#farmer aster

[midostree-art]

I have other farmers, so this is Aster, thinking about his crush. He is an actual kind and nice dude, but he always gets what he wants (Shane).

[salt-n-salt]

my part of an art trade w @the-sea-merchant !!!!!!!!!! big fat juicy farmer aster scribble dump !!!!!! i drew like. 1 trillion scribbles and then collaged my favs .. very messy process .. very fun tho 💕

[the-sea-merchant]

Ewan’s Aster’s first year in Pelican Town.

[amberskywrites]

What We Want

Fic Masterpost | Ao3 Link

Fandom / Genre: Stardew Valley / Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Alex/Male Farmer

Warnings/Content: Lack of communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Non-sexual intimacy, Minor injuries

Summary:

Waking up for yet another busy day, Arapaima gets caught off-guard with Alex seeming annoyed with him, even if he says he's fine. He drops it for the morning but, unable to stop thinking about it, heads back to the farm early in search of his husband to figure out what's wrong. It helps when you talk about things, they both come to realize.

Arapaima had grown used to rising with the sun — he'd been doing it before even coming to Pelican Town, a habit built with taking up odd jobs around the beach that needed to be found early in the morning, or fishing trips that relied on using every bit of daylight to the fullest. Since coming to the valley, it certainly became harder, with how exhausting farm work was in comparison, but he liked to think he took the change a bit better than the others.

He was still growing used to sharing a bed with someone again, waking up curled around Alex or with Alex wrapped around him, and having to make sure he didn't disturb him too much. It rarely happened, as Alex was also an early riser and sometimes beat even Arapaima out of bed. He was surprised every time, but happy to see Alex up and about anyways, and they'd usually share breakfast before Arapaima had to go deal with his section of the farm and work on some of his and the other farmers' goals for the week. They'd recently discovered what Willy called Ginger Island and how in disrepair some of it was, and that had been eating at all of their time. So every moment with Alex, Arapaima cherished.

Today was one of the days Arapaima woke up with his arms circling a waist, face buried in soft brown hair. Taking a deep breath, Arapaima reveled in the warmth of his husband, not quite wanting to rise just yet. He was half tempted to go back to sleep, or pretend to just so he could stay cuddled against Alex for another hour or two. A crowing from outside, loud and shrill, made him flinch and he stifled a groan into the back of Alex's neck. A glance at the clock on their wall, and Arapaima sighed quietly, blinking the sleep from his eyes. He needed to get up.

He shifted carefully, slowly pulling his arm from under Alex, sitting up reluctantly and scrubbing at his face. He looked down at Alex and smiled slightly, watching as the light of the sunrise slowly filtered in and crept up Alex's face, painting him a golden hue.

Gently, Arapaima leaned down, brushing Alex's bangs away from Alex's face to press a kiss to his forehead.

He must not have been as gentle as he intended, because Alex's face scrunches up and he turns his head into the pillow, a low groan ripping from his throat. "Nnnghh… what is it?" he asks, turning back to look at Arapaima over his shoulder.

Arapaima smiles sheepishly. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you. Gonna head out now, go back to sleep," he signed, carding a hand gently through Alex's hair.

Alex blinks at him before sighing heavily, eyes closing tight and turning back into the pillow. "Mmmmf… fine, see you…"

The tone is one Arapaima hasn't heard before — and he frowns, brow creasing as he stares down at Alex. Alex sounded almost… petulant. He wracks his brain, trying to figure out why Alex may sound like that but drawing up blank. Arapaima worries at his lip, staring at the back of Alex's head before slipping off the bed and rounding to Alex's side, wide awake himself now and crouching to get a better look at his husband.

He taps Alex's shoulder lightly, three times, and he watches Alex's face twist into one of mild annoyance — and okay, Arapaima did feel bad about not letting him sleep more but he would be thinking about the tone all day — before opening his eyes again.

"Yeah?"

"Something up?" Arapaima signed, eyes locked with Alex's, concern meeting a tired frustration.

Alex swallowed slightly and his eyes flicked away. When he returned them to Arapaima, the frustration had disappeared and he feigned a smile — Arapaima's concern only grew, seeing how the smile didn't reach Alex's eyes. "'m fine," he said quietly, the smile dropping as he seemed to realize Arapaima wasn't buying it. "Just… go get your breakfast and get to your work, I know you're busy today. I'll see you tonight."

"Are you sure? I can stay home, we can—"

"Just go, Paima. Promise, I am fine," Alex huffed, offering a more convincing smile and reaching out to pull Arapaima close, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. Arapaima let him, closing his eyes and melting into the kiss, and when Alex let him go he watched as Alex resettled into the pillows to supposedly go back to sleep.

Arapaima lingered anyway, but Alex didn't stir or say anything else, and reluctantly Arapaima got to his feet to get ready for the day. It felt more like going through the motions, and he grabbed a pack of field snacks and goat cheese instead of breakfast, too distracted for an appetite. He glanced in on Alex one last time, but Alex was still curled up in bed and breathing evenly, so Arapaima finally left to go meet the others.

-

They were skipping the island today, but Kali and Sour Patch had begged Aster and him to join them in the mines because they'd had the bright idea of accepting a challenge from Mr. Qi in that weird room the guy had on the island, and it had messed with the mines. Arapaima had wanted nothing to do with it, but when Kali and Sour Patch were both certain they'd need the help, he knew it was bad. They worked through their most pressing chores of the day before setting out to make the most of their time in the mines. Arriving revealed a blue hue to the caverns, and Aster borrowed a shield and rapier from Kali while Sour Patch gave Arapaima a slingshot armed with explosive ammo and a dagger just in case anything did get too close. And down into the depths they went — the elevator out of commission once again as they slowly worked their way down.

Arapaima was struggling to focus, even as he tried to keep the thought of Alex's words and tone this morning from his mind. He'd taken hits he usually wouldn't and not just because of whatever Mr. Qi had done to these creatures that made them stupidly strong and fast. It was enough for the others to notice, his work even sloppier than it usually was.

He flinched as he blasted a slime back a little too close to where Kali stood, and she jumped back to avoid the explosive, stumbling over a rock and just barely catching herself on the wall. Aster cursed under their breath just as the explosive truly went off, bracing their shield in front of Kali and themself.

