(A little late, but still here. having a busy weekend... anyways, this is an entry I wrote for FFXIVWrite2023, but never posted publicly. It was #19: Weal. I never took screenshots like I wanted, so here's the piece with a couple of shots in it! Endwalker spoilers!)
Consciousness started to come to Karo slowly. She was still caught in the fiery pain that had consumed her waking moments, memories flooding back into her as her mind caught up with her. Lurching upwards and over, what little contents of her stomach were left from the night before were emptied out before her, body heaving with the panic and wrongness of it all.
“Easy there kitten,” the comforting hand on her back and shoulder belonged to Thancred, rubbing gently as he sat next to her. Her body seized again, dry heaving into the bucket that was blessedly there to catch anything that came up, a towel at the ready.
Everything felt wrong, yet simultaneously back to where it was. Sound was blessedly coming from where it should–ears on top of her head, not to the side. Her tail had automatically helped her keep the odd balance she had leaned over in the pretzel position she had gotten herself into upon waking. Each sensation was familiar as it should be. Each minute feeling felt minutely wrong.
He had been in her body. Controlling it as she watched helplessly from an others eyes and skin. Desperately she threw her mind down her metal bonds, the wall that had been blocking her blessedly gone. There each and everyone of her bonds lay–each pulsing with gentle relief that the connection was once more open. Each, sending a burst of pure relief and love down the tethers, Ardbert’s quiet verbal reassurance of “We’re here” allowing her to catch her breath once more, and finally open her eyes to look about.
She was on one of the many military cots that had been brought in by the Alliance, somehow sequestered in a private room. It was still bitterly cold, but she had been granted one of the working ceruleam heaters to go with the pile of blankets she had thrown off while sitting up. It wasn’t a large room by any means, a single window letting in the afternoon light, and just enough space for an extra chair. One occupied not by G’raha like she thought it would be, but by Estinien.
His grey eyes bore into her, shoulders finally relaxing from the hunched position he had been in as he saw recognition in her eyes.
“G’raha and Y’shtola said that your soul was back where it belonged, but we know that doesn’t always mean you feel at peace with that fact,” His voice was soft and gentle, as Karo finally grasped why these two out of all her friends and lovers were the two by her side as she awoke.
They knew. They knew exactly how she felt, knew the pain and the loss of self when faced with such a grievous breach of bodily autonomy. They had suffered at it for so much longer as well, not in charge of their own body, watching from within instead of without as someone–something–controlled them and hurt those they loved.
The amount of conflicting emotions pouring throughout her body has her gasping for air once more as Thancred helped her sit up. He hadn't moved to embrace her, instead opting to only keep one steadying hand on her back–remembering his own aversion to being touched after the Lahabrea incident. She remembered his conflict of both wanting to be out of sight, yet still there so people wouldn't think he wasn't himself. The weeks of finding him passed out in the main hall instead of his own bed, silently afraid of being completely alone.
Estienen on the other hand had simply up and vanished from his homeland, content to let whatever rumors and stories of his possession come to roost–not that Aymeric would have any ill rumors even begin to take hold. The distance had seemed to be enough for him, after a long absence returning at Tataru and Kriles insistence.
In both of their circumstances they had been lost for moons, and Karo looked at them again with new eyes. How had they stayed so strong? Even the few bells she hasn't had control was enough to set her shaking again just at the thought.
"Shall I set your soul to anger like you were for me then?" Ardbert's voice whispered in her mind, gently teasing, earnest to a fault. She remembered her anguish and blazing anger at Elidibus when he had "borrowed" Ardbert's body, fooling the people of the First in the most bizarre of ways. She choked back a laugh, but not before she watched the men in the room give each other a knowing look. They couldn’t hear her soul’s voice after all–it probably looked like she was giving into the stress of the situation. Which could be a logical and true statement when it all was said and done.
Taking a deep breath, Karo took stock of her body once more. Feet; toes she wiggled first, covered in two layers of thick wool socks she noticed. Nothing felt out of the ordinary there, if just the cold that was starting to seep in. Bending her knees, they were a little stiff–Zenos had not fallen gracefully when she had tackled herself into the snow. All in working order though. She held her hands out next, flexing fingers and hands–again stiff with the cold–but not bruised or hurt, and worked her way up her arms, bending elbows, rolling her shoulders, then finally neck. Thancred had stood up as she started the inventory of herself, and held out his hands to help her to her feet. Gratefully, she took his hands, taking note of the bruising along her hip, but no real damage was done. Nothing a little aether would fix when she decided to use her stores–if she chose to.
