best feeling: getting an AO3 email because ✨comment✨
even better feeling: getting an AO3 email because ✨updated comment✨ and the update added 88 more words because the person saw that you respond to comments and had more to say!!! 🥰🥰🥰
Technically, I joined AO3 on October 13th, 2015 and I had wanted to make a post about it on the day but ... Idk. I've been struggling with it. But since it's (technically) still the anniversary month (barely) and I do want my bingo blackout for the month, I'm doing a post after all.
Just not the way I had initially planned to.
It might get rambly as I try to work through my complicated emotions and it's also getting rather personal so putting the rest of this under a cut. Feel very free to skip.
I joined October 13th but if you look at my earlierst work, it was posted on October 8th. How? Easy, I'd cowritten an RPG with a friend and she uploaded an edited fic version of it to AO3. And then added me as a co-author once I had joined as well.
It's fitting because Jo introduced me to the concept of fanfic (her gateway drug was X-files fic) and she largely got me into the hobby. I had attempted a crossover story for various scifi shows before that as a kid but that was just for myself. Fanfic as something to be shared, as a community thing, only entered my life with Jo's exploration of the world wide web as a teenager in the 90s and early 2000s.
I was there when she took her first steps in fic writing and she was there when I took my first steps. We wrote things together (like a parody journal for Inkheart) and then she introduced me to the concept of RPG and suddenly we were writing massive, epic stories. First for Iron Man and then Metal Gear Solid.
But since life is not always easy and inspiration is fickle, both projects died before completion. A fact I still mourn today.
I switched over to solo writing and was lucky to find people to encourage me. I'd done some writing on my own before of course but mostly just dabbling. With introduction to AO3, it became easier to write because suddenly there was this central hub. This was where people went to read and where people went to publish their fics (and it looked a lot nicer than fanfiktion.de tbh).
I had quickly switched over to writing in English and I've managed to publish something every year since 2015.
Jo, meanwhile, struggles. She prefers writing in German and there's no market for that. She didn't find the right community for it. She's no longer, really, writing.
Writing and sharing fanfic is a community act and there's nothing better than befriending fellow writers and encouraging each other. But during these ten years, I've watched people struggle and lose inspiration. I've lost people to the great unknown because they suddenly disappeared. Sometimes, in the good cases, they just moved on to other fandoms but are still writing.
I've seen and experienced the ups and downs. The excitement for a new idea, the excitement of finishing something, the excitement of brainstorming with others. But also the disappointment of not getting any/enough attention, the writing blocks, the dry spells of inspiration. The worry about AI and bots and purity culture.
There's only one person I ever (accidentally) got into the fanfic writing hobby and I still don't know if I did her a service with that. She doesn't, currently, write.
Maybe it would all be easier of none of us shared our stories and just wrote them for ourselves. Because then you wouldn't compare yourself with others. You wouldn't compare the success (or lack of) of your new story with the one of your old story. You wouldn't feel like you had to chase anything. There would be no deadlines. No expectations.
But then you also wouldn't have the community. The joy of receiving that one amazing comment that makes your whole week. The giddiness of receiving an update email for a fic you're subscribed to. The brainstorming and excitement. The inspiration that comes from talking to people and from reading other stories.
I have made SO many friends just from sharing my writing and from reading their writing and from talking in the comment sections. I wouldn't want to miss any of those friendships for the world. Even though some drifted apart.
Idk, maybe it's because it's October and I'm moody and introspective or maybe it's because I'm struggling (once again) with expectations vs reality or maybe it's because fic writing has always been a double-edged sword, but it's no wonder I didn't manage to write a celebratory anniversary post on the 13th.
Because some days I don't know whether to celebrate what I have accomplished or whether to celebrate that I haven't given up yet.
I don't expect I will give up anytime soon. There are still things I want to write. There is another bingo card ready for November. And I still have supportive friends who mean more to me than I could ever say.
But some days (a lot of days), it's hard. Especially on days like these, when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and everything seems annoying or gloomy).
But ten years is ten years and that's not nothing.
