How do you tell a partner who isn't into feedist stuff that you are & want to gain weight?
💬 2 🔁 6 ❤️ 109 · How to come out to your partner as a feedee: · First, decide how important this is in your relationship to you. Is it an
I think I answered this one pretty well here!
I would add onto that; once you get past the initial conversation -whether that happens before or after a scene (and by "scene" I mean participating in feedism, roleplay or otherwise)- give them some time to process, and then go over some community terminology. There's a lot of harmful stereotypes about feedism out there, so it could benefit both of you to clear the air and express your intentions, your limits, your expectations, etc. I showed my partner the results of my survey, and as a non feedist, when he saw the comments about how people in feedism often involve non-feedists by calling them barnyard terms or telling them they think they're disgusting slobs, he had never heard or even thought of those things before (because I'm not into that particular brand). He asked me if I felt that way, and I told him what it's about for me. We've had many kink discussions before (having been together for 7+ years) but it t never hurts to have a refresher and we hadn't discussed things in this context. For me, I'm more on the praise/body worship side of things, "you're not ruining your body, you're enhancing it", grew up with food insecurity/struggled with eating disorders and feedism makes me feel safe type shit.
Also very detailed timeline of how I came out to my non-feedist partner under the cut bc this is getting longer than I expected already:
Day one: met on okcupid, I swiped right bc he was really hot (and fat, although I didn't exclusively swipe right on fat people)
Day 3-4: we spend 8+ hours video chatting every day (we both worked third shift on non customer facing jobs and our bosses didn't gaf if we were on the phone), it's clear we have a good connection and we're being very flirtatious and still feeling things out with each other
Day 5-10: I let on that I have a secret kink that is somewhat taboo and shameful (but nothing to do with scat/piss/age play/animals. Not against it, just made it clear it wasn't my style). It's clear to me he's very sex positive and kink positive and he's already let on about kinks with light bdsm, anal, biting, roleplay, in which ways we are compatible. He plays along to guess (but I'm pretty sure he won't guess) and it's lighthearted and sexual
Day 11: we meet up for the first time, our first date goes for 12+ hours and ends up with us cuddling in bed (we haven't done anything else at this point, even kiss). Over the course of the date we eat 3 times and I subtley try to get him to eat more, he complains about being fat and too full and I melt inside
Day 14: I ask him for a shirtless selfie. Later he told me this is when he suspected what the kink was because no one has asked him for a shirtless selfie before :( :( :( and I thought that was fairly tame. Like yeah we're dating and you're hot, show me that body (and we had sexted/sent nudes by this point!)
Days 15-20: I'm making it clear food is my love language, I'm cooking for him as much as I can and trying to get him to eat more. He has ADHD so he's never eaten regularly
Day 21: I "lose" a bet and I buy him a box of donuts and tell him to finish them in a day. First overtly kinky thing I did. Although he was clued into to the fat fetish aspect at this point, he was unaware of the feeding aspect but he knew there was something kinky about the interaction. He did it bc he knew it would turn me on
Day 24: we make it official, I tell him I love him (bc I'm a big sap), I confess to him my fetish in detail and he lets me hand feed him pie, I tell him I want him to gain weight. He doesn't want to gain weight intentionally but he also doesn't want to lose weight, so whatever happens, happens
Days 24-180: he gains weight due to my influence, we live apart but see each other as much as we can
Days 180-365: we live together and in a year he's gained over 80 pounds! He's lost weight since then (not intentionally, and I'm also not disappointed bc I enjoy things about his body at every size) but at his highest he was 419 pounds!!
Anyway, trust yourself and trust your partner to take this news well, and if they don't, trust that you may have something better waiting for you in the future!! Let me know how it goes!
Hey you seem like a pro so can I get your help🙏, I’ve started to date my first feedee ( wooo🥳) but idk where to start, do you have any tips on gaining or how to link pleasure to food for girls, I’m lost 😂 thanks, wanna try my best
First, I am not a pro, I just treat people with the respect and kindness they deserve and I just ask what the person is into, so then I can give them what they enjoy in my own particular way. Some of my mutuals who I have had proper feedism convos know about this.
Second, there's no such thing as "feedism for girls 💄💐🎀👠" and "feedism for boys 👔🗿🔧🏈" everyone is different and everyone has a particular flavor of feedism that they like. My advice is that you ask your partner what they're into, not everyone is into stuffing for example, some people prefer to graze or are just more of a foodie than a feedee.