"Think we can take a break," Sour Patch called, wiping sweat from its brow but only succeeding in smearing blue slime across its forehead. "You definitely need one," it said pointedly, head tilting to Arapaima. He rubbed his face before dragging his hand to the back of his neck, sighing heavily and nodding.

The climb back up was swift as they dodged whatever creatures they had missed on their first go-around, just aiming to get lower and collect resources. Breaching the surface once more was a relief, and Arapaima collapsed against one of the chests, sinking to the ground and hanging his head. He listened as the others climbed up, the silence palpable and he could feel the weight of their eyes on him.

Eventually, he heard Aster sigh heavily and plop down next to him. "Aight, spill, what's going on?"

Arapaima looked up, resting his head on his knees for a moment as he glanced to Aster, then the other two. Sour Patch was leaning against a furnace as Kali began loading it, arms crossed and looking at him expectantly.

"You're not usually this distracted, even in the mines," Kali added as she stood back up, dusting the coal off her hands. "Like, I know you usually hate it, but damn was that rough." Aster shot her a glare.

"Kali…" they huffed.

"No, no, she's right," he signed, stopping Aster from telling Kali off — he was well-used to now how blunt she could be, appreciated it most of the time. "I was screwing up a lot. Sorry. I just… this morning was weird, and I can't stop thinking about Alex."

Sour Patch's face scrunched up slightly — not quite in annoyance, but something more like confusion and reflexive disgust (which he was used to seeing on its face anytime he or Aster talked about their partners, and knew it wasn't personal). "Okay, I know when you guys first started… dating… and then got married, you were more distracted and, I dunno, that's understandable because you were in that honeymoon phase, but what's got you so messed up now?" Sour Patch asked.

Arapaima threw his hands up, frustration finally breaking across his face. "I don't even know! He just seemed… really annoyed this morning? He said he was fine but he didn't sound fine."

"I mean, you do get up early. Could be he didn't wanna get up just yet? I know Elliott can get pretty grumpy if I wake him up early on accident, and he doesn't really mean to be grumpy," Aster offered as explanation, but Arapaima was shaking his head before they could even finish.

"No, he… he's more of a morning person, but that… Even if it was just that, he would have said something. I don't…" his hands trailed off and he curled his arms around his knees, frowning at the ground and trying to think.

"And this change in attitude is coming out of nowhere?" Kali asked and Arapaima looked up at her as she leaned forward on one of the furnaces not currently lit, curling her arms over it. "Hard to think he'd suddenly act upset over nothing and not tell you. Obviously you know him better, but I never got petty energy from Alex. Haley maybe, but not him."

Arapaima's instinct was to say yes, this was coming out of nowhere, but he paused just before signing, dropping his hands and sitting up straighter as he thought. Had this come out of nowhere, or had he been missing something?

He looked back on their recent conversations — fewer than they were before they'd started visiting Ginger Island, and the four of them had needed to pick up various grinds to fix up that second farm and abandoned resort. Not to mention Mr. Qi giving them even more tasks, along with the sudden uptick in what some of the other townsfolk were asking for, or the new special orders being posted on the board. It wasn't strange now for Arapaima to come home once Alex was already in bed, and they'd have a quiet greeting and wake up together before Arapaima's day started all over.

Alex had mentioned recently on a rainy day that he'd spent his time carrying around the gridball, that "a guy can pretend." The sheepish laugh he had said it with had made Arapaima falter even then, but before he could really dwell on it and ask what Alex meant, Alex was already changing the subject and pulling Arapaima into bed.

His chest felt tight as he realized just how little time he had been spending with Alex lately and — more important to him — how often in that time, Alex was clearly unhappy with something but was doing his best to hide it, switching the subject quickly or insisting that he was fine when Arapaima did catch on.

"I…" he blinked, focusing on his friends again. Even Sour Patch was looking more concerned, standing straighter and its arms dropping, while Aster rested a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, and Kali tilted her head, an understanding dawning on her face.

"I say we call it quits today," she said, looking over to Sour Patch. "We made some progress and we still have four more days."

It looked conflicted, and Aster piped up. "I can stay if you guys want to keep going, should be fine with just us three."

"You guys are sure?"

Sour Patch was still frowning, glancing longingly at the ladder before sighing heavily and its face softening when it looked back to Arapaima. "Yeah, whatever's up with Alex and whatever you just realized, that's more important than this. Besides, I think you're just gonna be an even worse shot now until you can deal with everything." It tilted its head. "Would you be up for another mining trip Saturday?"

"… tentative yes," Arapaima signed, pushing himself up to his feet. He passed Kali the slingshot and Sour Patch the dagger, hauling his usual bag onto his shoulder. "Really okay I head out early?"

"We'll catch back up with you tomorrow morning," Kali said with a smile, hooking the belt of ammo around her waist.

"Maybe stop by Harvey's on your way," Aster piped up, also getting to their feet. "You did get a little banged up."

Arapaima knew they were right — he could feel his body aching, bruises already forming and cuts and bites from rock crabs and duggies littering his legs where they tore through his jeans. Much as he should probably visit Harvey, already he was planning on cutting through the mountain and patching himself up at home. He could stop by Harvey's tomorrow morning to make sure nothing was infected, he just—

"Maybe, see you guys later," he waved before turning out of the mines, breaking into a jog with energy he didn't think he'd have after a dip into the caverns.

-

Arapaima was bemoaning the lack of totems as soon as the farm came into sight, it felt like it took ages for the silos and fields almost ready for harvest to come into sight, and he slowed his pace if only so he wasn't completely dead to the world soon as he sat down anywhere with how his body was truly starting to feel the pain that came with multiple fucked explosions and taking hits from monsters.

He was greeted by Charlie and Jack first — the dogs perking up from the shade of the peach trees near a pond, where they loved watching Aster's ducks swim — and stumbled to catch them when they jumped, chuckling. He scratched their necks and ears a few times before easing them off. "Sorry boys, I'm busy right now," he signed, even if he knew they wouldn't understand fully. They did understand 'sorry' and took Arapaima trying to return home in stride, Jack giving one last lick to Arapaima's palm before his ears perked up and he was off, Charlie chasing after him.

Arapaima trekked across the cobblestone path to the center of the farm, rounding to where his house was pressed against the cliffside. He dropped his bag at the steps and looked around, not seeing Alex quite yet and wondering if he was inside.

