making a quick shitpost before work to continue losing my mind about boris pavlikovsky and the boreo ship bc i rewatched the goldfinch recently and idk wtf i was on the first time that i watched it bc i didn’t have so many thoughts and feelings about it like i do now but GOD boris is literally the top person on the kin list now and it viscerally aches to think about it and literally last night at like 2 in the morning i was practically foaming at the mouth like i have rabies bc of two silly goofy stupid side by side epiphanies with thinking about boris and reflecting on myself--
Basically, on april 14 this year (when I still went to the academy), I got a letter from the trans clinic to give to school about my name and pronouns, and everything was changed in literally like... 2 days?? And the staff there said there shouldn’t be any problem with sending the trans letter info over to butler tech since I’m now a graphic design student there. All in all, when they said that, I had vvv high hopes about being able to attend a school where hopefully no one would know my deadname or misgender me. I considered this to be a great opportunity for a bit of a fresh start of sorts.
But a few days ago, when I went to pick up my schedule, when they asked me for my name, I of course said Felix. The staff went to look through the files that they had, and then when they came back to me with no schedule and asked me for my name again, that was when it clicked for me: the trans letter didn’t make it through the butler tech system and they had deadnamed and misgendered me.
To be honest, even though I was vvv much hurt and angry about it, I still felt like maybe I over-reacted when I started to break down in tears in literally less than a second after I looked at my schedule.
So I ended up emailing one of the staff members at the academy who had helped out with sorting out the trans letter things in the system there, but all in all, the answer I got was that the only thing that could be done was to let my teachers this year know about it and simply hope that they follow through with it instead of not doing so--and that the only way to guarantee a solid change in the system there was to go through the legal system.
The thing is, seeing as I don’t have the time or energy to do that, and seeing as my parents would never let me even try that in the first place, I felt very hopeless about this year since that was the only option presented to me. I also felt like if I kept up with insisting about being addressed with my name and pronouns, then all I’d be doing is upsetting and bothering the staff there, and I didn’t like how that felt.
Luckily enough, today I had a zoom meeting with my care manager from the hospital and she advised for me to keep pushing, to keep advocating for myself, and that if I continued to struggle and needed anyone to step in, then they would see what they could do. So long story short: I ended up emailing all of my teachers for this year and my principal as well about the whole thing, and included a pdf file of the trans letter. I also was lucky enough to have a trans clinic appointment today as well, where I got to express my thoughts and feelings on this and how I still felt like I was being a bother. The doctor who saw me today reassured me that this was important enough to reach out to the school about as many times as needed until things were properly set in place. Alongside that, as a bonus, I also got to learn a little bit more about physically transitioning, so that was cool. But they also said that it was completely dumb for butler tech to say my only option was to go through the legal system, seeing as it’s very hard to go through--and now isn’t the best time anyways since school starts in 4 days.
But anyways--my case and point of this whole thing is: I got an email response from one of my teachers, and they gave a very positive response along the lines of that they were very proud about how well I advocated for myself and that I should know that I’ll have all of the support they can give. So yeah, I’ve vvv pleasantly shooketh.
And then on top of that, with how I missed a zoom meeting with my instructor back on may 27, and how I let it sit and sit and sit without doing anything about it, at some point when I was notified that I should be expecting emails from my instructor about the upcoming school year and what to expect and whatnot, I absolutely lost it since I still hadn’t talked to my instructor and didn’t know what to do.
Thankfully enough though, I got an email a few days ago about having my first zoom meeting with them this afternoon!! So even though I’m behind most--if not all--of my peers with talking to an instructor, I’m glad that I still get to do so now!!
okay but honestly throughout today, all I’ve just simply vibed to is Mr. Doctor Man, Teenage Heartbreak Queen, Black Sheep, and Anxiety bc they’re absolute b o p s and I just really wanna say that Palaye Royale is s u c h a g o o d b a n d and I adore Remi’s vocals lmao