If your partner has been a feedee for a while now, they might already know what works for them the best in terms of gaining. To be honest I don't feel comfortable giving advice on gaining per say because your partner might have a dietary restriction or perhaps not, so I honestly don't know :P
What I will say is:
• Doing stuffings frequently will make their appetite bigger, yes a big appetite is hot, but it is also expensive to fill it up
• Take things at their own pace, they are the ones going through body changes and navigating life in a bigger body
• They'll gain by consuming a surplus of calories, this doesn't necessarily mean that they'll only eat take out, there is a wide variety of ways to add extra calories into their diet
• You gotta enjoy the journey and not only chase the next big goal
• Gaining can get very expensive, because it's not only food, but clothes and so much more depending on how much they gain.
And this one is more of a personal advice, you'll have to be your partner's rock and safe space, in a vanilla relationship this is a must, but I feel like in a feedist relationship it becomes extremely important. Your partner will most likely face fatphobia because we live in a fatphobic society and you'll need to deconstruct those ideas that you have (yes even the internalized fatphobia) in order to be a support for your partner when life gets tough.
Communication is key and it is very important that you listen to them, sometimes there might be periods of time where feedism takes a step back and is not the center of the relationship and that's okay too, at the end of the day we can all get caught up in the chaos of life and just focus on necessary matters.
I think I could go on and on with this kind of advices, but I don't wish to post a whole book on this. Just remember that you're partners first and then feedee/feeder.
Date idea: Going to the supermarket with a feeder and filling a shopping cart with things to stuff you with later. Get home and don't even put away the groceries and then the stuffing and encouragement begins.
Hello fellow feedist, maybe a weird question but so any of you know any type to see if someone you wanna date is a feedist? Any question or stuff to soft launch the question if they are into it, im just really in need of a feedee boyfriend but i give up on dating apps
Not weird at all! I would start off straight away in the bio, something like "I'm a huge foodie" or "I love big boys" "big boys hmu" something like that. I was on dating apps for a bit before I met my partner (and we actually met on okcupid). I had in my bio "being straightforward is sexy" that way they would come straight out with their intentions and say if they were looking for something casual or long-term. Also encouraging boldness is good because it'll help you see who's just looking for permission to be rude. People will let out their deepest thoughts eventually, so it's better to get them straight away. Then once you have a match and you actually start talking with someone, it's common to establish interests. Here I'd say "I'm really into food, do you like cooking?" "Tell me about your favorite restaurant" and you can start a relationship established with a love of food. I would also add "I'm anti-diet/very fat liberationist". I'd usually disclose my past with restrictive eating disorders and weight fluctuation pretty up front; if it bothers you that my weight may fluctuate in the future and I'm not interested in trying to control it, now is a good time to bail. This is also a good opportunity for them to share their own history with body image, whether they're fat or not. A lot of the people I dated that were already fat felt an external societal pressure to be thin, and as soon as I reassured them that weight wasn't a factor for me, it was a relief to them. This might not be the case for everyone- I'm sure plenty of people will want to lose weight for themselves, or even medical reasons. I also find that fat people would mention their size early in the relationship to see how I'd react. I've experienced this with friends and coworkers too, which has always both perplexed and delighted me 😂 it's always within a few days of meeting someone that they'll say "well I'm big" or drop their weight or refer to their size in some way. It's like a mix between self-deprecation and getting comfortable around a new person. This is great because it gives you an opportunity to respond positively. I'm very flirty with everyone, so I usually just respond "hot!" Or "you carry it well", but if you're not as forward as I am, I think any response other than cringing/flinching will work. Keep your early dates centered around food while you get to know each other. When things get flirty, tell them food is your love language and make a habit of cooking for them/bringing them food. With any luck they'll gain relationship weight and that will lead into a conversation about how you feel about it. It might be difficult to find feedists in the wild, but with the right attitude anyone can indulge in your fantasies and show their appreciation by having a big appetite. I don't even think anything I listed above is explicitly feedist. Even non-feedists can have preferences for big people, enjoy food, and feel positively when their partner gains a little weight. Enough years of positive reinforcement, and they'll confuse hungry and horny so much it won't matter anymore 😉
Do you know of any feedist centered dating (or just social in general I suppose) sites or apps? Sorry if you've posted about this before i dont feel like searching to find it 😔😔
Okay I've never used these so I'm not endorsing them, just listing them! I've heard some of these are more for hetero fat admirers seeking bhm/bbw, but I'm sure you can find some queer communities within each.
Feabie - social media for feedists
Fantasy Feeder - more of a traditional dating website that has locations, also stories (like wg fic)
Grommr - kind of like grindr for gainers (mostly for gay men)
FetLife - social media for fetishes, mostly bdsm but I hear there's a growing feedism community
LoveFeeding - opportunities for paid content (like onlyfans but for feedees)
Feeding.fetishalt - matchmaking for feeder/feedee
I'm sure each one has their benefits/downsides. Anyone that has positive/negative experiences with any, or if you know if I missed any, please feel free to add!