Before he could take that first step up he heard a grunt from around the side of the house, a familiar sound that was followed by barely-audible and strained counts. Arapaima swerved around to the side of the house, where Alex had set up a workout area when he first moved in, and smiled slightly when he saw Alex, his eyes closed as he focused on his workout.

He watched Alex awhile, both because he didn't want to disturb his workout and because his husband just looked good, and Arapaima was not above checking him out and appreciating how his muscles bulged and shined with sweat. He looked enticing — and Arapaima had to shake any of those thoughts away, because now was time for a serious discussion, not sex.

Alex's counting eventually came to a stop and he set down the weights with a sigh, settling back onto the bench and rolling his shoulders. He didn't notice Arapaima at first as he grabbed his water, taking steady sips as he finally looked up and his eyes swept over the farm, passing by Arapaima at first before widening. Alex choked as his gaze returned to Arapaima and Arapaima panicked, rushing over as he hacked up water.

"Paima—! What— What are you—ack, fuck— doing here?" Alex coughed out, wiping at his mouth as Arapaima rubbed his back, slowly sitting up and taking deep breaths. Arapaima looked over him once more, no longer in appreciation but concern, making sure he wasn't gonna choke again. "Thought you were—" and now Alex bolted upright, twisting to get a better look at Arapaima. "What in the name of Yoba happened to you?!" he asked, getting to his feet and pulling Arapaima right along with him. "I— You— you should go see Harvey—"

"I'm fine," Arapaima signed as Alex began pulling him away from his workout station. "We have stuff here, I can patch up inside, I'll explain later. But— Alex, Alex look at me—" but Alex was still focusing on his injuries, which yeah, Arapaima knew they didn't look great, but they weren't that bad (that, or he was getting too used to getting hurt spelunking with the others, and he decided he could deal with that possibility and the anxiety that was undoubtedly gonna spark later), and Arapaima needed him to process what he was actually saying.

He twisted his arm that Alex was holding and tapped thrice at Alex's forearm, digging his heels in until Alex inhaled sharply and looked up, finally meeting his eyes. "I'll explain, promise. But I think we need to talk."

Alex hesitated. "Talk…? There's—" he cut himself off with a half-hearted laugh. "There's nothing we need to talk about."

Arapaima shook his head. "Yes, and I think you're trying to avoid it." Arapaima glanced away, biting his lip before sighing. When he looked back at Alex, he managed to tug his arm free and loop both around Alex's neck, pulling the man close and pressing their foreheads together. He heard Alex gasp slightly and he leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Alex's lips, pulling back before it could really go anywhere. "Please, Alex?" he signed with one hand, bringing the other from around Alex's head to the front so he could cup Alex's cheek. "Please, can we talk?"

Alex swallowed, glancing between Arapaima's hand and his face before he deflated, his own arms wrapping around Arapaima. He nodded as he tucked his head into Arapaima's shoulder. "Fine, yeah… we can talk. But after we get you patched up."

"During," Arapaima nudged Alex away to sign, and Alex was about to protest, but— "Please, I don't— I don't want us to lose the subject this time."

Alex's lips thinned before he sighed, nodding once before using his arm around Arapaima's waist to steer them back to the house.

-

"So, what's so important you just have to talk about it before we patch you up?" Alex asked as he collected the first aid kit from under the sink, turning to Arapaima as he stripped off his pants and shirt so they could better clean and bandage the injuries. He frowned at Alex as he stepped into the bathtub.

"The first— that. I've started to notice, you sound… sometimes, it sounds bitter. Sometimes sad. Sometimes disappointed, or annoyed. And I want to know why. I have a guess, but I don't like assuming."

Alex blinked at him, hesitating before settling on the floor just outside the tub and beginning to run the water. "I'm not upset," he said almost automatically, before cringing at the look Arapaima gave him. "I— fine, yeah, I'm upset sometimes. But it's stupid, I— I shouldn't be taking it out on you."

"It can't be stupid if it's bothering you this much," Arapaima signed, reaching to tilt Alex's face his way. "What's wrong?"

Alex pulled Arapaima's hand away, taking a washcloth from their little stack and wetting it to begin wiping away the blood on Arapaima's arms and legs. Arapaima frowned but didn't try signing anything until Alex decided he was ready to answer. Alex focused on cleaning away the grime that always stuck after visiting the mines as he considered how to voice his thoughts.

"I do think it's stupid," he finally settled on, saying it quietly. "I just— I know you're busy, I knew you'd be even when we were married, I got a taste of it living here while we were still dating. But I… I don't know, it— recently, it's been harder to deal with. We used to spend a lot of time together, even when you got busy. And now…" He glanced up just once from his work, looking up at Arapaima through his bangs, and normally the look would make Arapaima melt, but all it did right now was make his heart squeeze. "And now I barely see you."

He took a shuddering breath, sitting up to turn off the water and discard the wet cloth to instead grab a dry one, dabbing off any excess water before he could apply disinfectant and salves. "I don't— I like living on the farm, and helping out around here. I do. But… it's not what I envisioned for myself, and it's not quite as fulfilling as before— as I expected it to be when I said yes."

His words hung in the air and Arapaima let them soak in, not wanting to get defensive — which was his first instinct, but that wouldn't be fair to Alex. Alex took in another deep breath, dipping fingers into one of the many salves each farmer kept on hand and began to spread it across Arapaima's skin, relief oozing into his agitated and scraped skin. Arapaima didn't feel it much, still considering Alex's words, both more painful than the wounds and ringing with a vulnerability that Arapaima didn't want to crush.

"You wanted to go pro," Arapaima signed eventually, deciding that was a good place to start.

"I mean, yeah…"

"Why did you stop trying?" he asked, tilting his head. "I— we," Arapaima amended, because Alex helped not just him but the others, too. "We all appreciate your help, but I didn't… I don't know why you stopped trying to achieve your dreams."

Alex looked down with a frown. "… I don't know." He put the medicine away and grabbed the bandages, hauling himself up to the edge of the tub and pulling Arapaima up to sit next to him. "I guess I figured it wasn't as realistic, and it's not— I don't regret marrying you, please don't think that," Alex rushed to say, setting the bandages on his lap to cup Arapaima's face in his hands. Arapaima wasn't sure what his face looked like, but that Alex caught on— his heart was still aching with every word and the thought had crossed Arapaima's mind. "I don't regret it," he repeated, quieter, leaning closer.

