To the Moon and Back(Spock x Fem!Reader) [Request!]
“Hi there! I’ve never done a request before so I hope I do it right. I was wondering if I could request a Spock fic with prompt number 6, and prompt number 30 (also I love your work so much, such a talented author ❤️)”
-anon
Hi anon! Thank you so much for the kind words! It really means a lot to me :) I keep just rereading it and every single time I smile! Enjoy your request! I really hope you like it!
Also, OMG @thefanficfaerie REBLOGGED TWO OF MY FICS I THINK I’VE DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN.
Also also, I’m SO SORRY THIS IS LATE!!! Please understand that I am youngish and still in school! I’ve also just started driving school and now I’m going to have even less time... But I will be getting fics out! If you send in a request, it does help with the production of more fics and helps eliminate writer’s block!
Prompts:
6. Less talking, more kissing
30. For once in your life could you please just listen to me?
Request something!
Word Count: 1693
Warnings: swearing
Posted: Tumblr, Wattpad
You were pissed. Furious, seething, fuming. Even those were understatements. You had been with Spock for two years. Two years. You loved him, oh god you loved him, but in this moment you couldn’t hate him more.
He had gone off and risked his life again, throwing himself into that volcano without a second thought and urging the captain to leave him there, all to protect the prime directive. The first time he tried to sacrifice himself for the good of others you thought he was a hero. Of course, you were worried sick and promptly hit him the second he stepped off the transporter pad before embracing him tightly. The second time, you were a bit irritated but proud of him nonetheless. As the count began to grow your frustration grew with it.
You understood that he was Vulcan and first officer, both giving him duties he had to follow. His duty to his Vulcan heritage was to refrain from showing his emotions, which he typically followed to the T. He had explained to you once that his reason for putting himself in danger was because he knew that he could handle and accept death better than any human aboard. Just because you didn’t like it didn’t mean that you didn’t understand. Him being the first officer meant that he was responsible for the lives of the crew too, which he also explained that it was his duty to keep everyone safe even if it meant sacrificing his own life. What Spock didn’t realize, though, was that he had overlooked one other commitment.
His commitment to you.
The Vulcan didn’t understand that by devoting himself to his culture and job, he was neglecting his responsibilities to your relationship. As smart as he was, he was still new to having a girlfriend and the commitments and time that was required to keep it alive. Even though two years had passed since you two had begun dating, you were still patient and accepting with his boundaries and his ways. You did love him, after all.
That being said, you were still pissed. And that was why you were avoiding him. You knew that he wouldn’t take an outburst of anger from you well, so you tried to avoid the problem altogether instead of facing it. That paired with your fear of confrontation and social awkwardness lead to you going to extremes to avoid your boyfriend. You changed your shift, took different routes to your shifts (one time, you saw him coming down the hall so you literally took the Jefferies tube all the way down to deck seven) and you ate your meals at different times.
Yeah. You hated confrontation.
Your day started out how the last few usually did; you woke up, got dressed, and snuck to the mess as early as possible to avoid your Vulcan S.O. Who you didn’t realize you would run into was the captain himself. You crept in the mess, empty besides a few stragglers from the graveyard shift. You weren’t looking where you were going while you scanned the room for pointy ears and you collided with Jim’s back, enlisting an “oof” from the captain.
Before you could run away, he turned around.
“[y/n]?”
Fuck.
“Oh, hey Jim. What’s up?” you asked casually.
Jim scowled, crossing his arms. “Don’t ‘hey Jim’ me. What is going on? You’ve been avoiding me, Bones, and Spock like the plague all week and the Vulcan is as worried sick as he can be, no pun intended.”
You shifted on your feet, the guilt washing over you making you want to curl up in a corner.
“I’m mad at Spock,” you muttered.
“Why?” Jim pressed.
Frustration started building up in your chest, the constricting feeling pairing itself with the need to cry.
“I’m just so worried about him,” the frustrated tears burned your throat, shaking your voice. You looked up at his surprised face, eyes blurring. “Why, Jim? Why do you let him risk his life like that?”
Jim pulled you in, embracing you tightly as you let it out softly. When you felt like you finished, you mumbled an apology for staining his uniform.
“Don’t worry, I can change it on my way to the bridge,” he replied, rubbing your back and changing the subject. “Why are you worried about him? You know that Spock can take care of himself.”
You nodded, rubbing your eyes. “I know but... I’m terrified that one of these days he’s not going to come home. Jim, if he dies it’ll destroy me. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
“Why don’t you just tell him that? Ghosting him won’t make things any better.”
