Turns out he wasn’t dehydrated, he just didn’t know fauns are supposed to wear goatshoes if they run on asphalt for an extended period of time! So his hooves are basically nonexistent at the moment and he was stranded, but luckily some other fauns passed by him in their van and drove him all the way back to camp! (But for some reason there was a bunch of smoke and a funny smell when I opened the door… I just hope their engine didn’t catch fire on the way!) He can’t really walk while his hooves grow back, which is why I’m currently giving him a piggyback ride! (Also his legs fur is soft hehe.) Say hi, Tripp!
Hey maaaaan. Whoa, thats a sick hairdo you got there. You know who else has good hair? Dolly Parton. I loooooooooooove Dolly Parton. Y’know, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeeeeeeeeeeene. Yeah the hair’s not as big as it used to be since she’s like eighty-something now but I got mad respect for it either way. But the breast implants look a little uncomfortable, y’know? One time I took my friend’s bra and stuffed it with tennis balls just to see what it was like. Not my thing, but I looooooove my trans homies and I’m a tooooooootal ally bro. It was honestly just reeeeeeealy hard to put my shirt back on, so I went outside without one, and apparently that’s against camp rules or something? Oh yeah, I also found out that it’s against the rules to sleep in the temples, but like, why would the temple of Somnus have so man cushions that are just sooooooooo comfy if I’m not allowed to nap on them? Haha, Som-nus. Kinda sounds like “some-nuts”, huh? Cuz I reeeeeeeeeeally like cashews dude. I mean, I’ll go for almonds, maybe some pistachios even but those are soooooooo hard to get out of the shell. I mean, macadamias are my faaaaaaave man, but they’re sooooo expensive and I don’t really make any money. Oh yeah, was thinking of starting my own business to help with that. Wanna buy Ferris a niiiiiiiiiiice set of hinges for his birthday. Maybe I should do shrimping? That’s what Forrest Gump did, and I looooooooove that dude. I even tried to run across the country like him cuz like that just seems like something id get some sick stories out of and like a kiiiiiiiiller workout. I mean, I don’t really work out because why would I? I don’t fight or anything, y’know? Peace and loooooove dude, thats what I’m all about. I mean, sometimes me and my faun bros toss each other around, but that’s just bro stuff, y’know? I used to do the same with Ferris, but Malik made us stop when he had to reattach Ferris’s eyeball after I accidentally kicked it out. Oh yeah but my eyeballs? They’re some craaaaaaap man. Like I think everybody should love their bodies as they are, but some stuff just makes me go “noooooooot cool man.” Like I can barely see without these sunglasses. And it’s like suuuuuuuuuper hard to find prescription ones with the pink lenses I like. And a lot of them hurt the sides of my head if I wear them for too long. Would a monocle work you think? I guess I would need two. Oh yeah you know that monopoly dude with the mustache? Turns out he’s neeeeeeeeeeever had one of those, people just keep remembering that he does for some reason. That’s probably just toxic capitalism poisoning our minds, y’know? Man, I don’t hate anything, but I strooooooongly dislike this whole free market thing we got going on here. Like, let broke homies like me have a chance too, y’know? That would be sooooooo raaaaaaaad, just to like, have the government be fair to everybody? Peace and loooooooove man, that’s what I’m all about, y’know? Peace and looooooove…
Oops, he fell asleep on me again. Oh well, I’m gonna go find a nice patch of lawn for him to sleep on. Glad you could meet him though, and I’m excited for the totally not complicated situation of being surrounded closely by both my sort-of ex-boyfriend and my completely platonic best friend JJ!
