#fic bribes

[ddagent]

Thank you so, so much to everyone who has read, reblogged, and commented on my multi-chapter snippets! What started off as way to get some writing in through a busy period became such a lot of fun. Here’s a quick masterlist for any snippets you might have missed:

Queen!Brienne; hand!Jaime (x x x x x x)

Robb forces Jaime & Brienne to marry (x x x)

Intended sequel (x)

Sworn-sword!Jaime (x)

Boyfriend-for-hire!Jaime (x)

Academic co-authors au (x)

Jaime is Brienne’s man of honour (x)

I’m going to dabble with some trope fics/modern aus for a while, so watch this space! I’m also going to be plotting queen!brienne - very exciting! 

Thanks again for all the prompts and support. The last few days have been wonderful! <33

[ddagent]

would it be weird if I sent you an ask for every number? probably so I go with 8 and then I stop ^^

Jaime is a boyfriend-for-hire; Brienne is his repeat-customer after her friend gets engaged, and then insists on Brienne bringing her ‘boyfriend’ along to all wedding related events.

“Excuse me, do you know where Doctor Tarth’s office is? I’m her boyfriend.” 

The undergrad looked Jaime up and down; from the soles of his expensive shoes, to the flowers in his hand, to his slightly windswept hair. She wet her lips, and pointed down the hall. “Third door on the left. Doctor Tarth’s a lucky woman.” 

“Believe me, I’m the lucky one.” 

Jaime brushed past the undergrad and headed in the direction she’d pointed. He was certainly lucky. So far, Doctor Tarth had been as rich as the old mines in Lannisport. First the engagement party, then weekend brunch, and now a couples-only dance lesson, Jaime was earning quite a bit of coin to be on Brienne Tarth’s arm. His only interest was repeat business, of course. Taking time out of his day to visit Brienne at work to go over the plan for tonight was just good business. That he didn’t plan on charging her, or that he’d spent forty-five minutes in a florist until he’d settled on a bouquet with flowers that complemented the colour of Brienne’s eyes, was unimportant. 

Jaime knocked on the door. A curse, heavy footsteps, and then the door swung open. Brienne blinked rapidly as she took him in. “Jaime, what are you—”

“Just in the neighbourhood.” He pushed up on his toes to press a kiss to her cheek as two of her colleagues passed by. “I brought you these.” 

Jaime thrust the flowers in her direction, ready to explain away that they were just part of the act. Brienne stared at them as if they would bite her. “Allergies?”

“Bad memories.” 

Brienne placed the flowers to one side. Jaime swallowed his disappointment. They really did complement her eyes. 

Send me a number, I’ll write you some paragraphs.

[ddagent]

I am in mood for some banter, so if you'd feel like it, some more of 6 (or banter in 2, because I'm just weak for it and we all know it)? I bring you milk chocolate with tiny marshmallows tonight.

I’m weak for queen!brienne, too. Like, I just want to jump straight in but I need to plot it all out first. Also, *licks lips* i approve of milk chocolate and tiny marshmallows. I’m gonna miss all these fic offerings. 

Brienne becomes Queen after Robert dies during the rebellion, and Ned doesn’t want the job. Despite her initial misgivings, she becomes quite fond of Ser Jaime, with him eventually becoming her Hand.

“How much for the apple?” Brienne asked. 

The old woman waved her away, just pressing the red fruit further into Brienne’s palm. “No charge, Your Grace.”

“I must insist—”

But the old woman shook her head, and just tucked Brienne’s fingers firmer around the fruit. “I thought we’d all be ash and dust by now. We’re grateful for you, Your Grace.” 

Brienne didn’t know quite what to say. She knew her reputation as Queen: the nobles saw her as an oddity; the people seemed to cheer her presence despite her preference for breeches and a sword. The Warrior Queen, they called her. Better than Brienne the Beauty, at any rate. Smiling at the old woman, Brienne lifted the apple to her mouth. Suddenly a hand reached out of nowhere and smacked hers. The apple flew upwards, before being caught by a very angry Jaime Lannister. 

“Are you insane?” Jaime’s glare alternated between her and the two Queensguard who had not noticed Brienne’s new acquisition. “This could be poisoned.” 

Brienne rolled her eyes, and turned to the old woman who’d gifted her the fruit. “I apologise for Ser Jaime; he was raised in a household without manners. It’s an apple.” 