"Going pro… I… I'd love to do it, but— it— I'd feel awful, knowing that instead I could be here helping you and the others with the farm. And I— when we were dating, I realized I didn't mind settling down on the farm, doing this kind of work is harder than I expected some days but it's rewarding in its own ways. And, doing this, I— we can still see each other. If I try going pro now, we'd really have no time together at all."

Alex's hands lingered on Arapaima's cheeks a second more before he dropped them with a sigh, picking the bandages back up and starting on Arapaima's arm. Once again Arapaima absorbed his words, watching as Alex wrapped his arm before shifting back so he could begin on his legs. Alex worked in silence and Arapaima wanted to wait until they were finished, so he could sign without Alex needing to divide his focus further. It gave him time to also figure out how he wanted to continue.

He sighed heavily as he finished wrapping the last of Arapaima's injuries, putting the remaining bandages away and getting to his feet. Arapaima followed suite, but before Alex could go far he spun Alex around, backing him into the bathroom counter, drawing his attention away from the first aid kit. He nudged Alex to sit on top of the counter, tapping at his thighs before resting his hands on the counter and looking down at Alex expectantly. Alex hesitated before complying, lifting himself up.

"I'm sorry, Alex," Arapaima began, settling between Alex's thighs. "I— You saying you knew I'd be busy… I… this isn't the life I promised you, and it's not your fault it doesn't reach your expectations. It's mine. We— We've been focusing a lot, on different projects, way more than we have before. A lot of the farm has been automated, with sprinklers and feeders, so we have more time for other things and have taken on a lot." He paused in his signing to cup Alex's cheek in one hand, caressing underneath Alex's eye gently, feeling the roughness of his callouses catch on smooth skin, but Alex was leaning into the touch and tilting his face to press his lips to Arapaima's palm, eyes not leaving Arapaima's.

"What I should have done, was use more of that time to spend with you. It's not fair to you."

"That's not—"

"It isn't fair," Arapaima repeated firmly. "You're worried about not being able to spend much time with me if you go pro, but what am I doing with spending all my time doing all these other things?" he asked. Arapaima took a deep breath, feeling it tremble slightly, and realized he himself was shaking a little. He shook his head. "I— we don't need to rush these projects. We shouldn't be rushing them like this."

"…" Alex's hands lifted from the counter to wrap around Arapaima's shoulders, settling in a clasp around Arapaima's neck, fingers tracing gentle, small circles into Arapaima's nape. "I don't understand," he admitted quietly.

"I want to spend more time with you, like I should have already been doing. I should have been making time for you, and I'm sorry I wasn't," Arapaima explained, leaning in to press a kiss to Alex's cheek, then the corner of his mouth, innocent and lingering before he pulled away slightly. "As for you going pro… do you still want to do it?"

Alex blinked down at him, brows furrowing. "I mean, yes…"

Arapaima smiled up at Alex. "Then why don't you try?" he asked. "Putting aside the worry we won't have time together, is there anything else stopping you?"

He watched as the athlete considered his words, worrying at his lip in thought. Then Alex was shaking his head, slowly at first before he paused, then more resolutely shook it. "No, I don't— nothing else would stop me…"

"Will you try? For me?" Arapaima asked, tilting his head and softening his smile. "We can work around our schedules, and— well, Sour Patch takes online classes still, I'm sure if we need, we can do video calls anytime you can't stay at home. I have a more flexible schedule than you do, I can work around your schedule."

"I can't— the others, your guys' routines? The— you guys have been rushing for a reason."

"Can adapt," Arapaima signed while sighing. "And we have, but I can go tell that reason to fuck off." Alex startled at the words, and Arapaima leaned closer to press his face against Alex's chest, deflating under the weight of Alex's arms. He tilted so Alex could continue seeing his signs. "The deadlines don't actually exist, they're just self-imposed timelines one blue asshole has encouraged. The only deadlines are his little tasks, which I am barely interested in. I can pull back a bit, and see about getting the others on board."

"You don't… you don't have to do that for me," Alex mumbled, leaning his head on Arapaima's, searing the words into Arapaima's temple.

"Alex, I want more time with you. I want you to be happy with your life. And… I think it'd be good for everyone." He pressed a small kiss to Alex's jaw.

Alex was quiet for a minute, arms curling tighter around Arapaima and hands shifting to his hair, stroking through the strands slowly. "… Then… Yeah, I want to try going pro. If we can still spend more time together, I'd love to try."

"I promise," Arapaima signed as he pulled away, "I'll make more time for you. And, I'll always be here, cheering you on." He grinned, a mix of cheeky and fond that got a quiet laugh from Alex. "I'm proud of you."

Alex's cheeks dusted red and he ducked his head before reeling Arapaima in for a proper hug, wrapping his legs around Arapaima along with his arms, and Arapaima was happy to curl into the embrace, his own arms wrapping around Alex and squeezing him tight. Alex hummed as he buried his face in Arapaima's hair, cuddling closer.

Arapaima closed his eyes, nuzzling into Alex's throat and breathing him in, the familiar scent his heart recognized as purely Alex washing over him. He felt lighter, in a way he hadn't realized he had been missing in days, chest easing as a weight melted away. Arapaima drew back slightly, bringing his hands up to cup Alex's face between them, stroking his cheeks once more, watching Alex's eyes blink open and feeling a warmth envelop him as they settled on him, content and excited and adoring all swirling in those green eyes he loved. Arapaima smiled gently when Alex leaned down to press their foreheads together, watching his eyes flutter shut before slowly opening again, as if he also didn't want to look away — didn't want to break the quiet comfort that was blanketing them.

He drew one hand away to sign, "I love you, Alex."

Alex breathed in shakily, pulling Arapaima closer once again to tuck his head into Alex's shoulder, lips pressing to Arapaima's temple. He felt more than he heard the words Alex mumbled in return. "I love you, Arapaima."

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Henlo! I just finished a fanfic I've been working on! I posted it on AO3.