“All as it should be then?” Estinien had stayed seated–closer to her eye level–but was looking on in approval. Karo nodded, then shrugged, then nodded again, unsure of what truly to say of the matter. He understood. They both did as their dry laughter cut the air, as he handed her a glass of water to rinse out her mouth.
“It does get easier, remember that,” the dragoon finally stood, placing a hand on her shoulder. “We both know how you’re feeling, and the rest of the lot is out there waiting to make sure you’re back to being you.” he graced her with one of his rare smiles (though they were becoming much more common), and headed for the door, content that he had done his part for the moment, and that she would weather through. As he opened it, she could hear G'raha's quietly desperate voice on the other side. Nodding permission when Estinien looked to her for it, he held the door wider for her other beloved to hurry in. Closing the door behind him, the trio was left alone.
"My Star—" G'raha had stopped short of her, fidgeting with what Karo assumed was a desire to do a through investigation of his own, but resisted—instead peering into her eyes intently.
"I'm well enough, and in my own skin again," she sighed quietly, reaching out to cup his face—her other hand grasping for Thancred's. G'raha leaned into the touch, eyes half-closing, but never breaking his sight of her. She pulled them down, the three of them sitting closely—touching without being stifling—in silence as they let her try to reconcile and adjust as much as she could in the short time allowed. For the Tower would need to be reckoned with, as well as Anima. There wasn't much time to waste sitting around when monsters came to call.
Huffing out a breath, Kal’istae spun on heel, causing Thancred to trip over his own feet as he barely avoided plowing into her. “Sheriff Waters,” she said severely, having to peer up at him and yet somehow seeming to gaze down her nose - just like his own teachers often had, snickered the irreverent part of his mind. “I do not wish to go out with you. Please stop asking.”
Turning, she strode off, and he watched her go for a moment, then trotted up to her side, smiling as he heard her exasperated sigh. “Why not?”
Although she knew perfectly well what he was asking, Kal’istae refused to make it easy for him. “Why not what, Sheriff? Such a question requires a subject.”
Gods, she was so adorable, with that prim tone and those huge, lavender-edged eyes looking just a bit irritated beneath the serene mask she had adopted. “Why won’t you go out with me?”
“Because, Mister Waters, you are the father of one of my students.”
What?
Thancred missed a step and hopped to the side to keep his balance. “Wait, you won’t go out with me because I’m Ryne’s father? That’s it?”
She glanced at him sidelong, secretly delighting in the flabbergasted expression on his face. “That is correct, Sheriff Waters. Now. If you will excuse me?”
His hand darted out and he gently snagged her elbow, ready to release her at the slightest hint of resistance. Though she stiffened, she did not pull away, and turned to look up to him as he tugged her to a halt. “I wouldn’t change that fact even if it were possible, Miss Miurani,” he said soberly, and didn’t miss the approving glitter in her eye. “So tell me what I can do to get around it.”
One eyebrow arched upwards. “Are you asking me to bend my rules, Sheriff Waters?”
“Even scoundrels deserve a bit of grace in the face of good behavior, ma’am.”
Oh, how she wanted to give in. It didn’t show, not in her placid expression, not in her dark eyes full of secrets. But she wanted to say yes. She wanted to give him that grace - give herself that grace - and give him an in. But she had her job to think of. Her students. Her reputation. So she remained reticent despite herself.
“I am sorry, Mister Waters,” she murmured, and he thought he heard genuine regret beneath the gentle rejection.
He released her arm. She gazed up at him for a moment longer, then turned and continued down the street, and this time, he did not follow.
But that didn’t mean he wasn’t thinking about her. And about what he could do to change her mind.
A prize for sagewren_ on twitter! This is a make up prize from last year's event. I wanted to get it out before this year's event started Thank you for joining & for having an awesome character! Thanks @sea-wolf-coast-to-coast for organizing the event!
This is my participation prize art for @maxima-priscus for entering FFXIVWrite 2023, hosted as always by @sea-wolf-coast-to-coast! 🥳 They naturally requested (a very cutely freckled) Maxima! I had a lot of fun drawing, and though I was worried about maintaining his likeness, I hope I did him justice! Enjoy!