“He has duties,” you sighed. “Responsibilities to the ship and his culture. I can’t ask him to abandon those things just for me.”
After a beat of silence, you spoke again, softly.
“Jim, what if he doesn’t love me? What if he doesn’t care?”
“[y/n], how could you even think that?” Jim looked at you, incredulous.
“It’s just that,” you paused to cross your arms over your chest, closing yourself off. “I don’t think he understands the emotional pressure that puts me under. I know I have to cut him some slack for being a Vulcan, but maybe that just means we aren’t meant to be.”
Jim looked at you for a minute, conflicting feelings warring over his features.
“You can’t just assume these things [y/n],” he said finally. “Relationships require honesty and communication and if you want this to last then you have to give him at least that.”
You nodded, turning away. “Thanks, Jim.”
With that, you walked briskly away, forgetting about breakfast entirely. You needed to work. You needed to be alone. Your feet took you all the way down to engineering while your mind was drowning in your multitude of thoughts, absent-mindedly picking up a wrench and getting to work on a sketchy control panel.
Your thoughts were filled with your predicament with Spock the entire time you worked. Eventually, you gave up on working and sauntered back to your quarters, numb and confused.
You let your eyes study your boots as you swiped your palm in front of the sensor at your door. You walked in slowly before becoming suddenly aware of the presence in the room. You looked up slowly, taking a step back when you realized who it was.
“[y/n]-”
“Why are you in here?” you interrupted him, putting on a blank expression. The Vulcan didn’t show any outward sign of being hurt by your comment besides sitting up a little straighter.
“The captain has informed me how you were feeling,” he replied curtly.
“Of course he did,” you muttered, sweeping past him towards your room. All you wanted was to put on your PJs and eat an entire pint of ice cream. “Damn infant can’t keep his mouth shut.”
“I believe that we should speak about our relationship,” he stated, turning as you passed him.
You scoffed as you took off your uniform, replacing it with an old oversized T-shirt that had some old band’s faded logo sprawled across the front. You didn’t care about Spock seeing you change, as you had been with him in various stages of undress in the past and it was too late to be awkward about it now. “Are you trying to break up with me?”
“That was not the type of conversation I was referring to.”
“Then what is it,” you snapped, narrowed eyes meeting his.
He approached you slowly, bringing his hands up and down your arms. “Why are you angry with me? If I have done anything to upset you it was inadvertent.”
“I can’t- I can’t keep doing this Spock,” you took a step back, out of his arms, and you watched as his hands fell limply back down to his sides.
“Are you ending things with me?” he returned your question.
You shut your eyes. “No- Maybe-” You sighed. “I don’t know.”
Spock held your gaze, silently urging you to continue.
“When you threw yourself into that volcano, you didn’t give a single thought to us,” you could feel your voice crack. “To me.”
He looked away.
“You didn’t feel anything. You didn’t care.”
He opened his mouth to say something but you cut him off again. “You have no idea what it would do to me if you died Spock. For once in your life, would you please just listen to me?”
He was silent for a minute.
“My intention was never to hurt you,” he began slowly. “But your suggestion that I do not care is incorrect. It is true that I chose not to feel anything upon realizing that my own life was ending. I have felt the emotions that one feels in the moment of one’s passing. Anger, confusion, loneliness, fear.”
He paused, taking a step closer.
“I had experienced those feelings before, multiplied exponentially the day my planet was destroyed. Such a feeling is one that I chose to never experience again, nor have anyone else feel.”
He was right in front of you now, staring into you with an intensity he had never shown you before.
“[y/n], you mistake my choice not to feel as a reflection of my not caring, while I assure you the truth is precisely the opposite.”
You looked up at him, bringing your hand up to rest on his cheek softly. He mirrored you, thumbs stroking your cheekbones softly. You let him close the distance between you, capturing your lips in a sweet, loving kiss, he gripped your face tightly as he poured all of the feelings he couldn’t put into words into the act of intimacy.
“I love you,” you tried to pull away to speak but he chased your mouth with his.
“Hey-” he cut you off again and you giggled against his lips, feeling him smile. You were taken aback and you gasped, giving him the right away to deepen the once-innocent kiss.
You weakly pushed on his chest and he gave, even though he was strong enough to fight you.
“Let me say something,” he could hear the smile in your voice as you beamed up at him.
“Less talking, more kissing,” he replied, pressing himself against you again. You laughed, blissfully succumbing to his warm embrace.