Here's a link, if you're interested! >:3c Nighttime Bliss - VeronaLuna - Stardew Valley (Video Game) [Archive of Our Own]

I've just read this! Lovely, fluffy Ridgeside Village fic with Zayne before bedtime, thank you so much for this ❤️

[ambersky-art]

ID: A drawing of Aster from the elbows up. They have light skin, brown eyes, and an undercut; their hair is long and dyed purple but close to the skull is dark brown. They’re wearing a loose green shirt. The background is a deep blue, borderline black. /End ID

Been a while since I last drew Aster so here’s a doodle of them! Also using one of the new brushes I was testing last night and I really liked it, so will definitely be trying it more in the future

[amberskywrites]

What We Want

Fic Masterpost | Ao3 Link

Fandom / Genre: Stardew Valley / Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Alex/Male Farmer

Warnings/Content: Non-sexual intimacy, Lack of communication

Summary:

Waking up for yet another busy day, Arapaima gets caught off-guard with Alex seeming annoyed with him, even if he says he's fine. He drops it for the morning but, unable to stop thinking about it, heads back to the farm early in search of his husband to figure out what's wrong. It helps when you talk about things, they both come to realize.

Arapaima had grown used to rising with the sun — he'd been doing it before even coming to Pelican Town, a habit built with taking up odd jobs around the beach that needed to be found early in the morning, or fishing trips that relied on using every bit of daylight to the fullest. Since coming to the valley, it certainly became harder, with how exhausting farm work was in comparison, but he liked to think he took the change a bit better than the others.

He was still growing used to sharing a bed with someone again, waking up curled around Alex or with Alex wrapped around him, and having to make sure he didn't disturb him too much. It rarely happened, as Alex was also an early riser and sometimes beat even Arapaima out of bed. He was surprised every time, but happy to see Alex up and about anyways, and they'd usually share breakfast before Arapaima had to go deal with his section of the farm and work on some of his and the other farmers' goals for the week. They'd recently discovered what Willy called Ginger Island and how in disrepair some of it was, and that had been eating at all of their time. So every moment with Alex, Arapaima cherished.

Today was one of the days Arapaima woke up with his arms circling a waist, face buried in soft brown hair. Taking a deep breath, Arapaima reveled in the warmth of his husband, not quite wanting to rise just yet. He was half tempted to go back to sleep, or pretend to just so he could stay cuddled against Alex for another hour or two. A crowing from outside, loud and shrill, made him flinch and he stifled a groan into the back of Alex's neck. A glance at the clock on their wall, and Arapaima sighed quietly, blinking the sleep from his eyes. He needed to get up.

He shifted carefully, slowly pulling his arm from under Alex, sitting up reluctantly and scrubbing at his face. He looked down at Alex and smiled slightly, watching as the light of the sunrise slowly filtered in and crept up Alex's face, painting him a golden hue.

Gently, Arapaima leaned down, brushing Alex's bangs away from Alex's face to press a kiss to his forehead.

He must not have been as gentle as he intended, because Alex's face scrunches up and he turns his head into the pillow, a low groan ripping from his throat. "Nnnghh… what is it?" he asks, turning back to look at Arapaima over his shoulder.

Arapaima smiles sheepishly. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you. Gonna head out now, go back to sleep," he signed, carding a hand gently through Alex's hair.

Alex blinks at him before sighing heavily, eyes closing tight and turning back into the pillow. "Mmmmf… fine, see you…"

The tone is one Arapaima hasn't heard before — and he frowns, brow creasing as he stares down at Alex. Alex sounded almost… petulant. He wracks his brain, trying to figure out why Alex may sound like that but drawing up blank. Arapaima worries at his lip, staring at the back of Alex's head before slipping off the bed and rounding to Alex's side, wide awake himself now and crouching to get a better look at his husband.

He taps Alex's shoulder lightly, three times, and he watches Alex's face twist into one of mild annoyance — and okay, Arapaima did feel bad about not letting him sleep more but he would be thinking about the tone all day — before opening his eyes again.

"Yeah?"

"Something up?" Arapaima signed, eyes locked with Alex's, concern meeting a tired frustration.

Alex swallowed slightly and his eyes flicked away. When he returned them to Arapaima, the frustration had disappeared and he feigned a smile — Arapaima's concern only grew, seeing how the smile didn't reach Alex's eyes. "'m fine," he said quietly, the smile dropping as he seemed to realize Arapaima wasn't buying it. "Just… go get your breakfast and get to your work, I know you're busy today. I'll see you tonight."

"Are you sure? I can stay home, we can—"

"Just go, Paima. Promise, I am fine," Alex huffed, offering a more convincing smile and reaching out to pull Arapaima close, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. Arapaima let him, closing his eyes and melting into the kiss, and when Alex let him go he watched as Alex resettled into the pillows to supposedly go back to sleep.

Arapaima lingered anyway, but Alex didn't stir or say anything else, and reluctantly Arapaima got to his feet to get ready for the day. It felt more like going through the motions, and he grabbed a pack of field snacks and goat cheese instead of breakfast, too distracted for an appetite. He glanced in on Alex one last time, but Alex was still curled up in bed and breathing evenly, so Arapaima finally left to go meet the others.

-

They were skipping the island today, but Kali and Sour Patch had begged Aster and him to join them in the mines because they'd had the bright idea of accepting a challenge from Mr. Qi in that weird room the guy had on the island, and it had messed with the mines. Arapaima had wanted nothing to do with it, but when Kali and Sour Patch were both certain they'd need the help, he knew it was bad. They worked through their most pressing chores of the day before setting out to make the most of their time in the mines. Arriving revealed a blue hue to the caverns, and Aster borrowed a shield and rapier from Kali while Sour Patch gave Arapaima a slingshot armed with explosive ammo and a dagger just in case anything did get too close. And down into the depths they went — the elevator out of commission once again as they slowly worked their way down.

Arapaima was struggling to focus, even as he tried to keep the thought of Alex's words and tone this morning from his mind. He'd taken hits he usually wouldn't and not just because of whatever Mr. Qi had done to these creatures that made them stupidly strong and fast. It was enough for the others to notice, his work even sloppier than it usually was.

He flinched as he blasted a slime back a little too close to where Kali stood, and she jumped back to avoid the explosive, stumbling over a rock and just barely catching herself on the wall. Aster cursed under their breath just as the explosive truly went off, bracing their shield in front of Kali and themself.

"Think we can take a break," Sour Patch called, wiping sweat from its brow but only succeeding in smearing blue slime across its forehead. "You definitely need one," it said pointedly, head tilting to Arapaima. He rubbed his face before dragging his hand to the back of his neck, sighing heavily and nodding.

