading and covered in glitter?? lookin like side characters in one of the gayer scooby doo episodes?? like they're tryna score some coke off a DJ playing donna summer at an underground club in 1978?? it truly happened in front of all of our salads
dan and phil play dream daddy!! i messaged people abt this like a week and a half ago and immediately thought oh no what hell have i wished upon us but it is HERE
to be fair i am on my second watch so this isn’t. reacting
0:47 and dan is already talking about barebacking i want to delete all of this
i would just like to say that the daddy phil chose to comment on on the opening screen was the one i guessed he would go for thanks
“phil don’t do your chin like that” shut the fuck up dan?? we both know neither of you have chins??
of course phil thinks a bee is attacking someone in the first shot of the game. of fucking. of course!!! what kind of sensory processing nonsense
re: playing dead discussion at roughly 1:55: i would just like to comment on the possibility of deeply overprotective dadniel (dad daniel) rather than the chill and dorky parents i feel like dap and pib get characterized as??
sidenote: they remind me of my cousin and his wife who stay up playing zelda together anytime they can and i was hanging out with them last weekend and my cousin was like “natalie can you show [younger cousin] how to do that” and she was like “jared why do you assume i know how to do everything in this game” anyway i like them
“is that your best dad voice??” “phil everyone wants you to be dad” a) reach for the stars and b) dan does after all know what we want
i will never forget that dan noticed amanda coordinating her headband with her nails. also: they are sunflower yellow. it would be a good look
3:00 EXTREME VOICE COORDINATION!! why are they always so excited to do the character and world building bits!! i relate but like what makes a person like that
dilddy discourse: phil was that asshole in middle school who would say dirty slang with a totally straight face and it would go over the teacher’s head and someone else would crack up and get in trouble. fuck you phil
4:00: phil’s thirst for thor is the most consistent thing in my life
every time dan says senpai in that voice it takes 5 months off my life
calling the eyes with monolids “snek eyes” makes me....uncomfy....do better boys
5:20 why the fuck does phil always think dan is tan. like when was the last time u guys hung out with anybody beyond a mac nc20
re: phil saying people should get green beards and black hair: “fashion is just something that was ugly until rihanna wore it”
enough has been said about phil suggesting he may grow a beard. all i will contribute is that green is not his color
6:40: “that pattern is like my least favorite in the entire world” dan does not understand good things confirmed?? do 19 year old momcore fashion bloggers from socal not show up in your instagram explore??
i am going to take this boring dialogue break to say that amanda’s whole look is incredible and that i would take her to a front bottoms concert anytime
8:09: why the fuck do all the gamers pick the “father and i” option. not that i’m not absolutely down for gay dad adoption party (tm) but like where is the bi love??
“NO MUMS MUST EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE” dan as always juuust grazes the point i wish someone would make
add 8:25 to the dan would actually be a fundamentally anxious and protective parent pile
“i was just given a bin bag and some sticky stars to say i was a wizard” LOOK KATHY LESTER IS A GODDAMN LEGEND AND I LOVE HER
roughly 9:00 i FELT the horse prince joke reference coming and i physically braced myself on the armrests of this chair
dan is the fucking worst why does he have to drag this girl for taking a picture of a ladybug on a branch like bitch she was 11 take a chill pill
phil going from “it’s a funny story” immediately to “kangaroos” is extremely good
i’m phil trying to get through the dialogue as fast as possible
note: dan’s sneeze is the phakest thing
i woke back up at 12:15 to hear them comment on what makes a nice house. i am very happy that the idea of a small pastel ranch house appeals to them
13:10 what does “side quest!” “dog quest!” remind me of??
i remembered!!! it’s the “fringe check! coat check! hood check!” from the holiday ditl
i should preface this with the fact that i had watched other playthroughs go this far into the game so as soon as they started going to the park w/ the dogs i was already shitting myself bc i knew phil would love the corgi
we take a short break for me to be a fucking douche and say that the dialogue in this game really...doesnt need to do so much
14:20 why tf do they make the same weirdass barking noise
14:45 i am very happy to know that phil’s go-to dog trick is chin scritch
15:55 WHAT THE FUCK PHIL. BOTH OF YOU. YOU WENT TO COLLEGE YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE KARAMAZOV
also. i love the character design on this lil chunky ginger achievement girl
“freckle representation” how do i uninvite dan from my life
there is a lot of commentary in me somewhere about what it means that dan is a person that always checks his inventory first
watching them try to apply logic to this sort-of-endearing child-brag minigame is deeply frustrating
this whole joke about the “horse epic” amanda wrote rly fuckin takes me back to my sister’s horse girl phase when she wrote me a whole book for my tenth birthday about a magic carousel. tldr i love my sister
there is a very excellent moment about 22:43 when dan and phil catch sight of fine-ass mat and both like. lean back in thirst
iced TAYgan and sara? come on i can’t believe u don’t know how to pronounce the name of lesbian folk icon tegan quin??
