Discover Top Posts Tagged with #felopez

we've been mutuals forever and we've never spoken, but this is an appreciation post for your "funny" post tag, it's incredible, love it

:'D thank youuu ~

#esb answers #felopez #had to refollow you actually 'cause i guess tumbly glitched at some point >:T///#functioning website.///

I am... Overwhelmed my friends. I don’t know what to do. So I am making a list, I guess. A friend of mine told me I should do this so I can get a better look at why I feel like leaving Alex and what would be a good idea for me to do in my upcoming year. I would love any input.

Staying w/ Al

Pros:

A stable person, someone who can offer a hand when I am far too gone He can cook, he knows how to clean, financial stability, I don’t have to worry about being an emotional support for him (he doesn’t break down and question his reality, Like I do), It is just a normal relationship with a few hiccups on my end- it is mostly laughs. Will lead to a very common life (under his care, I’ll go to school, we’ll own a home, we’ll have pets, maybe adopt, maybe wed, his parents/family are happy to see him settle down with someone)

Cons

Has started to yell/escalate volume in voice when frustrated (Actually, this has always been a thing but is now directed at me instead of objects/himself), slams hands down on objects when angry (loud crashing noise, I cannot handle due to growing up in an abusive home), feeling of isolation consistently, has taken issue with me interacting with friends/partners (he is aware of my being polyamorous and i have asked countless times if he is okay with this), I am abusive with him (not physically abusive, emotionally e.i.; guilt trips, becoming upset, silent treatment), we want different things/our lives are wildly different/our interested are wildly different, his family will never take me seriously, family, (pertaining to my being non-binary and poly) does not feel supportive and/or treats it as trivial (”accepts” me/tolerates it, but I trust my gut and empathy skills- I feel like he thinks it is a trend or that I will simply stop and get over it/go back to ‘normal’), does not talk about his thoughts or feelings honestly (in fear that they might differ from mine? Perhaps does not want to argue with me or discuss things in an open manner, avoids conflict)

Part ll, Leaving him and moving elsewhere

Pros

Learning to take care of myself (inculdes; cooking, cleaning, managing money, learning what to do in certain situations instead of relying on someone else who might not do it properly/correctly/at all, self defense), Experiencing reality without truly being tied to one person (Alex being a primary and someone I always go back to- being on my own and moving in with a partner who is more loose), getting to know myself better, probability of a job that could offer more than part-time in front of a register (looking into office jobs where I can evolve), Possibility of working toward traveling and never settle down in one location for long, following all my desires with minimal consequence, not regretting to follow this path should I decide to stay with Alex and it turns to be a miserable choice, Alex might learn to be a better boyfriend for someone else due to my leaving (as a friend pointed out)

Cons (with a dash of hope????)

On my own, financial instability, his family (and he) might say awful things about me, expensive, leaving a comfortable living for something I actually have to work for (? Maybe working for something would be satisfying?), insecure lifestyle, never knowing where I will end up/end up doing (but this could be good? There’s a chance for either good or bad things), biting off more than i can chew (overwhelm my stress, endanger my mental/physical health, anxiety and depression overload)- These are all fears normal people have whenever they leave home for the first time though, these are things I can work through with help from friends and my mom/dad should I truly need my parents. Regretting leaving something secure with a secure future and having to run back to Miami under my parent’s care again (is this a bad thing if my mom seems to have learned that she was abusive and is trying to fix things??) (I mean, aside from leaving my close friends and lovers in MA?)

I mean, it seems logical to leave. But I cannot tell if this is biased or not. My friends want me to leave, Alex wants me to stay and give him more chances (to fail me?), and I am so frightened of leaving something that has lasted so long to me and losing it because I cannot handle loud noises. I’m heartbroken that something I loved so much has ended hurting me constantly no matter how hard I worked on it. And I don’t necessarily want to break up, but it doesn’t seem fair to him and honestly, would he really stay with me if I wasn’t living with him? Would our lives ever intermingle? Would he be alright with everything, who I am and who I want to be and where I want to be? I guess that’s truly it. I want to be away. I desire to not live with him in the same room. I want us to be, but I want us to be in separate lives- he’s fun to play with, he’s fun to have moments with and I love treating our nights as dates, as moments that I choose to spend with him, not as a mandatory thing simply because we’re under the same roof. Our sex would be explosive, not just “Eh, you’re horny, I’m horny, let’s get off on each other.” It’ll be because I am attracted and need and desire, not because he’s the only toy in the box tonight. We’d appreciate the other’s presence more. That’s what I desire. That’s... it, isn’t it?

#Super long text post #would love feedback if you manage to read this #alex #felopez