The climb back up was swift as they dodged whatever creatures they had missed on their first go-around, just aiming to get lower and collect resources. Breaching the surface once more was a relief, and Arapaima collapsed against one of the chests, sinking to the ground and hanging his head. He listened as the others climbed up, the silence palpable and he could feel the weight of their eyes on him.

Eventually, he heard Aster sigh heavily and plop down next to him. "Aight, spill, what's going on?"

Arapaima looked up, resting his head on his knees for a moment as he glanced to Aster, then the other two. Sour Patch was leaning against a furnace as Kali began loading it, arms crossed and looking at him expectantly.

"You're not usually this distracted, even in the mines," Kali added as she stood back up, dusting the coal off her hands. "Like, I know you usually hate it, but damn was that rough." Aster shot her a glare.

"Kali…" they huffed.

"No, no, she's right," he signed, stopping Aster from telling Kali off — he was well-used to now how blunt she could be, appreciated it most of the time. "I was screwing up a lot. Sorry. I just… this morning was weird, and I can't stop thinking about Alex."

Sour Patch's face scrunched up slightly — not quite in annoyance, but something more like confusion and reflexive disgust (which he was used to seeing on its face anytime he or Aster talked about their partners, and knew it wasn't personal). "Okay, I know when you guys first started… dating… and then got married, you were more distracted and, I dunno, that's understandable because you were in that honeymoon phase, but what's got you so messed up now?" Sour Patch asked.

Arapaima threw his hands up, frustration finally breaking across his face. "I don't even know! He just seemed… really annoyed this morning? He said he was fine but he didn't sound fine."

"I mean, you do get up early. Could be he didn't wanna get up just yet? I know Elliott can get pretty grumpy if I wake him up early on accident, and he doesn't really mean to be grumpy," Aster offered as explanation, but Arapaima was shaking his head before they could even finish.

"No, he… he's more of a morning person, but that… Even if it was just that, he would have said something. I don't…" his hands trailed off and he curled his arms around his knees, frowning at the ground and trying to think.

"And this change in attitude is coming out of nowhere?" Kali asked and Arapaima looked up at her as she leaned forward on one of the furnaces not currently lit, curling her arms over it. "Hard to think he'd suddenly act upset over nothing and not tell you. Obviously you know him better, but I never got petty energy from Alex. Haley maybe, but not him."

Arapaima's instinct was to say yes, this was coming out of nowhere, but he paused just before signing, dropping his hands and sitting up straighter as he thought. Had this come out of nowhere, or had he been missing something?

He looked back on their recent conversations — fewer than they were before they'd started visiting Ginger Island, and the four of them had needed to pick up various grinds to fix up that second farm and abandoned resort. Not to mention Mr. Qi giving them even more tasks, along with the sudden uptick in what some of the other townsfolk were asking for, or the new special orders being posted on the board. It wasn't strange now for Arapaima to come home once Alex was already in bed, and they'd have a quiet greeting and wake up together before Arapaima's day started all over.

Alex had mentioned recently on a rainy day that he'd spent his time carrying around the gridball, that "a guy can pretend." The sheepish laugh he had said it with had made Arapaima falter even then, but before he could really dwell on it and ask what Alex meant, Alex was already changing the subject and pulling Arapaima into bed.

His chest felt tight as he realized just how little time he had been spending with Alex lately and — more important to him — how often in that time, Alex was clearly unhappy with something but was doing his best to hide it, switching the subject quickly or insisting that he was fine when Arapaima did catch on.

"I…" he blinked, focusing on his friends again. Even Sour Patch was looking more concerned, standing straighter and its arms dropping, while Aster rested a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, and Kali tilted her head, an understanding dawning on her face.

"I say we call it quits today," she said, looking over to Sour Patch. "We made some progress and we still have four more days."

It looked conflicted, and Aster piped up. "I can stay if you guys want to keep going, should be fine with just us three."

"You guys are sure?"

Sour Patch was still frowning, glancing longingly at the ladder before sighing heavily and its face softening when it looked back to Arapaima. "Yeah, whatever's up with Alex and whatever you just realized, that's more important than this. Besides, I think you're just gonna be an even worse shot now until you can deal with everything." It tilted its head. "Would you be up for another mining trip Saturday?"

"… tentative yes," Arapaima signed, pushing himself up to his feet. He passed Kali the slingshot and Sour Patch the dagger, hauling his usual bag onto his shoulder. "Really okay I head out early?"

"We'll catch back up with you tomorrow morning," Kali said with a smile, hooking the belt of ammo around her waist.

"Maybe stop by Harvey's on your way," Aster piped up, also getting to their feet. "You did get a little banged up."

Arapaima knew they were right — he could feel his body aching, bruises already forming and cuts and bites from rock crabs and duggies littering his legs where they tore through his jeans. Much as he should probably visit Harvey, already he was planning on cutting through the mountain and patching himself up at home. He could stop by Harvey's tomorrow morning to make sure nothing was infected, he just—

"Maybe, see you guys later," he waved before turning out of the mines, breaking into a jog with energy he didn't think he'd have after a dip into the caverns.

-

Arapaima was bemoaning the lack of totems as soon as the farm came into sight, it felt like it took ages for the silos and fields almost ready for harvest to come into sight, and he slowed his pace if only so he wasn't completely dead to the world soon as he sat down anywhere with how his body was truly starting to feel the pain that came with multiple fucked explosions and taking hits from monsters.

He was greeted by Charlie and Jack first — the dogs perking up from the shade of the peach trees near a pond, where they loved watching Aster's ducks swim — and stumbled to catch them when they jumped, chuckling. He scratched their necks and ears a few times before easing them off. "Sorry boys, I'm busy right now," he signed, even if he knew they wouldn't understand fully. They did understand 'sorry' and took Arapaima trying to return home in stride, Jack giving one last lick to Arapaima's palm before his ears perked up and he was off, Charlie chasing after him.

Arapaima trekked across the cobblestone path to the center of the farm, rounding to where his house was pressed against the cliffside. He dropped his bag at the steps and looked around, not seeing Alex quite yet and wondering if he was inside.

Before he could take that first step up he heard a grunt from around the side of the house, a familiar sound that was followed by barely-audible and strained counts. Arapaima swerved around to the side of the house, where Alex had set up a workout area when he first moved in, and smiled slightly when he saw Alex, his eyes closed as he focused on his workout.