“That could be quite easily laced with poison or some paralytic. Your Grace, your safety is of paramount importance.” 

“It’s an apple.” 

Jaime huffed. “Fine, if it’s just an apple...” 

Holding Brienne’s gaze, Jaime lifted the fruit to his mouth and took a bite. There was an audible crunch, then the sound of Jaime chewing. He took another bite before his face curled in on itself. Jaime coughed once, twice, and clutched at his throat. He gasped, sucking in air. The two Queensguard rushed to his side; one forcing the apple onto the floor. 

“We need a Maester!” 

“Ser Jaime needs acting lessons.” Brienne stood, chin raised high, as she assessed her Hand. He kept the act up for another few seconds before he sighed (rather theatrically, she would admit). 

“My point still stands,” Jaime said, as her white cloaks hurried both of them away from the old woman’s stall. “I want you to be safe, Bri–Your Grace. I need you to be safe.” 

[ddagent]

7? I love this idea!

Brienne is getting married to Hyle Hunt, and asks Jaime to be her man of honour. Knowing she can do better, Jaime tries to scupper the nuptials..only to be confronted by the real reason he doesn’t want Brienne to marry.

Brienne had called at seven-thirty that morning, waking Jaime from a very nice dream where he and Brienne were playing cards with Ser Duncan the Tall and Drogon the Purple Dinosaur. She and her fiance had planned to go cake sampling that afternoon, but Hyle couldn’t make it. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Jaime checked his social media feed. Golfing. What an arse. 

But Hyle’s loss was Jaime’s gain. He’d wanted to spend the afternoon with Brienne anyway. Cake was just a bonus. 

Jaime picked Brienne up, and drove them to the first bakery. She was unusually chatty, discussing all the things that she and Hyle had decided upon for the wedding. Which was not a lot; Hyle seemingly cared little for the actual wedding, but had mentioned the wedding night a handful of times. Arse. 

Inside the bakery, things did not get better. A thin woman with a pinched face approached them. Her lips pursed as she took in Brienne, before settling into a smile as she saw Jaime. “Ah, Ms Tarth. This must be your fiance, Hyle?” 

Brienne began to correct her, but Jaime interrupted. “Of course I am! Every step in planning a wedding is important, and it’s important that the groom play an active role in all of it. It’s not like I would be out golfing whilst my bride planned our wedding alone, right?” 

It earned him an elbow in the side, but it was worth it. “The first piece of cake we’re getting, I’m shoving it in your face.” 

“Now, now, sweetling, save something for the honeymoon.” 

Send me a number, I’ll write you some paragraphs.

[ddagent]

*Offers a plate of hot chocolate brownie and ice-cream* Prompt 1? Maybe with Catelyn in?

(can’t resist a chocolate bribe!)

After finding out about his sister’s marriage to Tyrion, Robb Stark arranges for Jaime to marry his mother’s sworn sword, Brienne (who has just been recaptured trying to escort him back to KL).

Brienne had been pacing outside Lady Stark’s rooms at Riverrun for some considerable time before the door swung open. Catelyn looked at her; paler and thinner than she had been all those months ago at Renly’s camp. She held open the door for Brienne, and waited until she was seated before pouring them both a glass of wine. 

“I hope you know this is not something I ask of you lightly.” Catelyn took a sip. “If it was up to me, I’d throw that man from the tallest tower and let the pigs feast on him. But his family have my daughter.” 

Brienne nodded. One of King Robb’s spies had sent a raven to the Tully stronghold four days before, informing them of two recent developments: that Tywin Lannister had married his youngest son to Sansa Stark, and that Arya had not been seen for many moons. The Kingslayer’s value had fallen and raised like scales at the Iron Bank before the Northern King had reached his decision. 

“I could search for your other daughter, my Lady. I could find Arya.” 

Catelyn nodded. “If anyone could, I know it would be you, Brienne. But my son doesn’t need a knight, he needs a wife for Jaime Lannister.” 

The wine was bitter. Brienne couldn’t tell if it was a poor vintage, or whether everything tasted like ash on her tongue. In a few short days, she would be married to the Kingslayer. Brienne had not often dreamt of her husband; after three failed betrothals and an endless stream of ridicule, she had given up thinking she would one day be someone’s wife. She certainly wouldn’t have imagined she would be his. Handsome, yes. There was no denying it. He was even more beautiful than Renly. But he was...awful. 