I know comparing stats doesn't mean anything. There's people who've written vastly more than I have and people who have written way less than I have. People with way more engagement and people with way less.
But here's some stats. Just for today.
101 works in 14 fandoms (with Julie and the Phantoms (54) and Metal Gear Solid (28) vastly outpacing the rest)
13 of these are uncompleted (most of those being ficlet collections though)
most are rated Teen (48) or General (32), with 18 Explicit ones
95 are tagged "No Archive Warnings Apply"
most used ship tags are Alex/Willie (31) and Otacon/Snake (21)
7,763 kudos
972 comment threads
433,379 words
Hits range from 33 to 6,916 (that last one is the only long multi-chaptered fic)
Kudos range from 1 to 433
Comments from 0 to 167 (multi-chaptered longfic again)
Bookmarks range from 0 to 98
Subsciptions from 0 to 60
Word Count from 130 to 58,024
It doesn't really mean anything. But it also kind of means a lot.
Here's a cookie if you stayed and read through to the end. I'll eat one, too <3
After posting it, I realised that Sacrifices and Surprises is my 50th fic posted on AO3 for Julie and the Phantoms and because I'm a numbers' bitch, I thought "why not collect some stats? I'm sure everyone is going to be just as interested in those as I am!" So here we are (also I wanted to procrastinate at work).
Stats under the cut just in case you're not interested in them and want to scroll past ;D
50 fics!
...is not actually correct because six of those 50 AO3 entries are actually collections of assorted prompt ficlets etc instead of a coherent fic. But 50 is a nice number so we'll pretend they're all fics ;D
25/50 are gifts (to 9 people in total)
not counting the collections or ongoing series, only 1 is currently truly unfinished: Can I Interest You in Some Stolen Goods and My Heart? (I still have plans to eventually come back to this because I'm quite fond of the 'verse ... one day!)
I have four series and three of them are more or less actively ongoing (two more than the third, which is on hiatus)
41/50 are set in some kind of alternate universe, a handful of the rest are, let's face it, canonically improbable continuations of canon. There's 4 fics in total which are completely canon compliant (not counting various ones in the collections), which means I've fully embraced the 'what if' spirit of fanfic instead of clinging to canon ;D
31 are rated Teen and Up, 9 each for Explicit/General Audiences, and 1 Mature
the 50 fics have a total of 257,447 words* (*not 100% correct because Starlight Sonata is an extended chapter and so reuses a lot of words already posted in In Your Starlight)
-> most words: In Your Starlight with 58,024
-> least words: Banded for Life with 130 (the gen band ficlet collection with just one ficlet so far)
-> least words single fic: How to Ruin a Royal Wedding in One Easy Misstep with 319
looking at the years, we've got
-> 2020: 5 fics with 13,929 words
-> 2021: 15 fics with 121,076 words
-> 2022: 4 fics with 36,290 words
-> 2023: 16 fics with 31,469 words (lots of short ones in that year!)
-> 2024: 7 fics with 37,246 words
-> 2025: 3 fics with 5,875 words
Due to the collections and some fics crossing over, these numbers aren't 100% correct. Also: OMG I'm on my sixth year writing jatp fic!!! Oo
13/50 are multi-chapters, ie 37 of these only have one chapter. It's clearly much more my style but I'm trying ;D In total, there's 114 chapters
-> most chapters: Our Happiness is Made out of Fragments, the Willex ficlet collection, with 21 individual little ficlets
-> most chapters for one single fic: In Your Starlight with 20 chapters
The following stats are already slightly outdated since I collected my numbers on Friday but then couldn't finish the post.
Hits: 42,280 total
-> most: In Your Starlight with 6,877
-> least: Banded for Life with 41
kudos: 3,468 total
-> most: Will You with 426
-> least: Banded for Life with 6
comment threads: 581 total
-> most: In Your Starlight with 167 (remember this also had most chapters!)