He watched Alex awhile, both because he didn't want to disturb his workout and because his husband just looked good, and Arapaima was not above checking him out and appreciating how his muscles bulged and shined with sweat. He looked enticing — and Arapaima had to shake any of those thoughts away, because now was time for a serious discussion, not sex.

Alex's counting eventually came to a stop and he set down the weights with a sigh, settling back onto the bench and rolling his shoulders. He didn't notice Arapaima at first as he grabbed his water, taking steady sips as he finally looked up and his eyes swept over the farm, passing by Arapaima at first before widening. Alex choked as his gaze returned to Arapaima and Arapaima panicked, rushing over as he hacked up water.

"Paima—! What— What are you—ack, fuck— doing here?" Alex coughed out, wiping at his mouth as Arapaima rubbed his back, slowly sitting up and taking deep breaths. Arapaima looked over him once more, no longer in appreciation but concern, making sure he wasn't gonna choke again. "Thought you were—" and now Alex bolted upright, twisting to get a better look at Arapaima. "What in the name of Yoba happened to you?!" he asked, getting to his feet and pulling Arapaima right along with him. "I— You— you should go see Harvey—"

"I'm fine," Arapaima signed as Alex began pulling him away from his workout station. "We have stuff here, I can patch up inside, I'll explain later. But— Alex, Alex look at me—" but Alex was still focusing on his injuries, which yeah, Arapaima knew they didn't look great, but they weren't that bad (that, or he was getting too used to getting hurt spelunking with the others, and he decided he could deal with that possibility and the anxiety that was undoubtedly gonna spark later), and Arapaima needed him to process what he was actually saying.

He twisted his arm that Alex was holding and tapped thrice at Alex's forearm, digging his heels in until Alex inhaled sharply and looked up, finally meeting his eyes. "I'll explain, promise. But I think we need to talk."

Alex hesitated. "Talk…? There's—" he cut himself off with a half-hearted laugh. "There's nothing we need to talk about."

Arapaima shook his head. "Yes, and I think you're trying to avoid it." Arapaima glanced away, biting his lip before sighing. When he looked back at Alex, he managed to tug his arm free and loop both around Alex's neck, pulling the man close and pressing their foreheads together. He heard Alex gasp slightly and he leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Alex's lips, pulling back before it could really go anywhere. "Please, Alex?" he signed with one hand, bringing the other from around Alex's head to the front so he could cup Alex's cheek. "Please, can we talk?"

Alex swallowed, glancing between Arapaima's hand and his face before he deflated, his own arms wrapping around Arapaima. He nodded as he tucked his head into Arapaima's shoulder. "Fine, yeah… we can talk. But after we get you patched up."

"During," Arapaima nudged Alex away to sign, and Alex was about to protest, but— "Please, I don't— I don't want us to lose the subject this time."

Alex's lips thinned before he sighed, nodding once before using his arm around Arapaima's waist to steer them back to the house.

-

"So, what's so important you just have to talk about it before we patch you up?" Alex asked as he collected the first aid kit from under the sink, turning to Arapaima as he stripped off his pants and shirt so they could better clean and bandage the injuries. He frowned at Alex as he stepped into the bathtub.

"The first— that. I've started to notice, you sound… sometimes, it sounds bitter. Sometimes sad. Sometimes disappointed, or annoyed. And I want to know why. I have a guess, but I don't like assuming."

Alex blinked at him, hesitating before settling on the floor just outside the tub and beginning to run the water. "I'm not upset," he said almost automatically, before cringing at the look Arapaima gave him. "I— fine, yeah, I'm upset sometimes. But it's stupid, I— I shouldn't be taking it out on you."

"It can't be stupid if it's bothering you this much," Arapaima signed, reaching to tilt Alex's face his way. "What's wrong?"

Alex pulled Arapaima's hand away, taking a washcloth from their little stack and wetting it to begin wiping away the blood on Arapaima's arms and legs. Arapaima frowned but didn't try signing anything until Alex decided he was ready to answer. Alex focused on cleaning away the grime that always stuck after visiting the mines as he considered how to voice his thoughts.

"I do think it's stupid," he finally settled on, saying it quietly. "I just— I know you're busy, I knew you'd be even when we were married, I got a taste of it living here while we were still dating. But I… I don't know, it— recently, it's been harder to deal with. We used to spend a lot of time together, even when you got busy. And now…" He glanced up just once from his work, looking up at Arapaima through his bangs, and normally the look would make Arapaima melt, but all it did right now was make his heart squeeze. "And now I barely see you."

He took a shuddering breath, sitting up to turn off the water and discard the wet cloth to instead grab a dry one, dabbing off any excess water before he could apply disinfectant and salves. "I don't— I like living on the farm, and helping out around here. I do. But… it's not what I envisioned for myself, and it's not quite as fulfilling as before— as I expected it to be when I said yes."

His words hung in the air and Arapaima let them soak in, not wanting to get defensive — which was his first instinct, but that wouldn't be fair to Alex. Alex took in another deep breath, dipping fingers into one of the many salves each farmer kept on hand and began to spread it across Arapaima's skin, relief oozing into his agitated and scraped skin. Arapaima didn't feel it much, still considering Alex's words, both more painful than the wounds and ringing with a vulnerability that Arapaima didn't want to crush.

"You wanted to go pro," Arapaima signed eventually, deciding that was a good place to start.

"I mean, yeah…"

"Why did you stop trying?" he asked, tilting his head. "I— we," Arapaima amended, because Alex helped not just him but the others, too. "We all appreciate your help, but I didn't… I don't know why you stopped trying to achieve your dreams."

Alex looked down with a frown. "… I don't know." He put the medicine away and grabbed the bandages, hauling himself up to the edge of the tub and pulling Arapaima up to sit next to him. "I guess I figured it wasn't as realistic, and it's not— I don't regret marrying you, please don't think that," Alex rushed to say, setting the bandages on his lap to cup Arapaima's face in his hands. Arapaima wasn't sure what his face looked like, but that Alex caught on— his heart was still aching with every word and the thought had crossed Arapaima's mind. "I don't regret it," he repeated, quieter, leaning closer.

"Going pro… I… I'd love to do it, but— it— I'd feel awful, knowing that instead I could be here helping you and the others with the farm. And I— when we were dating, I realized I didn't mind settling down on the farm, doing this kind of work is harder than I expected some days but it's rewarding in its own ways. And, doing this, I— we can still see each other. If I try going pro now, we'd really have no time together at all."