An oathbreaking, rude, incestuous, arrogant lion who would probably not even spit on Brienne if she caught on fire. 

But Brienne had sworn an oath, and so she would swear several more. “I will do as you ask, Lady Catelyn. I do have some concerns, however. Chief among them—”

“—the wedding night?” Brienne nodded. “Have no fear, Brienne. There will be no bedding. From what my son’s spies tell him, my daughter’s union has yet to be consummated. Robb and I are hopeful that, if your union remains as well, we can simply exchange one prisoner for another and have both marriages annulled. As long as you and the Kingslayer don’t fall into bed with one another, we should have this matter cleared by the time winter comes.” 

They both shared a polite laugh. The chances of Brienne falling into bed with Jaime Lannister were as good as dragons returning to Westeros. 

[ddagent]

Literally going to pieces over the Queen Brienne fic! Thank you so much!!!!! *Just hands over the keys to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory*

Well, you’re in luck! Queen!Brienne is going to be my first multi-chapter for Jaime&Brienne! :) 

Brienne becomes Queen after Robert dies during the rebellion, and Ned doesn’t want the job. Despite her initial misgivings, she becomes quite fond of Ser Jaime, with him eventually becoming her Hand.

Brienne had never wanted to be Queen, but everyone kept telling her she suited the role well. Honest, honourable, dedicated...whilst some of the nobility thought her an odd duck, the people she actually served had taken to her with ease. One of the things she liked to do was walk the streets in King’s Landing; visit the markets like she would on Tarth. Her Queensguard were very stringent in their duties, and Ser Jaime often despaired when she would eat an offered apple or baked good without one of them testing it first. 

Thankfully, he did not have to worry today. They were both inside the Small Council chamber, addressing matters of State. He looked rather elegant with his dark-blonde hair brushing the nape of his red tunic; the symbol of the Hand pinned to his breast. “There’s, um, one last matter to attend to, Your Grace.” 

“Yes, Ser Jaime?” 

Jaime cleared his throat, and stared at the parchment in front of him with great interest. Whilst he dithered, Lady Olenna snatched it from him. “Marriage, dear girl. Your impending marriage.” 

Brienne’s cheeks coloured; her eyes darting to Ser Gerold Storm at the far end of the table. Her Master of Ships had been a close friend of her father, and thus knew all of her broken engagements – including the one that had led her to be warded at Winterfell. The rest would know soon enough. Gods. She would be the laughing stock of the Seven Kingdoms; a Queen no one wanted to marry. 

“We don’t need to discuss that at this moment,” Brienne said firmly, hoping she made her wishes clear to her Small Council. 

Jaime nodded, already scraping his chair back against the stonework. “I couldn’t agree more, Your Grace. This can wait.” 

Lady Olenna, eyeing Ser Jaime with a curious gaze, suddenly pulled a sheaf of papers and dropped them in front of the council. “They can’t.” 

[ddagent]

I am here to bring milk chocolate with salted peanuts, if it is to your liking, and express hope for more 2, or if you'd like to share something about 3 or 4 instead, then that. Or 6! Truly, I just... I want more of all of them, haha.

Ooooh, milk chocolate peanuts *nom nom nom* I’m a sucker for 2, and I was bored at work, so here we are! <33 

Brienne becomes Queen after Robert dies during the rebellion, and Ned doesn’t want the job. Despite her initial misgivings, she becomes quite fond of Ser Jaime, with him eventually becoming her Hand.

Brienne eased herself into the tub; the hot water making the wounds on her back and thighs sing. It had been reckless, and foolhardy, and her back would be mottled purple and blue for days. But to hear her sword whistling through the air; the clang of steel on steel – it was worth the deception. Tomorrow she would return to the royal box and watch the last day of the tournament with no one the wiser. She would sit, and smile, and try to act surprised when her Hand took home the prize. 

Ser Jaime. 

Brienne brushed her inner thigh; thumb running over the puckered flesh. He’d caught her with his sword; the sharp metal biting against her skin. It had been the only blow he’d landed, however – the blue knight had quickly gained ground and pressed a small dagger against the sliver of flesh at his throat. Jaime had fought as hard with the blue knight as he had any other time they’d sparred together. He didn’t hold back with her. 

