Everything is still right where it should be in Feibel's room, but there's a note on his bed. "I'm sorry guys. I just can't do it anymore. Please forgive me. Don't come looking for me. You won't find me. I'll be dead by the time you read this anyway. I'm so sorry. I love all of you. --Feibel"
Dax looked at the note, only managing to take in the fact that it contrasted oddly with the bedspread's colors.
"You didn't." His voice was accusatory as he addressed the note. "You wouldn't. You were...you were one of the happy ones. You were one of the ones I didn't have to worry about."
A moment later, he brushed the note off of the bedspread angrily. "YOU DIDN'T!" He yelled at the bed. "YOU STUPID LITTLE DEMON, YOU DIDN'T, YOU DIDN'T. YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THE GUTS. YOU DIDN'T!"
You were going to be okay. People liked you. You had a boyfriend you loved, who you didn't have problems with. You were one of the ones who was going to live.
"Did I never ask you?" His voice shook as he stared down at the bedspread. All of those ridiculous triangles were making his head swim, and his eyes burn. What a stupid pattern, if it did that to someone who was looking at it.
"Is that why?" His voice fell on the room in a quiet plea. "I didn't ask you what was wrong?"
You can't save them all, Dax.
"I would have if I knew." For some reason he was crying. How strange. "I would have if I knew, Feibel. I would have if I knew. Believe me. Believe me, please. I would have if I knew."
I spent that afternoon on the floor, crying and begging the forgiveness of a ghost.