Alex's hands lingered on Arapaima's cheeks a second more before he dropped them with a sigh, picking the bandages back up and starting on Arapaima's arm. Once again Arapaima absorbed his words, watching as Alex wrapped his arm before shifting back so he could begin on his legs. Alex worked in silence and Arapaima wanted to wait until they were finished, so he could sign without Alex needing to divide his focus further. It gave him time to also figure out how he wanted to continue.

He sighed heavily as he finished wrapping the last of Arapaima's injuries, putting the remaining bandages away and getting to his feet. Arapaima followed suite, but before Alex could go far he spun Alex around, backing him into the bathroom counter, drawing his attention away from the first aid kit. He nudged Alex to sit on top of the counter, tapping at his thighs before resting his hands on the counter and looking down at Alex expectantly. Alex hesitated before complying, lifting himself up.

"I'm sorry, Alex," Arapaima began, settling between Alex's thighs. "I— You saying you knew I'd be busy… I… this isn't the life I promised you, and it's not your fault it doesn't reach your expectations. It's mine. We— We've been focusing a lot, on different projects, way more than we have before. A lot of the farm has been automated, with sprinklers and feeders, so we have more time for other things and have taken on a lot." He paused in his signing to cup Alex's cheek in one hand, caressing underneath Alex's eye gently, feeling the roughness of his callouses catch on smooth skin, but Alex was leaning into the touch and tilting his face to press his lips to Arapaima's palm, eyes not leaving Arapaima's.

"What I should have done, was use more of that time to spend with you. It's not fair to you."

"That's not—"

"It isn't fair," Arapaima repeated firmly. "You're worried about not being able to spend much time with me if you go pro, but what am I doing with spending all my time doing all these other things?" he asked. Arapaima took a deep breath, feeling it tremble slightly, and realized he himself was shaking a little. He shook his head. "I— we don't need to rush these projects. We shouldn't be rushing them like this."

"…" Alex's hands lifted from the counter to wrap around Arapaima's shoulders, settling in a clasp around Arapaima's neck, fingers tracing gentle, small circles into Arapaima's nape. "I don't understand," he admitted quietly.

"I want to spend more time with you, like I should have already been doing. I should have been making time for you, and I'm sorry I wasn't," Arapaima explained, leaning in to press a kiss to Alex's cheek, then the corner of his mouth, innocent and lingering before he pulled away slightly. "As for you going pro… do you still want to do it?"

Alex blinked down at him, brows furrowing. "I mean, yes…"

Arapaima smiled up at Alex. "Then why don't you try?" he asked. "Putting aside the worry we won't have time together, is there anything else stopping you?"

He watched as the athlete considered his words, worrying at his lip in thought. Then Alex was shaking his head, slowly at first before he paused, then more resolutely shook it. "No, I don't— nothing else would stop me…"

"Will you try? For me?" Arapaima asked, tilting his head and softening his smile. "We can work around our schedules, and— well, Sour Patch takes online classes still, I'm sure if we need, we can do video calls anytime you can't stay at home. I have a more flexible schedule than you do, I can work around your schedule."

"I can't— the others, your guys' routines? The— you guys have been rushing for a reason."

"Can adapt," Arapaima signed while sighing. "And we have, but I can go tell that reason to fuck off." Alex startled at the words, and Arapaima leaned closer to press his face against Alex's chest, deflating under the weight of Alex's arms. He tilted so Alex could continue seeing his signs. "The deadlines don't actually exist, they're just self-imposed timelines one blue asshole has encouraged. The only deadlines are his little tasks, which I am barely interested in. I can pull back a bit, and see about getting the others on board."

"You don't… you don't have to do that for me," Alex mumbled, leaning his head on Arapaima's, searing the words into Arapaima's temple.

"Alex, I want more time with you. I want you to be happy with your life. And… I think it'd be good for everyone." He pressed a small kiss to Alex's jaw.

Alex was quiet for a minute, arms curling tighter around Arapaima and hands shifting to his hair, stroking through the strands slowly. "… Then… Yeah, I want to try going pro. If we can still spend more time together, I'd love to try."

"I promise," Arapaima signed as he pulled away, "I'll make more time for you. And, I'll always be here, cheering you on." He grinned, a mix of cheeky and fond that got a quiet laugh from Alex. "I'm proud of you."

Alex's cheeks dusted red and he ducked his head before reeling Arapaima in for a proper hug, wrapping his legs around Arapaima along with his arms, and Arapaima was happy to curl into the embrace, his own arms wrapping around Alex and squeezing him tight. Alex hummed as he buried his face in Arapaima's hair, cuddling closer.

Arapaima closed his eyes, nuzzling into Alex's throat and breathing him in, the familiar scent his heart recognized as purely Alex washing over him. He felt lighter, in a way he hadn't realized he had been missing in days, chest easing as a weight melted away. Arapaima drew back slightly, bringing his hands up to cup Alex's face between them, stroking his cheeks once more, watching Alex's eyes blink open and feeling a warmth envelop him as they settled on him, content and excited and adoring all swirling in those green eyes he loved. Arapaima smiled gently when Alex leaned down to press their foreheads together, watching his eyes flutter shut before slowly opening again, as if he also didn't want to look away — didn't want to break the quiet comfort that was blanketing them.

He drew one hand away to sign, "I love you, Alex."

Alex breathed in shakily, pulling Arapaima closer once again to tuck his head into Alex's shoulder, lips pressing to Arapaima's temple. He felt more than he heard the words Alex mumbled in return. "I love you, Arapaima."

[the-sea-merchant]

When the men at the function are divorced…

You ever fall so far deep into art block you come out the other side going back to your roots (oc x canon)?

Anyway have some farmer Aster and Shane watching old horror movies. Are they divorced? Yes. Is Shane complaining? Yes. Does Aster not give a damn and invite himself to their food and couch? Absolutely.

I finally found an old horror movie I used to be obsessed with as a kid, so I’m bestowing that trait onto Aster.. He absolutely has a stack of horror movie DVDs he left at Marnie’s from before Shane moved in with him.

Jas was only a lil guy when the whole Shane and Aster getting married thing happened, so she barely remembers him, but given how much of a shady jerk Aster is, he’d definitely be able to charm the kid into thinking he was the coolest guy in Pelican Town.

Shane hates it. Jas has also taken an unfortunate liking to horror movies, even if it means she has trouble sleeping.