A knock on her chamber doors interrupted her thoughts. “Yes?” 

“It’s Ser Jaime, Your Grace. I just wanted to see how you were feeling; I missed your presence today.”

Little does he know... “Come in, Ser Jaime.” 

In her need to see him, Brienne had rather forgotten that she was naked in a steaming bath. Ser Jaime entered, eyes immediately widening at the sight of her. Brienne rather thought herself akin to a monster of the sea: long limbs, blotchy skin, ugly features. But Ser Jaime didn’t look away in disgust. His green eyes swept the length of the tub before his whole body shifted to give her a modicum of privacy. His hands fumbled at his hips before he cleared his throat. 

“Good, um...good. A bath will help what ails you, Your Grace. I’ll ask the servants to bring some bread and cheese if you’re hungry.” Another cough. “Yes. Good.” 

Send me a number, I’ll write you some paragraphs.

[ddagent]

I was kind of skeptical about the Queen Brienne AU, but I got pulled in from the very first extract you posted. I'm so happy that you'll be posting it on ao3 and I can't wait to read it. And also please post an extract of 1 for a mexican hot chocolate with a whipped cream and cinnamon topping

I’m so glad you’re excited for Queen!Brienne! TBH I wasn’t sure of the reception, but people are really into it and I’m super happy! I started brainstorming today, and if anyone has 5 minutes for me to work out a structural issue, I’d be more than grateful. 

Now, I did say I was done with these. But I’ve been on the back-foot all day and 100 words is better than nothing. So thank you for the delicious hot chocolate, here are some paragraphs!

After finding out about his sister’s marriage to Tyrion, Robb Stark arranges for Jaime to marry his mother’s sworn sword, Brienne (who has just been recaptured trying to escort him back to KL).

Jaime had never imagined his wedding before. But if he had, it certainly wouldn’t have been this. 

No tournament to celebrate; no blushing bride at the Sept. The food was scarce but the wine a-plenty. The mood inside the great hall at Riverrun was dour; whilst her son was out plotting his next move south, Catelyn Stark seemed tormented by her decision to place her sworn sword in the open mouth of the lion. The rest of the Tullys either ignored him, or eyed him with some curiosity. He made quite the groom: trimmed beard, clean clothes, chains allowing him to eat but not to strangle anyone in the room. 

Brienne sat beside him. His wife. Lady Stark’s guilt, it seemed, had manifested in a new set of clothes for his bride. Sturdy boots; stitched breeches. A shirt of the deepest blue. Jaime had a cloak around his shoulders in the same colour. It brought out her eyes. She did have rather beautiful eyes. 

Don’t go there. Don’t even think it. “So, is it everything you imagined and more, wife?”  

“A dream come true, Kingslayer,” Brienne said, taking a sip of wine. She’d barely touched her food. 

“It’s husband, now, sweetling. Married to the most handsome man in all of Westeros. Surely I’m better than your other betrothals.” Jaime leaned back in his chair. “If there were other betrothals.”

Brienne poked at one of her potatoes with her fork. “There were, dear husband. And what of you? How many women wanted to be married to an oath-breaking knight who f_cked his sister?” 

“Your dear lady’s sister, actually. Before I joined the Kingsguard, of course. Reason enough to abandon such discussions. And what of you? Why did your last suitor leave you for me?” 

“He wanted me to give up my sword. Wanted me to act like a proper woman. I said I would, if he could beat me in a bout.” 

Jaime grinned. He could only imagine the beating that arrogant man had suffered at the hands of a younger Brienne of Tarth. He turned to Brienne, prepared to ask further about how she’d unseated the chap, only to notice her staring as if he’d grown a second head. “What is it?” 

“Why are you smiling? Have I said something that amuses you, dear husband?” 

“Yes,” he said, honestly. “You have. I’m smiling at the arrogance of such a man. You know, I’d say there’s two, maybe three men in all of the seven kingdoms who stand a chance of beating you.” 

Her eyes flashed. “You’re one of them, I take it.” 

Jaime shrugged, and speared a sliver of meat with the dull knife they’d provided him. “Feed me, let me rest, give me a sword, and we’ll see, wife. We’ll see.”