Mina + the heavy stuff 0.4
mina owes buddy an apology.
but she’s never really been very good at apologies and i mean it’s not because she’s not used to giving them out like she is okay she is because i mean for so long she’s really been made for feel as though she always has something to apologise for and that’s really terrible because that something is actually a part of her like it is her people want her to apologise for being herself and that is just not very nice at all is it
and so i think she got in the habit of apologising constantly and they are muttered and found in her frown and they are given out sincerely while she puts a hand on someone’s shoulder to make sure she has their attention and she is sorry she is sorry she is sorry
and then i think she reaches a point where she realises that she doesn’t actually have anything to be sorry for
like she is tired of apologising for being two minutes late and answering the phone during dinner and what does sorry even meaN you know like the word’s lost all meaning to her and she’s p sure it’s lost its meaning to everyone else too
and if she apologises she wants it to mean something you know like she wants that person to know that she means it and that she is being sincere and that she is sorry okay she is really really sorry
how does she do that how does she do it i don’t know
i think she starts with hunter because hunter is easiest and hunter understands and i don’t expect hunter really thinks she needs to be apologising to him probably but idk she does it anyway and she doesn’t outright say it but it’s like with todd and ollie and the albums yknow like it is so ridiculous but she takes a train just to have lunch with him and she tells him she feels more like herself and i expect she probably didn’t even have to and it’s when he’s dropping her back off at the station and she hugs him and it’s there the apology is there but the apology isn’t even the important thing with hunter lamb it’s the thank you and she is saying thank you for being there and thank you for pushing me and thank you for being my best friend
harry is a little bit more tricky because harry has always been tricky and these two have always been tricky like they’ve always sort of sat in shades of grey haven’t they and it’s not straightforward and it’s not simple and she just
i just have a lot of feelings about her standing near the shelves and taking the jar down to look at it and i don’t even have a word for the way that she’s looking at it like i actually don’t but i expect it’s the way an adult looks at an old childhood toy they’ve found stuffed in a box and it’s not that she’s not known it was there because she glances at it every time she’s over and i think when she’s saying something she doesn’t want to look harry in the eye for she keeps her eyes on the jar sat on the shelf but oh gosh she is holding it now and she’s looked over her shoulder at harry and i think it really just strikes her not only how special it is that he’s kept it all this time but how special their friendship is like they have actually been through so much and come so far and he still has the jar he kept the jar and oh
okay that was not an altogether unexpected turn of events but i am still feeling caught off guard oh dear
idk i am not prepared to discuss that so let’s move along
i think that buddy is sort of difficult and simple all at once like i think with buddy mina really knows that the best thing to do is just be direct and open but it’s a matter of making contact and finding him and getting him to agree to speak to her and she doesn’t mess around with the pretense of lunch or dinner like they know what needs to be discussed and there is no point in swinging breadsticks around emphatically while they do
i mean breadsticks are always welcome but maybe tea is better idk
i think at the end of the day like
i think the most important person mina needs to apologise to is herself and like not for being depressed because lbr she had no control over that but i think for feeling as though she did and blaming herself for it and i think really feeding into it because of that yknow???
like yes it was probably very tough for people to see you like that but you are most important and you need to do what’s best for you and you come first and that is the whole point that is the lesson you learned and oh gosh i hope it stuck i hope it did
