seen from China
seen from Croatia
seen from Austria
seen from Canada
seen from Jordan
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from France
seen from China
seen from Japan
seen from South Africa
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from India
seen from Finland
seen from Russia
seen from Singapore
seen from Czechia
Do you remem8er me?
I’m trying to get better at drawing and decided to traumatize myself some more by drawing the Teru panel from that scene in chapter 120. I tried my best and in the end it came out okay-ish I think. Anyway this manga needs to chill 😭
Notes and an Update: This Heckin' Chonker
pictured above: Astarion's rich inner world
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
PLZ! SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM FOR CONTENT WARNINGS <3
A couple of posts ago, I talked about some of my Opinions on Writing Trauma.
I’m not going to rehash all that, but what I do need to say about this chapter and the ones coming up is they're going to dig into some ugly shit within and between Tav and Astarion as they exist in an echo, a stain.
SOOO - INTERLUDE FOR CONTEXT
Basically right after I posted Chapter 12, which felt super feckin long to me at like, idk, 5K+ words?, I went on a writing binge and ended up with in excess of twenty-motherfucking-four THOUSAND (2MF4K+) words.
Its initial title was "this fucking monster doesn't have a name."
Subsequent monikers included:
"Heckin' Chonker"
"Chonkerville"
"Oh My Fucking God What Have I Done"
"There's No Way Out, This Is a Cursed Chapter"
"Sweet Lordt Baby Jesus in Whose Divinity I Don't Actually Believe, Please Help Me Anyway" and
"Komo Is More Than I Will Ever Deserve as a Thought Partner, Collaborator, Co-Gremlin, and Beta"
You may have noticed I've ended up in a posting rhythm of, typically, two chapters a week. (WARNING this will change if this long COVID ever ends.)
You may also have noticed that last week, there was just one.
This is because over the past week, we figured out (kinda) what this chapter would look like. There are still probably 20K+ words of story that need carving and shaping.
This, in turn, is because there are a lot of elements of Tav and Astarion’s past and current relationship surfacing, and I think I’m being kind of fussy about getting them right. And yes, trauma is one of them, but that’s just a part of the bigger picture – an important part, but no more or less important than the many other reasons why these two people affect each other so deeply or whether the jokes land.
I can’t promise you I got it right. What I can promise you is that I tried my level best, and both Komo and I put a lot into the attempt.
CONTENT WARNINGS:
Canon-typical violence manifests in this one as traumatic memory.
One of the conversations includes straight up emotional abuse. As I said in the Author’s Note on Ao3, if you disagree, that’s totally OK, but I’m not really here to debate it.
On the other hand, if you have questions, feel some (any) type of way, or just want to unpack / talk about some of the stuff that Chapter 13 surfaces with kindness and empathy, please, by all means, hit me up in the PM or with a Ask Me Question Thing.
All messages and questions will receive responses in kind.
OK that’s all I’ve got for now; I’m exhaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuusted.
Coming up very, very soon: those goddamn Alignment Notes. Looooooooool
Live in jooooy!
OH! P.S.: There's a soundtrack. This is the link. :)
"I've been looking in your window
I've been dressing in your clothes
I've been walking dead
Watching you
Long enough to know I can't go on."
-- "This Close", Flyleaf
My regrets look just like texts I shouldn’t send
And I got neighbors, they're more like strangers
We could be friends
I just need a way out of my head
I'll do anything for a way out
Of my head In my own way, this feel like living
Some alternate reality
And I was drowning, but now I'm swimming
Through stressful waters to relief
Oh, the things I'd do
To spend a little time in hell
And what I won't tell you
I prolly never even tell myself
And don't you know that sunshine don't feel right
When you inside all day
I wish it was nice out, but it looked like rain
Grey skies and I'm drifting, not living forever
They told me it only gets better
“And don’t you know that sunshine dont feel right when you inside all day.... They told me it only gets better”
(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsC7zIp4rB4)
Creator: xAnicsi
Anime: Wolf Children
Song: House by the Sea - Moddi
T^T
it’s hard to watch someone you love put themselves through bullshit. I’m around but I can’t watch, it hurts my heart. I can’t help
I just want to find a Spiritual Black man who can preach to me like Malcom X as we lay in bed together and share a blunt after some bomb ass sex? is that really too much to ask?