-> most on a One-Shot: Call For a Date, (Don’t) Fall in Love
bookmarks: 621 total
-> most: Will You with 96
Are there any conclusions to draw from this? Not unsurprisingly, the collections are least successful (valid, it's more for archive purposes anyway). The early stories are still way more successful than the newer ones because they keep snowballing and the fandom was simply a lot bigger in those days. It's a little sad because I've written far better since but that's the way of things.
Otherwise, I don't know. I just know that I will continue to write jatp. For how long? We'll see ;D
It means an email that instantly changes my mood in a way that normally only the really bullshitty emails manage. But in this case it's instant happiness in my inbox. It's a pat on the head and a 'well done' and aren't we all just sluts for a little praise like that in the end?
Oooo interesting, 5, 8, and 13 for the new ask game? <3
Thank youuuu! <3
5. What does a Comment mean to you?
I know I'm lucky that, by the time I consider something good enough to post, I don't really doubt my writing or the story so a lack of comments doesn't necessarily make me doubt that. But if you're proud of something you've made and show it to other people and then there's just crickets and nobody cares, well ... that's not a particularly great feeling. So I am not immune to craving comments. It's an 'I see you' and a 'no matter your flaws and mess of a life, this one thing you did well.'
8. What does Fanart of Fic mean to you?
THE HIGHEST COMPLIMENT if it's spontaneously created because it means something you wrote actually inspired someone so much that out of all the things they could have been doing with their time and energy, they chose to create art for your fic!!! And how cool is that?!?!?! (special shout out to the best @jonairadreaming <3 <3 <3)
SO MUCH JOY if it's commissioned because it's such a self-indulgent treat. Willex Star Trek AU pic my beloved <3 <3 <3
13. What does a Happy Ending mean to you?
That, despite what I may have gone through emotionally while reading the fic, I'm smiling at the end of it (maybe through tears).
Ok, let's go with 6, 12 and 14 for the what does... mean to you
Thank you, hunny!!! <3
6. What does a Reply to a Comment mean to you?
I already ranted about this in a previous post but to reiterate: it's an opportunity to tell your reader that you appreciate them taking the time to not only read your story but to comment on it as well. Because as much as comments as a whole are very important for a healthy fandom culture, no single person owes you either reading time or a comment.
And ALSO: you can make awesome friends via comment conversation *waves at you* :D
12. What does a Fitting Ending mean to you?
It means that not all endings need to be happy but that they fit the themes and narrative arcs and character arcs of the story. That's not to say that I don't love a good happy ending but it needs to be earned in some way and not just an 'oh and then they were conveniently all happy because I want them to be' ignoring all problems previously mentioned. Or: if the ending feels unnecessarily contrived it's not a fitting ending to the story.
These days it's pretty much my only creative output (except for a short craze of magnet making) so it's a way to express myself and my ideas and worldview (even though that's making it sound very lofty, especially considering my latest fic output) and to play around with words.
Expressing yourself creatively with words is also a family thing (though not necessarily in a writing fiction context) and I like having that connection to my parents that way.
It's also become somewhat of a gauge for my mental health/energy levels.
5. What does a Comment mean to you?
An opportunity to say 'thank you' and an opportunity for connection and community and, depending on the comment, of course also an ego boost ;D
6. What does a Reply to a Comment mean to you?
If it's good manners to say 'thank you' to an author if you finished reading a fic, then it's also good manners for an author to say "thank YOU for taking the time and reading and commenting" back.
I realise that it can be overwhelming if you're a popular writer in a popular fandom or that there's a thousand other different reasons why replying to a comment can become a challenge (mental state, the comment is so overwhelmingly nice you have trouble to actually form words, ...) but I think we should all at least TRY to appreciate those readers who do leave comments.
Because this is supposed to be about community. We're not influencers on social media who say a quick performative (maybe even honestly meant) "hi, thanks for all your comments, I read all of them and cherish them. Don't forget to hit like and subscribe" at the beginning of a new video and yet I keep seeing that kind of behaviour more and more and it grates on me.
14. What does AO3 mean to you?
A convenient one stop for all your fic needs. A convenient one stop for all your fic posting needs. A (hopefully) safe place from censorship and purity politics and capitalism and ads.