side note: dan getting snarky at mat’s evaluation of and references to relatively obscure music is fucking hilarious. like he feels someone creeping in on his intellectual bullshit territory and is immediately defensive. what a mess. he’s not real dan u can’t debate him about kanye
there is also something deeply satisfying about dan and phil drawing a line of “this person is too awkward to interact with”.....go ahead expose urselves as secretly thinking ur cooler than some ppl...be embarrassing
phil is at least vaguely appreciative of mat but like it’s not enough??
dan’s bored face smush at like 26:20 is a quality specimen
the brief entrance of robert or whatever the alcoholic john winchester knockoff guy’s name is reminds me of a thing that i’m saying right now for future reference: i feel like when they get to the part where u have the option to hook up with that guy phil is going to be very gung ho about it
“i’m just thinking about that dark and mysterious stranger i don’t know about you” “most interesting part of the story so far” SHUT THE FUKC UP!!!! WHAT ABOUT MAT!!!!! MAT IS FUCKING DELIGHTFUL I HATE U
28:55 is a goddamn travesty. i cannot believe chad from sigma beta pi gets to walk up to the door and make both of them lose their minds. joseph is the most boring ass white bread character on this game and if they go down that road instead of dating any of the hot and good-natured dork dads i will s c r e a m
“maybe we’ll get to know him” dan is literally the douchecanoe that watched rogue one and was really fascinated by kylo ren
phil’s robot idea is an improvement but really not by much
this WASP ass bitch is not the pinnacle of male attractiveness
did u even look at mat
we have reached 30 minutes and i am ready to read far too much into dan and phil’s suggestions that you just move when you piss off your neighbors
i feel very jaded watching this the second time through
dan describes joseph as being dressed “poshly” around 32:25 and that explains some shit. like we over here know that seeing a guy in full southern prep should provoke an immediate fear reaction but they just think its posh bc they’re ~british~ and they don’t know what ~keg stands~ are
the tone of the whole scene changes when seeing a white man in a polo shirt doesn’t make you want to run screaming
“stop feeling bad by comparing yourself to angels!!” idk dan stop perpetuating the idea that a blonde blue eyed triangle man is the universal paragon of human beauty
fasdljfkdjlfkj i think the creepy demon children are so funny
more good thirst: 34:50 when dan’s face literally skates offscreen bc he sees craig
thank you for this soundbite of phil saying “he’s ripped”
phil’s face shows absolutely no emotion when dan starts making the roommate thing suggestive and i’m just saying that sometimes there is a reason phil deploys the poker face
i love Speculation
phil is a messy bitch who would hook up with his roommate for the drama of it all
ok but they turn to look at each other in perfect sync at the idea of the name river and now i’m thinking of that blond lady standing next to the chalkboard that says like Kinsleigh or whatever
not that i don’t love the name river. i watched those seasons of dr who
“she actually still goes by smashley” god bless a sloppy sorority girl who never acts like her college days are some dark and secret past, incompatible with her life as a professional and mother...river is gonna grow up with such good information about sexual health
36:00 fucking come thru phil. these are the corrections i crave. why does nobody know how to say copacetic
WHATS A KEG STAND SJFSLKDJFJSD
confession: there are some truly unfortunate photos of me trying to do a keg stand at a fraternity formal in a tube dress i wore as a revenge thing
keg stands are hard
real question: what the fuck is a smirnoff slam?? at least beer isn’t 40% alcohol what the fuck happens at british college parties
“how is he so ripped if he doesn’t jog?” this is truly an alarming lack of knowledge about physical fitness from mr phil
WHY DO WE NEVER HAVE BRO BRUNCHES?? when ur dating its regular brunch u buffoons
in summary: phil is the only good man because he actually picked mat as his favorite
i love reading into their discussions about what they think of the dads
tell me more about how college roommates have to stay bros
“I THINK THE BLONDE GUY IS INTERESTING” i want to reach through the screen and throttle them
phil, king of segues,
giving this video a thumbs up felt the way that i that think human souls in the underworld feel when they accept their eternal punishment from hades
i cannot decide if that video was much more boyfriend-y, “i knew he would suit this i just can’t get him to wear it” than i expected or if dan genuinely tried to pick funny ugly things and phil just looks unreasonably good in everything
hey so brit to the rescue! a Smirnoff slam is unfortunately exactly what it sounds like -- trying to drink a full bottle of Smirnoff as quickly as u can. usually its in a race with someone else. some times they replace it and do shots of Smirnoff as quickly as u can but yeah. we drink like we want to die.
i cannot thank u enough for this information but ALSO u owe my gag reflex an apology
dan wearing an oversized vetements shirt in that pic with cat has sent healing rain upon my soul, bought me a bagel, fixed my water heater, he's in like the 99th percentile for height and he just wants to feel small
